Ex is so hot and cold, rougher tonight/in more pain than usual (Updated)

[singsparkles]

Wow, I thought this guy was just doing typical jerk-y ex stuff with his text messages. Turns out he's way worse.

 

Sparkles, a guy who says he's in love with you but repeatedly tells you he can't be with you is not a good person. Someone who is truly in love would not tell you you deserve someone else. If he genuinely wanted to be with you he would be at your doorstep, flowers in hand, telling you he wants you back in his life. Unless he says "I want to try again", he doesn't actually want to try again. It's that simple.

 

Right now he's desperate for you to pity him so he doesn't completely lose you as an option. He knows if you hate him he won't ever be able to reach out again. He is just trying to make sure you stay on the line when he needs you for sex, an ego boost, a back-up in case a new girl doesn't work out, etc.

 

You are better than someone's Plan B. Block him.

 

 

 

Chimpana,

 

He said he couldn't be with me in text messages a few days ago because he "wasn't at a place in life he was happy with" but said "he could be the guy for me some day" ... well, I got upset about that...and last night on the phone, he said to me that he wants to be with me and hes in love with me and doesn't want me to be with any other guy. His voice seemed genuine. But who knows... he could have just been saying that to pacify me.

 

Whats weird is in the time we dated, we were never like sex fiends. I almost wanted the sex more than him. But...we did have sex last time we spent the night together. I'm not sure what his motives are. He's a weird person and unlike any other person/guy I've ever met in my life.

 

I can say one thing though... I think you're totally correct that he uses me for an ego boost. I think he LOVES the attention I give him and it definitely strokes his ego and he loves it.

 

Thats a big reason why I'm backing up... I'm going to take my emotions away and treat him how he treats me and see what happens.

 

I'm giving it a month... (NO LONGER) ... I need to just give this last chance to see if what hes really expressing is true. Like I said, he thought I had cheated on him in June because his friends would flirt with me and unfortunately I would flirt back. And for awhile I put so much pressure on myself and I felt guilty and dirty and horrible for doing that. He didn't deserve that. And I almost took the beatings from him bc I felt like I deserved it bc I "hurt him"

 

Im just confused right now... he really is the most unattentive guy I've ever met... bbut before the whole "cheating scene", he treated me like a princess and was he most ATTENTIVE guy I had ever met.

 

I'm giving it a month and if nothing changes then there's no going back... bc I've given enough chances already.

 

I'm prob dumb for giving him this last chance...but I guess it's just something that I feel I have to do. It's so hard to explain.

 

 

Thanks for your support through this all, wouldn't know what I would do without you all!

You have definitely helped me see more clearly, whether you see it or not. I may be in contact with him, but I'm not psycho and I see things for how they are and I know right now I can move on from him if I wanted. I just need to do this...

 

Lots of hugs!,

xxx

[EuTuBrute]

Holy crap... You have read everyone's posts but you are not taking their advise. Go NC and Block now! He is playing games. i know what its like to be the victim of games.

 

My ex girlfriend played games with me. Went from hot to cold all the time. You know what that got me. Two broken hearts from the same girl!

 

The problem you are having is very similar with mine. You know how to love and care about another human being. That is a gift not a lot of people have. You are the better person!

 

Take your gift and give it to someone that deserves your love and will return it.

 

It might take some time to find that person, but it will be worth it in the long run. You know why? People rarely change (my ex didn't). If you stay with him, all you will be getting in the future is games and continued heartache. If that's what you want by all means continue the games!

 

 

Ill leave you with this inspirational quote:

 

"Let me tell you something that you already know, the world is not all sunshine and rainbows. It a very mean and nasty place. And I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life, but it ain't how hard you hit, it about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward!"

[irresolute]

He just told you hes in love because he wants to have you for sex. He knows how to manipulate you and he knows youre in the palm of his hand. This is very sad.

He can do whatever he wants with you. He can tell you youre a cheater, or to drive 2 hours and not reply to you. You are his last option honey. Men like him dont fall in love with girls like you. You are too easy, too insecure, too vulnerable. Youre just good for sex in his eyes.

 

You are no challenge for him. You are easy.

 

Please read my story. Two painful years. I was where you are. I though hell love me or hell realize he loved me. It never happens. Men like him fall in live with strong women. Women that have boundaries and respect themselves. Woman that make their time valuable and dont waste it in men like him. Then, he falls in love, when he realizes this strong woman is different, is valuable, and is a price worth it time and effort.

 

Youre just easy, honey. Forget about him.

[singsparkles]

Holy crap... You have read everyone's posts but you are not taking their advise. Go NC and Block now! He is playing games. i know what its like to be the victim of games.

 

My ex girlfriend played games with me. Went from hot to cold all the time. You know what that got me. Two broken hearts from the same girl!

 

The problem you are having is very similar with mine. You know how to love and care about another human being. That is a gift not a lot of people have. You are the better person!

 

Take your gift and give it to someone that deserves your love and will return it.

 

It might take some time to find that person, but it will be worth it in the long run. You know why? People rarely change (my ex didn't). If you stay with him, all you will be getting in the future is games and continued heartache. If that's what you want by all means continue the games!

 

 

Ill leave you with this inspirational quote:

 

"Let me tell you something that you already know, the world is not all sunshine and rainbows. It a very mean and nasty place. And I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life, but it ain't how hard you hit, it about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward!"

 

 

EuTuBrute,

 

Thank you for understanding. It's hard because a lot of people think you cn just shut these feelings off so quick and brush someone off who's saying they love you. It's confusing because I wasn't an angel in the relationship either.

 

I think you're all completely correct, NC needs to be implemented but it feels nice to hear someone be able to understand instead of criticize. Situations like this aren't easy as putting food in your mouth every day. It's rough and it leaves you with a lot of mixed emotions and you truly don't know how you feel.

 

I think he does care for me, despite what people say... but I also think people are right in saying he does somewhat use me... for pure ego trips sometimes. Then there's another side of him where he treats me like an absolute princess....

 

Am I wrong for taking all these beatings and giving him chances because of the fact that he thinks I cheated on him? It took him a month to talk to me over the summer because he thought I cheated and I never did, and he's STILL dead set on it. I try to talk to him about the situation and when I bring it up he gets sooo angry and mean and doesn't want to talk about it.

 

I'm sorry you went through this with your ex :-( I'm realizing this situation is kind of generic as a lot of people on this site seem to have gone through the same thing.

 

It's hard for me, though, because I've told my story, but there's also so much more to the story too... I had trust issues and in the beginning of our relationship I would flip out on him for no reasons and wack out when he took even 2 hours to text me back when I knew he had the day off from work or school.

 

But that doesn't justify his behavior...

 

Right now I'm in the middle of NC and contact... I'm somewhere in the middle because I'm trying to figure stuff out. I want to give it a month and see if he changes, because he has been more attentive than before and he says he loves me.

 

I could be a complete idiot and naive for giving him one last chance, but I guess my heart just tells me I need to do this...

 

If I do figure out this was all just a game, then it will be unfortunate and I'll truly have to cope with heartbreak...which is something I havent accepted just yet.

 

By the way, the quote you wrote was beautiful. Very inspiring. I will definitely keep that quote in mind.

 

I also thank you for seeing how big and good my heart is... and it's nice to hear I'm not the only one with such a big heart (now knowing you)...

 

My big heart has gotten me into some trouble, but like you said... the right person will appreciate people like us for our big hearts and won't walk on them.

 

I really appreciate your response... I'm still in the mode of inbetween...

 

It's not that I'm not taking anyone's advice. I am. I'm just giving him a month more to see if he is serious when he says he is going to change.

 

I guess I do love him that much to give him one last chance.

 

I know it's hard for people on here to understand... but it's something I have to do... and i appreciate everyone's advice and support more than ever.

 

Right now I am not going to call or text him ever. The ball is in his court, and if he doesn't play the game right... I'm going to block him from literally everything; phone, social media, etc. I will go NC.

 

 

Hugs!

xxx

[singsparkles]

He just told you hes in love because he wants to have you for sex. He knows how to manipulate you and he knows youre in the palm of his hand. This is very sad.

He can do whatever he wants with you. He can tell you youre a cheater, or to drive 2 hours and not reply to you. You are his last option honey. Men like him dont fall in love with girls like you. You are too easy, too insecure, too vulnerable. Youre just good for sex in his eyes.

 

You are no challenge for him. You are easy.

 

Please read my story. Two painful years. I was where you are. I though hell love me or hell realize he loved me. It never happens. Men like him fall in live with strong women. Women that have boundaries and respect themselves. Woman that make their time valuable and dont waste it in men like him. Then, he falls in love, when he realizes this strong woman is different, is valuable, and is a price worth it time and effort.

 

Youre just easy, honey. Forget about him.

 

 

 

That is very hurtful to hear as you think I'm easy, while all the long he says I'm crazy and a pain in the ass. I don't let him get away with everything without a fight. we argue every day and I basically break it off with him every time he acts like that.

 

You saying that men like him fall in love with strong women hurts more than ever. I don't even know what to say to that.

 

If he is a jerk, no strong woman would want anything to do with him anyway.

 

What you wrote just triggered a lot of emotion in me.

 

I know you mean well, but, that was a pretty big low blow. as I do have pride and ego, and to hear that, it's a low blow.

[singsparkles]

I don't believe I have to be a "challenge" for someone to love and want me. People who are still in the mind set of wanting someone they can't have are immature.

[Simon Phoenix]

Right now I'm in the middle of NC and contact

 

There's no such thing as this. Either you are in No Contact or you aren't. You aren't, you aren't even close to No Contact. I mean, you are trying so hard to justify your mental gymnastics that it just makes me sad. You are knee-deep in denial and I'm really not sure what else we can say. Your situation is so cliche' and so standard, a dime a dozen on here. But you just don't want to listen. Oh well, some people have to be smacked in the face 10 times with a 2 x 4 before things register I guess.

 

As for the whole "following your heart" thing, that's not very smart either. You need to integrate your heart and your head. Right now, the only thing you use your head for is to invent scenarios to justify your foolish heart. Hearts mean well, but hearts are really, really stupid at times. And, no offense, your heart is being really, really, really stupid right now.

[Simon Phoenix]

People who are still in the mind set of wanting someone they can't have are immature.

 

That's pretty much what you are doing though.

[singsparkles]

There's no such thing as this. Either you are in No Contact or you aren't. You aren't, you aren't even close to No Contact. I mean, you are trying so hard to justify your mental gymnastics that it just makes me sad. You are knee-deep in denial and I'm really not sure what else we can say. Your situation is so cliche' and so standard, a dime a dozen on here. But you just don't want to listen. Oh well, some people have to be smacked in the face 10 times with a 2 x 4 before things register I guess.

 

As for the whole "following your heart" thing, that's not very smart either. You need to integrate your heart and your head. Right now, the only thing you use your head for is to invent scenarios to justify your foolish heart. Hearts mean well, but hearts are really, really stupid at times. And, no offense, your heart is being really, really, really stupid right now.

 

 

 

Thanks, Simon Phoenix.

 

I get it. I'm just a naive idiot and stupid.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thanks, Simon Phoenix.

 

I get it. I'm just a naive idiot and stupid.

 

Well, yes, that's exactly how you are acting right now. It doesn't mean you are always like this, but yes, you have taken a one-way train to Stupidville right now, and it's time to board another and leave. You keep on saying "I'm going to give him one last chance" but how many have you already given him? Way too f--king many. There's no reason for him to take you seriously because you aren't taking yourself seriously right now.

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. That's where you are right now. You don't have to be there though. I just wish you valued yourself enough to not put up with this. I hope someday that you do.

[singsparkles]

I'm obviously really weak and possibly in huge denial.

 

And from others observations, I'm not a strong woman.

 

Gosh. I really just want to go to bed right now.

 

Thank you all for your replies.

 

Goodnight!

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm obviously really weak and possibly in huge denial.

 

And from others observations, I'm not a strong woman.

 

Gosh. I really just want to go to bed right now.

 

Thank you all for your replies.

 

Goodnight!

 

Good, you are showing some fight. Now re-direct it where it needs to be and go from there.

[singsparkles]

Well, yes, that's exactly how you are acting right now. It doesn't mean you are always like this, but yes, you have taken a one-way train to Stupidville right now, and it's time to board another and leave. You keep on saying "I'm going to give him one last chance" but how many have you already given him? Way too f--king many. There's no reason for him to take you seriously because you aren't taking yourself seriously right now.

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. That's where you are right now. You don't have to be there though. I just wish you valued yourself enough to not put up with this. I hope someday that you do.

 

 

 

Tonight,

This board has really made me feel incredibly unworthy instead of worthy. Not blaming people, I guess this is your way of trying to help.

 

But honestly, right now I feel like complete sh*t as if I'm just a dumbass and I'm absolutely nothing to him and nothing to myself and no one on this board knows me personally.

[EuTuBrute]

Simon Phoenix is right. Use your head not your heart.

 

I know how hard it is to ignore your heart. Please trust me.

 

Your head however knows there is a big red flag in this relationship. That is the reason you are on this site asking strangers about your situation.

 

Please don't be a doormat any longer. I WAS A DOORMAT for the longest time. You like breadcrumbs when you should be eating the whole damn loaf!

 

Love is a two way street. If one street is blocked off, there is no relationship. That street may be familiar but its full of pot holes.

[singsparkles]

Simon Phoenix is right. Use your head not your heart.

 

I know how hard it is to ignore your heart. Please trust me.

 

Your head however knows there is a big red flag in this relationship. That is the reason you are on this site asking strangers about your situation.

 

Please don't be a doormat any longer. I WAS A DOORMAT for the longest time. You like breadcrumbs when you should be eating the whole damn loaf!

 

Love is a two way street. If one street is blocked off, there is no relationship. That street may be familiar but its full of pot holes.

 

 

 

I understand and you're completely right, but I'm seriously going to cry myself to sleep tonight as talking about this tonight really made me feel worse.

 

I don't wanna accept I'm bread crumbs cause I have an ego and I've never been cheated on or hurt like this. I'm always number one. So yes, it does hurt me. And to be told I'm not strong... do people really think that's helping me?

 

I just need to sleep this off.

 

Thanks for your support.

[Simon Phoenix]

Tonight,

This board has really made me feel incredibly unworthy instead of worthy. Not blaming people, I guess this is your way of trying to help.

 

But honestly, right now I feel like complete sh*t as if I'm just a dumbass and I'm absolutely nothing to him and nothing to myself and no one on this board knows me personally.

 

We've all been dumbasses in this situation. That's why we are trying to dissuade you from being a dumbass. I'm sure you aren't a dumbass in real life, just this situation. That's normal, it doesn't mean that you should accept it, put up with it, or continue to go with it though.

 

People are telling you these things because we want to help you. And you need to stop worrying about how he perceives you. That's why you are in this fix in the first place -- you've put the wants and needs of a person who doesn't want to be in relationship with you over your own well-being. No one wants to see that. Instead of getting mad at us, you need to get mad at your own situation AND DO SOMETHING TO MOVE FORWARD FROM IT. You just keep sitting there and waiting for him. That hasn't worked yet and won't work in the future.

 

If you are strong, be strong. Take control of your situation -- stop letting him play with you like you are his marionette.

[Simon Phoenix]

I understand and you're completely right, but I'm seriously going to cry myself to sleep tonight as talking about this tonight really made me feel worse.

 

I don't wanna accept I'm bread crumbs cause I have an ego and I've never been cheated on or hurt like this. I'm always number one. So yes, it does hurt me. And to be told I'm not strong... do people really think that's helping me?

 

I just need to sleep this off.

 

Thanks for your support.

 

I think you are getting the tough love because you are on page 13 and you are still doing the same things that you were doing on page one and still have the same foolish thought processes. People have been supportive, they've tried to pump you up, they've tried to enpower you, but it hasn't registered. So now you are getting the tough love. I mean, you talk about how this isn't working, but nothing else has worked either. I mean, i'm not sure what will work at this point -- sarcasm and mocking? That seems worse and no one wants to go there.

[Zahara]

Tonight,

This board has really made me feel incredibly unworthy instead of worthy. Not blaming people, I guess this is your way of trying to help.

 

But honestly, right now I feel like complete sh*t as if I'm just a dumbass and I'm absolutely nothing to him and nothing to myself and no one on this board knows me personally.

 

The truth hurts. It's always easier to hear what we want to hear but that would mean coddling you versus trying to kick some sense into you. The latter hurts but at least it pushes you in the right direction.

 

The thing is, the one that has devalued you and deemed you unworthy is this guy. And you've enabled that and you continue to do that.

 

You created a thread a few weeks ago about your ex being narcissistic. If any of what you said was true about him, that should be enough reason for you to block and remove him from your life.

[singsparkles]

We've all been dumbasses in this situation. That's why we are trying to dissuade you from being a dumbass. I'm sure you aren't a dumbass in real life, just this situation. That's normal, it doesn't mean that you should accept it, put up with it, or continue to go with it though.

 

People are telling you these things because we want to help you. And you need to stop worrying about how he perceives you. That's why you are in this fix in the first place -- you've put the wants and needs of a person who doesn't want to be in relationship with you over your own well-being. No one wants to see that. Instead of getting mad at us, you need to get mad at your own situation AND DO SOMETHING TO MOVE FORWARD FROM IT. You just keep sitting there and waiting for him. That hasn't worked yet and won't work in the future.

 

If you are strong, be strong. Take control of your situation -- stop letting him play with you like you are his marionette.

 

 

 

I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself. I've never felt worse than I do right now.

[singsparkles]

It sort of hurts that people look at me like I have no strength yet don't know what I do when he treats me like he does. I don't just let stuff slide. Yes, I may have stuck around too long... but I'm no doormat when he does what he does. I am the biggest b*tch you could ever meet.

[singsparkles]

I think you are getting the tough love because you are on page 13 and you are still doing the same things that you were doing on page one and still have the same foolish thought processes. People have been supportive, they've tried to pump you up, they've tried to enpower you, but it hasn't registered. So now you are getting the tough love. I mean, you talk about how this isn't working, but nothing else has worked either. I mean, i'm not sure what will work at this point -- sarcasm and mocking? That seems worse and no one wants to go there.

 

 

Thanks for your support.

 

I'll be sure not to post when I do something stupid or make a mistake, as I might be mocked.

[Zahara]

I am the biggest b*tch you could ever meet.

 

It doesn't mean anything when you keep allowing a man to treat you badly. You teach people how to treat you.

[singsparkles]

The truth hurts. It's always easier to hear what we want to hear but that would mean coddling you versus trying to kick some sense into you. The latter hurts but at least it pushes you in the right direction.

 

The thing is, the one that has devalued you and deemed you unworthy is this guy. And you've enabled that and you continue to do that.

 

You created a thread a few weeks ago about your ex being narcissistic. If any of what you said was true about him, that should be enough reason for you to block and remove him from your life.

 

 

 

I can take advice, even tough advice when it comes to this situation...

 

But when people take it to the point of calling me names like "dumb" and "stupid"and "weak", it's not very cool anymore.

[EuTuBrute]

People are not trying to hurt you, they are giving you a dose of reality.

 

I was with my ex gf for 6 years. Dated officially for 2.5 years.

 

I was like you at one point of my life. I didn't want to believe them either. I wanted to believe that my ex gf was "different" and she can change. She didn't. I got rejected and walked over for a second time.

 

I know what is like to feel loved, and at the same time i know what its like to feel completely useless and lost.

 

We are here to help you. My heart truly goes out to you. You deserve better. We all do (including myself I hope).

[singsparkles]

It doesn't mean anything when you keep allowing a man to treat you badly. You teach people how to treat you.

 

 

 

So this situation is my fault?

 

So maybe he would love me if I TAUGHT him how to treat me????

 

 

Smh....