Author JSD Posted October 2, 2014 Author Share Posted October 2, 2014 Hit enter by mistake..... We are getting along civil and she is still up for conselling but I am prepping myself for the worst but hoping for the best. She goes hot and cold on me I find it best just to let her contact me. I really dont know what to think to be honest. At this point Im just in the mindset that my kids and myself need to start coming first. Im more than willing to move mountains to make this marriage work but if shes not willing to let me try I need to start getting myself to a better place mentally Link to post Share on other sites
Author JSD Posted October 2, 2014 Author Share Posted October 2, 2014 I did Google it and the one artical I read. On divorce busting mentioned how husbands usually do become much better people when this happens and that it is sad to see the woman leave though understandable,but stated most guys actually do become a better person over it and a much better husband their second marriage. Perhaps a honest try may do you some good,not that you haven't for years don't get me wrong. It is possible your husband is a stupid make like myself and really didn't clue in as sad as it is. Link to post Share on other sites
broken2828 Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 I'm just a young dude. Was with my girl for 5 years. We were just about to marry. Was trying to click on the breakups link, but hit this subforum on my phone cuz i have clumbsy thumbs. Clicked your thread because I relate to that sentiment. Why didnt i open my eyes? I screwed up, but in a different way. I threw my temper around to get what I wanted. Spent all my time with her, but went a whole year without a job. Cried while I read your post. For about the tenth time today. I can feel your remorse, feel your guilt and regret. I'm right there with ya big guy. Finishing up a litre of vodka, cuz thats all that takes away the pain anymore. Fight for your love big guy. Fight as hard as you can. Try to be as close to perfect as you can. Buy her flowers. Write her a poem. Send her this link. Dont give up. If theres nobody to talk to, ill talk. Pm me for my number or email address. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JSD Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 Just seeing how you're doing, and to let you know that your advise on not giving up is the best advise you can use too. I am still married and have alot of work ahead of me but My wife and I are actually getting along better than ever and the whole ordeal has really shown me how much better of a person I can be to my family. My best advise to you would be to put the bottle down and try to improve yourself and show by actions that you can be the same man she fell in love with. For me backing off and giving her space and was the first step. When she was ready to talk to me I listened, when she was willing to go to counselling I went, and I listened some more. Since then I have proved with actions and not words that I can be the best father and husband I can be. Now I know I have alot of road ahead and cant get complacient. I am sorry it took me this long to respond and I hope you have also started your recovery for the best Chin up bud. Link to post Share on other sites
11thSign Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I'm on the wife side of things - similar situation. I wish my husband seemed to try as hard as you have described Emotionally I am a wreck - He seems to be trying a little since I've been crying lots lately. Just feel guilty because I don't think trying will change how I feel. It's hard to get those feelings back...not sure how to either. I hope you do work it out You sound like you really want to change and 20% won't be good enough LOL gotta be 200%. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 Focusing your thoughts, fears, and energy on the "best friend" is a bad idea. Forget about her and focus on you and your marriage. Do you need to get a different job so that you can actually be home and have a normal family routine? You should discuss this with your wife. Have you been evaluated by a doctor for depression? You sound like you might want to at least go on-line and take a depression questionnaire to see if you should consult a physician. Also, start learning some about nutrition. Why don't you watch Fat Sick & Nearly Dead, and google Dr Mark Hyman, and then talk to your wife about the kinds of things you learn about health and nutrition. Anytime a man has sworn anything to me, I always think "I'll believe it when I see it." You've got a lot of work to do. Stop wasting precious time worrying about what she and they are doing, and start putting your money where your mouth is. Start by getting an attitude of gratitude. If you don't know what this is or how to get it, Google it. It will change your life. You've been blessed with this opportunity; your wife still loves you. Strike while the iron is hot. Link to post Share on other sites
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