NotMeToo Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Okay - I need to give a little more of my story because I have a question! I have been seeing MM for 4 months. But, I have also had a BF off and on for the past 5 years. I know - very bad situation. I realized that I had fallen completely for MM and told him I couldn't do this anymore. That day he moved out and has been staying with me. MM and W do not have any kids and have only been married for 18 mo. Now I know I need to break up with my BF. This is not easy, but I must not be in love with him or I wouldn't want to be with someone else. Right? I'd like to think that I truly have feelings for MM, so why can't the same thing be true for MM? I am not going to just run back to BF so why must I think the same thing about MM (that he will for sure leave me to go back to W)? MM says he wants to be with me and is not going back to her...could this be true? Link to post Share on other sites
kypepeo Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Only you know the answer to that though it's very telling that you keep thinking he's going to leave you. It may be coz you already see it coming or you are insecure because if he did it to W he could do it to you. Either way, I really don't have enough information to gauge how he feels for you so I won't go there but you look back at the relationship and see if you really believe in the two of you. That's where the answer lies. As for your BF, you should have left him a long time ago. I think all you two have now is familiarity. That's why you keep breaking up only to make up again. Forget about him. Why is your MM leaving his wife after such a short marriage? You need to ask yourself such questions coz if he has a committment problem or something, then you need to know how to deal with it Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotMeToo Posted March 7, 2005 Author Share Posted March 7, 2005 Kypepeo - thank you for your genuine advice. MM hasn't done anything to make me think he will go back to her. In fact he has done everything he can to prove the opposite so far. Its only because of all the posts here that I am so worried about it. It seems everyone's MM has gone back to the W. MM says he has been "miserable" for a long time. He is very busy with work and she gets mad about his long hours. She is also possessive and jealous (I guess with good reason). Doesn't seem to me like enough of a reason to get D. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Don't worry about everyone's situation and what everyone else says. Everyone's different and we all have our own circumstances.. Link to post Share on other sites
kypepeo Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 It's true, most of the time, MMs go back to their W but that also depends a lot on how long they have been with them. The longer the marriage, the harder it is to leave but that's besides the point right now. The vibe I'm getting form you is that you don't think that he should leave her, like you know that it's not the right thing for him to do. It's like you are seeing something about him and his marriage that makes you believe that even if he does leave her, there are some things in his character that will kill your relationship. Basically you have some doubts about him. My advice to you is to hold off on this. Take some time to really figure out what's troubling you and if it's a character flaw in him, forget about him. Deal with this before the situation progresses even further Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 as somebody once said before, the ow who's mm has not gone back to w do not feel the need to hang out in a support forum. the people here need support because their situation turned bad, thats why they are here. you are not going to find people whose situation didnt turn bad in here, they are too busy being happy with their lovely relationship. just stop thinking negatively or you will put negative energy into your relationship. if it doesnt work out later down the line its not going to be any more painful than it will now is it? in other words- cross that bridge IF you come to it. Link to post Share on other sites
lynnered Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 i do wish you luck , my concern is you've only known him 4 months thats not really a long time ,in any relationship it takes time to get to know someone , and with MM it takes even longer , because the time spent together is so brief , just be careful with your heart . only you know what is best for you !! Link to post Share on other sites
nextel Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Please do guide your heart very closely. Link to post Share on other sites
littleflowerpot Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 what happens between you and the mm you're currently living with has nothing to do with the relationship with the bf. you don't love him anymore. it should end. i wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotMeToo Posted March 7, 2005 Author Share Posted March 7, 2005 Newby - good point! Thank you for that. I know I shouldn't stress because I will end up pushing him away. There is nothing I can do if he decides to go back to her, right. Guess I should just enjoy the ride and see what happens. Littleflowerpot - thank you for the advice. It is so hard to break up with BF after all these years. I DO love him (maybe not IN love with him anymore?) and on paper he is the perfect man. I'd like to think MM is not living with me, just staying with me right now. Link to post Share on other sites
liswil Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 I don't know if it's true that the longer they're married, the less likely they are to leave. Often MM won't leave when the kids are young and will leave when the kids get older. Also, sometimes after being married for awhile they realize they're not really in love anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
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