Ex is so hot and cold, rougher tonight/in more pain than usual (Updated)

[singsparkles]

Listen, you need to first breathe, take a huge step back and stop talking to him.

 

You're causing a lot irreparable damage pulling the psycho ex gf crap calling & texting over and over. If there is one thing that is more unattractive than all others, its the psycho act.

 

I have been where you have been and I'm actually from CT too, you remind me of my best friend and his ex, they do this kinda thing all the time, the back and forth, make each other crazy act, it get exhausting for everyone involved.

 

even tho I'm sure you've heard it over and over, NC is the only way, and unless you want to keep making yourself crazy, you need to stick to it.

 

Ex and breakups are very similar to overcoming drug addictions, the same part of your brain is affected.

 

Take care of yourself and stop talking to him.

 

 

 

 

You're completely right. Being psycho is completely unattractive, but I know I wouldn't be this way with the right person. I am one of the sweetest, most understanding people you could ever meet... hence: why I keep giving him chance after chance.

 

I'm fine with doing NC to him. I've done it for weeks. but when he CONTACTS ME, I'm like putty in his hands and he loves it. I think he gets a high off of filling me up just to bring me back down.

 

I know... the psycho on and off relationships are completely annoying and I totally agree. I always get annoyed with other people like this, yet I find myself right in the midst of it.

 

I am trying to breathe and calm down. I haven't contacted him for an hour now... I'm really trying to fight the urges. The last thing I told him was, "please don't ever contact me again, I can't deal with your games any longer" ... which is stupid, I know, because just responding in itself is stupid and the sad thing is, I know this... I'm just so weak and blinded by him. He's not who I really ever thought he was.

 

 

It TOTALLY is like a drug addiction. Because, like drugs, when you are on the high, it feels like you are on top of the world, but when you come down, you almost feel like you want to die. It's horrible.

 

You're right. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm just so whipped by him its unbelievable. It hurts so bad. Like, I hate having no self control... I'm the type of person that VALUES having control. And here I am, completely lost in not having any at all. It's a horrible position.

 

I cry myself to sleep like every night over this dude. It almost feels as if I can't function when he's ignoring me. I am way too invested and all my feelings depend on how he treats me. It's SO SICK and UNHEALTHY.

[singsparkles]

Please tell me if this is completely psycho... but the more he ignores me, the more I want to call him. I feel that when he ignores me it frustrates me, annoys me and hurts me, so I feel that if I blow up his phone I'm frustrating him, annoying him and hurting him. ...I've become so immature stooping down to his level it's UNBELIEVABLE.

 

I'm not even myself. I'm slowly losing who I really am. This is not me.

[singsparkles]

The last I heard of him today he said, "You are making a big deal about nothing, calm down" basically... is he ignoring me thinking my feelings are going to blow over and I'll be fine tomorrow? Because I definitely won't. If this was the first time he did this, it would be one thing. But it's like the 200th time he's done this.

[Ecko08]

I've been on the verge of contacting my ex-fiancé for days and this makes me want to do it lol

[SoThatHappened]

Calling 31 times and texting 22 times... babe... c'mon!

 

I don't blame you for being thrown for a loop based on what he said (wanting you back). BUT, you just pushed him away again.

 

Find someone who doesn't do those things (i.e. say he wants you back but doesn't respond to your attempts at communication).

 

He's not the guy for you, at least not now.

 

I can't blame you for contacting after he asks for reconciliation, but you should chalk this one up to "lesson learned" right now.

 

Plenty of guys out there who don't play this game.

[singsparkles]

I've been on the verge of contacting my ex-fiancé for days and this makes me want to do it lol

 

 

 

Don't do it!!! Don't be me!!! It only makes matters worse. Right now I am in complete psycho mode and I need to find myself a way to get out. I know these people don't deserve us, it's just hard to see clearly sometimes, and right now is one of them. Please don't do it... Stay strong and keep your pride! I had my pride a week ago, and I felt so good. Now it's out the window!

[Ecko08]

Well, I don't know about pride when it comes to this lol. I'm new to this site and everything I keep reading is NC this, NC that and I totally understand it. However, I guess it's just me, but I'm from a mindstate where you fight for what is nearest to your heart. I'm 28 but feel like an old school 50s dude. I'm so tired of seeing the value of a relationship in today's society rapidly go down the drain. It's been 10 days of NC for me and Ive been distraught every second of it. I go to work, hit the gym, hang around people to get my mind off it but my mind is over active as it is. No matter what thoughts of speaking with the ex-fiancé strong arms anything else floating around my brain. One of the major things for me is that I seek closure of some sort but she was just...POOF! Vanished. After 6 years. During an engagement. Like wtf I feel I deserve one final conversation and a damn explanation.

[Always Pondering]

So here I am, BACK AT SQUARE ONE... woke up from my nap, no response, and I have called him 31 times and texted him 22 times... I feel completely psycho.

 

Holy crap.

 

You called and texted him that many times in one day?!? That'll definitely give off a psycho vibe to him. I don't feel that reconciliation is going to happen in your scenario, not with the way things are right now.

 

Well tonight's a good night to block his number and start No Contact for good, wouldn't you agree? This includes not allowing him a way to contact you by the way.

[singsparkles]

Calling 31 times and texting 22 times... babe... c'mon!

 

I don't blame you for being thrown for a loop based on what he said (wanting you back). BUT, you just pushed him away again.

 

Find someone who doesn't do those things (i.e. say he wants you back but doesn't respond to your attempts at communication).

 

He's not the guy for you, at least not now.

 

I can't blame you for contacting after he asks for reconciliation, but you should chalk this one up to "lesson learned" right now.

 

Plenty of guys out there who don't play this game.

 

 

 

 

SoThatHappened,

Thank you for always being such a support.

 

You're completely right. I just don't understand why he keeps playing these yo yo games. One day he wants to work things out, says he misses me and he's never felt this way about any other girl. Then the next day he's so cold, doesn't contact me and ignores me and always chalks my feelings up to being "stupid" ...

 

I know it's crazy of me to do this. I truly don't know why I do. I do know one thing; we are both toxic for eachother.

 

I think he needs a girl who doesn't need much attention, who he can go a day or two without calling... and me, I need a man whos much more attentive who is always there. I already told him this.

 

I'm starting to realize that no matter how many times he tries to work it out, and I fall for it, he's never going to change. I wasn't psycho for two weeks, and now I'm back to square one, and the feeling completely SUCKS. Having no control is one of the worst feelings in the world.

 

I have so much bitterness toward him. I told him that in text message. I said, "I don't get why you lure me in just to play with my head and heart and then disappear, I'm so sick of these games" ... he's completely emotionally immature

 

And when he cares for me, it's CONDITIONAL and ALWAYS ON HIS TERMS. And I told him he is so selfish for that. Any time I'm in need of him, hes nowhere to be found. But when he needs me I'm like a dog begging for food at his feet. Its completely irrational and unhealthy.

 

I know I need to stop. I also need to stop holding onto the fact that he may change and he can be the one for me... he's hurt me way too much, and I just think the guy who is right for me would never do this, or make me feel this way, and I would NEVER feel psycho with the right person.

 

I can't stand mind games and people who are hot and cold. Im such a consistent person, that it freaks me out when people are opposite and it causes a bad reaction in me. I start to lose it with inconsistency and sketchiness.

 

I know there's plenty of guys out there that don't play this game.

 

What's sad is I have a million other guys texting/calling my phone asking me on dates, and I'm busy ignoring them and busy focusing all my time on this dude. I have no clue what is wrong with me! I need to stop somehow, but right now I'm in such a tizzy and my adrenaline is going mad.

 

I'm angry at myself for falling for it once again. We had SUCH a mature conversation the other day. He said "we can make this work. but we both have to work on changing together" ...I loved when he said that. I agreed. But working on changing together? Today he proved total opposite. He is not working on changing anything. He is still the same old him.

[singsparkles]

Holy crap.

 

You called and texted him that many times in one day?!? That'll definitely give off a psycho vibe to him. I don't feel that reconciliation is going to happen in your scenario, not with the way things are right now.

 

Well tonight's a good night to block his number and start No Contact for good, wouldn't you agree? This includes not allowing him a way to contact you by the way.

 

 

 

I TOTALLY agree.

 

Wht's sad is this isn't the first time I've been psycho and have called and texted him that much. He ignores me when I do it, but when I go NC, that's when he contacts me again wanting to see me and saying he misses me and wants to work things out. See, this is why I become even more psycho. Because he says one thing, and does another. And it messes with my heart. And it makes me angry that he constantly does that to me. That's why I become so psycho. I hate being treated unjustifiably. I need someone who is consistent and he is far from it. I know I need to cut ties. And I also know it's going to be hard. Because I'm in so deep.

[singsparkles]

Well, I don't know about pride when it comes to this lol. I'm new to this site and everything I keep reading is NC this, NC that and I totally understand it. However, I guess it's just me, but I'm from a mindstate where you fight for what is nearest to your heart. I'm 28 but feel like an old school 50s dude. I'm so tired of seeing the value of a relationship in today's society rapidly go down the drain. It's been 10 days of NC for me and Ive been distraught every second of it. I go to work, hit the gym, hang around people to get my mind off it but my mind is over active as it is. No matter what thoughts of speaking with the ex-fiancé strong arms anything else floating around my brain. One of the major things for me is that I seek closure of some sort but she was just...POOF! Vanished. After 6 years. During an engagement. Like wtf I feel I deserve one final conversation and a damn explanation.

 

 

 

I am so much like you! You definitely aren't the only one. I'm 25 but I have the mindset of a 50 year old also. In my mind, I'm fighting for what I want just as you said, and I hate games. I want to settle down and be happy without all the drama, and I thought he was going to be my forever.

 

 

I really feel for you. :/ SIX YEARS of an engagement and just a disappearance and no explaination? That is even worse than my situation, and my heart goes out to you. Some people in this world are stone cold and just don't value love as we do. People have different morals and values and some people find it easier to cut off someone they once loved than others. Not me, and it sounds like you're not like that either.

 

But really... if she has the INDECENCY to not even talk to you after a SIX YEAR ENGAGEMENT, that really says something about her! If she did it to you, she'll do it to someone else. Trust me. It's not you, it's her.

 

You deserve much better and I don't think you should contact her. I know, I'm the same way... pride is something I really don't value because I think pride kills a lot of things in life and too big of an ego gets in the way of so many things, especially love. So I pride myself on not having too much pride or ego, because I think those two things are deadly.

 

You seem like a great guy. I truly think it is her loss!!!

 

And I know it's hard. I'm the same way. People tell me to keep busy and he won't be on my mind as much... but I keep busy, yet he's still always there on my mind... I'm constantly hoping it's him every time my phone rings. I'm constantly wishing he would care for me how I care for him. but it never happens.

 

 

I think you should take everyone's advice on this site, and I should as well, as hard as it may sound. NC is truly the best thing with people like this... and it will hurt, the whole process will hurt. But I think if we stick to it for long enough, we will just be immune to it and truly start healing when we cut off complete contact.

[travelbug1996]

Listen to his actions and not his WORDS. He is playing you like a fiddle. He doesn't respect you, your feelings, wants, needs or anything else about you.

 

He sees that you allow him to do you this way and he knows you don't value yourself.

 

When you value yourself and your being, you don't allow people like this anywhere near you.

 

I would delete him from my life, change my number and act as if I never met such a ****ty person.

 

Good luck

[Always Pondering]

I TOTALLY agree.

 

Wht's sad is this isn't the first time I've been psycho and have called and texted him that much. He ignores me when I do it, but when I go NC, that's when he contacts me again wanting to see me and saying he misses me and wants to work things out. See, this is why I become even more psycho. Because he says one thing, and does another. And it messes with my heart. And it makes me angry that he constantly does that to me. That's why I become so psycho. I hate being treated unjustifiably. I need someone who is consistent and he is far from it. I know I need to cut ties. And I also know it's going to be hard. Because I'm in so deep.

 

The push-and-pull mind games that he plays with you are very immature and he expects you to sit around all day pining after him no matter what he does. Don't let him do that. He also talks about you in a trashy manner and treats you like dirt.

 

I'm sure just about every individual here would agree that this connection you have with him is extremely toxic and I guarantee you there's a 100% chance you'll find someone else later in life who's better than this.

 

I expect you to block all forms of contact from him tonight, if not right when you read this post! It's gone long enough and you know it.

[singsparkles]

Listen to his actions and not his WORDS. He is playing you like a fiddle. He doesn't respect you, your feelings, wants, needs or anything else about you.

 

He sees that you allow him to do you this way and he knows you don't value yourself.

 

When you value yourself and your being, you don't allow people like this anywhere near you.

 

I would delete him from my life, change my number and act as if I never met such a ****ty person.

 

Good luck

 

 

 

Travelbug,

Thank you. I needed to hear that. Sometimes it just feels good for people to remind me.

 

You're completely right. He plays me like a fiddle because he knows he can.

 

What's funny is when I first met him I had so much confidence and I valued myself SO MUCH. We would get into arguments and it would be HIM calling MY phone a million times. Now the tables have just completely changed.

 

He started treating me really ****ty, and I kept missing when he treated me like a princess, so I devalued myself by sticking around and giving him so much attention and fighting for him so much that I actually lost myself in the process. I don't even feel like myself anymore

 

You're completely right. I need to delete him from everything and act as if I've never met such a sh*tty person... because I really haven't!

[singsparkles]

The push-and-pull mind games that he plays with you are very immature and he expects you to sit around all day pining after him no matter what he does. Don't let him do that. He also talks about you in a trashy manner and treats you like dirt.

 

I'm sure just about every individual here would agree that this connection you have with him is extremely toxic and I guarantee you there's a 100% chance you'll find someone else later in life who's better than this.

 

I expect you to block all forms of contact from him tonight, if not right when you read this post! It's gone long enough and you know it.

 

 

 

AlwaysPondering,

You are completely right and couldn't have said it better. He is very immature and expects me to sit around and wait for him all day no matter what he does, and he loves the power he has over me, and it hurts me because all I ever wanted was love from him. And now I'm very aware that he is incapable of giving me that.

 

Our relationship is COMPLETELY toxic and I know that and I'm not even on the outside looking in. It completely brings me down. I get into deep depressions when he ignores me and I binge eat and don't leave the house for days. My every emotion relies on him nd it's completely unhealthy. I need to get out NOW, and I know it!

 

I know I need to block all forms of communication... and deep inside I know there is someone better out there for me that would never make me feel this way, even if it's hard to believe it right now with how bad my heart hurts. I know one day I will prob look back at this and laugh, although that day is not today. I need to rid him completely out of my life to get on my journey to being happy again. It's not going to be easy, but I know I have to do it... I'm just so fearful of it. And I have NO clue why.

[travelbug1996]

I know. You kept hoping the nice guy would come back. Its not gonna happen. He is showing you his true colors.

 

That's the thing with manipulation, it chips away at your esteem slowly but surely. Before you know it you're a mess.

 

I know this because I was him. I did this to my ex h. He would beg me and I would laugh at him. This was over 10 years ago and I would never think of being such a immature child again.

 

You are dealing with a immature kid that likes to play with peoples feelings. He may never grow up. Now your ego is involved and you wanna "win". Let it go.

 

It all boils down to having standards and setting/enforcing boundaries when it comes to how YOU allow yourself to be treated.

 

You have the power and the only way to exercise it is by taking it from him. Lose that zero.

[travelbug1996]

and it hurts me because all I ever wanted was love from him.

 

 

This right here stood out for me.

 

You have to get to a point where you know in your heart you don't NEED a man's love in order to be complete.

 

Its ok to want it ,but if he's this type of guy, its not gonna happen.

 

Once I stop wanting someone's love sooo bad I set myself free. Free to love me, be good to me, pamper me etc.

 

And I don't put up with any *******s.

[singsparkles]

I know. You kept hoping the nice guy would come back. Its not gonna happen. He is showing you his true colors.

 

That's the thing with manipulation, it chips away at your esteem slowly but surely. Before you know it you're a mess.

 

I know this because I was him. I did this to my ex h. He would beg me and I would laugh at him. This was over 10 years ago and I would never think of being such a immature child again.

 

You are dealing with a immature kid that likes to play with peoples feelings. He may never grow up. Now your ego is involved and you wanna "win". Let it go.

 

It all boils down to having standards and setting/enforcing boundaries when it comes to how YOU allow yourself to be treated.

 

You have the power and the only way to exercise it is by taking it from him. Lose that zero.

 

 

 

 

TravelBug,

You have my personality down to a T. Sometimes I don't even realize it. Maybe it is about wanting to "win", even though I don't see it that way, but when I truly deeply think about it, you may be right.

 

He is immature and he gets off on playing with my feelings completely, and I know he does for a fact.

 

I totally agree with you. The only way to get my power back is to block him out completely. That's the one thing I want back; my power. I need it back. I need my dignity and pride back and I need to get MYSELF back because I've lost myself along the way of this horrible ride.

 

I do need to NOT allow myself to be treated this way.

 

I'm glad you learned and stopped treating people that way. It's great hearing advice coming from you, though, as you say you were in his position once and probably know best.

 

I really need to clear my mind and think clearly right now. I need to stop calling him and cut all ties. It's going to hurt like hell. I'm not going to lie. But I know what I need to do. I just need to do it.

 

I have an IPhone which has a new feature where you can block numbers. I keep wanting to block his number, but something keeps stopping me because I keep thinking, "what if I miss something?" "what if he says something nice?" "what if he apologizes" "what if he wants me back" ... gosh, I am such a mess I can't even block his number, and I know I need to. Because even though he may say nice things, the next day or even the next hour, he's back to being who he was before and hurting me tremendously in the process.

[singsparkles]

This right here stood out for me.

 

You have to get to a point where you know in your heart you don't NEED a man's love in order to be complete.

 

Its ok to want it ,but if he's this type of guy, its not gonna happen.

 

Once I stop wanting someone's love sooo bad I set myself free. Free to love me, be good to me, pamper me etc.

 

And I don't put up with any *******s.

 

 

 

You are so completely correct.

 

Right now my self esteem is so shot from dealing with him that I will lose myself in order to gain his love. My whole personality is shot right now and I need to get myself and my heart back.

 

I do need to love myself and not put up with any sh*t anymore

 

You're right, it's okay to want love, but to need it is lethal and if I keep needing love in order to survive, I will keep being depressed. I do need to find happiness in myself and elsewhere and do a lot of soul searching and work.

 

He is definitely not the guy who I will ever get the love I want from. I'm finally coming to grips with it.

 

I love your advice. I do need to pamper myself and care for myself more. I started going to the gym again, which feels great. But I just need to do one last thing, and that's to totally cross him off.

[travelbug1996]

Just do it. That will be the first step in empowering yourself.

 

And trust me, you won't miss anything. He has nothing new to say. It will be the same old lies to get your hopes up.

 

Remember, you don't NEED anything from him.

 

He has NO real love to give. Only the crazy kind of love that puts people on antidepressants.

 

The pain won't be so bad if you remember that you are dealing with a borderline psychopath that is trying to destroy you emotionally.

 

Stay in Reality and Lose the Fantasy about what it was and trust me, it won't hurt so bad. And please don't jump into another relationship. You have to work on your boundaries cause they are weak right now. You would be vulnerable to the same type of guy.

[singsparkles]

Just do it. That will be the first step in empowering yourself.

 

And trust me, you won't miss anything. He has nothing new to say. It will be the same old lies to get your hopes up.

 

Remember, you don't NEED anything from him.

 

He has NO real love to give. Only the crazy kind of love that puts people on antidepressants.

 

The pain won't be so bad if you remember that you are dealing with a borderline psychopath that is trying to destroy you emotionally.

 

Stay in Reality and Lose the Fantasy about what it was and trust me, it won't hurt so bad. And please don't jump into another relationship. You have to work on your boundaries cause they are weak right now. You would be vulnerable to the same type of guy.

 

 

 

LoveBug,

I can't say how much your advice has helped me tonight. You truly just inspired me to block his number. I just did it on my iphone... You are completely right. He has nothing new to say. It will be the same old stuff every time.

 

You're right, he has no real love to give, and the kind of attention he gives me is not the kind of attention I need in my life. I need and deserve much better and I know this.

 

I feel such a sense of relief from blocking his number just now, because he may text me and say things but I will not see them, and it's much better that way, because I don't need to be sucked into his BS again.

 

I'm already on antidepressants basically bc of him. I started seeing a therapist in July (a couple months after we dated) .. coincidence? I was very stressed when we were together because he would disappear for whole days and then come back the next day with stupid excuses and I can't tell you how many times i heard the word "sorry" or "I'll make it up to you"

 

But since we've broken up, he's just a complete d*ck head who, I know, without him in my life, I will be much happier. I feel freer already.

 

I may have called and sent a million texts, but doing what I just did made me feel so free, and I know I can get my pride and dignity back if I just stay NC cold turkey this time.

 

I totally agree, I need to see it for what it is and not a fantasy and stop wearing rose colored glasses. He's a jerk and I need to stop making excuses for him. My mom and my brother can't stand him because they see me crying myself to sleep every night. My friends don't like him and have never met him because they see me in such pain. Everyone around me knows he's bad for me, and I should have listened, but of course I didn't. Well... lesson learned.

 

I agree. I'm definitely not going to jump into another relationship. That would just be LETHAL. I really need to heal myself first. I need to make myself number one.

 

Thank you so much for your support! **hugs**

[travelbug1996]

YAAAAAASSSSS!!!! Just hang in there. Remember you only have to live one day at a time.

 

Wow I didn't know you were on antidepressants. Hopefully you will be off of them soon. Just pray for the strength to love yourself through this situation.

 

This dude is EMOTIONALLY DANGEROUS.

 

Is he blocked on social media? If not, do that as well. Who cares what's going on in his miserable life.

 

Time to love on you and be good to yourself. (((HUGS)))

[singsparkles]

YAAAAAASSSSS!!!! Just hang in there. Remember you only have to live one day at a time.

 

Wow I didn't know you were on antidepressants. Hopefully you will be off of them soon. Just pray for the strength to love yourself through this situation.

 

This dude is EMOTIONALLY DANGEROUS.

 

Is he blocked on social media? If not, do that as well. Who cares what's going on in his miserable life.

 

Time to love on you and be good to yourself. (((HUGS)))

 

 

You're amazing! Thanks so much! I feel like I made the right decision blocking his number. And no, he is not blocked on social media and I will do that right now. I'm ready to finally do the right thing and care about myself! An epiphany just came over me and you helped a lot!

 

Well, I'm not on anti-depressants but I'm on a mood stabilizer called Seroquel but it's kind of the same thing. I started taking it in July because my emotions were so up and down, and unfortunately, he had a lot to do with it. I couldn't cope a lot. I'd be up till 5am waiting for him to call or answer his phone and he never would, and he'd always call me the next morning with a lame excuse.

 

I agree I need to start loving myself and freeing myself of the bad!

 

Thank you for your support tonight. You don't know how much it meant to me. You really talked to through a lot, and I finally blocked him! I feel like I conquered a mental block today. Feels amazing! lol

 

*hugs* xoxo

[CT98]

I think in the end it comes down to self-respect.

 

I know it's difficult when your emotions are running high. But do you really want a man who is going to act like this towards you? Try to think about it logically.

 

This bloke sounds like a idiot and treats you like s**t.

 

Go NC, it does amazing things for the mind, it lets you reflect on the relationship and your ex and you start to realise that actually I'm ok without them, and you start to see the negative points about the relationship and you realise that this person doesn't deserve your attention.

[DiTat]

I've been on the verge of contacting my ex-fiancé for days and this makes me want to do it lol

 

Hmmm...it makes me NOT want to do it!