Is this normal or is there something wrong with me?

[JHparkes]

I am 35 years old, mediocre job (secretary), enjoy cycling, reading and spending time with friends. I have absolutely no desire to have kids. i have a partner and we are free to come and go as we please. I have no desire to come home from work and start work again (i.e. looking after a child). I also prefer animals to kids and love my cat to death.

Is this normal or am I a heartless cow??

 

Most women who don't want children usually have fantastic careers (like lawyers, doctors etc) whereas I just have a mediocre job (although I enjoy it). The only thing I am worried about is finding myself alone in a nursing home or alone full stop with no family to visit. But other than that I have absolutely no desire to tie myself up to a baby. Will I regret it?

[Toodaloo]

I think its more normal than women want to admit as "society" expects us to want children.

 

I am the opposite - I really want them.

 

But no I don't think your mad or abnormal not to. Hug your OH and your cat if thats what makes you happy. Women don't have to be brood mares. Its not heartless - its practical.

[Arieswoman]

JHParkes,

I never had any children and never wanted any and don't feel I have missed anything.

 

I have a professional career and several cats and can come and go more or less as I please. I prefer animals to people (apart from hubby !) and don't feel I should conform to what society expects of me as some kind of a baby machine.

 

All of my friends have either no children or one child (they had so much trouble with the one, they never had another) and none of us feel "wrong" in any way.

 

There are many women who feel as you do but are scared of saying how they feel. Go with your heart !

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

I am 35 years old, mediocre job (secretary), enjoy cycling, reading and spending time with friends. I have absolutely no desire to have kids. i have a partner and we are free to come and go as we please. I have no desire to come home from work and start work again (i.e. looking after a child). I also prefer animals to kids and love my cat to death.

Is this normal or am I a heartless cow??

 

Most women who don't want children usually have fantastic careers (like lawyers, doctors etc) whereas I just have a mediocre job (although I enjoy it). The only thing I am worried about is finding myself alone in a nursing home or alone full stop with no family to visit. But other than that I have absolutely no desire to tie myself up to a baby. Will I regret it?

 

Not all women have the maternal instinct. Never feel ashamed, as it is OK to be who you are. Never compare yourself to others, as it will drive you batty.

 

I love children and have raised for a year a one year old, but never felt the urge to have my own. I guess I didn't feel I can be everything or enough for my own child. As if my expectations in parenting had kept me away. There is a ton of responsibility as well. So call me a selfish irresponsible bastard. HA!

 

Enjoy what you have, and don't sweat the small stuff.

[OwMyEyeball]

If you don't feel it, you don't feel it.

 

You may begin to feel it as you approach menopause. You very well may not.

 

Children can add tremendous value and purpose to the lives of their parents. That isn't to say there aren't other ways to bring an equal amount of value and purpose into one's life. Kids have just been one of those ways.

 

Seems that your cat is soaking up a lot of your nurturing instinct. And I'm sure he's very appreciative of it

[CarrieT]

OP, I was exactly like you and never wanted children.

 

The difference with me is that I often sought out the mediocre jobs so that they were not too mentally taxing, allowing my free time for my personal passions (which were not necessary money-makers): art, travel, knitting, theater, etc...

 

I was happy to come-and-go as I please without the responsibilities of a child. If I wanted to spend a day in bed with my knitting and old movies, I could do that. Or I would schedule a weekend getaway and just drive up the coast, hitting antique stores and small bistros.

 

I never worried about the end-of-days because I figured even if I had a family to visit me, I would be so miserable their attendance wouldn't matter!

[Mr Scorpio]

Most women who don't want children usually have fantastic careers (like lawyers, doctors etc) whereas I just have a mediocre job (although I enjoy it).

 

And then if/when they do decide that they want children, they are inhibited by having to work 60+ hours a week in order to make partner. There is nothing wrong with having a "mediocre" job that you enjoy.

 

The only thing I am worried about is finding myself alone in a nursing home or alone full stop with no family to visit. But other than that I have absolutely no desire to tie myself up to a baby. Will I regret it?

 

Maybe. But having kids doesn't guarantee you anything. Maybe they will die before you. Maybe you will hate them or they will hate you. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

[Rock Chick]

Who wants to be normal?

 

I think the better question is, is it healthy? Well I don't see why not. You can't let what the world does on majority define what you want. You don't sound like you are doing anything to hurt anyone.

 

I say revel in who you are. You are free. Being free is not normal, that's for damn sure. Be happy with this fact and don't worry about if you aren't "normal" because normal doesn't necessarily equal healthy and happy.

[True Gent]

I think there is nothing wrong with not wanting to have children it doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman. I am 35 and have never wanted them, I also don't want the ties or the lifestyle that comes with raising children.

 

It's not heartless to be true to your own needs. You're still capeable of giving and receiving love, we don't need to have children to prove that or to experience it.

[Ronni_W]

The only thing I am worried about is finding myself alone in a nursing home or alone full stop with no family to visit. But other than that I have absolutely no desire to tie myself up to a baby. Will I regret it?

Whether or not you will regret it is entirely up to you. NOT regretting it will mean keeping always in mind your reasons for not having children, in the first place. That is, you're making a conscious decision now...why do you think you'll regret it, later?

 

Somebody once asked me, about my own decision to not have children, what I would do when I'm old-aged and frail and need a ride to the doctor's. My response, "Would that not be THE most selfish and stupid reason to have a child?" The guy had to agree with me.

 

Those of us who have decided to not become parents already know that we may find ourselves in need of rides to the doctor's or alone in a nursing home. Hopefully we took that into account when we let our child-bearing years pass by; hopefully we made sure to fully inform ourselves about all the positives and potential negatives of our conscious decision. In which case, we've done all we can to insulate ourselves against regretting our decision.

 

I made my decision at seventeen. No career, mediocre or magnificent, at that time. It's just something that I knew and/or sensed about me. I'm almost 55 and not yet regretting it. Don't have it in me, at this time, to feel that I will...but I really am quite sure/confident as to why I made my decision in the first place.

[preraph]

It's way better to regret not having them than to regret having them. And there are an increasing number of people who are choosing to remain childfree. There are whole forums devoted to those people so if you feel like company, just google "childfree." Other than that one study found women in a certain range (end of childbearing years) who chose not to bear children were better eduated than the overall population, there's no appreciable set of commonality. I ran a childfree board for years and I can tell you that not wanting children doesn't really mean you have anything in common with other people who don't want children than just not wanting them. Whether they are ambitious or successful, it goes all different ways. There is a slight trend of general nonconventionality running through the group, but nothing to glue the group together except griping about kids in Walmart or whatever.

 

There's no guarantee for anyone that their children will be able to take care of them when they're old. Logistics and having to make a living mostly preclude that these days. But I will gladly lobby with you to get some nursing homes who allow pets, because that's all I'd need.