To lynnered

[newdaynewstart]

Thanks for the post!

 

I KNOW that once I get through this initial period...I will be good to go. You said that you do still im and email him? See...I have made gradual steps. I have quit the calling...do not see him like I used to. I have my occasional slip-ups but I have gotten to the point that they are not even worth it. So now our contact basically consists of emailing and texting...and when I say emailing...he emails me non stop at work. It is going to be so hard to not email him back tommorow! But I have to do it...I have tried to tell him NC many times now. I know that me emailing him and telling him I am done will not do good...he will figure it out when he gets no response from me!

 

What do you do to keep busy? Are you feeling better about yourself not having the contact with him anymore? This sounds terrible...but I do want him to feel what it is like to not have me in his life at all! I truly feel like having the little bit he does of me helps him get through his everyday and he does not deserve it!

 

I totally agree...I just do not feel like the same person I was when I met him. And I want to get back to the old me!

 

Thanks for your support! By the way if you do not mind me asking, how old are you?

[lynnered]

i was with XMM for almost 4years know him as a friend before for 2years ,long story!!!

one day i have more time i want to write the whole thing down even to just get it out of my head !!

anyway i have nc as well many times he always makes contact not me !!i wish he could be stronger ,i still love him but he is selfish he even says i spoiled him it is my fault!

i have a a love hate feeling towards him lately,so much angrier and i am not the carefree person i was when i 1st began A,

my self esteem sucks,my motivation is gone,and i think I'm a little depressed .

but its not as bad as i used to feel during NC,just sat he ims me &says he wishes we had our"old relationship?WTF that pisses me off !!

the problem with my situation(one of)

he says he is leaving one day ,i trust he is i just got tired of waiting for "one day"i do want him to leave for him ,but come on you've never been happy with her stayed 5years for fear of being alone,then she gets preg &you care so much what every one thinks about you for leaving ,then you let yourself be pressured into marriage....

he has in the past numerous times said he got himself into this mess it is his responsibility,

he is lazy &selfish!!it is so much easier to stay ,he thinks i will continue to wait ,

i have wasted so much of my life waiting on him !!!

i am going to force myself to casually date soon ,but i need to get more of these feelings out of my system.

[lynnered]

to keep busy it is hard!!!

my focus is gone usually if i visit a friend because my friends do not know about him so if I'm iming questions would be asked who are u talking to,

i bought a house 6months ago before this i haven't started any work I'm doing a little now

funny thing buying house had a little to do with him ,

it was during a long on &off NC,going back &forth allot .

i was so upset ,&wanted a new start i lived in a apartment and i wanted to change everything where i lived i transferred at work to a different office ,

o and don't take time off from work!!!

i made that mistake ,sign up for overtime or if possible get a part time job .

I'm still not the old me !!I'm getting closer !!!

it feels kind of good seeing how much he misses me ,he says he never had anyone treat him so good ,

i wish i would have stood firm a long time ago it would be easier!!!

i mean i haven't been on a date in 4years!!!

and to help you get mad ,think of this you are probly keeping his marriage together!!!you are giving him what he not getting from her&to be honest if he was happy &having all needs met there would be no OW,when i thought of that!!!hell no!!

let him see the marriage for what it is ,with no comfort from you ,

you gave him a taste ,trust me it will go through his head all the time ,

who is she with ?what's she doing ,

he freaks out if i don't IM him!!

last night i logged on as invisible i get a message what your too busy to send a message ,the i get" Are you OK? I have not heard from you where you at? Im worrying about you!"

soon as i logg in this morning where have u been?

LOL loser let him see ,wifey could have someone else he don't care he hopes she finds someone else and leaves so it would be easier for him .

and read some self help books i mean i don't take all to heart but it helps ,

I've started writing down my personal,life &work goals

in this situation i lost allot of the old me ,i lost me!!!

my focus has been him ,but i do feel better the longer I'm away ,

i think i will eventually have no love for him ,&his iming is good/bad for me

[lynnered]

it makes me mad sometimes&it also boosts my confidence a bit ,

loveshack helps allot ,even just to vent(as i am nowlol)

i wish i found this sooner it really did push me ,to see &some of the situations ,

o and i got a puppy !!!

i don't have any children ,thank god!!

no &thats part of the reason too

i want to have a family one day ,i hope he will come through as he says but I'm not holding my breath,i pmd my age I'm not that old but not that young LOL,

anyway keep writing i will keep writing you ,

its hard ,but you can do it &talking to other who have been where you are helps sooooo much .

[Pocky]

Not sure if you both know, but there is a private message system implemented into this board. This thread doesn't seem to solicit any other opinions or advice so I thought you might prefer to keep it private.