Ex is so hot and cold, rougher tonight/in more pain than usual (Updated)

[singsparkles]

Here's a link to my situation from the start if you don't already know: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/495283-ex-so-hot-cold-rougher-tonight-more-pain-than-usual-updated

 

 

Hi everyone,

 

I received a text from my ex that I haven't responded to yet and have no clue what to say to and just wanted some of your insight on what you think his message was all about, and what kind of advice you would give me on how to react, or IF to react...

 

 

He called me at 1am Friday night 3 times, I was sleeping and didn't pick up and he left me this message:

"Ok when it's convenient for you it's the green light to send a hundred text messages but when I call you never pick up"

 

I woke up to that text message and responded:

"Dirie (his name), I was at the casino all night with my friends and my phone had died. I just got home and put it on the charger. I never ignore you like you do to me so don't say that...goodnight and sleep well"

 

 

Then the next morning he responds to my message, and I STILL haven't replied because I don't know what to say...

 

here is the exact text message:

"Thanks for responding to me. I hope you had fun at the casino and I hope you have been doing well lately. I've been really busy with school and midterms. You've been really patient and trust me I appreciate it. Maybe I do need some time to figure things out and get myself together. You need somebody that's going to be consistent and be considerate of all your feelings. I can be that person but I'm not sure about right now. You're completely free to do your thing, just know that I have love for you. Some of the times we were together I felt like I didn't wanna be anywhere else. You're a good hearted person and I know that we'll remain friends. Let me know how your day goes love."

 

 

That's what he said.

 

It leaves me with bittersweet feelings, as he did finally answer my question and finally admit that maybe he wasn't ready for what I wanted, and I kind of had a feeling of that. But what does he mean when he still has love for me and he can be that person but not right now, and just wants to remain friends? Is this his way of letting me down easy, or could he mean exactly what he is saying?

 

 

Just need some of your advice on if I should even respond or not.

 

 

Thanks so much for your time <3

 

Hugs!

xxxx

Edited October 12, 2014 by singsparkles

[lauri]

To be completely honest, I think that he called you at 1am means he was calling you for a hook up at that time. I don't know him and you'd be able to judge that better. I doubt someone would call around then to say these things to you.

 

Sounds like he's feel guilty and wanted to leave things on a "better note". He clearly indicates that he doesn't want to be with you and that, even though he likes you as a person, he isn't interestered in anything more then friends.

 

You need to stop msging him and go NC. The only way you can regain control of the situation and move forward is by doing that.

[singsparkles]

To be completely honest, I think that he called you at 1am means he was calling you for a hook up at that time. I don't know him and you'd be able to judge that better. I doubt someone would call around then to say these things to you.

 

Sounds like he's feel guilty and wanted to leave things on a "better note". He clearly indicates that he doesn't want to be with you and that, even though he likes you as a person, he isn't interestered in anything more then friends.

 

You need to stop msging him and go NC. The only way you can regain control of the situation and move forward is by doing that.

 

 

 

 

Lauri,

 

He sent the first messages and 3 calls at 1am, but the 2nd message was sent at 2pm today.

 

Unfortunately, I totally agree with you. This has been the hardest NC I've ever gone through with an ex in my life. It hurts and it's so bittersweet because I want to be with him so badly. I do feel like he's just interested in being friends and wants to "better the situation" ... I've definitely gone through those thoughts today.

 

I'm not going to text or call him anymore, I'll take your advice.

 

It's just so bittersweet. I really just feel extremely heart broken right now. My heart sinks to the floor when I think of him.

 

 

Thanks for your reply!

Hugs

xx

Edited October 12, 2014 by singsparkles

[KatZee]

I think he just doesn't want to come off like a bad guy so he's feeding you all this bulls.hit.

 

Honestly, my ex said the exact same things, almost word for word.

 

Turns out, he just never loved me the way I did him. Turns out he had met another girl and dumped me so he could date her.

 

I think what's very telling is when he says, "I have love for you." What does that even mean? He either is in love with you or he's not. You can't just have "some" love for someone.

 

Also, he's telling you you're free to do whatever you want with whomever you want. A guy who's so in love with you would NEVER tell you that. Men are highly territorial by nature and never want other men to have, take, or even have one iota of a shot with the woman they are in love with.

 

From your past thread I find this guy to be really obnoxious and highly immature.

 

I think he's trying to ease his guilt with this text. He doesn't want to be viewed as the bad guy. He thinks if you accept his offer to be "friends" that he can't possible be all that bad of a person. It's all ego here, and this text was more for him than it was for you.

 

I'd ignore it to be honest. I don't think there's anything to even say from your end. You've said enough. You've told him many times how hurtful he is to you, it's over now. So bury it and move forward.

 

Don't even think about being his friend either. Waste of time.

[singsparkles]

I think he just doesn't want to come off like a bad guy so he's feeding you all this bulls.hit.

 

Honestly, my ex said the exact same things, almost word for word.

 

Turns out, he just never loved me the way I did him. Turns out he had met another girl and dumped me so he could date her.

 

I think what's very telling is when he says, "I have love for you." What does that even mean? He either is in love with you or he's not. You can't just have "some" love for someone.

 

Also, he's telling you you're free to do whatever you want with whomever you want. A guy who's so in love with you would NEVER tell you that. Men are highly territorial by nature and never want other men to have, take, or even have one iota of a shot with the woman they are in love with.

 

From your past thread I find this guy to be really obnoxious and highly immature.

 

I think he's trying to ease his guilt with this text. He doesn't want to be viewed as the bad guy. He thinks if you accept his offer to be "friends" that he can't possible be all that bad of a person. It's all ego here, and this text was more for him than it was for you.

 

I'd ignore it to be honest. I don't think there's anything to even say from your end. You've said enough. You've told him many times how hurtful he is to you, it's over now. So bury it and move forward.

 

Don't even think about being his friend either. Waste of time.

 

 

 

KatZee,

 

You're right to be honest. Why is it so hard for me to accept this and come to a conclusion with the fact that he really may not care?

 

You're right and I was thinking the same thing... any guy who loved me would be territorial and wouldn't want me seeing other people.

 

I need to bury it now. It's just a huge wound I have to heal up.

 

Like right now, I feel like crying and throwing up. I hate this awful feeling.

 

I don't even know why I sent him a text back last night. I don't know why he still calls me.

 

Maybe it is truly all ego... and just the thought of that makes me sick. Because I had real feelings for him and my feelings have been being played with for far too long. You're right, he is immature and I've known this for awhile.

 

Definitely have to gather up some strength.

 

Thanks for your reply!

 

Hugs

xx

[Simon Phoenix]

It means you need to block his number so you can stop driving yourself crazy trying to interpret a bunch of bulls--t. Not trying to be mean, but you constantly get suckered by this guy because you keep allowing him to have access to you in this way.

[BC1980]

His text is not original and basically the same thing many of us have gotten from an ex. My ex said very similar things, and I've seen these things said so many times on LS. My ex also played the maybe in the future line. That's a really popular one. He also said I was free to date someone else but still loved me, just not in the right way. Oh yeah, and he hoped we'd always be friends, my all time favorite line, which translates to keeping you around for sex and when option A doesn't work out.

 

I guarantee that if you go NC, he will eventually leave you alone because he doesn't care enough. Guarantee it. I'm sorry. Most of us have been through this, and it effing sucks. There's no easy way to accept it.

[singsparkles]

It means you need to block his number so you can stop driving yourself crazy trying to interpret a bunch of bulls--t. Not trying to be mean, but you constantly get suckered by this guy because you keep allowing him to have access to you in this way.

 

 

 

Simon Phoenix,

You're right. I'm beginning to feel like a pawn in this horrible game, and the most horrible part about it is, I have accepted it and let it happen.

 

I'm so sick of doing this. There has to be a way to stop it.

 

I don't contact him and I always feel great and then he ruins it by contacting me and my heart sinks and I feel such heartbreak , like honestly my heart feels on fire sometimes, it hurts so bad. I can't eat, breathe, or think. It really takes a toll on me.

 

I have to be stronger because I realize he will not let me go completely and will keep stringing me along and making me feel like complete bread crumbs. I especially don't want to be that.

 

I've been so blind. But the real me, the strong me, would never accept to be bread crumbs or to be second. I need to wake up and get the real me back.

 

I hope this horrible feeling goes away someday soon. My heart is like permanently sunken in.

[Boomshine]

Boomshine,

I totally agree. And I'm sorry to hear you've gone through a lot with your ex. I hope you're holding up well?

 

As well as can be. She's going through depression and Grass is Greener Syndrome, living a COMPLETELY different lifestyle than what she used to. The core traits most important to her have been backburnered for "new experiences," which is a shame, but it's just something that has to be given patience; I've done everything I could on my end to possibly help her (not unsolicited - she DID want help - she just never utilized it properly), but now I'm realizing she's going to have to go through this journey on her own, and come to her awakening eventually.

 

I have absolutely NO doubt it will happen, and that helps me stop thinking about the situation as it is currently, and instead allows me to just live my own life again. Started a new job again yesterday after 2 months of no work, so I'm definitely feeling better. And soon enough, I should be moving in with a friend to an apartment she currently has, and be out in the city once again!

 

I agree. I've been talking to a lot of men 25 and up lately and they all say the same thing... that men's brains don't truly develop until they are actually 25 and they don't realize the effect they have when they hurt a woman until their brains have matured.

 

And maybe even in some (most? all?) cases, it takes that experience of hurting others in order to learn from it as well. It's not like we just hit a certain age and presto-chango! But by that point, it's typically all but a guarantee that a few relationships will have failed for the guy, and he'll wake up and smell the roses.

 

I agree. I should date older. I'm 25 years old dating 21 year olds. I mean, he seemed mature when I first started dating him and the girl he dated before me was my age also so I just thought nothing of it. He treated me like an absolute princess. But come to find out, he is very emotionally immature and thats one thing I can say whole heartedly. He has no clue how to communicate nor does he care to communicate. He just wants to ignore me and be in complete silence and message me a few weeks later acting like nothing ever happened and expecting me to be over everything. But I'm not. Because that's not fixing the problem. Thats putting the problem under the carpet.

 

Sounds like his feelings are going through constant fluctuation while he's going through his side of the grieving process. He SHOULD be more cognizant of the idea that where HE'S at in the process won't align with where YOU'RE at in the process, but then again... We all make plenty of foolish mistakes in believing things like that, don't we?

 

I agree, I do need to distance myself, and maybe stop answering his bargaining calls all together with it. He did it again this week and the same cycle happened. I don't understand why he keeps doing this and I'm starting to think he finds humor in watching me suffer as he plays with my emotions... and if he truly does, he's very immature and has a lot of growing up to do...and has no clue what love even means or is all about.

 

If you two are to ever talk again, it definitely needs to be at a point where the both of you are not so emotionally affected by what's happened that it influences your actions. If either of you ARE, then it's definitely not time.

 

And I'm not trying in any way to influence the outcome here. I'm just trying to be realistic and approach any and all possibilities here. There IS a chance at some point in the future, you two MAY want to be in each others' lives again. If so, there's my piece on it. If you wind up NEVER wanting him in your life again, well, you already know what to do there, and nothing further needs to be said about it.

 

As I said in the above paragraph though, I don't think it's humor or an ego-trip. I think he's lost in his own emotional spiral right now. Sometimes we take actions and have no idea how the consequences will affect us. Especially at his age, dudes are NOTORIOUS for doing things without thinking about future consequence. I can't say for certain that this is the case, obviously, but it's what seems most likely to me.

 

One day at a time... I want to do NC, but like I said, I need to be strong because I know he will not commit to NC and will still message me when he wants to message me spurratically ... so I need to gather up some strength to totally ignore him when he does... even if he does say "I wanna work things out" ... I think I've fallen for that line too many times and it's time I stop being so naive and smell the coffee for what it really is.

 

Thank you for your support though

xx

 

You can ignore him if you'd like. Or you can respond straight-up as well. If he says "I wanna work things out," you can just tell him, "I'm sorry, but with where I am right now, I really don't feel like that would be a good idea for me." And a line like that can't be argued. It speaks STRICTLY about YOUR feelings, which are not something that another person can argue, and it doesn't try to pin anything on him, or how he feels, or what might be best for him.

 

If he can come to you after gaining acceptance in his grieving, and say he'd like to work things out, that might be a different story then. It wouldn't be the same BS he's been feeding you through all of these recent conversations. And again, that's for you to determine if/when that happens down the road.

 

But as far as things go in the present, you do what you have to do for the sake of your self, your health, and your mental and emotional well-being. I absolutely agree that letting him go is the best thing for you. Permanently? No one can say that. But for right now? Absolutely. And all you can tend to in any moment are your needs in that current moment.

[singsparkles]

His text is not original and basically the same thing many of us have gotten from an ex. My ex said very similar things, and I've seen these things said so many times on LS. My ex also played the maybe in the future line. That's a really popular one. He also said I was free to date someone else but still loved me, just not in the right way. Oh yeah, and he hoped we'd always be friends, my all time favorite line, which translates to keeping you around for sex and when option A doesn't work out.

 

I guarantee that if you go NC, he will eventually leave you alone because he doesn't care enough. Guarantee it. I'm sorry. Most of us have been through this, and it effing sucks. There's no easy way to accept it.

 

 

 

BC,

Thanks for your reply. I can only imagine how many women go through this, as what he is saying to me is truly generic.

 

I'm crying as I write this to you, as it hurts so bad, I just don't think my heart can take anymore.

 

Stupid me wrote a text back saying:

"You know, I can't be your friend. I have cared about you and you don't care about me. If you truly cared you wouldn't want me seeing other people and you would be territorial. I can't keep going back and forth with this game. You're just playing with my emotions because of your own ego. You're right. I do deserve better and I'm taking yours and everyone else's advice. I deserve to be number one in a wonderful guy's life and I will have it someday. I refuse to be your bread crumbs. It's best you move on and find someone else. Please don't call or text me anymore especially at 2am, have some respect and just leave me be. Please. I don't love you. I'm over you. Okay? Wish you the best."

 

I cried as I wrote that, too. I just felt the need to write it and of course he didn't respond but that's okay.

 

You're right, he's just trying to string me along for whenever he feels he needs me to benefit him, and I'm not down with that.

 

I think you're completely right... if I go NC, he probably will just forget me...

 

but another part of me thinks he will start to miss me.

 

But if he does, I still want nothing to do with him.

 

Actually, my biggest fear is him missing me and keeping on finding ways to contact me as I am trying to heal.

 

I know NC is the way to go and I'm ready for it as I've been implementing it. He's just been ruining it with random contacts here and there.

 

I need to be strong and truly not respond to him.

 

This might be the hardest NC I've ever had to do in my life, as part of me feels bad for writing that text msg and part of me still thinks, "well maybe he does love me... maybe he just needs time because he thought I cheated on him" and it takes me way back to June when he accused me of cheating when I never did. Then tried to make my life a living hell on social media calling me a "h*e" and "wh*re" etc... he completely HATED me and all I ever did was love him. He couldn't take when his friends would flirt with me.

 

I have so many mixed emotions right now. I just took my anxiety meds and I'm hoping I fall asleep and sleep this off as my heart is actually burning right now. I actually have a burning sensation and feel like throwing up. This is the worst feeling in the world.

 

Thanks so much for your support...

 

And I'm sorry you had to go through such a mind game as well. Atleast you're out of it and have learned from it. And can see from an outsider's point of view.

 

I guess all the advice that always comes back to me is always the same: "implement NC and stick with it" ... I truly know what to do.

 

It's time to close the book.

 

 

Thanks BC,

Hugs!

xx

[singsparkles]

As well as can be. She's going through depression and Grass is Greener Syndrome, living a COMPLETELY different lifestyle than what she used to. The core traits most important to her have been backburnered for "new experiences," which is a shame, but it's just something that has to be given patience; I've done everything I could on my end to possibly help her (not unsolicited - she DID want help - she just never utilized it properly), but now I'm realizing she's going to have to go through this journey on her own, and come to her awakening eventually.

 

I have absolutely NO doubt it will happen, and that helps me stop thinking about the situation as it is currently, and instead allows me to just live my own life again. Started a new job again yesterday after 2 months of no work, so I'm definitely feeling better. And soon enough, I should be moving in with a friend to an apartment she currently has, and be out in the city once again!

 

 

 

And maybe even in some (most? all?) cases, it takes that experience of hurting others in order to learn from it as well. It's not like we just hit a certain age and presto-chango! But by that point, it's typically all but a guarantee that a few relationships will have failed for the guy, and he'll wake up and smell the roses.

 

 

 

Sounds like his feelings are going through constant fluctuation while he's going through his side of the grieving process. He SHOULD be more cognizant of the idea that where HE'S at in the process won't align with where YOU'RE at in the process, but then again... We all make plenty of foolish mistakes in believing things like that, don't we?

 

 

 

If you two are to ever talk again, it definitely needs to be at a point where the both of you are not so emotionally affected by what's happened that it influences your actions. If either of you ARE, then it's definitely not time.

 

And I'm not trying in any way to influence the outcome here. I'm just trying to be realistic and approach any and all possibilities here. There IS a chance at some point in the future, you two MAY want to be in each others' lives again. If so, there's my piece on it. If you wind up NEVER wanting him in your life again, well, you already know what to do there, and nothing further needs to be said about it.

 

As I said in the above paragraph though, I don't think it's humor or an ego-trip. I think he's lost in his own emotional spiral right now. Sometimes we take actions and have no idea how the consequences will affect us. Especially at his age, dudes are NOTORIOUS for doing things without thinking about future consequence. I can't say for certain that this is the case, obviously, but it's what seems most likely to me.

 

 

 

You can ignore him if you'd like. Or you can respond straight-up as well. If he says "I wanna work things out," you can just tell him, "I'm sorry, but with where I am right now, I really don't feel like that would be a good idea for me." And a line like that can't be argued. It speaks STRICTLY about YOUR feelings, which are not something that another person can argue, and it doesn't try to pin anything on him, or how he feels, or what might be best for him.

 

If he can come to you after gaining acceptance in his grieving, and say he'd like to work things out, that might be a different story then. It wouldn't be the same BS he's been feeding you through all of these recent conversations. And again, that's for you to determine if/when that happens down the road.

 

But as far as things go in the present, you do what you have to do for the sake of your self, your health, and your mental and emotional well-being. I absolutely agree that letting him go is the best thing for you. Permanently? No one can say that. But for right now? Absolutely. And all you can tend to in any moment are your needs in that current moment.

 

 

 

 

Boomshine,

Did you read my new post on the text he sent me? Would be nice to hear a guy's point of view. I pretty much know that NC has to be implemented. It's hard when someone keeps finding ways to peek back into your life when you're trying to heal, though.

 

I do take your advice, every bit of it.

 

It's just that part of me still holds onto the fact that he might care, and I might just need to let that go. His actions kinda show what they need to show.

[thesculptor]

Hi i just signed on to this.. id be happy to talk about it with you.

 

a little about me.. me and my former girlfriend have finally given each other space.

 

your going to go through a lot of doubts. it takes time to heal.. you need to heal. are you up to talk on the phone.

 

personally i just want to make friends. and be single for at least 6 months before dating. i read a really good book called.

"boundaries in dating. "

by henry cloud.

 

Break ups don't feel good. If you cared, they don't feel good period. happy to have thought about joining this forum.

-Jacob

[Simon Phoenix]

Simon Phoenix,

You're right. I'm beginning to feel like a pawn in this horrible game, and the most horrible part about it is, I have accepted it and let it happen.

 

I'm so sick of doing this. There has to be a way to stop it.

 

I don't contact him and I always feel great and then he ruins it by contacting me and my heart sinks and I feel such heartbreak , like honestly my heart feels on fire sometimes, it hurts so bad. I can't eat, breathe, or think. It really takes a toll on me.

 

I have to be stronger because I realize he will not let me go completely and will keep stringing me along and making me feel like complete bread crumbs. I especially don't want to be that.

 

I've been so blind. But the real me, the strong me, would never accept to be bread crumbs or to be second. I need to wake up and get the real me back.

 

I hope this horrible feeling goes away someday soon. My heart is like permanently sunken in.

 

There's a very simple way to stop it -- BLOCK HIM AND IGNORE HIM. You make this out to be a complicated thing, when it's truly extremely simple. It's not his job to let you go, it's your job to be gone. Don't depend on other people to do the work to better your life.

[ExpatInItaly]

There's a very simple way to stop it -- BLOCK HIM AND IGNORE HIM. You make this out to be a complicated thing, when it's truly extremely simple. It's not his job to let you go, it's your job to be gone. Don't depend on other people to do the work to better your life.

 

Exactly. You're participating in this and falling for his BS hook, line and sinker. He doesn't want to be your boyfriend.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

His last message was a huge ego boost. It made him feel like he did The Right Thing and that he has nothing to be guilty about anyone. He thinks he's finally ended everything with dignity and compassion and that you'll soon be your happy smiling self again. Now he can move on with his life knowing you're behind him. It was, essentially, him handing you a tissue and patting you on the head.

 

Does that make you want to punch him in the throat? It should. Block that dipwit in every possible way: no texts, Facebook, Instagram, Skype, whatever. You do not need to forgive him and you do not need to make him feel better about himself. You need to feel better about you, starting today.

[BC1980]

Boomshine,

Did you read my new post on the text he sent me? Would be nice to hear a guy's point of view. I pretty much know that NC has to be implemented. It's hard when someone keeps finding ways to peek back into your life when you're trying to heal, though.

 

I do take your advice, every bit of it.

 

It's just that part of me still holds onto the fact that he might care, and I might just need to let that go. His actions kinda show what they need to show.

 

It's actually pretty easy to keep someone out of your life. Unless he's a stalker, it's simple. You simply block the person on all social media and your phone. That should take care of 99 percent of your problems. Unless he decides to send a letter snail mail, you should be good.

[BC1980]

OP, I'm not trying to be a smart @ss. But I know what it's like to use all the excuses in the book to keep a window if contact open. Trust me, you only hurt yourself. He doesn't care that much, so you have to help yourself.

[littleblacksubmarine]

I'm so sick of doing this. There has to be a way to stop it.

 

You're telling yourself that there's no way of stopping him from contacting you, but there are ways and you know what they are. You can block him or change your number.

 

Maybe he shouldn't be calling or messaging you like this, but what he's doing is irrelevant. This is on you, you can cut his lines of communication anytime you want, you're just choosing not to.

 

Just think about how you were feeling before he called and texted you, was it better than before he contacted you? If you ignore that initial satisfaction that you got from him contacting you, I'm pretty sure that the end result was feeling worse, right? This has been going on for a few weeks now and you still don't seem to want to block him. Remember how bad you ultimately feel after he contacts you and use this motivation to block him.

 

It doesn't matter what his motives are or what he's thinking, you shouldn't even be in a position to ignore him as he shouldn't be able to contact you.

 

The only advice anybody should be giving you right now is to block him. BLOCK him

[singsparkles]

I agree, blocking is the only way.

 

He blew up my phone and called me over 10 times today and I actually had will power and didn't pick up nor respond.

 

I'm trying to do the right thing...

 

I know that you're all right, I have control over it all and I know that.

 

No one can make this situation better than myself. And no one can make me feel happy again except for myself.

 

I haven't responded to him...

[singsparkles]

OP, I'm not trying to be a smart @ss. But I know what it's like to use all the excuses in the book to keep a window if contact open. Trust me, you only hurt yourself. He doesn't care that much, so you have to help yourself.

 

 

 

I know, BC. You are completely right....

 

He called me over 10 times today, and I ignored them all.

 

I'm trying to do the right thing and I know I can't lean on him to do the right thing, I need to do it myself.

 

Had a little set back. I'm truly trying to do the right thing & think logically instead of emotionally...

[Simon Phoenix]

I agree, blocking is the only way.

 

He blew up my phone and called me over 10 times today and I actually had will power and didn't pick up nor respond.

 

I'm trying to do the right thing...

 

I know that you're all right, I have control over it all and I know that.

 

No one can make this situation better than myself. And no one can make me feel happy again except for myself.

 

I haven't responded to him...

 

Why haven't you blocked the number yet? What are you waiting for?

[singsparkles]

His last message was a huge ego boost. It made him feel like he did The Right Thing and that he has nothing to be guilty about anyone. He thinks he's finally ended everything with dignity and compassion and that you'll soon be your happy smiling self again. Now he can move on with his life knowing you're behind him. It was, essentially, him handing you a tissue and patting you on the head.

 

Does that make you want to punch him in the throat? It should. Block that dipwit in every possible way: no texts, Facebook, Instagram, Skype, whatever. You do not need to forgive him and you do not need to make him feel better about himself. You need to feel better about you, starting today.

 

 

Chimpana,

you are so right... I should be angry. That's the problem is that I haven't been. I should be fuming and want nothing to do with him.

 

I know he sent me that message for his own ego, completely.

 

He called me over 10 times today and I ignored them all...

 

I'm trying to finally do the right thing. I have to not call him back or respond ever. I'm trying to preoccupy myself right now so I don't think about it.

 

You're right , I don't need to make HIM feel BETTER. I need to make MYSELF feel better. I have to start living by this.

 

I haven't responded to him and am not going to.

 

Thanks for your reply , means a lot!

xx

[littleblacksubmarine]

He called me over 10 times today, and I ignored them all.

 

You should be in a position where you don't need to ignore him. Even the fact that you know he is calling you is contact. Use that will power to block him or change your number.

 

Think of it this way, would it be easier to be in a room with him and avoiding looking at or speaking to him, or would it be better to just not be in a room with him at all?

[BC1980]

I know, BC. You are completely right....

 

He called me over 10 times today, and I ignored them all.

 

I'm trying to do the right thing and I know I can't lean on him to do the right thing, I need to do it myself.

 

Had a little set back. I'm truly trying to do the right thing & think logically instead of emotionally...

 

You need to block him. You aren't strong enough to ignore him right now. You were strong enough this last time, but, in the long term, you're not strong enough. There has been a lot of game playing and back and forth with him, and it's pretty toxic. You've got to be proactive. It's like going on a diet. If you don't buy junk food, it won't be there to eat. If he is blocked, you will never be tempted to respond to a message.

 

You also need to be in NC, so you properly process your emotions. You don't need him around while you are working through your grief.

[BC1980]

Why There?s No Point Being With Somebody Who Blows Hot & Cold | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue

 

Read this blog post. It explains it better than I can.