New here - my story

[dimplz824]

I'm new here so here's my story.

 

I am now a SOW was a MOW. Left my XH after d-day almost a year ago. XH wanted to work out the M by going to MC. I told him no. That MM may be the love of my life and I won't give him up. XH and I are still good friends for our kids sake.

 

MM was ready to leave W in Oct, told her he didn't love her etc. But then asked her if they could work out the M for the kids. He can't stand to be away from them. It would kill him. So Jan they started MC. Since then W has received 3 letters, not from me, about us. He continues to lie and tells her it is bs. Since the last one she has told him that he can't leave the house and that she is changing their phone number and getting phone records from the phone co. She knows that he talks to me when he's home alone or after she's gone to bed. So MM asked me to get him a cell phone so that we can talk anytime again. So I did this weekend. I asked him how long he is willing to be a prisoner in his own home. He told me that he's been a prisoner for a long time. Who knows when I'll see him again. He usually comes by late at night after his shift at work.

 

I am curious, if he is in MC, and still seeing, and talking to me, will the MC work? I am just so confused. I wonder why he is going MC when he isn't fessing to the A. And when he continues to see me. He has mentioned that if the MC doesn't work then he may still have a chance at joint custody, because in W eyes he made an effort. I love him so much and won't let go until he asks me to. I have days when I wish I could, but also have days when I am determined to see him to the end. Boy am I a sucker.

 

Any thoughts/suggestions/comments/experiences about this??

[curly]

Need more history on this A and your A with him. How long have they been married? What's the reason for their marriage? Do you really know, or just from him? Know right now, that MM lie their asses off. If they can lie to W, they can lie to anyone.

 

Sounds like he may be setting himself up for a decent divorce or a nice little A with you. Feel it out. If warning bells go off, listen to your gut. Get out.....

[sami]

Good advice I think.

[erika2610]

Originally posted by dimplz824

I'm new here so here's my story.

 

I am now a SOW was a MOW. Left my XH after d-day almost a year ago. XH wanted to work out the M by going to MC. I told him no. That MM may be the love of my life and I won't give him up. XH and I are still good friends for our kids sake.

 

MM was ready to leave W in Oct, told her he didn't love her etc. But then asked her if they could work out the M for the kids. He can't stand to be away from them. It would kill him. So Jan they started MC. Since then W has received 3 letters, not from me, about us. He continues to lie and tells her it is bs. Since the last one she has told him that he can't leave the house and that she is changing their phone number and getting phone records from the phone co. She knows that he talks to me when he's home alone or after she's gone to bed. So MM asked me to get him a cell phone so that we can talk anytime again. So I did this weekend. I asked him how long he is willing to be a prisoner in his own home. He told me that he's been a prisoner for a long time. Who knows when I'll see him again. He usually comes by late at night after his shift at work.

 

I am curious, if he is in MC, and still seeing, and talking to me, will the MC work? I am just so confused. I wonder why he is going MC when he isn't fessing to the A. And when he continues to see me. He has mentioned that if the MC doesn't work then he may still have a chance at joint custody, because in W eyes he made an effort. I love him so much and won't let go until he asks me to. I have days when I wish I could, but also have days when I am determined to see him to the end. Boy am I a sucker.

 

Any thoughts/suggestions/comments/experiences about this??

 

I went through the same exact thing. I was with my MM for a year.. he supposedly had a crappy marriage.. blah blah blah. Wife decided they needed MC. They were in it for not that long, and he left me. I thought he was doing it only so he could say he tried if he got a divorce.. but guess not. He might be going to MC because the W suspects an A. I think that's what happened with mine.

[newby]

phew! dunno dimplz, i think curly said some good stuff here.

it doesnt sound like a good situation at all, if he can keep having his cake and eating it he will do. its always so hard to tell because the things they say we can really empathise with, like losing kids etc.

i think the best thing is to say to him that you will still be there waiting for a certain amount of time but that you are going to cut off contact until he has actually got the divorce.

you can come up with any good reason for doing this.

give a time limit.

in the meantime try and have a good time, see it as your last chance to party before you commit to the guy thats going to leave his m for you. if he does actually leave then you will have had a good time and ended up with the man you love. if he is really thinking he might be able to keep you both it'll give him the shove he needs to decide either way. if he never had any intention of leaving but was just stringing you along then you will find that out for sure.

[dimplz824]

Well he has been M for 11 years and yes all I know is what he tells me. Our A has been going on for a year. Of course he tells me that he loves me not her and that if it weren't for the kids this would be so easy for him to leave. He would love to be with me. And yes he also tells me that I made him feel alive for the first time in many years. Before me he felt like he was dead inside. And yeah crappy M, blah, blah, blah.

 

I am sure that this is his first A. And mine. We met at work, became best friends and before I left that job he revealed his feelings for me and I for him. His W's mom works at same company so things are really sticky there too. MM and I both have kids who have played together many times while he visited me. The are all under 10. His daughter is his true love of his life. And he can't stand the thought of not being there for her.