To Curly

[newdaynewstart]

Curly, thanks so much for the words of advice! One question for you...Last week I sent him my good bye email on Thursday night. It spoke everything that I needed to say. Friday of course he emails me and we start discussing everything and decide we can be friends. Friday night he ends up coming over with a friend and goes out with one of my girlfriends and I. He of course was telling me what I mean to him...can't live without me in his life.. Well after a few drinks I got VERY emotional and told him I hated him, hated the relationship, etc. So...tommorow when I go to work...do I say I am serious we are done..NC. Or do I just show him by action?

 

What was your final straw? How did you initiate the NC? Did you just tell him NC or did you just make up your mind and do it without explanation?

 

Thanks so much for your words of wisdom! It can't get any worse than this, right?

[curly]

I've done the emotional bit sooooo many times. It never seemed to get the reaction I was looking for. I wanted him to realize that what has happening was devastating to me. And he did see that. I knew him through work and he respected me for my work but he had made me a crying, desperate woman. He said he hated seeing me like that, yet he continued to do it. Not a person dedicated to making me happy.

 

Our situations may be different, but I believe men tend to be the same. You need to tell him that you no longer want him to contact you. Don't initiate that call. Just when he calls or speaks to you, say it. If you just ignore him, it will only create more drama. I may be wrong about your MM, but mine seemed to thrive on it. And when I called him on the drama, we stopped seeing each other. I screamed (yes, very loud scream in the car) at him that he seems to love the drama while telling me that he hates it.

 

The final straw? He got an apt. I gave him about $150 in gifts to set the apt. up (sheets, towels, shower curtain, etc. even some furniture) and 10 days later, he said he wanted me to go away so he could figure his life out. He had a dream about W and was unsure. I said "do you want me to go away? Him-that would be easier. Me - Done. Good luck. See you around." I was tired of the sh*t at that point. He had taken me through the wringer and I didn't want anything back. He asked when I wanted to get the furniture and I said I didn't care what he did with it, I didn't want it back. I knew that I could not face him to get the stuff back. He had finally sacrificed me enough.

 

I never really made up my mind to stop seeing him. I knew it would have to end and then he leaves the W. I was estatic. And then it fell to pieces. I'm not sure that it was ever his apt. and sometimes I think it was all a big scam. Who knows? but... all his excuses have run out. I think that's why he doesn't call anymore. I guess he'll move on to another OW.

 

I sound callous but believe me, I'm not. It kills me to think he's with someone, even W. I miss him more than I can say. I just keep thinking that the opposite of love is indifference, not hate. And I hope for indifference. Also, I've avoided him and my usual patterns like the plague. I have no possibility of seeing him now. I know I'm not strong enough.

 

So, good luck. Post here, I'll be watching and I'll reply as quick as possible. You're not alone. <<<hugs>>>>