Problems with physical contact?

[7on]

I think I might have a problem with physical contact. I never hug anyone of touch people, yet when someone hugs me or touches me I feel really uncomfortable. Anyone know how to fix this?

I see all the other guys in the dorm be flirty and always hugging the girls and I want to be like that. I don't know, but those guys seem to always have a gf. I just think it's something wrong with me that I need to fix.

 

Alcohol seems to be a temporary fix, but I know I shouldn't rely on it when trying to meet a woman.

[moimeme]

Unless you have a disorder, it may just be an issue of getting used to it. I wasn't a big hugger when I was in high school, but then I made friends with a Venezuelan family and they were bigtime huggers. I became a convert

[sami]

that's a good convertion miommee.

[bicyclejunk]

I was the same way.

 

I had a HUGE problem with hugging girls and would get

nervous if a gal friend of mine wanted to Hug me. It would

make me feel uncomfortable, yet good, because, well, I felt "liked".

 

I think on my part, it was a major Self-Esteem Issue.

 

I know how you feel, you want to be able to hug/be affectionate

and have fun and be playful with the gals, like your buddies. It looks fun

and flirtatious and exciting. I totally dig where youre coming from. I mean,

i'm pretty sure I know where your coming from, i'm no expert. Everyone is

different.

 

There must be some underlying issues, like fear of being seen in front of the dudes,

or not being accepted or feeling lame or dumb or "Un-Cool". Once you get over the

core hardship, You'll be able to relax and hang out and just be yourself and

feel comfortable enough to hang out and be friendly with the gals.

[blind_otter]

That makes me think of the guy I have a crush on, who argues that I shouldn't say "crush" because it implies that he doesn't know and the feeling isn't reciprocated but I don't know what else to call him. My honey?

 

Anyways he comes from a very reserved family and I don't. My family is loud messy and obnoxious. And I do things like hug people a lot and do the kisses on both sides of the cheeks. And I do this to him and he gets all weirded out and stiff. But I think it's just a matter of breaking yourself in. I mean, optimism is definately a learned behavior. I think it's just so cute. SOOOOOO CUTE that he gets all weird and stiff when I get all huggy. I force him to be huggy back.

 

It will happen, just be patient and let things go. Blossom on their own so to speak. I'm quite sure you will find a chica who will force you to be huggy in return and then you will be a broke, old man. Just kiddin. I know for my honey he is a bit unsure of himself and he is always "in his head" - I live very much in my body and so it's the opposite for me. He is verrrrrry self-conscious. Just relax. No one is looking, I promise.

[monkey00]

I can tell you, what you must do in order to be comfortable is ot BEGIN using it. No matter how awkward you feel you must start.

 

back a few years im in your same position. My family nor my friends from h.s. were never really touchy feely type of people. so you can say was conditiioned this way.

During sophmore year i met a good friend, when we hung out, a pat on the pack or shoulder every now and then. when we met up, we gave each other a pound (greeting with hands). And there were a few chicks i got to know where i pat them on the pack or shoulder.

 

at first it's comfortable cause you think about it. But after awhile you get used to it and it becomes natural. There are still some times where i feel awkward doing it every now and then, but i try not to think of it.

 

I'm still not touchy feely with my h.s. friends, cause none of them are themselves. So knowing that, it already makes me feel awkward.

 

you gotta start sometime, no matter how awkward you and the other person might feel.

[whichwayisup]

7on, I've read your comment in the watercooler....And reading what you say here, made me wonder if you are seeing a therapist?

 

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy could be really useful to you right now. Ask your DR about this kind of therapy, even the school you're at should supply somebody associated with the school.

 

CBT gives you the skills, the coping measures of handling situations better, positive thinking and basically re-training the brain how to think more clearly and constructively.

 

Avoidance behaviour is an easy thing to do...Can become agrophobic, avoiding crowds, situations where you might feel uncomfy, and in your case, physical closeness.

 

Just a suggestion for you.

[monkey00]

in my other post comfortable = uncomfortable. *correction*