A.Moscote Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Hey that is quite a lengthy time you got there, hopefully it will be a really positive two weeks for you. Keep on avoiding contact, resist any urge to do so by doing another thing and by delaying. May this period be more than enough for you to rest and recover a little bit. It surely has been a strenuous weeks lately for you, because of your MM and his BW, and partly I guess, because of us pressuring you here too. Anyway keep on building up your confidence and conscience so that you can firmly refuse him when he reach out to you again later, he most probably will. Be optimist and believe in yourself. Have a good time and take care. Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Solo - the very best of luck with staying strong! You seem to have tapped into a motherlode of honesty about your situation and your toxic MM. I am wishing you well from the other side if the Atlantic xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 4, 2014 Author Share Posted October 4, 2014 So it's been a few days since I posted. I can't believe it but I find myself doing really well - I am NOT obsessing at all about MM. Because he is away, I've got some breathing room and I don't have to worry about my phone (turning it off or listening to his messages and whatnot). I am pursuing my art, I think I am obsessing about it! Also working helps but I know its still very early days. However, at least I am not lying in bed depressed. I regret sending that text to his wife but what's done is done. I think when he returns I will be in a totally different and better mindset. I hope so anyway. Thanks LS friends for opening my eyes. Honestly, when this A just started I thought I was the only person in the world to have this feeling - to be called a soul mate - to be wanted so badly by a man. Now I know EVERYBODY feels that way so I am not at all unique and neither was our "great love" lol. BTW someone asked in another thread how long it took for ILY - he said it on the third date. har de har har. He told me he was leaving her after three months. Backtracked later - - - all the excuses you read on here which I once believed - - - losing his money, hurting his kids, etc etc. Link to post Share on other sites
A.Moscote Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Glad that you are doing okay despite of all the possible cravings, urges, and drawbacks. Good progress, congrats and keep it going on. Yes, many among us here have been entangled, perversely, by soul mates and great loves, just as yours. So be wise and use all these stories and experiences for your own gains. Reflect and grow from them. Be optimist, make it your goal to get out of this situation sooner, and you will eventually find your new love and soul mate. You are strong enough, and I assume attractive too, to get it all again, in the right way, in the future. Take care, good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 4, 2014 Author Share Posted October 4, 2014 I've been on an online dating site all day - I don't particularly feel like dating but I am pretty bored with no drama in my life:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Best of luck solo, I have followed your story and am happy that you have found the direction that is going to be good for you. Don't worry about the missing drama in your life, just think you're on a break now and the next chapter of your life is opening soon and you need all your energy for that. ps. whatever happened to the Mountie? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 I've been on an online dating site all day - I don't particularly feel like dating but I am pretty bored with no drama in my life:cool: And that is something you can work on. Can you talk to a counselor about being addicted to drama? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 5, 2014 Author Share Posted October 5, 2014 He phoned me today while on vacation with his wife, visiting his daughter and new grandson. Of course when his number came up I didn't answer. He left a message: I love you and I miss you. Set me back a bit. . . Link to post Share on other sites
EverySunset Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 ...while on vacation with his wife. I'm sorry solo. With eyes wide open now, use them to see the beauty around you, the chance to build a new, healthy life. You have today, make tomorrow worth looking forward to Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 He phoned me today while on vacation with his wife, visiting his daughter and new grandson. Of course when his number came up I didn't answer. He left a message: I love you and I miss you. Set me back a bit. . . Just stick with the NC. Look forward. Put this mess behind you. Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 I'm sure there is someone else out there who will love you and miss you, too. With the added bonus of committing his time to only you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 I am very good...but anyway do not hijack Solo's post. Best of luck solo, I have followed your story and am happy that you have found the direction that is going to be good for you. Don't worry about the missing drama in your life, just think you're on a break now and the next chapter of your life is opening soon and you need all your energy for that. ps. whatever happened to the Mountie? Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 No mount, not you. There was a mountain guy Solo had met...he's the "Mountie" being referenced here. Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 I remembered Solo was dating /hanging out some single gentleman, but did not recall he is related to mountain, and why? Just curious. No mount, not you. There was a mountain guy Solo had met...he's the "Mountie" being referenced here. Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Mount, A mountie is the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Solo, you really need to block his number. Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 6, 2014 Author Share Posted October 6, 2014 The Mountie never called:( I can't block his number. My carrier doesn't allow it. I'm trying to figure out a way. . . On a brighter note, I have been chatting on a dating site with a couple guys who are eligible, my age, and seem quite nice. But I am being very careful and taking it slow. Wouldn't mind going out on a date or two but not gonna jump into anything that's for sure! You would think MM would have gotten the message but seems not. Maybe I will have to answer and tell him to f### off. But I fear talking to him because I might melt. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Solo - I would really recommend stepping away from romantic relationships or endeavors right now. It is a quick balm on the old ego but do you think mentally and emotionally you are in the right place for it? I would focus on getting to know the healthy you better. Who is Solo? What does she like, dislike, passionate about? Start developing the you that isn't tied to a romantic relationship. I promise you won't regret it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 I personally don't think it has to end in a big ball of fury, or NC. Take this for what it's worth, as I haven't been in your shoes.. But, what about writing down a short paragraph of what you want to say to him, even 2 sentences. You know he's going to call when he gets back, and will continue to call until you answer. So have it on paper what you want to say. It doesn't have to be sappy, or mean, or anything other than the truth. "Your wife knows about me, she got a text. I can't do this anymore. Please do not call me anymore, goodbye." And hang up. And do not listen to any voicemails that he leaves you, not because the lovey ones won't make you feel good, but because once he knows you are serious he will resort to being snarky and it will make you want to call back and defend yourself. You got this. And if you cave and go back..PM me, no judging here. Life is hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 He phoned me today while on vacation with his wife, visiting his daughter and new grandson. Of course when his number came up I didn't answer. He left a message: I love you and I miss you. Set me back a bit. . . Fwd the voicemail to his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Fwd the voicemail to his wife. NC means NC. Which means she shouldn't do anything than delete. That is pushing her back into things and opens a back and forth. If Solo is done, then she needs to be done and just cut all ties and move forward. Ignore is the best advice, if he continues legal action. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 The Mountie never called:( I can't block his number. My carrier doesn't allow it. I'm trying to figure out a way. . . On a brighter note, I have been chatting on a dating site with a couple guys who are eligible, my age, and seem quite nice. But I am being very careful and taking it slow. Wouldn't mind going out on a date or two but not gonna jump into anything that's for sure! You would think MM would have gotten the message but seems not. Maybe I will have to answer and tell him to f### off. But I fear talking to him because I might melt. He hasn't gotten 'the message' because you've not TOLD him the affair is over. Tell him Solo. And then change your cell phone carrier so you can block him or get a new number so he can't he can't call you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Solo - I would really recommend stepping away from romantic relationships or endeavors right now. It is a quick balm on the old ego but do you think mentally and emotionally you are in the right place for it? I would focus on getting to know the healthy you better. Who is Solo? What does she like, dislike, passionate about? Start developing the you that isn't tied to a romantic relationship. I promise you won't regret it. Totally agree. You are just newly sober again. Time to take a break from ALL men, including casual dating and work on you. Be alone for a while so you can rebuild yourself. It's unhealthy to jump from guy to guy without time being on your own. You can do this, with help of friends, family members and AA/counseling. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 NC means NC. Which means she shouldn't do anything than delete. That is pushing her back into things and opens a back and forth. If Solo is done, then she needs to be done and just cut all ties and move forward. Ignore is the best advice, if he continues legal action. In order for it to work...NC has to be in both directions. IGNORE is not NC. Since she can't block him...taking action to prevent him from contacting her again is the right step. If 'legal action' will work, then she can take that in lieu of fwd'ing the text. But in my mind...nothing at all wrong with fwd'ing the text on to his wife. No different than seeking 'legal action'. It's not directly contacting him, and it's a step that should cause him to go away. We may not agree on this...but that's ok...it's a big internet. Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 OP already contacted the BS, who didn't contact her back. If Solo continues to reach out she risks looking like the obsessed one and risks getting slapped with an order of protection. NC = no more contact to either of them. Solo, there are many apps available to block numbers. and most carriers will block if you tell them you're being harassed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 6, 2014 Author Share Posted October 6, 2014 Today's message, while still on vacation with the wife, was "We (he and the wife) are rowing (fighting). I would leave her (the wife) here in a heartbeat." LOL. Which means he WONT leave her there. I don't care anymore. I agree with you all about dating. And I HAVE found something I'm passionate about - my art. Its selling and when I get into making it I love it so much time just flies. Work is crazy busy too - and nine hour days. So I am exhausted when I get home. Now I have to work on getting a network of friends. I relied on him for so long as my only friend. People with depression tend to isolate - and I am kind of a loner anyway. Always have been. I like the idea of writing out a little spiel, but I am AFRAID to talk to him in case I waffle. Link to post Share on other sites
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