Wishing I was gay/bisexual...

[boilingpoint]

So I setup a Grindr profile today and I've already got 23 messages from guys. I'll take the ego boost... I don't care if it's from a bunch of horny men. Maybe I'll go suck a dick at some point - see if I like it.

 

Anyway if I have a quick look at my OKC profile listing me as interested in women, I still notice there are exactly zero messages in my inbox and actually zero profile views.

 

That's what it's like dealing with women. Damn you girls really leave us to our own devices.

[OwMyEyeball]

If it's of any conciliation, most if not all of those guys are only valuing you for sex.

 

In a way it may give you some perspective on how many women feel toward positive regard from men.

 

If you're not getting results online, go off.

[Destined2B]

Addressing your low self-esteem would be a better idea than experimenting with your sexual orientation.

[Tayken]

@OP....so what is stopping ya?

[ascendotum]

@OP....so what is stopping ya?

 

lol. I remember reading an article that said the average # of sex partners for gay guys in my country/city was something like 66-68. Ah if only casual sex for some guys was like the gay club scene where 5 mins of chat and you'd be good to go.

"You're hot wanna ****"

"Yeah"

"Good lets go to the carpark".

"Great, just let me finish my drink first"

[preraph]

I really do think overall, gay guys are happier. I think it's weird that -- and I'm generalizing based on the ones I've known well -- gay guys seem to date all over the attractiveness spectrum with other men, whereas straight guys all want the same 10 percentile of pretty women.

[Cristo]

I really do think overall, gay guys are happier. I think it's weird that -- and I'm generalizing based on the ones I've known well -- gay guys seem to date all over the attractiveness spectrum with other men, whereas straight guys all want the same 10 percentile of pretty women.

 

This isn't true. I've definitely dated very average women in the past (though THEY thought they were in the top 10 percent lol).

[boilingpoint]

If it's of any conciliation, most if not all of those guys are only valuing you for sex.

 

In a way it may give you some perspective on how many women feel toward positive regard from men.

 

If you're not getting results online, go off.

 

Yep sure. It does give a little perspective and the perspective is that women are spoilt for choice (unless they're ugly/fat, in which case go find an ugly dude). Men are to blame too for endlessly chasing though.

 

However women are still the empowered party here and as a lover of equality I can't help but resent that and yes wish I was at least bisexual to circumvent my problems with women (i.e. female privileges/expectations)

 

Addressing your low self-esteem would be a better idea than experimenting with your sexual orientation.

 

Actually my self esteem is OK but thank you for your concern.

 

@OP....so what is stopping ya?

 

Well I have a gay buddy who I met and has a thing for me... so I thought I'd save myself for him.

[boilingpoint]

I really do think overall, gay guys are happier. I think it's weird that -- and I'm generalizing based on the ones I've known well -- gay guys seem to date all over the attractiveness spectrum with other men, whereas straight guys all want the same 10 percentile of pretty women.

 

I think there is a good chance gay guys are happier since they're attracted to a gender without double standards hardwired into social convention.

 

However I don't just go for the top 10% of women. I've also often dated girls who are kinda average in looks but always have good personality. Any girl (pretty or otherwise) with dodgy personality will get dumped - I get irritated quite easily.

 

There's only one girl I dated who was physically attractive but had questionable personality... however she was one of those rare women who chased me over a period of time.

[preraph]

Just looked up on the US gov't site measurements for the average woman. It's 166 lbs, waist size 37.5, and average height is 5'3 1/2". On a 5'3 woman, her size would be 16-18 and on a 5'7" woman at the average weight of 166, 12-14. So that's your average woman here in the US. If you say you have dated average, that is what average is.

[Cristo]

Just looked up on the US gov't site measurements for the average woman. It's 166 lbs, waist size 37.5, and average height is 5'3 1/2". On a 5'3 woman, her size would be 16-18 and on a 5'7" woman at the average weight of 166, 12-14. So that's your average woman here in the US. If you say you have dated average, that is what average is.

 

Why are you encouraging OP to date fat girls? Personally, I'd move to another country before I did that.

 

Those of us that actually keep in shape and maintain a healthy weight should not make concessions like that just because most people have no self control when it comes to food.

[Tayken]

Yep sure. It does give a little perspective and the perspective is that women are spoilt for choice (unless they're ugly/fat, in which case go find an ugly dude). Men are to blame too for endlessly chasing though.

 

However women are still the empowered party here and as a lover of equality I can't help but resent that and yes wish I was at least bisexual to circumvent my problems with women (i.e. female privileges/expectations)

 

 

 

Actually my self esteem is OK but thank you for your concern.

 

 

 

Well I have a gay buddy who I met and has a thing for me... so I thought I'd save myself for him.

 

There you go...last time I checked, it was 2014 and NOT 1816. At the end of the day (I hate using this phrase by the way), in pursuit of happiness, one has to do what keeps them sane. However, the true definition of insanity should be at the back of your mind.

[No Limit]

"You're hot wanna ****"

"Yeah"

"Good lets go to the carpark".

"Great, just let me finish my drink first"

 

Believe it or not but there are days where I wish I could do that with certain guys. But even if I did they'd probably decline; they actually experimented on that with a girl on TV once and hidden camera. The guys were hesitant at first and then said no, guess they thought she was going to knock them out and steal their stuff or something...

[IttyBittyKitty]

Yep sure. It does give a little perspective and the perspective is that women are spoilt for choice (unless they're ugly/fat, in which case go find an ugly dude). Men are to blame too for endlessly chasing though.

 

However women are still the empowered party here and as a lover of equality I can't help but resent that and yes wish I was at least bisexual to circumvent my problems with women (i.e. female privileges/expectations)

 

 

 

Actually my self esteem is OK but thank you for your concern.

 

 

 

Well I have a gay buddy who I met and has a thing for me... so I thought I'd save myself for him.

 

So what's stopping you from going for your buddy?

 

One of my best friends is bi and she's told me before that she's attracted to me. She's coming to visit me and I have to admit that I'm thinking about it. It's been way too long since Ive had sex and I haven't found any guys in California that I'm interested in.

 

I don't see anything wrong with experimenting as long as your friend knows that it is an experiment and doesn't end up getting hurt in the end.

[Tayken]

So what's stopping you from going for your buddy?

 

One of my best friends is bi and she's told me before that she's attracted to me. She's coming to visit me and I have to admit that I'm thinking about it. It's been way too long since Ive had sex and I haven't found any guys in California that I'm interested in.

 

I don't see anything wrong with experimenting as long as your friend knows that it is an experiment and doesn't end up getting hurt in the end.

 

 

Damn....Mama's got a brand new thing.

Bow Chicka Wow Wow

 

 

 

Good on you, just make sure you use protection, and am not talking about locking your doors here.

 

 

 

Note to self: Never move to California aka la la land

[preraph]

Big surprise the average woman in the US is fat. 80% of the US is fat! Why? do I really have to tell you?

 

Women use the gay/bisexual route all the time now, and have for years, as a way to make it easier for themselves. They're so picky, they can't find a guy, but they can find 100 women, so they'll end up never leaving their genes behind for good reason.

 

Actually, I think you'd find that most of them do or will have kids, because eventually guys learn they can't always get what they want and not all guys only like one body type.

[boilingpoint]

There you go...last time I checked, it was 2014 and NOT 1816. At the end of the day (I hate using this phrase by the way), in pursuit of happiness, one has to do what keeps them sane. However, the true definition of insanity should be at the back of your mind.

 

This is quite an enigmatic thing to say. What do you mean exactly?

 

So what's stopping you from going for your buddy?

 

One of my best friends is bi and she's told me before that she's attracted to me. She's coming to visit me and I have to admit that I'm thinking about it. It's been way too long since Ive had sex and I haven't found any guys in California that I'm interested in.

 

I don't see anything wrong with experimenting as long as your friend knows that it is an experiment and doesn't end up getting hurt in the end.

 

Well I'll text him tomorrow since it's his birthday but he lives in the USA whereas I'm in London. We'll see.

 

In all honesty the prospect of sucking dick does not entice me enough to go looking for it. I'm quite straight although I have been slightly aroused by gay porn when I tried it. Either way I'm sceptical that sucking a guy off will be of any benefit to my sex life.

 

If for some reason the opportunity presents itself though, and I find myself alone with a guy I'm comfortable with then yeah I'll do it.

[gaius]

Just let them suck you off and see how it feels. My first thought was these guys might be sensing something in you that you might not want to admit or realize is there. Even before you mentioned the getting aroused by the gay porn thing.

[Tayken]

I know right....I am an enigma

 

In layman's term, it helps to be open-minded in this day and age, as well as accepting to others who might have a different lifestyle to the traditional one a lot of us know.

 

The latter part of my post is just saying....if you've tried something different in the past, and it hasn't worked for you e.g. women that only date a certain type / only look for certain things / don't know what they really want.....it will make sense to try something different, as opposed to finding themselves living the definition of insanity.

 

Get it now?

 

By the way transatlantic shag can be netter than a local one. I have been there meself when I was still living in London

 

This is quite an enigmatic thing to say. What do you mean exactly?

 

 

 

Well I'll text him tomorrow since it's his birthday but he lives in the USA whereas I'm in London. We'll see.

 

In all honesty the prospect of sucking dick does not entice me enough to go looking for it. I'm quite straight although I have been slightly aroused by gay porn when I tried it. Either way I'm sceptical that sucking a guy off will be of any benefit to my sex life.

 

If for some reason the opportunity presents itself though, and I find myself alone with a guy I'm comfortable with then yeah I'll do it.

[Cristo]

Actually, I think you'd find that most of them do or will have kids, because eventually guys learn they can't always get what they want and not all guys only like one body type.

 

I've found that most men (and women) can get what they want if they are willing to put in the time and effort.

[hellon]

I really do think overall, gay guys are happier. I think it's weird that -- and I'm generalizing based on the ones I've known well -- gay guys seem to date all over the attractiveness spectrum with other men, whereas straight guys all want the same 10 percentile of pretty women.

 

I do think gay guys are happier over all (I mean, as a female it seems like guys in general are happier over all), but many of my friends have actually complained that within the gay community, there is an extreme focus on physical appearance, fitness, fashion, etc. So gay males as a group can be just as shallow, if not more, than straight ones.

 

I once asked a friend why it seemed gay guys had an easier time of things despite this, and he explained it to me in terms of social expectations- there isn't traditionally the same kind of external pressure or timeline imposed on gay men to settle down, have a family, etc. There isn't the same kind of stigma attached to sleeping around. And of course, dating someone of the same gender isn't ever going to be as complicated as trying to date someone who is hardwired completely differently.

 

But OP- did I miss something? Why are you looking for attention on Grindr if your self esteem is a-okay, and you consider yourself to be straight?

[boilingpoint]

I do think gay guys are happier over all (I mean, as a female it seems like guys in general are happier over all), but many of my friends have actually complained that within the gay community, there is an extreme focus on physical appearance, fitness, fashion, etc. So gay males as a group can be just as shallow, if not more, than straight ones.

 

I once asked a friend why it seemed gay guys had an easier time of things despite this, and he explained it to me in terms of social expectations- there isn't traditionally the same kind of external pressure or timeline imposed on gay men to settle down, have a family, etc. There isn't the same kind of stigma attached to sleeping around. And of course, dating someone of the same gender isn't ever going to be as complicated as trying to date someone who is hardwired completely differently.

 

But OP- did I miss something? Why are you looking for attention on Grindr if your self esteem is a-okay, and you consider yourself to be straight?

 

My self esteem is fine, but it doesn't hurt to get confirmation that you're at least still physically attractive every now and then (especially when you've had the difficulties with women that I have...)

 

Double standards are my main problem and I genuinely do not like the ones with men and women. They make me angry. Being bisexual would have been a huge advantage to me personally. Why? Because since women almost always offer nothing more than sex, men tend to offer a lot more than that. I think if you're bisexual you have a lot more chances in romance, meeting people, networking and career opportunities overall, which is what we all want.

 

Women are still great and everything but the problem is dealing with them in sex and relationships. They complicate things, often needlessly. This stems from the fact that all things being equal, on the 'sex and relationships' front, women have it MADE, so they are more inclined to be difficult to please i.e. spoilt. Therefore as a guy you need to bring a lot more to the table in order not to be rejected immediately or at some point in the near future.

 

That's where confidence comes in. I think that confidence is very important but it's overrated in sex and relationships as it really isn't the be all and end all of attractive qualities. However for men the confidence is 100% NECESSARY in dating because you need to approach, you need to put up with loads of rejection, you need to have all your **** together already, and you need to call her out on her bull**** when it comes. Again you just need to bring more to the table.

 

Which arguably is sort of fine if it helps you push towards the life you want and the man you want to be. However men are left to their own devices a lot more and in today's society where independence and individualism is sooooo valued, it's much harder to reach that lifestyle when there is minimal support to help you get there. I'm 30 now and a late bloomer it seems and there's a good chance I'll be very happy by my late 30s/early40s... which, again, is arguably fine but I believe it shouldn't have taken this long.

 

All the qualities I had at 23 (including the fact that I looked pretty good) largely got me nowhere with girls however because of my social anxiety/confidence issues. However those issues don't make you unattractive to girls but does prevent you forming relationships with them due to the rigid gender roles. So as a young man like this there's a catch 22 - you need confidence to get girls and girls to get confidence.

 

I think it doesn't have to be that way and gender roles/expectations need a lot more work for a more balanced 'dating scene' i.e. more balanced perhaps like the ones within the gay community.

[hellon]

My self esteem is fine, but it doesn't hurt to get confirmation that you're at least still physically attractive every now and then (especially when you've had the difficulties with women that I have...)

 

Double standards are my main problem and I genuinely do not like the ones with men and women. They make me angry. Being bisexual would have been a huge advantage to me personally. Why? Because since women almost always offer nothing more than sex, men tend to offer a lot more than that. I think if you're bisexual you have a lot more chances in romance, meeting people, networking and career opportunities overall, which is what we all want.

 

Women are still great and everything but the problem is dealing with them in sex and relationships. They complicate things, often needlessly. This stems from the fact that all things being equal, on the 'sex and relationships' front, women have it MADE, so they are more inclined to be difficult to please i.e. spoilt. Therefore as a guy you need to bring a lot more to the table in order not to be rejected immediately or at some point in the near future.

 

That's where confidence comes in. I think that confidence is very important but it's overrated in sex and relationships as it really isn't the be all and end all of attractive qualities. However for men the confidence is 100% NECESSARY in dating because you need to approach, you need to put up with loads of rejection, you need to have all your **** together already, and you need to call her out on her bull**** when it comes. Again you just need to bring more to the table.

 

Which arguably is sort of fine if it helps you push towards the life you want and the man you want to be. However men are left to their own devices a lot more and in today's society where independence and individualism is sooooo valued, it's much harder to reach that lifestyle when there is minimal support to help you get there. I'm 30 now and a late bloomer it seems and there's a good chance I'll be very happy by my late 30s/early40s... which, again, is arguably fine but I believe it shouldn't have taken this long.

 

All the qualities I had at 23 (including the fact that I looked pretty good) largely got me nowhere with girls however because of my social anxiety/confidence issues. However those issues don't make you unattractive to girls but does prevent you forming relationships with them due to the rigid gender roles. So as a young man like this there's a catch 22 - you need confidence to get girls and girls to get confidence.

 

I think it doesn't have to be that way and gender roles/expectations need a lot more work for a more balanced 'dating scene' i.e. more balanced perhaps like the ones within the gay community.

 

Wow. There is a whole lot of misogyny in these paragraphs.

 

If you want to have better luck with women, stop hating them so much.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Gay men have a host of other problems they must deal with.

 

It's just how it is. Some hetero guys must face a lot of rejection and get very little to no interest thrown their way.

 

It sucks, but the sooner you get used to it, the better. I will always have a little bit of resentment, but I am much better than I have been in the past because I have accepted my path.

 

You see many male posters struggle with anger that comes from rejection, and then calm down and accept it to varying degrees. I have seen it many, many times online.

[boilingpoint]

Wow. There is a whole lot of misogyny in these paragraphs.

 

If you want to have better luck with women, stop hating them so much.

 

Rather than write-off everything I said and label it misogyny, why not challenge some of the points I made. Is there no truth in any of it in your opinion?

 

I'll admit I went a bit OTT with the generalisations on women... but there was still a certain truth to even that.

Edited October 5, 2014 by boilingpoint