SoleMate Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 I don't know what is different this time except something just clicked inside me and I thought enough of this bull crap. That feeling can and will easily click back to you wanting him. At that point, the only defense you will have is whatever concrete measures you have put in place. Pile up the tarps and sandbags now, and board up the windows, while you're feeling strong. When the hurricane known as MM rings your doorbell, it will be too late and you will be back in the A. If he shows up at my door I won't answer it. I just do not want to talk to him right now. But later, you will want to talk to him. Thus it will continue. Link to post Share on other sites
Nothisgirl Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 She told him to get out. How do you know this to be true?? Sorry but I don't believe a word of what your mm says 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 I know you thrive on the drama, and there will be more than enough to go around if that's what you want. I just hope you truly consider, in your heart of hearts, whether you are OK with not being the top prize, but a perfect last resort. Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 11, 2014 Author Share Posted October 11, 2014 All I knew is what he told me. Here's what happened: he phoned and left a message saying his wife told him she knows about me and if he's that unhappy he should leave. Of course I had to know the details - wouldn't you - so I took his next call. He said he spent his whole vacation fighting with his wife and pining for me. He said he wished I was there instead of her. He lit a candle for me at a Religious shrine they visited. On the way home they fought more and she finally told him she knew about me and she knew he was really unhappy and he should get out. He was ecstatic about this. Truly happy. He said he is going to try to sell his company to his son. That is what he told me. All the while he was telling me this, I thought, what would LS say about this? Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 Clean out a closet! Looks like you are the proud owner of a CCM (cowardly cheating man) Hopefully he gets enough of a backbone to carry through as things get nasty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 11, 2014 Author Share Posted October 11, 2014 He's not coming to my place. He's going to his brother's. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
velvette Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 All I knew is what he told me. Here's what happened: he phoned and left a message saying his wife told him she knows about me and if he's that unhappy he should leave. Of course I had to know the details - wouldn't you - so I took his next call. He said he spent his whole vacation fighting with his wife and pining for me. He said he wished I was there instead of her. He lit a candle for me at a Religious shrine they visited. On the way home they fought more and she finally told him she knew about me and she knew he was really unhappy and he should get out. He was ecstatic about this. Truly happy. He said he is going to try to sell his company to his son. That is what he told me. All the while he was telling me this, I thought, what would LS say about this? So really nothing has changed. He's still there. She knows and apparently does care. But, other than getting that wrong, nothing has changed. Other than now he's future faking some other BS.....selling his company to the son. Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 Exactly..nothing has changed. Even the wife knew, even the wife wanted divorce, but it depends on what MM wants to do. He will continue the marriage with the wife , and does not matter what he verbally says right now, it only matters what he does. Last time I said this the posts were up to page 6, and now it has extended to more pages (page 19)I said before, even the posts continue to page 60, nothing will really change, despite over the process, you will hear he says, she says. But saying is saying, doing makes the change, saying is useless. So really nothing has changed. He's still there. She knows and apparently does care. But, other than getting that wrong, nothing has changed. Other than now he's future faking some other BS.....selling his company to the son. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 Would someone please give this some time? Why is everyone rushing to judgment? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 So something MIGHT be happening because she is doing something to force his hand. And he goes to his brother's house? Why isn't he setting up a permanent place for himself? He may view this as a temporary arrangement until he can beg his way back. Until his divorce is FINAL - he's not available. You're still relying on him to take action and he's still relying on her to take action. So you are both still at the mercy of his wife = she holds ALL the power! Nothing has changed - yet! Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 I think people just want to say or give warning that the tremendous investment (time, energy, emotion..etc) on drama will get NOTHING for return. All he saying she saying, No contact for a short while then getting back togther, go on and on and on....in the end - nothing will change. Would someone please give this some time? Why is everyone rushing to judgment? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 All I knew is what he told me. Here's what happened: he phoned and left a message saying his wife told him she knows about me and if he's that unhappy he should leave. Of course I had to know the details - wouldn't you - so I took his next call. He said he spent his whole vacation fighting with his wife and pining for me. He said he wished I was there instead of her. He lit a candle for me at a Religious shrine they visited. On the way home they fought more and she finally told him she knew about me and she knew he was really unhappy and he should get out. He was ecstatic about this. Truly happy. He said he is going to try to sell his company to his son. That is what he told me. All the while he was telling me this, I thought, what would LS say about this? Until actual 'action' takes place, do nothing. Stay away and don't get sucked in. It's so easy to say "I'll sell my company to my son" and not actually do it, or even move out. She hasn't kicked him out, she said he should get out. So did he actually move out or is he still there? Next few weeks should show you what's what. Link to post Share on other sites
A.Moscote Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 Just focus on yourself for now, keep on the progress you have made so far, indeed you have shown us a lot of improvement, on so many aspects. So be careful, and be patient, take your time solo. And let him takes his time too, he knows what he need to do if he want to be with you. Listen to many here who are reminding you about actions and changes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 11, 2014 Author Share Posted October 11, 2014 He did leave - - - he's at his brothers as I said earlier upthread. And he was happy about this, not trying to beg her back. He was ecstatic actually. He's working on an equitable way to split assets. But I have my shield way way up. Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 So, he didn't have it in him to leave her, and she finally kicked him to the curb. Kudos to the wife. He's ecstatic because he didn't have to build up the courage and be the one to decide. Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 Just because he left (or got kicked out) does not mean he is now a saint-he is still the same POS that treated both you and his wife badly for a long time-the least of his issues is that he was living with his wife-he is not a good person and surely not worthy of you- Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 11, 2014 Author Share Posted October 11, 2014 I know all this. Link to post Share on other sites
SunshineToday Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 All I knew is what he told me. He lit a candle for me at a Religious shrine they visited. On the way home they fought more and she finally told him she knew about me and she knew he was really unhappy and he should get out. He was ecstatic about this. Truly happy. He said he is going to try to sell his company to his son. That is what he told me. All the while he was telling me this, I thought, what would LS say about this? This LS member says: he is a cruel person to deceive his wife in the ways you have described in this thread. If she finally has the truth, I'm so glad for her! I hope it works out the way you want. He sounds like a gem. :/ Just have a plan B, in case. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 (edited) So what. Leaving home for a while is NOT equal to legally leaving marriage. 99% MMs in the worlds already did this, including doing the math in front of their OWs saying splitting assets. It is not kids tea party anymore, by the way, for us, whose age number is two digits, should not believe in anything in words, not put in paper. Do we? The day when everything finalized in legal document is the day that MM proves his words meant something, otherwise it is another kind of he's saying she's saying...kind of non-sense. He did leave - - - he's at his brothers as I said earlier upthread. And he was happy about this, not trying to beg her back. He was ecstatic actually. He's working on an equitable way to split assets. But I have my shield way way up. Edited October 11, 2014 by Mount Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 11, 2014 Author Share Posted October 11, 2014 Oh for God's sake Mount why don't you just put me on ignore? You can't get divorced in ONE DAY which is how long he's been gone. You were going on and on about how nothing changes - well something has definitely changed: She gave him an out and he grabbed it. He left her. Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 (edited) So you can not hear the different opinion which is opposite to your wish. And basically the 20 pages post/writing that posters were trying to help you is proved done nothing. Back to SQ one....and what you need to do is making sure he is NOT GOING BACK to his wife, isn't he? Oh for God's sake Mount why don't you just put me on ignore? You can't get divorced in ONE DAY which is how long he's been gone. You were going on and on about how nothing changes - well something has definitely changed: She gave him an out and he grabbed it. He left her. Edited October 11, 2014 by Mount Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 11, 2014 Author Share Posted October 11, 2014 If I was walking down the aisle with him tomorrow you'd still say nothing has changed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 11, 2014 Author Share Posted October 11, 2014 This whole thing has me very rattled BTW. I felt anxiety all day long and I am certainly not over the moon about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 Wow! I went back and read all your previous posts, and wow! Nothing but drama. I really don't see the attraction to such an old, wishy washy, coward. What is your endgame? Do you envision a future with him? Given his age, and health issues, you'd likely be nothing more than a nurse in a few years. My wish for you, is to just walk away (completely) from this man, and this D-R-A-M-A. Good on his wife for kicking his sorry tail out. I hope (for her sake) she doesn't let him weasel his way back in the door. Neither one of you sounds like a sure bet or relationship material. Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 See, you finallly say what you REALLY want. Honestly I want to see him will go to you legally at the end, but the reality is not and you should be aware that fully. YOu need to get out your emotionally thinking zone, imagining yourself is the MM, DO THE MATH pls, to calculate the PRO AND CON, and which side or win. If the MM stays with wife, the PROs are 1.2.3.4...., if the MM leaves the comfortable home/marriage and be with Solo the PROs are ...? If you are him, what will you do - you will get the answer yourself. Think, really think. Over the next course, you will feel more depressed, desperate, more anxiety..and on and son. Just be prepare. If I was walking down the aisle with him tomorrow you'd still say nothing has changed. Link to post Share on other sites
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