Falling Out With Best Friend

[soret]

Hello everyone,

 

I've known my best friend for about 6 or 7 years now. We met in high school when I was in Grade 12 and she was in Grade 11. We've held a close relationship even when she moved from Canada (where I'm from) back to her homeland of Germany around 2010-2011. I went to visit her in Germany during the summer of 2011 and as well in 2013. She recently came to visit me this past August for what should have been 3 weeks but instead she only stayed for 2 weeks.

 

Now my best friend (lets call her A) and I had a bit of an argument while she stayed with me but I'll get to the problem after I've explained some things. I'm a university student so I don't have a lot of money and I quit my summer job so I could spend all of the 3 weeks with her. I had put a lot of time and money into making sure she didn't have to pay for basic necessities while she was here and since I live with my father still it wasn't a huge stretch on my finances since I had saved most of the money I had made from my summer job.

 

I started to get annoyed with her after the first week or so. She started complaining about the most ridiculous things, like the song that was playing on the radio, how Canada lacks what Germany has, nightlife in Canada sucks, the food in Canada sucks, the roads and the drivers in Canada suck etc etc. Theres really only so much of that I could take from her before it started to become insulting to me since she is talking about the country I was born and raised in. I should have told her to stop but I didn't because I didn't want to deal with confrontation while she was here and it I kept telling myself that she was going home in a couple of weeks and all of the complaints would be over. So in doing so, I kept quiet when she complained about things and I would only speak if I agreed with what she was saying. She started going on about how I was acting like she was a burden on me and no matter how many times I told her that wasn't the case it wasn't good enough for her. I simply just didn't want any confrontation during her stay because it was unnecessary and it was both of our vacations before school started up again.

 

One day she asked if we could talk so we went out for a walk and the things she said were in my opinion, uncalled for. She kept going on and on about how she missed her boyfriend and her family back home and how much she sacrifices for them and to even come to Canada to see me. How I wasn't being a great host because I didn't make a structured plan for each day (I'll explain that in a moment). By this point I was really quite angry because she stooped to the point where she was talking about how she had a busy life when she had no idea what my life was like or the things I was doing while she spent her time here. Her family is well off so she really has no reason to worry about her financial situation. Her father used to work for an airline so she didn't even have to pay for her flights which would have totalled around 1,000 to 2,000 dollars. She only has to pay a few hundred euros per semester for her university whereas I payed 5,000 dollars last year. She moved out with her boyfriend so she has to pay for her own housing and food. Her boyfriend owes her a few thousand euro because he didn't bother to get a job for over a year which put a huge damper on their relationship now where he shows no affection towards her.

 

This was never a matter of competition but as she was listing all of the things that she had to do back home I was thinking about how much more I have to work in order to support myself through my schooling. Just because I still live at home doesn't mean things are easier on me. I stayed at home because I knew that I could save money this was so I could afford school and a possible place to live upon graduation.

 

Getting back to her main complaint that I didn't make a planned schedule each day was a bit obscure and I explained to her that she had lived her for a few years once before and I had lived here my whole life she could choose whatever she wanted to do because how am I supposed to know what she had seen or what she is truly interested in? and maybe this is why she was upset because she assumed I knew what she wanted to see even though we never discussed it. I gave her a list of things that we could do for the remainder of our trip and she said it was stupid and that she wanted to be alone. So I went back to my house and helped cook supper with my Dad and acted like nothing was wrong when she got back. I didn't feel like anything I did was wrong because that was all I could do for her. She didn't have to pay any money while she stayed with me, only if we went out to certain places which is why I made the list of things to do in the first place so she could budget herself.... I didn't really know what else to do.

 

The next few days were fine. I never held a grudge against her for what she said to me and this trip was supposed to be about having fun. We did a couple of day trips to the zoo and museum and things were fine. She told me that she was going home earlier because things were awkward between us and she missed home. I'm not going to lie in a way I was relieved but also sad that she didn't want to stay longer but it was out of my control. Once she had made her choice to go home she was in a much better mood and we never talked about negative things after that. Things were a bit awkward because we never discussed what happened that day we had the argument and in hindsight maybe it was for the best because she didn't seem to understand what I was trying to do with our plans even when I explained it to her.

 

It's just very aggravating because during my stay in Germany I was very optimistic when I was visiting her. I wanted to experience things that she did even if she thought I wouldn't like her suggestions but I guess that's just my personality and she is just different in the sense.

 

So everyone.... now that I've explained everything here is my current situation. We used to message each other every day and now she can't be bothered. She messaged me once to let me know she made it home alright and we talked a bit but that was it. I messaged her again saying she had left something at my house but still, no conversation was really had. I don't know if I should reach out and ask how she is. I'm sure there is still a big elephant in the room and that's whats stopping either of us from talking. I don't know if I should apologize because I truly believe I did nothing wrong but if you think I have please let me know because I'm quiet confused and maybe I'm much to prideful.

 

Thanks for reading

[Dontfindme]

You actually don't sound "too proud" at all. You seem genuine to me, and it seems like you tried to be as accommodating as possible.

 

I'm guessing the distance, and the difference in lifestyles contributed to the awkwardness. She probably expected more, you probably expected it to be different; everything combined didn't allow for it to be the best experience.

 

From the sounds of it, I think you did your part.

[preraph]

There's two kinds of guests: polite guests who defer to the host on everything and appreciate the fact they're a guest at the host's expense and hospitality, and the kind who look upon people in other cities as their free hotel and expect to be waited on as if they were in a resort. Your friend is not a good guest. She is extremely rude and unappreciative. You went above and beyond to entertain her at great expense.

 

The other thing going on here I have experienced with an ex-friend of mine. Probably the reality about missing her boyfriend is their relationship isn't really that solid so she has anxiety about him having too much fun OR she knows he is angry with her for being gone to begin with and tapping his foot until she gets home. With my friend, it was the latter. He would rather she didn't have any friends because he was insecure and jealous about everything, so this made her so nervous away from him that rather than endure the anxiety, she'd break the plans early, leaving me with a room and no roommate, and cut and run.

 

One theory but certainly not the only theory is she sought to make excuses ahead of time because she was feeling like cutting the trip short and knew you'd sacrificed to keep her while she was there. So she tried to deflect blame. I wouldn't ever invite her again. Whether you stay friends is up to you but I'd say no to any future hospitality and meet her for a meal if she wants to come in town.

[noski]

Hello,

 

Well I think your friend is probably upset because she had high expectations that weren't met but from what you explained,you did your part and what you could.

That's right ,there's an elephant in the room,and the fact that you didn't talk it out caused the awkwardness I guess.

 

When you went to visit her ,how was it ?How did she welcome you?

 

Honestly If you guys are really friends ,I think you should maybe contact her,to see how she is doing and then talk to her.What's the worst that can happen?Express what you feel and don't worry so much about "she would think this or that".Do your part.Swallow your pride.At last you'd have tried.

 

As for her behaviour,yes it was a bit much and she didn't really grasp the meaning of your sacrifice,you quitting a summer job for her etc but should you really hold a grudge for that ?I don't think so.She did come all the way from Germany to Canada(I know you went to see her too) but she didnt have too.It doesnt matter If her parents are well off or not.She still did.It could mean that she holds you dear in her heart and that she was upset that it didnt go as planned.Everybody has faults and we should be mindful of that at times BUT you have nothing to worry about .Honestly.

 

You know friends grow apart for no reason ,because time and distance,it seems like copmmunication could be a solution in your case.Try engaging the conversation and she where it goes from there.

Edited September 24, 2014 by noski

[Double D]

Totally with Noski. It does sound a communication issue and if you let it fester to long it may get worse.

 

I think you need to have a good talk with her. Make sure you listen to what she has to say and make sure you have you say too and see where you go from there.

[soret]

You actually don't sound "too proud" at all. You seem genuine to me, and it seems like you tried to be as accommodating as possible.

 

I'm guessing the distance, and the difference in lifestyles contributed to the awkwardness. She probably expected more, you probably expected it to be different; everything combined didn't allow for it to be the best experience.

 

From the sounds of it, I think you did your part.

 

But do you think I did the right thing by not talking about it? Because to me it wasn't awkward that we never discussed the issue because I simply just didn't care... I never really saw an issue in the first place.

 

I mean if she wanted to do something she could make a suggestion but instead she got hostile with me right away and that's probably because all of the complaining she was doing put me in a pretty neutral/ angry state. What the hell do I even need to apologize to her anyway? She was making the issues, not me.

 

There's two kinds of guests: polite guests who defer to the host on everything and appreciate the fact they're a guest at the host's expense and hospitality, and the kind who look upon people in other cities as their free hotel and expect to be waited on as if they were in a resort. Your friend is not a good guest. She is extremely rude and unappreciative. You went above and beyond to entertain her at great expense.

 

The other thing going on here I have experienced with an ex-friend of mine. Probably the reality about missing her boyfriend is their relationship isn't really that solid so she has anxiety about him having too much fun OR she knows he is angry with her for being gone to begin with and tapping his foot until she gets home. With my friend, it was the latter. He would rather she didn't have any friends because he was insecure and jealous about everything, so this made her so nervous away from him that rather than endure the anxiety, she'd break the plans early, leaving me with a room and no roommate, and cut and run.

 

One theory but certainly not the only theory is she sought to make excuses ahead of time because she was feeling like cutting the trip short and knew you'd sacrificed to keep her while she was there. So she tried to deflect blame. I wouldn't ever invite her again. Whether you stay friends is up to you but I'd say no to any future hospitality and meet her for a meal if she wants to come in town.

 

Maybe I'm not explaining all of the positives that went on. I guess in the first couple of days she stayed with me everything was fine. She offered to give me money but I declined and she helped me out around the house even when I told her she didn't have to because she was the guest. I was totally fine with her behaviour then and to me that was being a good guest because I would do the exact same if I was staying with someone.

 

I took her to a concert. My father and I were supposed to go but he was out of town at the time so I told her that she's coming with me. Money out of my own pocket that she didn't have to pay. It was a good experience because she had never been to that venue before and she told me she never expected to like the type of music . She told me she had a good time... after the show she told me she wanted to relax the next day because we had been on the go since she had flown in. I was fine with that because I was pretty tired as well. That's kind of when she started acting different. She was getting tired of staying at home because I think we spent about 2 days at home. My father had gotten back from his trip so I was helping him out with getting everything back into the house and I was cleaning up because I was the only one doing work in the house (this is something I do because I live at home for free). She got really mad at me when we were watching youtube videos on my computer and I was texting my friend. She told me that I could talk to them anytime I wanted because they lived here and she was only here for a couple of weeks.... I was pissed off. I'm on my phone a lot, I like to stay updated with my friends and family and the friend that I was talking to lives in the states so I couldn't just visit him anytime I wanted to. I of course wouldn't be texting friends 24/7 but since we were just watching videos I thought nothing of it and for her to say that in my own house really started to anger me because I for sure wouldn't say that to someone without knowing who they are speaking to or what they are talking about. It's none of my business and that's how it should have been treated.

 

I think you're pretty spot on with the boyfriend situation. He gets upset when she leaves and not to the point where he's begging her to come home but enough for him to become sad and it's probably the same with her. I understand missing someone you're seeing but after all she does live with him and they've been together for about 2 years now and they've seen each other pretty much every day since they met. She called him every day while she was here and she never even bothered to get on the time zone here. She would wake up at 6 or 7am every morning and I would get up a couple of hours later, one of which I was burnt out from work and I wanted some sort of vacation before school. I think she was mad at me because of this but I honestly didn't care. I needed my sleep and when I was jet lagged in Germany I'd do my own thing in the morning and I wouldn't wake anyone up because i understood the situation. Luckily for her she doesn't get bad jet lag but I do. Sorry, I'm going on and on now but the fact of the matter is it's a lack of respect on her part. I did my best under the circumstances of my finances and hers as well, also time.

 

I think I would feel more comfortable not staying with her and she not staying with me. I didn't feel like I had my own space at all and I kind of felt like I had my own mother telling me what to do all the time.

 

Hello,

 

Well I think your friend is probably upset because she had high expectations that weren't met but from what you explained,you did your part and what you could.

That's right ,there's an elephant in the room,and the fact that you didn't talk it out caused the awkwardness I guess.

 

When you went to visit her ,how was it ?How did she welcome you?

 

Honestly If you guys are really friends ,I think you should maybe contact her,to see how she is doing and then talk to her.What's the worst that can happen?Express what you feel and don't worry so much about "she would think this or that".Do your part.Swallow your pride.At last you'd have tried.

 

As for her behaviour,yes it was a bit much and she didn't really grasp the meaning of your sacrifice,you quitting a summer job for her etc but should you really hold a grudge for that ?I don't think so.She did come all the way from Germany to Canada(I know you went to see her too) but she didnt have too.It doesnt matter If her parents are well off or not.She still did.It could mean that she holds you dear in her heart and that she was upset that it didnt go as planned.Everybody has faults and we should be mindful of that at times BUT you have nothing to worry about .Honestly.

 

You know friends grow apart for no reason ,because time and distance,it seems like copmmunication could be a solution in your case.Try engaging the conversation and she where it goes from there.

 

Totally with Noski. It does sound a communication issue and if you let it fester to long it may get worse.

 

I think you need to have a good talk with her. Make sure you listen to what she has to say and make sure you have you say too and see where you go from there.

 

I will reply to the both of you in this text post. She never explained to me what her expectations were on the trip. Before she came she told me that she wanted to go out lots and have fun and we did this. I even went and did things that I had never experienced or hadn't in a long time. We would drive by certain areas and I would ask her if she would like to go there while she was here and that's partly how we made our plans. Even in the evenings before bed I would ask her what she would like to do the following day and I would make suggestions so it wasn't like I wasn't trying for her but she didn't seem to understand. When we got into an argument and even when she told me she was going home early I would ask her what it was that she really wanted but she could never give me a direct answer and maybe its because she didn't really know what she wanted. That is my main issue.

 

When I went to visit her it was the same way I had greeted her. I picked her up from the airport and we went to my house and made sure she had all she needed. I was happy she was there and I expressed that to her. I hadn't seen her in a year and as much as I was happy I hadn't seen her in so long I had to get used to the fact that my friend was here visiting me. I don't want to say it was like seeing a stranger but it felt so long that I felt like we had to bond once again.

 

Theres no harm in contacting her to talk.... just to see how she is. It's the least I could do since we used to talk all the time. A part of me is afraid to but at least if she brings up the conflict I can talk to her now after mulling over it for the past few weeks. Maybe she can explain to me why she was acting the way she was. I don't feel like I'm holding a grudge against her for what happened or where our individual lives are I just don't like the fact that she doesn't want to speak much to me. I plan to see her again this spring for a couple of days and I guess maybe that's a good conversation starter.

[darkmoon]

she is a spolied brat, try talking to her, but... she has behaved terribly and does not know it ... you visit to be with a trusted friend and then to play catch-up ... she needs to bond with a tour guide pfft

[noski]

I will reply to the both of you in this text post. She never explained to me what her expectations were on the trip. Before she came she told me that she wanted to go out lots and have fun and we did this. I even went and did things that I had never experienced or hadn't in a long time. We would drive by certain areas and I would ask her if she would like to go there while she was here and that's partly how we made our plans. Even in the evenings before bed I would ask her what she would like to do the following day and I would make suggestions so it wasn't like I wasn't trying for her but she didn't seem to understand. When we got into an argument and even when she told me she was going home early I would ask her what it was that she really wanted but she could never give me a direct answer and maybe its because she didn't really know what she wanted. That is my main issue.

 

When I went to visit her it was the same way I had greeted her. I picked her up from the airport and we went to my house and made sure she had all she needed. I was happy she was there and I expressed that to her. I hadn't seen her in a year and as much as I was happy I hadn't seen her in so long I had to get used to the fact that my friend was here visiting me. I don't want to say it was like seeing a stranger but it felt so long that I felt like we had to bond once again.

 

Theres no harm in contacting her to talk.... just to see how she is. It's the least I could do since we used to talk all the time. A part of me is afraid to but at least if she brings up the conflict I can talk to her now after mulling over it for the past few weeks. Maybe she can explain to me why she was acting the way she was. I don't feel like I'm holding a grudge against her for what happened or where our individual lives are I just don't like the fact that she doesn't want to speak much to me. I plan to see her again this spring for a couple of days and I guess maybe that's a good conversation starter.

Yes talk to her and see what she has to say about it .Ask her what happened,why and you'll get your answers and break the ice.I'm sure you'll know more by talking to her than not doing it .Don't be afraid to,it can't get any worse I guess;

 

Ps:I read your other reply and I just wanted to say that It's extremely annoying (to me) to be with a friend and they're texting a lot but If it's urgent okay but I had that issue with a friend but we weren't arguing or anythiong but I did tell her that it was bothering me at some point because she couldn't be focus with the real person and the person behind the screen at the same time.It's like ,a mom talking to his son,who's wearing earphones,the mom feels invisible.Anyway It depends on the occasion I guess but it's something that annoys me a lot.

[amkxoxo]

Jealousy. A lot of friendships come down to jealousy. And I have had my fair share of friend problems. From what you said she is having boyfriend problems and just problems to begin with. She put down your area, your driving, your night clubs because she is jealous. And good friend would have praised being with you. You could be in the worst area with your best friend and find stuff to do. This whole situation is sad to me. It seems she was thinking that getting away to your house for a vacation would get ride of her problems. But alas they followed her there. She may be going through many issues she hasn't shared with you. She was a negative nelly. That's not fair to you. She may not like it in Germany as much as she leads on. Thus her negativity about being with you. She may wish she lived where you do. Sorry to say but I would give her space. Wait a while before being all friendly with her again. After a while maybe a few weeks, contact her and ask about her. Make it about her life and how she is doing. Any good friend will appreciate you trying to be there for her. And hopefully she will realize how much she needs you and will want to know about you too. Hopefully time will heal. If it doesn't then just let her be. I lost a lot of friends this past year and though it hurts a lot. Any good friend would try to make it better and if she doesn't you don't need the stress. Make better friends at that point. Good Luck

[soret]

Yes talk to her and see what she has to say about it .Ask her what happened,why and you'll get your answers and break the ice.I'm sure you'll know more by talking to her than not doing it .Don't be afraid to,it can't get any worse I guess;

 

Ps:I read your other reply and I just wanted to say that It's extremely annoying (to me) to be with a friend and they're texting a lot but If it's urgent okay but I had that issue with a friend but we weren't arguing or anythiong but I did tell her that it was bothering me at some point because she couldn't be focus with the real person and the person behind the screen at the same time.It's like ,a mom talking to his son,who's wearing earphones,the mom feels invisible.Anyway It depends on the occasion I guess but it's something that annoys me a lot.

 

Texting while out or sitting face to face with someone pisses me off too. I yell at my Dad when he does it at the dinner table so I understand full well. The thing is we weren't having a serious conversation at all and she was using my laptop to watch videos or look at certain web pages. I was texting on occasion and not a lot because I know how annoying it can be but since it was a relaxed situation I figured it was fine. If we were watching a movie then I wouldn't be touching my phone at all. Out to dinner, it'll stay away unless someone important is trying to get ahold of me. The only reason why I got annoyed was because it was a relaxed situation for me and we both agreed to just take it easy and I didn't expect to be heckled for doing just that.

[soret]

Jealousy. A lot of friendships come down to jealousy. And I have had my fair share of friend problems. From what you said she is having boyfriend problems and just problems to begin with. She put down your area, your driving, your night clubs because she is jealous. And good friend would have praised being with you. You could be in the worst area with your best friend and find stuff to do. This whole situation is sad to me. It seems she was thinking that getting away to your house for a vacation would get ride of her problems. But alas they followed her there. She may be going through many issues she hasn't shared with you. She was a negative nelly. That's not fair to you. She may not like it in Germany as much as she leads on. Thus her negativity about being with you. She may wish she lived where you do. Sorry to say but I would give her space. Wait a while before being all friendly with her again. After a while maybe a few weeks, contact her and ask about her. Make it about her life and how she is doing. Any good friend will appreciate you trying to be there for her. And hopefully she will realize how much she needs you and will want to know about you too. Hopefully time will heal. If it doesn't then just let her be. I lost a lot of friends this past year and though it hurts a lot. Any good friend would try to make it better and if she doesn't you don't need the stress. Make better friends at that point. Good Luck

 

Funny thing is thats what she told me before she came to visit. She said that she really needed this trip because she needed a break from life back home and a break from her boyfriend because he was driving her nuts. A lot of her friends moved away to another city so she really didn't have any friends that were girls she could talk to. She told me I was the only one she could really talk to about things even though I lived far away. In a way I think she had super high expectations and never thought to think that I had my own life and my own problems because she was so wrapped up in her own life and so she never considered my feelings at the end of the day.

 

I've always been there for her and I'm sure she's going to want to talk to me because she doesn't have many people to talk to. I'll send her a message soon since it's been quite a few weeks since she's left.

 

Thank you for your insight, I think I finally understand what was going on inside her head.

[SpiralOut]

Once she had made her choice to go home she was in a much better mood and we never talked about negative things after that. Things were a bit awkward because we never discussed what happened that day we had the argument and in hindsight maybe it was for the best because she didn't seem to understand what I was trying to do with our plans even when I explained it to her.

 

 

That right there is the problem. I think she was unhappy about her life in general and that's why she couldn't have fun with you, so she blew up and blamed it you. Maybe she wanted to talk about how she felt but she didn't know how, so that was how it came out. Then when neither of you mentioned it again, it became awkward. I'm wondering if she was waiting for you to ask her if she was okay. Acting like nothing was wrong may have made her feel worse, like maybe she thought you didn't care. That's the feeling that I get.

 

 

I don't think you did anything wrong, just a miscommunication as several others have mentioned.

[soret]

Here is an update. I sent her a message simply asking how she was and this is what she sent back:

 

Hello, its been a while since we last talked to each other which gave me a lot of time to think about my visit and how it all ended. It makes me sad that we stopped talking at all and there are some things I would like to get off my chest. As we both know this trip to canada hasnt been what either of us expected and it really hurt my feelings how things were going between us while i was there. When i planned this visit i was hoping for having a blast with you and to finally be able to see you in person again. I think other things or people got more attention from you than me who traveled a long way to be with you. I didnt feel like our strong friendship we had existed in real life anymore since we barerly talked about anything we usually wrote each other pages about. I dont know how it is possible that we drifted away from each other that much..

[noski]

This is a very interesting reply.See there was definitely an elephant in the room and I'm glad you finally decided to talk to her.This is a good step .All misunderstanding and miscommunication.I hope this is the first step in clearing the air.

 

Keep updating ..;

[soret]

This is a very interesting reply.See there was definitely an elephant in the room and I'm glad you finally decided to talk to her.This is a good step .All misunderstanding and miscommunication.I hope this is the first step in clearing the air.

 

Keep updating ..;

 

Well Noski, I sent the following reply to her yesterday at around noon and she's since ignoring me (I can see the last time she's been online). I'm quite frustrated with the whole situation because if she wanted to resolve anything she should at least making an effort but it seems like my reply is something she doesn't agree with so ignoring me is her way of dealing. Pretty childish behavior if you ask me. You may tell me that she's just busy but I really don't believe that because if she was she would tell me and then message me at a later time.

 

Here's the message:

 

I can understand where you are coming from, however it seemed like something else was going on with you that prevented you from enjoying your time. It seemed like this was a trip that only served the purpose of getting away from your problems back home which only raised your expectations that this trip would clear your mind or rid you of the things that were bothering you. Whatever the case its none of my business to have asked you what was really going on. I can make a general assumption but that's all it is... An assumption. Whatever issues you were having you took it out on me and that may have not been the case in your opinion but that's what it felt like for me. Everything I did or planned wasn't good enough for you so you can only imagine how I was feeling near the end of the trip. I wanted to back off because I didn't want to get into a issue that shouldn't have been there in the first place. I don't like confrontation and I don't like to argue and it was unnecessary because the both of us were on vacation. The only thing I can apologize for is that the trip wasn't what you expected it to be. I did what I could under the circumstances and the necessatices I had at the time. That's all I can say.

[noski]

Well Noski, I sent the following reply to her yesterday at around noon and she's since ignoring me (I can see the last time she's been online). I'm quite frustrated with the whole situation because if she wanted to resolve anything she should at least making an effort but it seems like my reply is something she doesn't agree with so ignoring me is her way of dealing. Pretty childish behavior if you ask me. You may tell me that she's just busy but I really don't believe that because if she was she would tell me and then message me at a later time.

 

Here's the message:

 

I can understand where you are coming from, however it seemed like something else was going on with you that prevented you from enjoying your time. It seemed like this was a trip that only served the purpose of getting away from your problems back home which only raised your expectations that this trip would clear your mind or rid you of the things that were bothering you. Whatever the case its none of my business to have asked you what was really going on. I can make a general assumption but that's all it is... An assumption. Whatever issues you were having you took it out on me and that may have not been the case in your opinion but that's what it felt like for me. Everything I did or planned wasn't good enough for you so you can only imagine how I was feeling near the end of the trip. I wanted to back off because I didn't want to get into a issue that shouldn't have been there in the first place. I don't like confrontation and I don't like to argue and it was unnecessary because the both of us were on vacation. The only thing I can apologize for is that the trip wasn't what you expected it to be. I did what I could under the circumstances and the necessatices I had at the time. That's all I can say.

 

 

You were really honest and laid what you felt on the table.No,I don't think she's busy,that's why she didn't reply.Maybe she knows you're right and doesn't know what to say.You could be right.Maybe she oes not want to deal with it OR she expected from you more in terms of apology,"so sorry "type of things but you it's good you were honest.

Now maybe you could have asked her If she understood where you are coming from as well and you guys start from scratch ...

[soret]

You were really honest and laid what you felt on the table.No,I don't think she's busy,that's why she didn't reply.Maybe she knows you're right and doesn't know what to say.You could be right.Maybe she oes not want to deal with it OR she expected from you more in terms of apology,"so sorry "type of things but you it's good you were honest.

Now maybe you could have asked her If she understood where you are coming from as well and you guys start from scratch ...

 

I think the fact of the matter is that she doesn't respect me and din't show me a lot of respect during her trip so it's only self explanatory why she is ignoring me now. I won't be messaging her again unless she replies to me and if she doesn't, well not much I can do.

 

I really do feel like I was taking advantage of when she was here. Everything I did was so she could have a comfortable stay and even though she said thank you then it seems like now she really didn't even mean it based on her behaviour.

[Tayla]

When one has to constantly defend how Right they are, they are wrong.

 

I see both sides, and you each owe the other the courtesy to hear and listen to one another. Neither of you saw this as an opportunity to bond....

She was distraught over this environment change, and you were feeling jilted for sacrificing so much to have her there....

 

Hopefully you can both accept this as a bump in the relationship and rebuild decent communication. Friendships are worth it....

[soret]

UPDATE

 

Still no reply from her and I don't know why she thinks its a mature idea to just ignore me. So what do I do? Message her again asking why she's ignoring me or act like nothings wrong and ask how she is again....

 

any advice?

[noski]

UPDATE

 

Still no reply from her and I don't know why she thinks its a mature idea to just ignore me. So what do I do? Message her again asking why she's ignoring me or act like nothings wrong and ask how she is again....

 

any advice?

 

You know I posted here because I thought a friend was ignoring me.Turns out she wasn't.She was going through personal life issues and I actually talked to her after almost two months of silence .

I'm telling you this because I realised how important communication if important.I think you should talk to her and invite the conversation forward but avoid saying things that invoke guilt.Just talk to her calmly.Ask her how she 's doing and then I think you guys should talk it out ...