Friend pulled the pin on our already booked trip( ?!)

[ashy555]

A few weeks ago i posted this:

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/platonic/friendship/491512-my-friend-being-unreasonable

 

Last night my selfish friend told me she is not coming to New York any more as she can't afford it. So basically she has booked her original flights with her ex for $2500(as its over christmas) then spent another $1300 to change them three weeks ago.. to now cancelling. SO NOW I am stuck in New York for 5 days alone in a hotel over Christmas. She earns a fair bit more than me in her job AND she lives at home with her mum yet she blows her money on big tattoos.. alcohol.. weekends in the city and concerts. Then comes whinging and complaining to me she cannot afford the trip and she is in more debt and how she feels so bad she is leaving me alone in unfamiliar city. I just cannot fathom her complete irrational imprudence and idiocy. She is pretty messed up at the moment and needs a LOT of professional help.

 

I was worried about spending time alone with her in another country as she seems to be going slightly off the rails. But now I have no choice but to either spend christmas alone for 5 days in New York(Im 24yo girl from Australia) or pay and extra god knows what to change my flights to canada to visit my friend who is meeting me in ny on the 27th anyway... OR spend probably another thousand plus to stay at home for Christmas and fly out afterwards. My flights cost me almost $3,000 return

 

I am travelling the US with my other friend so this is only early on in the trip.. I don't even know what I would do in New York by myself. I'm not even booked in a hostel where I can meet people. Maybe I could see a few shows and walk around central park all day. Eat at all the cafes and restaurants alone :laugh: dear dear... any advice?

[Lani]

A few weeks ago i posted this:

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/platonic/friendship/491512-my-friend-being-unreasonable

 

Last night my selfish friend told me she is not coming to New York any more as she can't afford it. So basically she has booked her original flights with her ex for $2500(as its over christmas) then spent another $1300 to change them three weeks ago.. to now cancelling. SO NOW I am stuck in New York for 5 days alone in a hotel over Christmas. She earns a fair bit more than me in her job AND she lives at home with her mum yet she blows her money on big tattoos.. alcohol.. weekends in the city and concerts. Then comes whinging and complaining to me she cannot afford the trip and she is in more debt and how she feels so bad she is leaving me alone in unfamiliar city. I just cannot fathom her complete irrational imprudence and idiocy. She is pretty messed up at the moment and needs a LOT of professional help.

 

I was worried about spending time alone with her in another country as she seems to be going slightly off the rails. But now I have no choice but to either spend christmas alone for 5 days in New York(Im 24yo girl from Australia) or pay and extra god knows what to change my flights to canada to visit my friend who is meeting me in ny on the 27th anyway... OR spend probably another thousand plus to stay at home for Christmas and fly out afterwards. My flights cost me almost $3,000 return

 

I am travelling the US with my other friend so this is only early on in the trip.. I don't even know what I would do in New York by myself. I'm not even booked in a hostel where I can meet people. Maybe I could see a few shows and walk around central park all day. Eat at all the cafes and restaurants alone :laugh: dear dear... any advice?

 

I vote that you go on your own. Book some sort of busabout/contiki and meet some friends along the way. Either that, or book a hostel for the time so you can meet some people. Or that thing where you stay at someones house, I can't remember the website.

 

Don't let this girls behaviour ruin your trip. I hear NY is fantastic so it would be a shame to ruin this opportunity.

[Els]

Unless you lose almost nothing by changing your flight to Canada, I think you should just go for the trip. Traveling alone doesn't have to be miserable or boring.

[CC12]

I am travelling the US with my other friend so this is only early on in the trip.. I don't even know what I would do in New York by myself. I'm not even booked in a hostel where I can meet people. Maybe I could see a few shows and walk around central park all day. Eat at all the cafes and restaurants alone :laugh: dear dear... any advice?

 

Well, your friend is going to miss out on a really fun adventure. That's too bad.

 

Do not miss out on this yourself or pay a bunch of extra money just because your friend bailed. Don't let her ruin this for you. You can still have a really awesome time in NYC by yourself. You won't be bored unless you purposely choose to not do anything. Don't sadsack it and sit around at your hotel room or walk around Central Park all day. Actually, walking around the park all day wouldn't even be that bad, but there's so much to do and see in NYC.

 

Since you're interested in seeing shows, check out the 30 under 30 program. I think it's run by the Manhattan Theater Club (don't want to post links, just in case.) It's a program designed to get a younger generation interested in Broadway shows, so it offers heavily discounted tickets ($30) to certain shows for people under the age of 30. It's great.

 

Maybe you were expecting this to be more of a "party" vacation since your friend would be there, but now just think of it as a "I'm going to do all the cool things in NYC" vacation. You just have to research things to do and pick the ones that interest you. It will be great. I promise.

 

Edit: Also, I remember your other thread about this. I think it's a blessing in disguise that your friend won't be coming with you. You'd be miserable with her on vacation.

Edited September 25, 2014 by CC12

[rester]

I'm with the other posters. If I were in your shoes, I'd go spend Christmas alone in NYC and have a grand ol' time. That's a really wonderful place to be in December. Book a hostel soon, do a bunch of research, and go have some fun. Embrace the freedom while you have it. Make a huge list of everything you want to do and then break it down into manageable bites. Don't be afraid to be spontaneous. You might be lonely, but you might meet some fun people, too.

[preraph]

I've traveled alone for many many years and always had a great time. There's just as much to do in NY on your own as with a fickle friend, who would, let's face it, probably derail any or all of your plans once she got to NY anyway thinking only of herself. This way, you can get up when you want, go where you want, and turn in when you want. It will be an adventure and really be good for you. You won't have to spend money doing something she wants to do that you don't want to do, etc. So go and have a wonderful time!

[ashy555]

Gosh, thankyou all for your replies!!!

 

I have only just logged back on.

 

Hotel was way out on the upper east side on quieter streets with no subway close by so I got her to cancel as I would have felt a bit unsafe walking the streets alone at night. It is under my friends name so she was charged a $860 cancellation fee(not my problem) and had spent my money that I gave her months ago when booking. She had put NO money on the room what so ever. So either way she is costing me money. I have asked for my money back immediately.

My new hotel was quite expensive but I have a nice corner room 3 minutes from time square and 10 mins from central park. I am so glad I decided to stay and I am extremely excited! I will check out the cheaper broadway tickets for sure. I do actually really enjoy spending time alone. I am certainly not afraid of it, but the thought of Christmas alone was a little daunting. My friend has set me up with his sister on Christmas, so it will be great!

 

Thankyou for all your input :D

[d0nnivain]

I don't have a solution but in the future when booking an expensive trip, purchase cancel for any reason trip insurance. If you had, you'd be out about $100 - $150 now instead of thousands.

[ashy555]

So... I have another question.

This friend that pulled out transferred me my money back yesterday. But she has just realised that the hotel was not a free cancellation even though she told me it was. They have deducted $800 from her account and she is furious and on the phone to them.

 

I KNOW she will ask for some money to help cover her after they tell her it was in the fine print. She told me it was free cancellation last week. I don't know what is right and the right thing to do.

She cancelled on me and left me alone in a strange big city by myself. SHE spent the money I gave her months ago for the hotel(which i have back now). She is going to expect me to pay her as I didn't have to cancel the hotel. But, I told her it was far away from everything in the quiet streets. No subway close by. Nothing. I didn't want to be walking the quiet streets alone at night. She said it was free cancellation and cancelled it. I have booked a new hotel which cost me $1700.... if she asked for the money back on top of that I will be so upset.

 

 

She has caused me SOOO much stress over the past few months. I have been so sick and i know it has all been her fault. I want to slow the friendship down and cut her off a little as she is having a very negative impact on my life. At once stage the drs told me I had MS...

Turns out my whole body had locked up from all the emotional stress from her and my work and its pinched a fair few of my nerves. I finally got my money back from her and thought .. "NO MORE stress from her"

 

I just don't know because I was the one who didnt want to stay there. She knew my plans at first were to go to canada... so either way she knew she had to cancel it as soon as she cancelled on me.

 

Her cheating on her husband has had so many consequences including screwing me around.

[CC12]

You know, I think her backing out of the trip was a ****ty thing to do and it put you in a bad spot. But you didn't have to cancel the hotel you had initially agreed to stay in. I'm not entirely convinced that she should have to eat the whole $800 cancellation fee on her own. You decided that you would prefer to stay in a better location, and you asked her to cancel it. I feel like you might be partially responsible for some of that fee, to be perfectly fair.

 

 

I have been so sick and i know it has all been her fault.

 

If you're letting a simple casual friendship cause you so much grief that it's making you sick, I think that's a problem with you, not her.

 

I want to slow the friendship down and cut her off a little as she is having a very negative impact on my life.

 

You should cut her off, then. If that means that you pay her for your half of the cancellation fee and then you never have to see her again, it might just be worth the $400.

[whichwayisup]

Her cheating on her husband has had so many consequences including screwing me around.

 

what does this mean?

 

Cut her out of your life, she's toxic for you and your health is suffering.

[Diezel]

"I was bored in New York" are things I've never, ever heard in my life from anyone and I live by the area.

 

I'm guessing your estimates of time for where you are staying is based on "driving" time, because I know there's no way you are staying at a place that is 3 minutes from Times Square and yet also 10 minutes from Central Park.

 

Assume that you will be walking a LOT. Yelp is your friend while in New York. Seriously. There are so many stores to see. You sound like you are in a good location, so the subway is pretty much unnecessary unless you are trying to go out to one of the other boroughs. You can take a taxi/walk almost everywhere.

 

You can sometimes find really cheap tickets for plays and shows on off-peak hours.

 

You won't be the only tourist there, TRUST ME. Look up where Rockefeller Center is. The Metropolitan Museum of Art is right next to Central Park. Top of the Rock is a night observation deck. So, so many things, so many places to eat. I still get a bit overwhelmed whenever I go.

 

 

 

Also... get rid of that soul-sucking succubus you once called a friend.

[ashy555]

You know, I think her backing out of the trip was a ****ty thing to do and it put you in a bad spot. But you didn't have to cancel the hotel you had initially agreed to stay in. I'm not entirely convinced that she should have to eat the whole $800 cancellation fee on her own. You decided that you would prefer to stay in a better location, and you asked her to cancel it. I feel like you might be partially responsible for some of that fee, to be perfectly fair.

 

First of all she told me numerous times it was free cancellation(turns out she booked the wrong one)

 

I just don't see the way that paying for half the cancellation as fair. When I looked at the booking.. She had put no money on it(even though her husband and myself gave her our share which she then spent and refuses to give back to him)... So either way I had to pay $1000 all on my own because she cannot save money..

She had all her flights EVERYTHING paid for. She has a very good salary for her age(way more than me) and has no excuse. She is throwing almost $4500 away on flights and changing flights because she cannot save a little bit of food money for 10 days in ny. Then she goes and brags to me two days after cancelling the trip that she spent $200 on $4 alcoholic drinks in one night(not to mention 2 nights at a hotel and clubbing in the city.. and a Justin Timberlake concert). Her priorities are not right and she honestly does not give a damn about me or how she treats me. She is very irrational and not reliable at all.

At first the thought of being alone was quite scary. I spoke to a few people who have been to New York and said the hotel was quite a fair way from anything and close to no subways. I was fine staying there when their was 2 and 3 of us. But I did not feel comfortable there by myself especially in a strange city on the other side of the world.

 

The day after they took the money out she had her hair done and extensions put in.. $500 or more right there. Then she went out and got slaughtered at a club. Add another $100. Then she messages me the next day as she is so broke and doesn't know who will lend her $1000. As far as I see it, she doesn't need to borrow money as that will only put her behind next month. Why cant she just stop spending it. I don't understand how peoples priorities can be so messed up. That's where I am coming from. I appreciate the advice I was actually concerned as to what I was going to do but I have decided though not to give her a cent. She knows I can be a pushover sometimes(my biggest weakness) and tries to take full advantage of that. I also said id take her out for a nice dinner next week. Though most people have told me that I was way too nice.. That is me not standing up for myself properly

[ashy555]

It is kind of my fault that I let her stress me out so much.

Before all this happened I let her live with me for about 5 weeks. Which is when all my problems started. She did nothing around the house. She would message me and ask me to do her washing before she gets home. She refused to cook and if I left it to her it was always take away. She offered me no money. I paid for ALL the food. Eventually I told her she needs to go back to her mums so she can take proper care of her. The second day she moved in, she bought a totally strange man in my HOUSE, while I was out. He ended up coming over every second night for sex. Totally disrespectful as I was very close with her husband as well.

 

She is now meeting multiple men off tinder and sleeping with them. She cancels every time we organize to meet up for one of them.

[ashy555]

"I was bored in New York" are things I've never, ever heard in my life from anyone and I live by the area.

 

I'm guessing your estimates of time for where you are staying is based on "driving" time, because I know there's no way you are staying at a place that is 3 minutes from Times Square and yet also 10 minutes from Central Park.

 

Assume that you will be walking a LOT. Yelp is your friend while in New York. Seriously. There are so many stores to see. You sound like you are in a good location, so the subway is pretty much unnecessary unless you are trying to go out to one of the other boroughs. You can take a taxi/walk almost everywhere.

 

You can sometimes find really cheap tickets for plays and shows on off-peak hours.

 

You won't be the only tourist there, TRUST ME. Look up where Rockefeller Center is. The Metropolitan Museum of Art is right next to Central Park. Top of the Rock is a night observation deck. So, so many things, so many places to eat. I still get a bit overwhelmed whenever I go.

 

 

 

Also... get rid of that soul-sucking succubus you once called a friend.

 

Thanks Diezel!

 

Yeah that's what the hotel said... so must be driving distance maybe. I dont really know much about New York haha

 

I am doing my research on all the places to eat. Unfortunately my 5 week trip will be off to a fat start..

[ashy555]

what does this mean?

 

Cut her out of your life, she's toxic for you and your health is suffering.

 

 

She has cheated on her husband multiple times. As far as I know it was with 7 different men up to the ages of 50. I became quite close with her husband as well. I was their third wheel for a long time

One morning I even had to pick her up from her ex's house and take her back to her and her husbands house. She made me come in and lie with her. It was awful and i feel awful when I think back on it. It makes me sick to think that i let her make me do that.

 

In the past two months I went through a lot of medical testing. I ended up being sent to emergency for a mini stroke. Then they thought I had MS. I had multiple MRI's(not cheap). Then found out I had pinched nerves through my arm and lower back. I am seeing an osteopath who has found my muscles hard as rocks which has caused all the pinching. I'm currently propped up in my chair with excruciating back pain.(I am almost high on codeine)

All these bills have cost me over $2000. It is unfair of me to blame my friend. She is going through her own ordeal but the situation she has put me in certainly hasn't helped. I've never been much of a stressed person until the past few months.

[whichwayisup]

She is not your friend at all. She's conned you and used you.

 

Cut her out of your life. You owe her nothing!

 

You'll be less stressed once you walk away from them both. And don't feel bad or guilty.

[Diezel]

I am doing my research on all the places to eat. Unfortunately my 5 week trip will be off to a fat start..

 

5 weeks!? Oh wow.

 

Get some comfortable walking shoes. You are going to need them.

Yelp everything... bars, restaurants, stores, shows... everything.

[Emilia]

Love New York, been there on my own too. Great city, loads to do, it's far more fascinating and friendly than it appears from the outside! I spoke to lots of cool people there, loved the bars, museums, just walking around. Awesome city.