ahh!!!

[cranberry]

=(

 

Okay: I've talked to him... I told him I dont see the future very clearly and that i'm not that experienced, so I'm afraid of my green-ness getting in the way of our relationship... i told him what we have is not a fling, it's serious, and i dont wanna play with it...

 

his basic response was:

 

okay, let's break up. go have fun. i'll be waiting for u, as long as u remember there's some guy crazy bout u waiting.

 

after that he said he better go cry somewhere alone now...

 

This sux. I'm crying, he's crying. I know he loves me, i love him too. Why am I doing this??

 

Or is it just so hard to let go?... But I should, b/c otherwise I'll hurt him even more later?

 

I'm just tired of crying and feel very stupid breaking up with both sides lovin' each other.

 

Help!!

[Tony T]

Very often, love is just simply not enough. So very many ingredients must go into a lasting relationship, timing not being the least of them.

 

If two people love each other more than life itself but the time is wrong, it is just wrong. Hell, yes, it's painful to break up with somebody you love. Of course, it's hard to let go. But just as important as love in a relationship is the feeling that staying together forever is exactly what you want to do.

 

Moreover, you can fall in love many times. You don't just go out and marry everybody you fall in love with. You marry the person you fall in love with and for whom you feel an urgent need to remain with forever because you are fulfilled in every way and you have no desire to fall in love ever again.

 

I will also tell you with great certainty that you will fall in love again. This very thing you are going through could happen once, twice...even three times more. Or, the next time you fall in love you may possibly be ready. You may have no more curiosity about other men. You may fall in love with somebody you simply cannot ever live without. It is highly unlikely you will return to your current guy because, while you are in love with him, you do not have that feeling that it is a keeper...you are not fulfilled in proper measure...you still seek something that is missing and you know not what. You will find it.

 

It really doesn't sound like you are moving away from this out of fear. Some people do that. They find any reason they can to get away from a truly loving situation because it's something they aren't used to, the intimacy makes them feel uncomfortable, they are too shaken by it. Only you can make the internal determination if that's what's going on here. Again, we are talking timing. When the time is right, you will not seek to walk or run away from love if that is actually what you are doing here.

 

You will miss this guy. You will have the urge to call him and perhaps even get back together. Being alone after being in a loving relationship is a little unsettling. You may be very tempted to dive head-on into another relationship...the very wrong thing to do. You will make a serious mistake by trying to fall in love immediately to fill the vacuum.

 

Since you have represented certain reasons for breaking up here, you should certainly take your time to date around and see what's out there, get your curiosity satisfied. Somewhere along that process, hopefully not too soon (more when the timing is right), you will find a love that you simply cannot part from. Then you will not have the doubts you have now and you will not have to come to this forum to help you deal with your feelings or seek opinions on what to do.