Author Fran23 Posted October 3, 2014 Author Share Posted October 3, 2014 You didn't fall out of love. So if you truly love each other, then have faith in your love Thanks for your answer dclan. This is precicely the thing that reassures me (I wasn't played. It was genuine. We really do love each other and we treated each other with love and respect) and frustrates me (because of the dead end and how much of a shame it is) all at the same time. I am going to have to let it go but I have faith that it was/is genuine and who knows what the future may bring. Tough one Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fran23 Posted October 8, 2014 Author Share Posted October 8, 2014 So, I have done it. I wanted to wait but I have gone complete no contact for the past six days. But I am really not doing good. Yesterday was a disaster. I was set up on a blind date which turned out to be horrible, received a text from my ex saying "I miss you more and more. I wanted you to know" which it broke my heart to ignore. Made out with some guy at a birthday party which felt DISGUSTING, then ended up in the apartment N and I shared. I still have the keys and the new people are moving next Monday so I guess I wanted to spend one last night there. It is totally empty of course and the sight of it just broke my heart. I slept (tried to anyway) on the floor freezing. Last time we spoke he told me he threw away the couch where we first made love as there was no space for it in the van last minute. How can a person be so upset over a silly couch? But I was. I had space at mine and would have loved to have it. I have to stop doing this to myself but it hurts very much. I completely regret the breakup now as he predicted I would but I see no other way. He is sick, he is broken and he is gone. We agreed to end this. And I can not be his friend. It hurts too much knowing he could start seeing other women any time. When we speak it is like we have not broken up but we have and I need to come to terms with it. So does he. Though probably now he thinks I am a bitch :-( (sorry, I am sleep deprived, hangover and really blue, needed to vent) Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 You need to try to find a way of stopping him getting through to you. But the way you feel about him, he deserves to know what you're doing. Avise him you are changing your number and email. Ask him to not get in touch with you any other way. Then block every possible route available to him. You both need time, space and isolation to get yourselves together (chiefly him, I know that - but this is sooo messing with your head too!) Agree that in XX amount of weeks/months, you'll touch base and re-connect... And then start life again.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fran23 Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 Hi and thank you for your answer. Yes, I know what needs to be done. He texted me again yesterday and asked if we could speak tonight. I said yes, I owe him that much. He deserves an explanation though there is nothing we have not talked about already. He was always eager to know if there is any way he can have me in his life and when he left I said goodbye and he asked me not to say that, then he asked if I have come to a definite decision which I had not but I thought it best to end things and if something develops in the future it will have to be from scratch. But I told him I find a friendship with him too painful and I suggested we take our time to figure it all out, what we mean to each other, what if anything can be done in the future. I know that should be giving me hope but I don't trust hope. I am afraid that we are just prolonging the agony for both of us. If there was any way it could work I would do it. I just don't see how. We are not college kids and we do not have plenty of time to be in limbo before fixing things. I am in my early thirties and he is nearly forty. We don't have all the time in the world. And you are right, he is very messed up at the moment but this thing is messing me up as well and I need to stablize myself. what a mess. I saw it coming as I knew he was leaving but I was in denial. The last few months were the most amazing in our relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fran23 Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 So, yeah, another update. Seems like today was a busy day on the break up front. I am just off the phone with him. We talked more than two hours. But it gets better. Before he called, his mother did. She is the sweetest lady on the planet and has been through a lot battling cancer last year. We get on great so when he left I sent pressies for her and she called to thank me. She also wanted to let me know her son loves me and suffers without me and that he is coming back to me and I should not give up on him. I was not sure how to react to this. Felt awkward as hell. Especially since I am struggling with losing him myself. He is also depressed and missing me. He said he has not managed to properly start processing what has been happening, I told him at some point I will need time and space to do the same for me. I just fear that the more we speak to each other the closer we bond and the more harmful the whole thing is. Like we were remeniscing things, like stuff we cooked and did as a couple, we even revisited the very first time we met. Before we hang up he told me "Just remember I love you" and then I just hang up without saying anything back. But the fact he is not here for me to hold and make love to hurts me like hell. I don't even know if we are ever going to see each other again. I am damaging myself for allowing it aren't I? I get the feeling he also regrets the break up but none of us said anything and we speak like we are a couple. What the hell am I going to do??? Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 So, yeah, another update. ......we speak like we are a couple. What the hell am I going to do??? I repeat: You need to try to find a way of stopping him getting through to you. .......changing your number and email. Ask him to not get in touch with you any other way. Then block every possible route available to him. You both need time, space and isolation to get yourselves together (chiefly him, I know that - but this is sooo messing with your head too!) Agree that in XX amount of weeks/months, you'll touch base and re-connect... And then start life again.... That's what you're going to do. Do it. Or else you will just kill yourself over this, emotionally.... He is in no fit mental state to be strong about this. So you have to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
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