Consolidated discussion: The No Contact Guide and No Contact process and experience

[Familia]

I saw this afterwards and was wishing it was before, makes so much sense

 

You messaged her after reading this thread ? Why ?

[kreuz]

This is very helpful. I signed up today to find a place to anonymously vent and read stories similar to mine. The NC guide is something I'll read every morning. I'm at ten days now—next milestone is 30.

 

Have a nice day, y'all.

[killerheels]

So my break is up is all my own fault and reading the 180 apology was so truthful in my case. I really did make a stupid mistake.

 

I have been NC for 10 days and am thinking of using the apology in a few months. I have been blocked on Twitter and WhatsApp.

 

I don't know if I should make contact in 4 months, or use the apology. What do you think?

[Smarty Pants]

So my break is up is all my own fault and reading the 180 apology was so truthful in my case. I really did make a stupid mistake.

 

I have been NC for 10 days and am thinking of using the apology in a few months. I have been blocked on Twitter and WhatsApp.

 

I don't know if I should make contact in 4 months, or use the apology. What do you think?

 

Don't make contact at all. Keep moving forward.

 

That is all.

[Always Pondering]

So my break is up is all my own fault and reading the 180 apology was so truthful in my case. I really did make a stupid mistake.

 

I have been NC for 10 days and am thinking of using the apology in a few months. I have been blocked on Twitter and WhatsApp.

 

I don't know if I should make contact in 4 months, or use the apology. What do you think?

 

I'm fairly certain what Tara means by 180-apology is a complete turn-around given by your ex, not you. So to answer your question as Smarty Pants has stated, no contact at all. Neither of those are choices you should make.

[killerheels]

Thanks for your support. It's really good when you're beating yourself up!

 

I guess moving forward is my only option. I still have regret of course. I have deleted his number and revamped my Twitter so I have no contact. Part of me wishes I could explain my actions but since I have been told to "stay away" and that he will not "ever see me again", I have NC as my only route. I hate being hated. But it's too late. All I can hope for is that Karma will prevail. And that the reason why I acted the way I did will prove to be right.

[iheartgoodmusic]

I'm following these steps now. Has been almost two weeks since the breakup and I still wake up with an upset stomach.

[Oregon_Dude]

I'm following these steps now. Has been almost two weeks since the breakup and I still wake up with an upset stomach.

Me too. One week here. It's ok. Some parts of the day you feel ok. You forget them. Mornings are the worst for me, too. Feelings are ever-changing. Know that it will go away in time. Sit with it for now, don't run from it. Feel it now, because these feelings are love and love is beautiful. Your feelings mean you have a functioning heart and were a considerate and wonderful partner.

 

My ex still has her bed in my apartment, so I know she's going to contact me in a few days when she needs the door unlocked. I'm not looking forward to that but I'll deal with it when it happens, and ask my apartment manager to be our go-between. I haven't broken contact. I have nothing else to say to her and just want to get myself back. Looking forward to when all her stuff is gone so I never have to hear from her again. It will be ok, soon, very soon. Just need time to myself now and occasional time with close friends.

[JimmyWeezy]

I'm following these steps now. Has been almost two weeks since the breakup and I still wake up with an upset stomach.

 

That makes the two of us

[edgygirl]

I confess I didn't believe in NC.

 

I mean, why stop talking with someone you are trying to have back? Doesn't make any sense.

 

I haven't contacted him in 26 days. He did send the two last emails, last one 22 days ago.

 

It gave me so much clarity and in the last few days I've been wondering why I didn't break up for real with him sooner when he started being mean and treating me weirdly. Why did I let it get that far?

 

I am even wondering if we are a good match at all.

 

All this to say that NC really works no matter what you are feeling immediately post-breakup. It gives you the perspective you can't have while you're still VERY emotional about the person and in some form of contact with them.

 

Yes he might forget me completely and give up on me bc I stopped being in touch. But from decades of dating experience I can say the ones who mattered always came back. The ones who don't, were not important or valuable enough in your life as a whole.

 

That's why yes I am another person PRO NC now. Everyone should try it. It works. It helps you heal and put things in perspective.

 

Do I still miss him? Yes I do. Do I wish things would have been different? Yes. But I also know that this distance was tremendously necessary. Without it I would still be obsessing and thinking about him all day long.

 

Now I am thinking about future exciting possibilities and someone who might be a better match for me, someone who gets me. Yay NC. Thanks LS.

[incog]

Hi,

 

I am finding it so hard to resist myself not to viber her or fb her while she cheated on me. It's been almost 3 months since she le ft me but she pulls me like a magnet to go and see her face in FB. She didn't reply back while I keep sending her messages.

[JimmyWeezy]

I "broke" NC by sending a text. It was not a beg and cry kind of text, it was MY SAY about the breakup. I never had a chance to speak my mind and heart out since he left me via text (and asked to meet afterwards, but he's 21 and still messed up in the head and confused about life and himself).

He didn't reply, but I was told by a mutual friend he didn't know what to say and didn't want to say something wrong that might have made me feel worse. But you know what? Predictable. And I feel so much better now. Idk if he deleted it or keeps rereading it, but I feel free and liberated and it's my closure. Now I'm at peace.

So if any of you need to break contact to have your say with no expectations but only for yourself, go ahead

[Believe1982]

I am on Day 9 of NC and I must say every day is a struggle. I'm a mixed bag of emotions but at the core of it I'm a mess! I miss him every day and wonder what the h*ll went wrong and why he dumped me. My story is on the thread - 'After 6 years together, he broke my heart 6 days ago'.

 

Friends and family have been great but I am constantly rehashing our whole relationship(in my mind). Our break up was sudden but I think I handled it better than I thought. We both cried and I hugged him and wished him the best, hoping he found his happiness. Since that moment I deleted his number and have not contacted him in any form since.

 

I got a random e-mail 4 days into the break up (at 830pm - so it wasn't a drunken 3 am-er). No text in the email, nothing said. Just a youtube video on 'how to learn a language in 6 months' (he knows I've been teaching myself spanish the past few months). I got really upset by the mail but did not reply.

I ask friends what this meant, some sais he was feeling guilty and thinking of me and just didn't know what to say to me so sent the video instead and others say he sent the video fishing to see if I would reply. It is torture thinking of him out getting drunk with his friends and being with other girls but I am keeping busy - going to the gym, spending time with friends etc

 

But I can't stop feeling s*it at the thought of him meeting another woman who treats him as well as I did (ref - my full story - different thread).

 

I guess, because of all the conflicting reasons he gave for the breakup, I feel like I don't have any closure. I don't want to contact right now as I'm still full of hurt and to be honest...I really only want to hear from him if he wanted to get back together.

 

Any advice guys?

[scobro]

Block him from your email.Receiving anything puts you back and makes you wonder.I got a picture of a dog emailed to me with no writing.Its all I thought about for 2 days and made me contact her.That was a huge mistake so I blocked her email.You should do the same

[GeorgeWashington]

I'm on Day 8 of NC after a 5 year relationship. She broke things off, weeks before we were supposed to move to New York together. Saw her with another guy less than 2 weeks after the breakup and was like wow you couldn't even wait 2 weeks? She said it wasn't like that and that they were just friends. Then she proceeded to tell me I was the worst thing that had ever happened to her and how over the relationship she was. I didn't do anything to hurt her... I tried to treat her well, and we went through so much together. Traveled overseas three times together, and she was there for me when my friend committed suicide two years ago... I just don't get how someone can harbor so much anger and say such %^$# up things to me when she was the one that ended it...

 

She later apologized and said she didn't mean those things, but how can you say those things to someone you were once so close with? Add in the fact that she said she still loved me and always would in the apology, like what the ^%$#?

 

I didn't do anything to deserve those things being said to me... I never hit her or cheated on her. I can understand her holding that anger if I did those things, but I didn't do that... Just so lost and confused

[JustSomeGuyHere]

I would like to propose an addendum to the NC Guide for next year:

 

I have a friend who keeps telling me about what the ex is up to!

 

Tell them to stop, right now. This secondhand information is all hearsay, gossip. It does nothing for you, because it will make you wonder, and that doesn't help you move on. The only information you can trust is the complete 180 apology. (Even then you should be skeptical.) You don't care what they are doing, who they are doing, or what they think about anything. They are your ex! They are not a part of your life anymore.

 

Likewise you should do two things: you should stop asking yo

ur friend about your ex, if you are doing so. And tell your friend to stop telling your ex anything about what you are up to. Do not make any relationship with any of your friends about your ex! Make your relationship with your friend about you and your friend!

 

Why is this not in there?

[Tree_Salmon]

Been a while, glad to see Tara is still making some great posts here.

 

Let me just say a few things that will address a whole bunch of replies I read on this thread.

 

#1- NC is the best way to move on. Anything else is rationalization and a weak resolve. Usually due to fear of being alone, being inadequate, dying alone, etc.

 

#2- A breakup is never "mutual". someone always leaves before the other person. even if you don't want to admit it. people who say the breakup was mutual are usually the ones who got dumped. if that's you, think back to when it really started "ending" your partner probably had a better idea than you did.

 

#3- You can become a master of letting go if you just concentrate on yourself and being a better person. also, dont jump onto someone else.

 

that is all.

it has been several years since i posted on here. I recently ended a relationship with a girl who had a very addictive personality and was pushing me to move in. I went NC immediately. this is different from the person i was many years ago.

it really is the best way to go.

learn something for the next encounter.

[Tree_Salmon]

Also, just in case anyone is curious:

It's been almost 2 months of NC with this last one

 

I usually hear back from the girls i dump so I've learned to take a proactive role in blocking them from any avenue of communication right after the breakup.

 

get all of your "closure" done during the breaking up and block them.

 

I'm sure there have been attempts in these last two months but they do no good for anyone.

 

Keep moving.

[justmebev1]

I am going through a recent break up with a married man I was seeing for 3 years. His wife found out and he flushed me down the toilet like a piece of s**t. Last thing he texted was I think its best we dont talk. We texted and talked every second of every day for 3 years. He told me he would never leave his wife. I was hoping when she found out she would throw him out but she didn't. I knew he would'nt have the ba**s to do it I was hoping she would. I am married myself almost 25 years, I threw him out once I started dating the married man with of course much encouragement from the MM to do so. He obviously wanted his cake and eat it. I'm devastated to say the least with not hearing the i love you's everyday and all the charming words that went along with it. I really thought he was sincere. How can he just cut me off and say nothing? How do you just fall out of love with someone? I don't get it?

[killerheels]

Ok so this blog - in the middle of my own personal despair - made me laugh.

 

Especially point 6 and the phrase "sudden onset amnesia"..... This is all so so true! I hope it helps you.

 

https://web.archive.org/web/20140701065739/http://redroom.com/member/rhonda-frost/blog/10-pros-and-cons-to-dating-a-married-man

[jackslife]

The All-New 2014 Caliguy and TaraMaiden No Contact Guide!

 

Q. My ex wants to be friends, is this a good idea?

A. No, absolutely not -

 

They should teach this piece of advice in schools!

 

The answers given to this one question are absolutely right! God I wish I'd had this piece of advice when I broke up from a intense relationship, many years ago. I did everything wrong, the exact opposite of this advice and suffered like hell for it. After stringing me along she finally went back to her old boyfriend and sent me a 'dear john, it isn't working as friends' letter.

Edited August 8, 2014 by jackslife

[music_and_poetry]

They should teach this piece of advice in schools!

 

The answers given to this one question are absolutely right! God I wish I'd had this piece of advice when I broke up from a intense relationship, many years ago. I did everything wrong, the exact opposite of this advice and suffered like hell for it. After stringing me along she finally went back to her old boyfriend and sent me a 'dear john, it isn't working as friends' letter.

 

Wow what a bitch ^

[jackslife]

Yeah! LOL

 

Imagine watching a film regarding NC and staying friends after you've split. The film would show a guy making every nc mistake in the book, trying to be friends, hoping to get back together. Listening to her problems re boyfriends. Imagine watching that movie and shouting at the screen "for gods sake stop it, she's using you!!!!"

 

That was me! Silly sod!

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

My ex called me and since my phone was on low battery, my phone turned off. I was going to check and see who it was but I couldn't so I checked it the next day. Later I see that it was her call but I don't return it. Instead i do the stupid thing and break nc by checking on her fb, whatsapp, and viber. I see she blocked me on whatsapp too. On most circumstances, I would let this go, but now I'm doing mental gymnastics and I need to know why she would block me after calling me.

 

Is it cuz she thinks I turned my phone off?

 

What does she want? NC guide says to ignore but under these circumstances...

Edited August 10, 2014 by Bumpin in My Trunk

[edgygirl]

I haven't been in contact for 50 days, that's when I wrote my last email.

 

He hasn't contacted me for 46 days.

 

We broke up 70 days ago.

 

This is the first time since NC that I really miss him and it's not out of desperation.

 

I feel like checking in... Last time he wrote he said maybe let's talk when you're back from vacation. I didn't write and he didn't either.

 

Tell me I shouldn't. And why.