Online dating with backwater towns and limited options

[irc333]

A couple of days ago I posted in something in regards in a topic that had something to do with online dating and living in a more rural area outside that's more 1 hour away from the BIG city.

 

It was in regards to people being on dating sites for years yet you've seen them active times countless when you log in. Yes, you can be aware of their level of activity. Of course, I've exhausted the rather finite supply of having emailed them already, and of course no reply.

 

They've yet to realize if they are either to relocate, they aren't going to find anyone and be content on becoming the cat lady living in a single-wide trailer and being a 40-something restaurant server at a local mom and pop restaurant or receptionist/clerk until they retire.

 

I took a several month hiatus from POF only to log in and check things out again...still the same people pretty much on the site.

 

What's funny is the permanent fixtures of POF's profiles tend to get more weary. They update their profile to reflect that they HAVE been on there before.

 

"Yeah, I'm back here again, guess I'm a glutton for punishment"

 

"Third times a charm"

 

"I'm not impressed" was one of the headliners of a woman and whined about how she gets guys chatting with her, but never wanting to meet. Yes, she could meet me, but hey, at least I wouldn't be "Catfishing" her.

 

or some reference or remark about how they've left and come back only to have been disappointed in their dating ventures.

 

Usually the ones that make remarks like this that seem rather dismayed with their outcome, I tend to follow-up with a few months later sympathizing with their plight...of course, no reply still, but you'd figure that these ladies would have reached a saturation point that they might want to consider meeting someone that lives within 5 to 10 mins from where they live.

 

I mean, can these people really afford to be picky in these one-horse towns?

[Mascara]

There's a running theme through most of your posts, and it's this one.

 

Are you seriously saying that being with ANYONE is better than being alone? If I was dating for ten years and didn't find anyone, it still wouldn't make me want to be with someone I was deeply unattracted to. And yes, I'd probably (inwardly) bemoan the fact that I couldn't find a partner. But that means a partner I WANT TO BE WITH. It's got nothing to do with needing to lower standards - most people need a little time to gauge their place in the "market" - it's to do with knowing that that person is NEVER going to be attractive to you, and you are not interested in them even if the alternative is not finding anyone else.

 

When I was on OLD, there were men who messaged me who I would never be interested in, no matter how long I was on there. I'm sure there are women you've seen who you would feel the same about.

[irc333]

When I was on OLD, there were men who messaged me who I would never be interested in, no matter how long I was on there. I'm sure there are women you've seen who you would feel the same about.

 

You are probably right. A woman that's been living right down the road from me might only date men that are 6 feet and taller. All they do is scan the stats, and that's it...done. On to the next profile.

 

BUT, I do believe that PEOPLE in general (both genders) seem to price themselves out of the market when it comes to dating, regardless of geographic location.

 

When I see posts by people who even live in larger cities getting lack of responses, the smaller towns, are even worse? Who knows...but there's a book out by Laura Gottlieb that explains (and yes it's more woman-focused) about how women are a little too fixated on the superficial or unimportant things when it comes to dating.

 

It was a feature on the TODAY SHOW -- Forget Mr. Right ? settle for Mr. Good Enough - today > books - Relationships - TODAY.com

 

Underneath the video shows the "Husband Store" very interesting and funny read. lol One of those "It's so funny because it's so true" situations.

 

most people need a little time to gauge their place in the "market"

 

THis being said, I tend to contact women that I'm attracted to...yes...but I'm realistic in my selection, too. Usually I tend to avoid the overly highly attractive women (as they tend to be high maintenence) and more focused on the Average Janes as I'm an Average Joe. Unfortunately, the ONLINE realm, a woman gets bombarded by emails, yes even the plain Janes are overwhelmed and get the pick of the litter.

Edited September 25, 2014 by irc333

[Mascara]

Well for me height isn't my thing, I'm not bothered about that.

 

But if someone was totally unattractive to me, or 20 years older, or polygamous, or any of those kind of things that ARE deal breakers for me.... nothing on earth would make me want to date them. Not even being on OLD for years. I'd rather be alone than physically recoil if they came anywhere near me.

 

(And "unattractive to me" is purely personal.)

[irc333]

Well for me height isn't my thing, I'm not bothered about that.

 

But if someone was totally unattractive to me, or 20 years older, or polygamous, or any of those kind of things that ARE deal breakers for me.... nothing on earth would make me want to date them. Not even being on OLD for years. I'd rather be alone than physically recoil if they came anywhere near me.

 

(And "unattractive to me" is purely personal.)

 

 

Well, yeah...those are kind of the "weird" exceptions...polyamory isn't the norm or when I made the post isn't what I even had in mind.

 

But I'm pretty good at contacting my equivalents in appearance. I'm pretty realistic in my standards. If I see a relatively cute, geeky girl in glasses that doesn't have a tight body, that's okay, I'm fine with that. I have qualms contacting them. Funny, recently saw a woman doing a selfie with an 80's Thundercats T-Shirt...that got my attention more than the typical. LOL She was cute, but not drop dead hot or anything.

[sillyanswer]

A couple of days ago I posted in something in regards in a topic that had something to do with online dating and living in a more rural area outside that's more 1 hour away from the BIG city.

 

It was in regards to people being on dating sites for years yet you've seen them active times countless when you log in. Yes, you can be aware of their level of activity. Of course, I've exhausted the rather finite supply of having emailed them already, and of course no reply.

 

They've yet to realize if they are either to relocate, they aren't going to find anyone and be content on becoming the cat lady living in a single-wide trailer and being a 40-something restaurant server at a local mom and pop restaurant or receptionist/clerk until they retire.

 

I took a several month hiatus from POF only to log in and check things out again...still the same people pretty much on the site.

 

Does the same apply to you? I mean, relocate to improve your chances or get some cats.

 

What's funny is the permanent fixtures of POF's profiles tend to get more weary. They update their profile to reflect that they HAVE been on there before.

 

"Yeah, I'm back here again, guess I'm a glutton for punishment"

 

"Third times a charm"

 

"I'm not impressed" was one of the headliners of a woman and whined about how she gets guys chatting with her, but never wanting to meet. Yes, she could meet me, but hey, at least I wouldn't be "Catfishing" her.

 

or some reference or remark about how they've left and come back only to have been disappointed in their dating ventures.

 

I find those sorts of comments in profiles to be a turn-off, so I wouldn't want to contact such a woman... and then I wouldn't really worry about her dating success.

 

Usually the ones that make remarks like this that seem rather dismayed with their outcome, I tend to follow-up with a few months later sympathizing with their plight...of course, no reply still, but you'd figure that these ladies would have reached a saturation point that they might want to consider meeting someone that lives within 5 to 10 mins from where they live.

 

I mean, can these people really afford to be picky in these one-horse towns?

 

Yes, they can. Based on some of those comments ("back again" etc) some of those women are clearly going on dates so it's not as if they're turning everyone down... so maybe they don't need to move or get cats just yet!

[irc333]

Does the same apply to you? I mean, relocate to improve your chances or get some cats.

 

More of a dog person, LOL....anyway...just like these women, I cannot relocate either, so they are in the same position as I am. So back to square one again. lol Back to me and the back water ladies.

 

I find those sorts of comments in profiles to be a turn-off, so I wouldn't want to contact such a woman... and then I wouldn't really worry about her dating success.

 

It doesn't turn me off as I feel empathy (a share the same thing) just don't display it in my profile and tend to make mention of "Yeah, online dating can be a drag..."

 

Yes, they can. Based on some of those comments ("back again" etc) some of those women are clearly going on dates so it's not as if they're turning everyone down... so maybe they don't need to move or get cats just yet!

 

I wouldn't say they are "clearly" going on dates though...I have had conversations with women (at the Meetups), where they stated that they've been on a site for months and as of yet to meet a single soul because, "I haven't found someone I'd be willing to meet just yet."

[sillyanswer]

I wouldn't say they are "clearly" going on dates though...I have had conversations with women (at the Meetups), where they stated that they've been on a site for months and as of yet to meet a single soul because, "I haven't found someone I'd be willing to meet just yet."

 

Ahh. I was imagining that they were 'back again' because they had been off the site doing some dating... but perhaps they were just taking a break from it.

 

If they aren't finding people they want to meet on dating sites then it's good that they're using other avenues (eg Meetups) to expand their horizons.

[irc333]

Meh. Some do , some don't as some people aren't too social publicly and prefer to have control who approaches them via online dating sites. :-)

 

 

Ahh. I was imagining that they were 'back again' because they had been off the site doing some dating... but perhaps they were just taking a break from it.

 

If they aren't finding people they want to meet on dating sites then it's good that they're using other avenues (eg Meetups) to expand their horizons.