Why would an ex block you during NC?

[me85]

To be fair, she has the right to add or delete whomever she chooses on her social media.

 

She's probably just trying to move on and do the right thing. Not intentionally trying to hurt you. This is usually the first thing people do after BU this day and age.

 

It's sad that social media has so much involvement with RSs.

 

See it as a blessing. She has spared you the details of her new life. She's doing you a solid, man. I only wish my ex would've been kind enough to delete me from his FB before he went tagging his new gf in posts and comments for me to see as if to be like "eff my ex!"

 

Think if you saw her post a picture of her and some guy you didn't know. Yikes. I know that feeling. Sucks.

[singsparkles]

You guys are probably right, but I'm going through this exact this right now and very depressed and confused over it. It's very hurtful. I can't eat, sleep, or even think. It's taken a large toll on my mind and body. Its def a slap in the face. And I'm sure you dont understand. But it can cause someone a great deal of pain to be completely shut off from someone they thought cared about them.

[me85]

You guys are probably right, but I'm going through this exact this right now and very depressed and confused over it. It's very hurtful. I can't eat, sleep, or even think. It's taken a large toll on my mind and body. Its def a slap in the face. And I'm sure you dont understand. But it can cause someone a great deal of pain to be completely shut off from someone they thought cared about them.

 

My ex blocked me from his FB a few months after the BU (all the while stringing me along - keeping me as his back up plan) he blocked me because he didn't want me to know he was talking to someone else. Surprise surprise. And then had her block me too. Ugh!!! How could I have ever loved him??!!

 

Anyways...

 

It is very painful and something we have a hard time understanding at first. I promise, I don't have all the answers but at 14 months post BU, I've gone through all the emotions one goes through. And then some. I had a very difficult time for like the first couple of months. Then it would just come in waves. Like contraptions. Good for a few weeks then back down again...

 

But it really is the best thing for exes...to cut all ties and move on. We were already shunned by them. We were already abandoned by them. They left us...the damage was already caused. BUs don't happen like they used to. It's not ripping off a band aid real fast anymore. It's a slow torturous process now, thanks to social media. People actually have contracts before they get married with terms of social media. Stating their spouse can't cause them any public humiliation through social media. It's crazy!!!! I mean, WOW. How times have changed. Relationships are 100 times harder now because of social media. Especially when breaking up. Social media is part of the package deal in relationships and it honestly makes me wana puke.

Edited September 26, 2014 by me85

[singsparkles]

My ex blocked me from his FB a few months after the BU (all the while stringing me along - keeping me as his back up plan) he blocked me because he didn't want me to know he was talking to someone else. Surprise surprise. And then had her block me too. Ugh!!! How could I have ever loved him??!!

 

Anyways...

 

It is very painful and something we have a hard time understanding at first. I promise, I don't have all the answers but at 14 months post BU, I've gone through all the emotions one goes through. And then some. I had a very difficult time for like the first couple of months. Then it would just come in waves. Like contraptions. Good for a few weeks then back down again...

 

But it really is the best thing for exes...to cut all ties and move on. We were already shunned by them. We were already abandoned by them. They left us...the damage was already caused. BUs don't happen like they used to. It's not ripping off a band aid real fast anymore. It's a slow torturous process now, thanks to social media. People actually have contracts before they get married with terms of social media. Stating their spouse can't cause them any public humiliation through social media. It's crazy!!!! I mean, WOW. How times have changed. Relationships are 100 times harder now because of social media. Especially when breaking up. Social media is part of the package deal in relationships and it honestly makes me wana puke.

 

 

 

 

Me85,

you are totally right. It makes me sick, too. Social media really is a part of the package deal with relationships, and it also ruins relationships. You see a side of people you would never see otherwise.

 

I'm sorry to hear what your ex did He seems like a complete douche especially if he even had the girl block you. That is just ridiculous. You are def better than him... and I have a feeling he will prob do the same to her! Some guys never change. They go on to hurt other people most of the time, if they can hurt you that much without a care.

 

I think you're right. Maybe it's best they do block us, for our own safety of our own heart. It just sucks. And I'm not gonna lie, it's much more painful for me tonight. His instagram is private and he put up new pictures and I can't see it because it's private so it has me in a tizzy with so much adrenaline thinking of all the worst, like, did he put a new pic up of him and a new girl? did he follow new girls? I'm completely psycho and tonight has just been harder than usual. I was doing good all week.

 

You're right... it's a part of moving on, to go through the motions; to feel weak one day, then strong the next... I'm so glad to hear you're doing better... And I know the feeling of, "how could I ever love him", you question yourself that every day esp falling for someone who could be so cold hearted and act like you never existed and like you were never together. It hurts. But I know, in the end, these guys are not good enough for us. Some nights it's just harder than others. How long have you been in NC and how are things going for you? Are you feeling much better and stronger tonight and just in general? I hope you are and I hope you keep strong... he seems like a douche bag who doesn't deserve you! You're too great for that!

 

xxx

[me85]

Me85,

you are totally right. It makes me sick, too. Social media really is a part of the package deal with relationships, and it also ruins relationships. You see a side of people you would never see otherwise.

 

I'm sorry to hear what your ex did He seems like a complete douche especially if he even had the girl block you. That is just ridiculous. You are def better than him... and I have a feeling he will prob do the same to her! Some guys never change. They go on to hurt other people most of the time, if they can hurt you that much without a care.

 

I think you're right. Maybe it's best they do block us, for our own safety of our own heart. It just sucks. And I'm not gonna lie, it's much more painful for me tonight. His instagram is private and he put up new pictures and I can't see it because it's private so it has me in a tizzy with so much adrenaline thinking of all the worst, like, did he put a new pic up of him and a new girl? did he follow new girls? I'm completely psycho and tonight has just been harder than usual. I was doing good all week.

 

You're right... it's a part of moving on, to go through the motions; to feel weak one day, then strong the next... I'm so glad to hear you're doing better... And I know the feeling of, "how could I ever love him", you question yourself that every day esp falling for someone who could be so cold hearted and act like you never existed and like you were never together. It hurts. But I know, in the end, these guys are not good enough for us. Some nights it's just harder than others. How long have you been in NC and how are things going for you? Are you feeling much better and stronger tonight and just in general? I hope you are and I hope you keep strong... he seems like a douche bag who doesn't deserve you! You're too great for that!

 

xxx

 

Thank you! You're a sweet girl. I'm not all that worried about you. (= You certainly won't have a problem getting over your ex and finding someone else. If that's want you want. Maybe you want to be single and enjoy it like I am!!! I love it.

 

I am doing better and LOL oh my gosh ... I don't preach NC because I don't abide by it. /= It's been like 3 days. HA! I was having a hard time the other day because I'm sick and I was hungover and feeling bad. I know me. I know that it really isn't ever even about my ex at all. Hasn't been for a long time. It's been me and my ego!

 

After a while you realize, hey! this s@#t it all my fault, honestly! I know better than to buy into his BS! I know better. I'm smarter than that! But I've had more time to deal with my BU than you have. Yours is still fairly fresh, right?

 

I'm going to try to find something I posted last week. You'll love it. (=

[Elle1975]

Unfortunately it's her call. If she doesn't want you in her life, then that's her right.

 

It's also your right not to contact her, however when you follow someone in a social media, you're not in NC. May I point out, if you had blocked her, you wouldn't be sad and angry all over again.

 

When an ex can't move on, and his/her profile keeps popping up, it's borderline creepy.

 

Over means over forever. It's the only way to move on, and maybe get an unlikely shot at an other try one day. Lagging behind, following them on social media, this constant reminding of your presence.. all of this is playing against you.

[Maleficent]

You guys are probably right, but I'm going through this exact this right now and very depressed and confused over it. It's very hurtful. I can't eat, sleep, or even think. It's taken a large toll on my mind and body. Its def a slap in the face. And I'm sure you dont understand. But it can cause someone a great deal of pain to be completely shut off from someone they thought cared about them.

 

Human Behaviour is confusing. One person could be shutting you off for their own mental well being (which we here like to call No Contact) while another could be shutting you off simply to get a certain reaction out of you.

 

Unfortunately, it is impossible for someone on the outside to know exactly what are the motivations of the person doing the shutting off.

 

I'm sorry you are going through something hard. I wish there was a secret switch in our brains for this sort of thing, unfortunately, there is not.

It will get better soon but the first thing you need to understand is that you are probably better off without that person in your life either way.

[singsparkles]

Human Behaviour is confusing. One person could be shutting you off for their own mental well being (which we here like to call No Contact) while another could be shutting you off simply to get a certain reaction out of you.

 

Unfortunately, it is impossible for someone on the outside to know exactly what are the motivations of the person doing the shutting off.

 

I'm sorry you are going through something hard. I wish there was a secret switch in our brains for this sort of thing, unfortunately, there is not.

It will get better soon but the first thing you need to understand is that you are probably better off without that person in your life either way.

 

 

 

Thank you, Maleficent,

wonderful, wonderful advice. You are right, we will never know just why people do certain things or make certain actions. There could be a number of reasons. You are totally right... One thing is certain... if someone does this, you are definitely better off without them. And I try to remind myself that every day, although other days are hard, I have been sticking to NC and it feels good. Some nights are just harder than others. The days are great. Its the nights that get me the most.

 

Thank you for your beautiful support.. it means a lot.

 

*hugs*

xxx

[me85]

Thank you, Maleficent,

wonderful, wonderful advice. You are right, we will never know just why people do certain things or make certain actions. There could be a number of reasons. You are totally right... One thing is certain... if someone does this, you are definitely better off without them. And I try to remind myself that every day, although other days are hard, I have been sticking to NC and it feels good. Some nights are just harder than others. The days are great. Its the nights that get me the most.

 

Thank you for your beautiful support.. it means a lot.

 

*hugs*

xxx

 

 

Nights were the hardest for me too.

[singsparkles]

Nights were the hardest for me too.

 

 

 

I know, nights truly are the hardest. The days are easy because you may be busy doing stuff and you're around people and your mind is occupied. But when you go home at night to an empty bed, it kind of all sinks in. I'm trying to embrace being lonely and single right now. I'm trying to think of it as a vacation to focus on me, and hopefully that makes things better. I'm trying to embrace the little things. Thank God I have Netflix, it's such a lifesaver... I think I've watched every documentary ever made! Haha Hopefully you find ways to keep yourself occupied at night, too!!! <33

[sonictoaster]

It's always hard as a dumpee not to take things personally, especially if you did a lot for your girlfriend/boyfriend during the relationship and they didn't reciprocate. Being dumped hurts in and of itself, and then to feel discarded shortly after (even if the discard is not intended/even if it's "just something that the dumper had to do") - it hurts. Maybe this is something some of us have to work on - not being so co-dependent on another to feel happiness.

 

I know it's "just normal" to get blocked after a breakup, and that it's time to move on and focus on myself, but it's hard to make that transition...to stop caring for someone who was literally your life for XX months/years.

 

All of the advice here is great, so thanks to everyone for that and pointing out that I wasn't actually practicing "strict NC". My ex definitely has the right to block me if she chooses, and I have accepted that.

 

Singsparkles, I agree that night is the worst. Netflix definitely helps. Mornings are also pretty bad, I'm not sure why.

Edited September 27, 2014 by sonictoaster

[Dontfindme]

It's always hard as a dumpee not to take things personally, especially if you did a lot for your girlfriend/boyfriend during the relationship and they didn't reciprocate. Being dumped hurts in and of itself, and then to feel discarded shortly after (even if the discard is not intended/even if it's "just something that the dumper had to do") - it hurts. Maybe this is something some of us have to work on - not being so co-dependent on another to feel happiness.

 

I know it's "just normal" to get blocked after a breakup, and that it's time to move on and focus on myself, but it's hard to make that transition...to stop caring for someone who was literally your life for XX months/years.

 

All of the advice here is great, so thanks to everyone for that and pointing out that I wasn't actually practicing "strict NC". My ex definitely has the right to block me if she chooses, and I have accepted that.

 

Singsparkles, I agree that night is the worst. Netflix definitely helps. Mornings are also pretty bad, I'm not sure why.

 

Mornings used to suck for me, but then I started running. And now, believe it or not, I actually look forward to my mornings.

 

You should find something to look forward to - exercise is great - you get the added benefit of endorphins!

[sonictoaster]

I'm totally trying to exercise to get my mind off things. I'm a rock climber so I do that as many times a week as I can. It really helps! Soon enough we'll all be better about our ex's.

[mightycpa]

You guys are probably right, but I'm going through this exact this right now and very depressed and confused over it. It's very hurtful. I can't eat, sleep, or even think. It's taken a large toll on my mind and body. Its def a slap in the face. And I'm sure you dont understand. But it can cause someone a great deal of pain to be completely shut off from someone they thought cared about them.

 

I know exactly how you feel. Hundreds of people on these boards also know exactly how you feel. I saw lots of my friends go through the exact same thing in college.

 

That's when I first understood that "we" weren't special. We were very ordinary. As I saw both sides of other peoples' stories, I slowly came to the realization that none of it was personal. Oh, it felt personal, but what was really going on was an involuntary change of heart. Nobody set out on a plan not to care, even if they ended up cheating. Not caring, or caring for somebody else, came uninvited and without warning. Generally, when it first showed up, it was unwelcome.

 

But a changed heart is a persistent guest. It cannot be deterred. And that's what you're facing. A changed heart. It is not that they DIDN'T care for you. It is that they NO LONGER care for you in that way.

 

Sorry. It never feels good, it is difficult to understand, but it is what it is.

[Justletgo]

I don't agree with that at all. You need to take measures to protect yourself and heal. You are really inviting more pain into your life by staying updated on social media.

 

I was left for another person about two years back, blocked by her and ignored by allll her friends. Friends who I had actually helped through their breakups at the time.

 

Well since then I have had a couple of short term things and everytime we break up. I DO NOT block them.

 

Because YES it is a slap in their face if you do it without letting them know why. It is extremely disrespectful.

 

Any time they'd start talking (hasn't happened though) I'd just cut it short and if it would continue I'd eventually ignore.

 

I actually agree with the poster.

[Justletgo]

But a changed heart is a persistent guest. It cannot be deterred. And that's what you're facing. A changed heart. It is not that they DIDN'T care for you. It is that they NO LONGER care for you in that way.

 

Sorry. It never feels good, it is difficult to understand, but it is what it is.

 

Thanks for posting this, I think this happened to my ex years back. And it is the first post to actually clarify it so clearly.

 

If it's love you are talking about. Then I can imagine having this ability to drop someone and fall for someone else like that is going to be extremely detrimental to having a long-term relationship.

 

I on the other hand have never been 'in love' with any of my partners, I just felt extremely attracted to them, liked them as a person and LOVED them.

Something like that doesn't change on a whim.

I still believe this is the best way to go for something long-term. As the 'in love' feeling others seek to find will always fade after time.

[Elle1975]

My ex, who dumped me, didn't block me either. I could see his pic profile popping on my friend's fb. I could see his name on my HangOut App. I am the one who blocked him.

 

I don't need to see his pic, and I certainly don't need to see his new gf, or any news related to him, because it's over - and that's that.

 

Life sucks enough as it is.. why add more grief to it, you know?

[me85]

I know, nights truly are the hardest. The days are easy because you may be busy doing stuff and you're around people and your mind is occupied. But when you go home at night to an empty bed, it kind of all sinks in. I'm trying to embrace being lonely and single right now. I'm trying to think of it as a vacation to focus on me, and hopefully that makes things better. I'm trying to embrace the little things. Thank God I have Netflix, it's such a lifesaver... I think I've watched every documentary ever made! Haha Hopefully you find ways to keep yourself occupied at night, too!!! <33

 

Sing…you will be just fine. I overcame it and so will you. :love: I found my way through months ago…so nights are cake now.

[STM206]

Tackkkkkkkkkkky.

Edited September 28, 2014 by STM206

[DiTat]

You guys are probably right, but I'm going through this exact this right now and very depressed and confused over it. It's very hurtful. I can't eat, sleep, or even think. It's taken a large toll on my mind and body. Its def a slap in the face. And I'm sure you dont understand. But it can cause someone a great deal of pain to be completely shut off from someone they thought cared about them.

 

I haven't managed to block my ex either. Wish I was strong enough...but I still love him so.

 

Though noticed today he is posting in German (he doesn't speak German but is learning) and a girl he is dating is German.

 

It does make the hurt so much worse.

 

I am trying to cut him, but not to stalk (I have unfollowed him) but I don't know how successful I'll be.

 

It is really hard when you can't understand why you are not with them.

[DiTat]

Sing…you will be just fine. I overcame it and so will you. :love: I found my way through months ago…so nights are cake now.

 

You know how hard this is to believe when it is the first time with a broken heart, right?

 

I understand from reading everyone's comments that it does get easier.

 

I, as someone else mentioned, realised that we are not the only one feeling like this. Until coming to LS I truly believed that my relationship was so special that no one could understand how hard this is. When explaining to my friends, I figured they couldn't understand because they had never had such a special relationship.

 

I get now, I am not alone with this feeling.

 

And I'm holding on to the belief that it will actually get easier.

 

Strange, but part of me is a little sad that if it no longer hurts then maybe the relationship wasn't as special as I thought it was.

[littleblacksubmarine]

You know how hard this is to believe when it is the first time with a broken heart, right?

 

I understand from reading everyone's comments that it does get easier.

 

I, as someone else mentioned, realised that we are not the only one feeling like this. Until coming to LS I truly believed that my relationship was so special that no one could understand how hard this is. When explaining to my friends, I figured they couldn't understand because they had never had such a special relationship.

 

I get now, I am not alone with this feeling.

 

And I'm holding on to the belief that it will actually get easier.

 

Strange, but part of me is a little sad that if it no longer hurts then maybe the relationship wasn't as special as I thought it was.

 

Absolutely hit the nail on the head with this comment. The 'special' feeling, only once you're on the other side looking back do you realise its not true

[elseaacych]

 

And I'm holding on to the belief that it will actually get easier.

 

Strange, but part of me is a little sad that if it no longer hurts then maybe the relationship wasn't as special as I thought it was.

 

It was special at one time, because it was special to you. If you want it to get easier, you have to recognize that while it was special at one time, your special relationship is now just another drop in the sea of dead relationships that were all once special in their own right.

 

Now, you can either drown in it, or you can acknowledge that it is no longer special to you, because it fell apart. A relationship that has broken can no longer be special.

 

Own it and float on.

[Mizz Layta]

Oh well its their loss

[me85]

I'm sorry DiTat, but I've had my heart broken 3 times and they've all hurt like hell. It doesn't matter if it's the first time you've had a broken heart or the 15th.

 

They certainly don't get easier to deal with once you've gotten passed the first one. It's always very painful and hard to get over.