spiderowl Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 Ladies, would you consider a guy you met through online dating who started with the sex questions before you'd even spoken on the phone or met? Just wondering if there is any consensus on this. Is he just exploring whether you are likely to be compatible in that way or is it just too soon for comfort? Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 It doesnt matter. There are no rules Woman can be attracted to a smooth guy that talks about sex off the bat, and its totally natural and the girl gets turned on. Women can also be repulsed by a guy that chats about sex right off the bat, if he's insecure, asked needy questions, unsure of himself There is no hard and fast rule. Attraction is not a choice Link to post Share on other sites
LoneIsland Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 One possibility is he wants to get the issues he considers critical out of the way. If you get the answers wrong, he's probably going to walk. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted September 27, 2014 Author Share Posted September 27, 2014 One possibility is he wants to get the issues he considers critical out of the way. If you get the answers wrong, he's probably going to walk. I can see that might be the motive but if he knows very little else about you and vice versa, would he not realise that the woman might see it an inappropriate? How do women feel about guys who do this? Do you understand why he's asking questions or feel it's not appropriate from a relative stranger? Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted September 27, 2014 Author Share Posted September 27, 2014 It doesnt matter. There are no rules Woman can be attracted to a smooth guy that talks about sex off the bat, and its totally natural and the girl gets turned on. Women can also be repulsed by a guy that chats about sex right off the bat, if he's insecure, asked needy questions, unsure of himself There is no hard and fast rule. Attraction is not a choice There are no rules out in online dating land, for sure, but one can be physically attracted to a guy and then find his behaviour disappointing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 It doesnt matter. There are no rules Woman can be attracted to a smooth guy that talks about sex off the bat, and its totally natural and the girl gets turned on. Women can also be repulsed by a guy that chats about sex right off the bat, if he's insecure, asked needy questions, unsure of himself There is no hard and fast rule. Attraction is not a choice I'm going to disagree with you here. Sex chat right off the bat or not long after the conversation starts, for probably 99% of the women is an instant TURN OFF. Men love it when women do, but we often think with the wrong brain so.... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 One possibility is he wants to get the issues he considers critical out of the way. If you get the answers wrong, he's probably going to walk. Like if he says "Can I PIITB" and she says no, he walks? Come on now... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LoneIsland Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 I can see that might be the motive but if he knows very little else about you and vice versa, would he not realise that the woman might see it an inappropriate? How do women feel about guys who do this? Do you understand why he's asking questions or feel it's not appropriate from a relative stranger? Yes, men understand it is inappropriate. But the issues could be sufficiently important to them that these overrides the concern for appropriateness. You have the option of rejecting him out of hand in which case the inappropriate questions needn't be answered and you needn't suffer the discomfort of answering those questions. I don't know how women feel about this since I am man. But I imagine it would be along the lines of: his a creep, move on. I'd say the guy has already prepared himself for this eventuality. Link to post Share on other sites
LoneIsland Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 Like if he says "Can I PIITB" and she says no, he walks? Come on now... I don't know what PIITB is. If it is critical enough for someone, then yes sure he walks. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 I don't know what PIITB is. If it is critical enough for someone, then yes sure he walks. Can I "put it in the butt" (PIITB). I was trying to be PC. If that is critical to a man, I would have to question his sexuality.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted September 27, 2014 Author Share Posted September 27, 2014 Yes, men understand it is inappropriate. But the issues could be sufficiently important to them that these overrides the concern for appropriateness. You have the option of rejecting him out of hand in which case the inappropriate questions needn't be answered and you needn't suffer the discomfort of answering those questions. I don't know how women feel about this since I am man. But I imagine it would be along the lines of: his a creep, move on. I'd say the guy has already prepared himself for this eventuality. Thanks for your thoughts on this. Of course even if women get these questions, they don't have to answer them, they can be evasive or refuse. If the guy seemed nice up to that point, then I can say for myself I found it disappointed this nice guy had turned into your average online creep. I'm left wondering if he really did understand that intimacy is for when you know each other better. So effectively you are saying he's qualifying you with the sex questions, in the full knowledge you might find it offensive but doesn't care because it matters so much? What does that say about him? Link to post Share on other sites
LoneIsland Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 Can I "put it in the butt" (PIITB). I was trying to be PC. If that is critical to a man, I would have to question his sexuality.... Since you have bought it up, I can only assume it is something important to you, and I wouldn't question your sexuality. Whatever floats your boat is what I say. The issue at hand is whether someone should discuss a subject that he considers very critical, or should he be a gentleman and never talk about it. Instead he should only bring it up in a divorce a few years down the line that the marriage suffered an unresolvable issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted September 27, 2014 Author Share Posted September 27, 2014 Since you have bought it up, I can only assume it is something important to you, and I wouldn't question your sexuality. Whatever floats your boat is what I say. The issue at hand is whether someone should discuss a subject that he considers very critical, or should he be a gentleman and never talk about it. Instead he should only bring it up in a divorce a few years down the line that the marriage suffered an unresolvable issue. LoneIsland, I can see the point that a guy may consider it a dealbreaker to meet someone who is not keen on sex - fair enough - but wouldn't basic propriety be to wait a decent amount of time before bringing this up, at least until they've met? Guys wouldn't do this if they'd originally met the woman socially in person. I guess what it does say is that he can think of little else and is prepared to risk everything. Not a good start! Link to post Share on other sites
LoneIsland Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 (edited) LoneIsland, I can see the point that a guy may consider it a dealbreaker to meet someone who is not keen on sex - fair enough - but wouldn't basic propriety be to wait a decent amount of time before bringing this up, at least until they've met? Guys wouldn't do this if they'd originally met the woman socially in person. I guess what it does say is that he can think of little else and is prepared to risk everything. Not a good start! Perhaps he had a bad experience in the past that he did not want to repeat. So it became an overridingly critical issue. As for whether guys in general do it, I am sure they all do. Different guys do it at different times. You are perfectly justified to decide those who do it early are the wrong type for you. I am quite sure those early ones have prepared themselves for rejection or they would not have done it. As for thinking of nothing else, that's not a completely correct assessment. They want to get it out of the way so that they don't have to think or worry about it any more. Edited September 27, 2014 by LoneIsland Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted September 27, 2014 Author Share Posted September 27, 2014 Perhaps he had a bad experience in the past that he did not want to repeat. So it became an overridingly critical issue. As for whether guys in general do it, I am sure they all do. Different guys do it at different times. You are perfectly justified to decide those who do it early are the wrong type for you. I am quite sure those early ones have prepared themselves for rejection or they would not have done it. As for thinking of nothing else, that's not a completely correct assessment. They want to get it out of the way so that they don't have to think or worry about it any more. Interesting viewpoint, but what exactly are they 'getting out of the way'? I'm genuinely curious about this. The guy seemed hurt that I'd suggested he was more interested in the sex angle than getting to know me as a person, but that was all the evidence I'd got as he wasn't very chatty and revealing about himself, just the basics of status, job and so on. The unusual thing in this case was that I got the impression his interest in a relationship was more than just sexual and was genuine but that he shot himself in the foot with this one. Link to post Share on other sites
bastus Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 lol , i do this all the time when iam much younger and internet is barely new to me (mirc era) , i wonder if any guy here try to initiate sex chat with ladies via private messages on LC Link to post Share on other sites
LoneIsland Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 Interesting viewpoint, but what exactly are they 'getting out of the way'? I'm genuinely curious about this. The guy seemed hurt that I'd suggested he was more interested in the sex angle than getting to know me as a person, but that was all the evidence I'd got as he wasn't very chatty and revealing about himself, just the basics of status, job and so on. The unusual thing in this case was that I got the impression his interest in a relationship was more than just sexual and was genuine but that he shot himself in the foot with this one. Perhaps he was concerned with differences in levels of interest. Or whether there were any medical conditions. Or whether there were any other unforeseen issues. Or whether your bits were attractive to him. There could be a thousand things. Link to post Share on other sites
LoneIsland Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 (edited) Thanks for your thoughts on this. Of course even if women get these questions, they don't have to answer them, they can be evasive or refuse. If the guy seemed nice up to that point, then I can say for myself I found it disappointed this nice guy had turned into your average online creep. I'm left wondering if he really did understand that intimacy is for when you know each other better. So effectively you are saying he's qualifying you with the sex questions, in the full knowledge you might find it offensive but doesn't care because it matters so much? What does that say about him? It says he's a sex maniac, I don't know, you tell us. As for whether guys understand what intimacy is, I would say definitely yes. If they didn't, some women will surely teach them in a jiffy by withholding it. Edited September 27, 2014 by LoneIsland Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 Listen, we ALL come with baggage and sexual baggage can be the heaviest BUT there is still a wrong way and a right way to find sexual compatibility that doesn't include 20 questions in the first 5 minutes. Speaking from a woman's perspective, any guy grilling me about whether I spit or swallow before he even gets my full name is not only a serious turn off but a red flag (all in due time my friend). After what I went through in my marriage, sex and sexual compatibility is VERY important to me and therefore I've been known to cast a few lines in myself to test the water BUT there is a time and place for that kind of inquisition. Compatibility including sexual compatibility isn't black and white for heaven's sake. Unless sex is THE ONLY THING that matters to a guy then perhaps he should consider investing in an escort. At least he'll get exactly what he pays for every time 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LoneIsland Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 (edited) If a guy is looking for a quick ruling out, then I don't think he cares if it's the right way or wrong way. All he cares would be out of the way . Like women, guys too have ways of dismissing unsuitables quickly. After 5 dinner dates ? Note a chance. Edited September 27, 2014 by LoneIsland Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted September 27, 2014 Author Share Posted September 27, 2014 If a guy is looking for a quick ruling out, then I don't think he cares if it's the right way or wrong way. All he cares would be out of the way . Like women, guys too have ways of dismissing unsuitables quickly. After 5 dinner dates ? Note a chance. That's certainly how it comes across, as a quick ruling out with no interest in anything else. There's little point the guy being offended if you call him out on it then. Link to post Share on other sites
LoneIsland Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 That's certainly how it comes across, as a quick ruling out with no interest in anything else. There's little point the guy being offended if you call him out on it then. Did you have guys getting offended ? Guys looking for quick results would be quite prepared on the possible outcome, which would mostly be: get lost creep. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 Yes, men understand it is inappropriate. But the issues could be sufficiently important to them that these overrides the concern for appropriateness. It's precisely because it is such a priority to them that it is an instant turnoff. My stock answer to such inappropriate questions has always been "Only one way to find that out, Bucko." And that's not a come-on. That's a "you'll never find out." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LoneIsland Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 It's precisely because it is such a priority to them that it is an instant turnoff. My stock answer to such inappropriate questions has always been "Only one way to find that out, Bucko." And that's not a come-on. That's a "you'll never find out." As long as the answer is quick and clear, the guy's goal is achieved. But if you start saying: oooooh, I don't know, er, maybe. Now, that would not be a good answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted September 27, 2014 Author Share Posted September 27, 2014 Did you have guys getting offended ? Guys looking for quick results would be quite prepared on the possible outcome, which would mostly be: get lost creep. Yes, seemed offended. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts