Abused by 13 year old

[jonsnuh]

Your brother is very lucky to have a supportive sibling like you who cares for the family and for his well-being.

 

All the best.

[RHP1]

Your brother is very lucky to have a supportive sibling like you who cares for the family and for his well-being.

 

All the best.

 

Thank you so much!

[Radu]

Thanks for your input. My sister and I grew up here - in NY - too. We moved at a young age. There is definitely a pull in both cultural directions, but my brother has faced it the least amongst us. When it came to him, my parents had already gone over it with myself and my sister, and they have been much more lenient, and accepting with him.

 

As intimidating as it is to open up to someone about this, I'm looking forward to some sort of change, and getting the help that we all desperately need.

 

My mom is 48, and my dad is 56.

 

I hope this won't hurt you but i see 3 possible causes here :

1 - he was brought up with little consequences in a family where he was both the youngest child and the single male child [important in your culture ?].

He continues to have no consequences, he might grow out of it, but i wouldn't be holding my breath about it.

2 - he's got a PD, where his emotional development is seriously retarded ... it generally is a cause of nurture, and not of nature.

I doubt it's this because you say he shows some level of remorse and can pretend for a while.

3 - he's got some physiological problem, brain related where he lacks empathy completely and is just plain retarded in other development areas.

I doubt it's this.

 

I think it's the first one, and what you have on your hands is a little prince.

If anything, what your dad is doing right now is actually shaping him into being a perpetual prince.

[RHP1]

I hope this won't hurt you but i see 3 possible causes here :

1 - he was brought up with little consequences in a family where he was both the youngest child and the single male child [important in your culture ?].

He continues to have no consequences, he might grow out of it, but i wouldn't be holding my breath about it.

2 - he's got a PD, where his emotional development is seriously retarded ... it generally is a cause of nurture, and not of nature.

I doubt it's this because you say he shows some level of remorse and can pretend for a while.

3 - he's got some physiological problem, brain related where he lacks empathy completely and is just plain retarded in other development areas.

I doubt it's this.

 

I think it's the first one, and what you have on your hands is a little prince.

If anything, what your dad is doing right now is actually shaping him into being a perpetual prince.

 

It sucks that we're going through this, but I thank you for pointing these possibilities out.

 

I really hope it's the first, as that seems more...manageable.

 

Thanks for your input

[RHP1]

Hi everyone,

 

I just wanted to give everyone an update here:

My brother, my mom, and I just got back from seeing the psychologist.

 

We spoke in great detail about everything. Initially it was all 3 of us going over the basics, then it was my mom and I talking to the psychologist, and finally it was just my brother with her.

 

I know I'm probably speaking too soon, but I feel REALLY good about everything.

The psychologist listened in detail, and it seemed like some of the questions she was asking my brother made him really think. When he left, he even apologized to me for treating me badly recently- all on his own.

 

Again, I know it will take time, but I am feeling wonderful and optimistic.

I just wanted to share my happiness, and once again express my appreciation for all of you who have showed me support, and encouraged me in this. Your words had given me the hope and the courage needed to get to this point, and they really calmed me down during a rough time.

 

Thank you all so much.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

I'm glad to hear about the progress. Quick question: Do you think he would be interested in learning a martial art?

 

As a former instructor, I've helped many troubled youth turn their lives around through training. Of course you should do your research and find a good school with good instructors...but I've seen countless young people (especially young men) positively impacted by this type of activity.

 

 

 

Hi everyone,

 

I just wanted to give everyone an update here:

My brother, my mom, and I just got back from seeing the psychologist.

 

We spoke in great detail about everything. Initially it was all 3 of us going over the basics, then it was my mom and I talking to the psychologist, and finally it was just my brother with her.

 

I know I'm probably speaking too soon, but I feel REALLY good about everything.

The psychologist listened in detail, and it seemed like some of the questions she was asking my brother made him really think. When he left, he even apologized to me for treating me badly recently- all on his own.

 

Again, I know it will take time, but I am feeling wonderful and optimistic.

I just wanted to share my happiness, and once again express my appreciation for all of you who have showed me support, and encouraged me in this. Your words had given me the hope and the courage needed to get to this point, and they really calmed me down during a rough time.

 

Thank you all so much.

[preraph]

Since you mentioned it, I do think that with my brother, my parents messed up by spoiling him. He is the youngest, so he was spoiled heavily by my dad. He basically got everything he wanted - which was not the case with my sister and I.

Maybe that is a major factor in why all of this is happening.

 

It's too often the case that young boys are allowed to misbehave by their dads. And even the moms sometimes. It's easy for them to say "boys will be boys" and not correct them. It creates an entitled child who thinks he's the exception to the rules.

 

I hope the therapy works to diffuse the situation. I wonder why your dad wasn't mentioned as attending therapy because he may need to know how he's contributed as well. He is his main role model and that boy will model your dad's behavior at least to some extent, so it's important he's behaving himself too!!

Edited October 23, 2014 by preraph

[hellon]

Hi everyone,

 

I just wanted to give everyone an update here:

My brother, my mom, and I just got back from seeing the psychologist.

 

We spoke in great detail about everything. Initially it was all 3 of us going over the basics, then it was my mom and I talking to the psychologist, and finally it was just my brother with her.

 

I know I'm probably speaking too soon, but I feel REALLY good about everything.

The psychologist listened in detail, and it seemed like some of the questions she was asking my brother made him really think. When he left, he even apologized to me for treating me badly recently- all on his own.

 

Again, I know it will take time, but I am feeling wonderful and optimistic.

I just wanted to share my happiness, and once again express my appreciation for all of you who have showed me support, and encouraged me in this. Your words had given me the hope and the courage needed to get to this point, and they really calmed me down during a rough time.

 

Thank you all so much.

 

Thanks for the update, I'm so glad to hear things are going in a positive direction.

[pink_sugar]

There is a correlation between parents who hit and spank leading to more aggressive children. I don't think the hitting is helping, but rather making the situation worse.