Consolidated discussion: The No Contact Guide and No Contact process and experience

[amorydiver]

why did I respond.. it wasn't even worth responding too. I ruined 19 days, prolly going to get lucky. and will be annihilated in the morning. I need to chicken out. but then she'll know how crushed up I really am inside. fml fml.

 

im not even sure how this happened.

[Ieris]

why did I respond.. it wasn't even worth responding too. I ruined 19 days, prolly going to get lucky. and will be annihilated in the morning. I need to chicken out. but then she'll know how crushed up I really am inside. fml fml.

 

im not even sure how this happened.

 

That's ok, don't be so hard on yourself. NC doesn't work for everyone.

 

I don't know what your story is but I hope you get what you want

[MissLilly]

I spent a whole year reading posts in here, and learned so much about no contact... but i'm ashamed i'm not being able to practice this myself NOW! i feel so pathetic begging him to come back to me... I am not being able to let go

[sprater]

This is a wonderful topic.. but I have two questions regarding NC:

 

1.) My goal is to get her back. How will NC make this possible?

 

2.) She is my superior in my work place. She is my immediate supervisor. Our seats are next to one another. We work the same shift. What does someone do in my situation? I don't feel like requesting another supervisor because we have a strict fraternizing policy; and I work 3rds, it would require me to switch shifts. So this is a. impossible unless a new shift comes up and b. this shift is most convenient for my schedule, and I don't want to be inconvenienced over this.

 

Thanks guys!

[Mandy26]

I had started no contact since he broke up with me via text, coward. He did send several texts about nothing really. They were very cold and neutral. Now he texted me Merry Christmas to you and your child's name. I did not respond for two days then wished him a Merry Christmas and to his children,,,his response? Thanks...what was I thinking? Obviously I was not...I let it get to me...I was happy and moving forward and then answered...lesson learned for me..do not answer ever again. It is like taking a step back and hoping for more which never happenned. Why do people text someone after a break up with no real heart felt response afterwards? Last time this year and no more for the New Year

[welshbambi]

Wrong thread

Edited January 5, 2015 by welshbambi

[hurts2death]

sth like 4 years together.

i got the gut feeling and her being distant. i came to loveshack as a lurker i read about no contact.

i called her and asked why all this freezing with me and she said she likes to break up and guess what.

 

i politely said ok wish the best take care byeeee with a smile.... :laugh:

 

then a month went by her feeling free bird and partying imaturely at local redneck looser like bars. anyway....

 

at the second month she started calling i kept ignoring....

 

she kept calling like 160 times the next year i ignored.

 

she made up with some village style dude (yeah dude) (and excuse mua but he is super ugly)

 

she thought she felt the love but soon realized the grass aint greener.

 

months passed by she started calling again i ignored . she sent texts i ignored.

 

now almost two years later i got an email from her asking how i was....

(i checked the mail data and she had me saved as "my john") she is in distance with dude and tries to make contact with me but still guess what.

 

i keep ignoring....

 

all this time i want to thank all the people here cause i loved my self to the level of making a **** ton of money and being more clever and working out and looking like a handsome actor,

 

whats next?

 

i will keep ignoring her and her cheap manners i am so cool now i cant risk my success over sth so "wrong" in all aspects.

[Noorina]

I broke up in Feb 2014. A 2 year relationship. We planned our future together.

He was the first guy I dated. Even after breakup, we talked once a month. The 1st 2 months, I felt relieved, then after I started feeling depressed and alone.

Now I WANT HIM BACK, and he is not talking to me anymore. Please help!

[tcd421]

21 months of nc which is a miracle. I made the mistake of cheating on my gf in fall 2012 with a neighbor. That affair pretty much ended a 4 year relationship. I wish moving was an option financially but not possible.

[OOTW]

If I can give you any advice, it would be: don't speculate and take it at face value. By you "speculating" on wether or not she's seeing someone else, you're allowing yourself to wallow in this pain she has caused you, only making it harder on yourself. Maybe she was cheating, maybe she wasn't; but if she was, she did you a HUGE favour by telling you to move on. Do you really want someone that would play your heart like that? I know it's easier said than done, but if it was meant to be, it will most definitely happen. But please, for you own sake, don't wait on it. There are 7 billion people in the world, and I'm 10000% positive you're a great person; there will be someone out there that will love you 1000x harder. Focus on yourself and that person will come to you. In the meantime, NC is a must; it's seems hard, but it's harder with contact because these feelings of doubt and pain will keep resurfacing. Go out sometimes, call an old friend, discover what your interests and hobbies are, and if you already know, occupy some time doing those things you love. However, take it slow. It's not easy, but over time, it only gets easier. Best of luck, but I'm sure you'll be GREAT before you know it

[sunshinesarah]

I wanted to add that there are now many apps that will block and delete all calls AND texts! A simple download and you can have peace.

 

I use Dead to Me.

Love it, plus it puts the contact or number into a graveyard with the contact on a tombstone

Sounds morbid, but the symbolism gives me a chuckle.

[Lion Heart]

Yea, I get what you're saying, the gifts aren't really from the kids, its basically me buying her something under the pretence of it being from them. She is with someone else (got with him before leaving me) but he has said he doesn't want to be a father figure to them, that he is only interested in her? (not sure how that is going to work but that's another story) so I don't imagine he will buy her anything off them. I just am thinking about it as if it was my birthday, I would like to receive something from my kids but then like I say, its not from them anyway so I think the rule of treating it like another day still applies. Thank you for your post, it helped me think of things in a different way.

 

If her new partner is so into her then he would buy her a gift. Or not. Gift either way!

 

Lion Heart.

[The Poster]

No contact is a tough cookie.

 

We broke up nearly 3 months ago, and we haven't spoken a single word to each other since, but it's not like I'm feeling any better about it. In fact, the overall silence just makes me feel like I was meaningless and don't matter. So, NC is making me feel worse in a way.

 

I'm not going to break it because I know it won't help, and I also know she won't be contacting me either, because why would she?

 

I don't know. I guess I'm just frustrated I'm not feeling much better about this yet.

[xUnknown]

No contact is a tough cookie.

 

We broke up nearly 3 months ago, and we haven't spoken a single word to each other since, but it's not like I'm feeling any better about it. In fact, the overall silence just makes me feel like I was meaningless and don't matter. So, NC is making me feel worse in a way.

 

I'm not going to break it because I know it won't help, and I also know she won't be contacting me either, because why would she?

 

I don't know. I guess I'm just frustrated I'm not feeling much better about this yet.

 

It gets better man. Trust me. I broke up with my ex October 4th. Its like a ripple in the water. You'll have ups and downs.

 

For me (for whatever reason), this has been a difficult past few days.

 

I'm still remaining NC. But a recent knee injury made me think about her more. I caved and checked her FB yesterday, first time since BU. Keep strong me, you'll have good days and bad days.

[R92]

So I just had my heart ripped out last night.

We've dated for almost 3 years and the last couple months we have been distant a bit. I always try to msg her and see her when I can but those last months she said oh I'm busy with school and work and stuff and doesn't have a lot of time.

 

She broke the news to me last night and basically said she feels she's growing apart and wants different things then I do. She said she needs space for her self.

We have been a great couple and I don't think a month or two of a rough patch warrants a break up.

I tried to say whatever it is let's work on it and blah blah and she had her mind set.

 

This is my longest relation ship to date.

 

I feel like cr*p. I do love her and not sure what happened. Maybe she met another guy at university and for some reason thinks our bad couple months means she can break up our 3 years.

I'm happy I found this forum! After reading all the people who went through this I'm able to cope a bit better.

Her guy friend who is a cool guy msg me today saying she called him down with a girl friend of hers and my ex was supossudly so miserable which makes it thy much more confusing.

 

I am going to wait a few day or a week and talk one last time with her.

 

Then my only option should be NC. I just hate having to lose her

[OneBigIdgit]

I do think NC helps give them a taste of life without you. It is very difficult to make a difference these days because there are so many ways to distract ourselves from a lost love. It seems to be only the most hurt who spend time on these sites. The partially hurt can deflect the pain easily whereas 20 yrs ago they had to actually get out of the house to socialize. We all know how depressing it can feel to be in a crowded place of lively laughing people and feel depressed and lonely as hell.

 

 

In broken relationships today, the crushed come here. The less torn go to dating sites and chat new darlings.

[elephantflower]

I have a question about NC... my ex texted me last weekend with a picture of a piece of mail and the message said "I can open this if you want." I was irritated because I felt like maybe he was using it as an excuse to contact me... or maybe I am just reading into it.

 

All I texted back was "junk mail"

 

And that has been it.

[OneBigIdgit]

just count that as a hiccup elephantflower and continue NC. Sometimes exes are going to slip through regardless of how we safeguard ourselves.

(kinda wish mine would make that effort, lol)

[smellysocksuni]

I was NC for 18 days, and then I broke it - I feel a bit embarrassed because I wanted her to think that I had moved on, but the fact that she didn't reply helped me to realise that SHE has moved on.

 

I do miss her today, but I think that's just because I have been clearing out the flat and seen a couple of things that used to be 'ours' - I threw them out, though. I keep reminding myself that I have made it this far, and things will be fine in the end. I have made it through the worst of it, anyway.

[Barbarian]

It's nearly 6 months now and I am in agonies of loneliness again, after some better times - the pain just flooded back anew.

 

Also another man I used to have a crush on has found a girlfriend. I was missing my ex anyway and this tipped me into awful grief.

 

After some initial contact 5 months ago my ex has left me alone. 6 months seems like a long time so I expect he thinks it's just finished.

 

He'd been having a psychotic breakdown last October and was awful to be around. He got angry about a TV programme and walked out on me - left me for the 7th time. So it is useless. I know full well if we got back together it'd only be for break up no. 8, and what's the sense in that?

 

Then I think: Maybe he's better, maybe his meds have helped, maybe he's just scared to contact me. But I think that's false hope. I reckon this yearning is mine, not his.

 

It's hopeless. I know it is. I know from experience how he is if I break No Contact - never works. He doesn't transform into this man who cares about me. He's either cold, or nice for a bit and then cold again.

 

It's so lonely though. It is agony. I'd been alone for decades before him, literally, and now I'm alone again. It's like being buried alive.

 

I've coped better but right now I feel like I've fallen off a cliff.

 

Just had to spill all this somewhere. People give you good advice - join a club, concentrate on friendship, etc. They mean well. But I feel as if I have a huge sword jammed right through me, from my shoulders to my stomach, and the pain is awful. I know all the good advice. I just need to let the pain out by writing here.

[Fufu]

I would like to add on that NC is also about disciplining oneself.

 

If you can go through NC for the first day, it's an achievement, continue to do so for day 2, day 3, a week and so on.

 

Plan a reward to celebrate your first week of NC achievement, it can be anything that you like. Then you can gradually stretch on to 2 weeks, 1 month, 3 months and so on.

 

If break NC after x number of days, get yourself back on feet quickly, go back to NC immediately. Do not dwell over for too long or ended up drunk texting, stalking your ex. (There's nothing wrong of breaking NC, many of use experience this) Hardly anyone succeed NC for the first time.

 

The concept of NC is to help you to gradually move on and regain your confidence in life that you do not need to depend another person's for your own happiness.

 

It can be challenging, tough, confusing, you probably feel like giving up many times.

 

However, at the end of the day when you look back. "You will never regret this, it will be one of the best decision you have made in life"

[Tone Loc]

Really feeling the urge to send a nasty text to my ex to tell her I hate her but I know it's a bad idea. Twelve days of NC but it feels like two months somehow. How on earth do people commit to lengthy periods of NC, I have no idea...

[imbax]

so if it's been 3 weeks NC but i still love her and miss her. She hasn't spoken a word to me nor replied to my text i sent 2-3 weeks ago. Should I break NC in a few more weeks to poke and see what she is up to? Or should I just NC forever ?

[ATB]

Hey all,

 

Newbie here! 2 weeks into NC, definitely been through roller coasters of emotions these past weeks, but been reading through lots of these forums for support.

 

Finally deleted the last bit of the contact today - got rid of his number/whatsapp. Feeling super liberated!

 

Here's to staying strong throughout the next weeks everyone!

[xUnknown]

so if it's been 3 weeks NC but i still love her and miss her. She hasn't spoken a word to me nor replied to my text i sent 2-3 weeks ago. Should I break NC in a few more weeks to poke and see what she is up to? Or should I just NC forever ?

 

Stay NC. It gets better believe me.

 

I'm miles away from where I was when I posted last (a few pages ago in Feb.). You'll find someone when you least expect it.