Sex chat (Updated)

[Priv]

Indeed they do not. That's why they invented sex / fetish sites where people with very specific sexual tastes can play around on anonymously or not.

 

I have a friend who met and married an online lover she met on fettish site (Fetlife.com). Most of those sites allow for perusing and chatting and meeting. You can be as involved or removed as you want.

 

Hell, I met my man on an adult site not on a traditional OLD like we tell all our friends and family

 

That's not to say you can't get everything you want from a traditional OLD but if sex or a particular fetish of yours is kind of paramount, you may be better off frequently sites that cater to those wants rather than running the risk of either not getting what you truly desire or freaking people out.

 

Michelle, thanks for the elaborate response but you totally forgot to answer my first and most important question

 

That said, good advice! And fyi that is not my fetisj though I think it is the funniest of the fetishes and would try for fun. Which adult site did you use? Or was it a national one? What generally goes on there, is it practical or more philosophical in nature like LS? I might see myself doing something like that in the foreseeable future, so am curious.

[bastus]

Nonsense, you don't need pm for that. So what are you lovely ladies wearing tonight?

 

I think it kind of depends on the questions. Sexual compatibility is important, and any of the questions that come up on say the sexual health section are quite valid. And there is nothing shallow about that. Not more shallow than criteria you can screen for on OLD like education level, job, hobbies etc. I would argue sexual incompatibility is harder to overcome than disparities in those criteria mentioned. But OLD doesn't allow for needs like frequency or whether or not you like to dressup like a baby and be spoonfed.

 

sure , so you have same opening with me (asking what are they wearing) , but what if i got lucky and the conversation is developing further , surely i need "private" space" , and she is probably too, lol , or may be i am just kind of person who isnt reallly comfortable that my sexchat being watched by a lot people

[bastus]

Indeed they do not. That's why they invented sex / fetish sites where people with very specific sexual tastes can play around on anonymously or not.

 

I have a friend who met and married an online lover she met on fettish site (Fetlife.com). Most of those sites allow for perusing and chatting and meeting. You can be as involved or removed as you want.

 

Hell, I met my man on an adult site not on a traditional OLD like we tell all our friends and family

 

That's not to say you can't get everything you want from a traditional OLD but if sex or a particular fetish of yours is kind of paramount, you may be better off frequently sites that cater to those wants rather than running the risk of either not getting what you truly desire or freaking people out.

fetlife huh , have been there ,and i have been trying to contact several people there too , but no luck so far , lol..

[Priv]

sure , so you have same opening with me (asking what are they wearing) , but what if i got lucky and the conversation is developing further , surely i need "private" space" , and she is probably too, lol , or may be i am just kind of person who isnt reallly comfortable that my sexchat being watched by a lot people

 

But but but... Isn't voyeurism part of the fun

[bastus]

But but but... Isn't voyeurism part of the fun

 

:laugh: i see , so it's your things ..

[Michelle ma Belle]

Michelle, thanks for the elaborate response but you totally forgot to answer my first and most important question

 

That said, good advice! And fyi that is not my fetisj though I think it is the funniest of the fetishes and would try for fun. Which adult site did you use? Or was it a national one? What generally goes on there, is it practical or more philosophical in nature like LS? I might see myself doing something like that in the foreseeable future, so am curious.

 

You couldn't handle it

[Michelle ma Belle]

fetlife huh , have been there ,and i have been trying to contact several people there too , but no luck so far , lol..

 

I've perused the site a few times but in all honesty, it's a bit off the charts in terms of what I enjoy.

 

I met a gorgeous guy on a traditional OLD but he lived a considerable distance from me. We hit if off great and decided to continue chatting nonetheless.

 

We had many great conversations and eventually our chats got a bit more intimate. That's when he shared with me that he was heavily into the fetish scene with an active profile up on fetlife.com. We talked about our likes and dislikes and that's when I found out that he had a serious lactation fetish (among others)

 

He gave me his profile handle on the website to review and that's when I realized he and that site were a bit too much for my tastes.

 

I consider myself to be very open and adventurous sexually speaking and I'm all about getting kinky and dabbling in many arenas BUT many of the things people are into on that site in particular take things to the far extreme and that just doesn't work for me personally. I need a balance between kink and vanilla I suppose.

 

To each their own of course

[Priv]

You couldn't handle it

 

I consider this a challenge

[No Limit]

It just occurred to me that younger women are probably more receptive to the early talker because they have yet to experience the full range of the sex talk and therefore not yet bored hearing the same perversions over and over. That is in fact an advantage to the early talkers because they get all the younger women while leaving the older bitter women to the "nice guys" or to sulk all by themselves.

 

I, uh, read a lot and it's been months now since someone wrote any new perversion - still doesn't bother or bore me. No doubt there are some girls who will jump at the opportunity to try whatever a man wrote them, but I think the majority is still too shy about that topic to actually go through with it.

 

Of course "majority" is a tough term these days when the internet is concerned. There's a lot of everything.

 

 

That is probably because you are ODing on that magic mountain picture

 

 

If it were only that one picture... *sigh

[bastus]

I've perused the site a few times but in all honesty, it's a bit off the charts in terms of what I enjoy.

 

I met a gorgeous guy on a traditional OLD but he lived a considerable distance from me. We hit if off great and decided to continue chatting nonetheless.

 

We had many great conversations and eventually our chats got a bit more intimate. That's when he shared with me that he was heavily into the fetish scene with an active profile up on fetlife.com. We talked about our likes and dislikes and that's when I found out that he had a serious lactation fetish (among others)

 

He gave me his profile handle on the website to review and that's when I realized he and that site were a bit too much for my tastes.

 

I consider myself to be very open and adventurous sexually speaking and I'm all about getting kinky and dabbling in many arenas BUT many of the things people are into on that site in particular take things to the far extreme and that just doesn't work for me personally. I need a balance between kink and vanilla I suppose.

 

To each their own of course

i see , ,mine is seriously weird too, i had a thing with wool blanket wrap and niqab , lol .. ( for op , sorry for being offtopic ;p)

[spiderowl]

If you know a source of men who do exactly what you want, then I suggest you stick to that source.

 

Internet men are generally at a distance. The cost for them is higher. So they need to know what they are getting for their money pretty quickly. Unlike for women, money doesn't grow on trees for men. So those distant men need to eliminate the unsuitable quickly. It is not in their interest to waste time or money on a "dud" or someone who gives the impression that they are a dud.

 

Perhaps if you are willing to talk to men about things they consider important, they will be willing to talk about things you consider important. If you shut them down the minute they talk about things they want to talk about, why would they then want to know more about you. What purpose would it serve given that you hate them, hate their words, hate their ideas, and hate their perversions ?

 

What so terrible about talking about oral sex ? If I were to talk to you about it, would you have trouble with it ? I am sure you wouldn't. You should treat other men no differently. When two people are having a conversation, both have control of it. It is up to you to move the conversation to areas you consider important. Instead, you run for the hills the moment sex is mentioned. Is that the behaviour of a rational adult ?

 

I didn't shut him down completely. I told him I enjoyed sex very much. It's reasonable if someone is thinking of travelling any distance that they know you are not simply seeking a companion to talk to but would like a full relationship. I didn't want to go further than that with someone who was effectively a stranger. He had been very unrevealing about himself and the conversation had been pretty shallow up to that point. I can understand a guy wanting at least an idea that the woman is not against sex but going on to talk in detail when you have barely discussed anything else is just poor manners. It tells me that that's all he cares about. If he cared about me at all, he'd be careful not to offend. As it happens, he just claimed to be offended himself. I seek someone with empathy and this guy did not display that at all.

[Priv]

I, uh, read a lot and it's been months now since someone wrote any new perversion - still doesn't bother or bore me. No doubt there are some girls who will jump at the opportunity to try whatever a man wrote them, but I think the majority is still too shy about that topic to actually go through with it.

 

Of course "majority" is a tough term these days when the internet is concerned. There's a lot of everything.

 

 

 

 

 

If it were only that one picture... *sigh

 

Maybe you should take up Michelle's challenge too

 

And I just introduced to the ummm... Baby man perversion (no idea what it is called). Don't tell me you knew about that one.

[Priv]

i see , ,mine is seriously weird too, i had a thing with wool blanket wrap and niqab , lol .. ( for op , sorry for being offtopic ;p)

 

Niqab? Sounds exotic. You should be proud of that.

[LoneIsland]

I didn't shut him down completely. I told him I enjoyed sex very much. It's reasonable if someone is thinking of travelling any distance that they know you are not simply seeking a companion to talk to but would like a full relationship. I didn't want to go further than that with someone who was effectively a stranger. He had been very unrevealing about himself and the conversation had been pretty shallow up to that point. I can understand a guy wanting at least an idea that the woman is not against sex but going on to talk in detail when you have barely discussed anything else is just poor manners. It tells me that that's all he cares about. If he cared about me at all, he'd be careful not to offend. As it happens, he just claimed to be offended himself. I seek someone with empathy and this guy did not display that at all.

 

Given that practically all the men you came across are like that, and this is not going to change in the future, what are you going to do then ? Maybe finding a female partner instead ?

 

Unless you accommodate men on things they consider important, they are not going to care to know you because it serves them absolutely no purpose. They are not going to feel empathy towards you if they don't even care to know you.

 

There are 3 main attractants between the sexes: money, looks, and sex. Which of these do you have ? If all you have is sex and you guard it religiously, then you really have nothing to offer. In that case, no one will be interested. Of course, you can seek out men who equally have nothing to offer, in which case you have to accept and settle for people you normally would not consider attractive.

 

There is a final option, and that is let fate do its magic and rain a prince on to your lap.

[spiderowl]

Given that practically all the men you came across are like that, and this is not going to change in the future, what are you going to do then ? Maybe finding a female partner instead ?

 

Unless you accommodate men on things they consider important, they are not going to care to know you because it serves them absolutely no purpose. They are not going to feel empathy towards you if they don't even care to know you.

 

There are 3 main attractants between the sexes: money, looks, and sex. Which of these do you have ? If all you have is sex and you guard it religiously, then you really have nothing to offer. In that case, no one will be interested. Of course, you can seek out men who equally have nothing to offer, in which case you have to accept and settle for people you normally would not consider attractive.

 

There is a final option, and that is let fate do its magic and rain a prince on to your lap.

 

Don't know. I think maybe give up because I'm not keen on the guys that are available if they don't know how to behave in a social situation. I haven't been short of offers from people I know and have much more information about, but unfortunately have not found attractive.

 

I don't think what I 'have' is relevant. These guys have been attracted for some reason.

 

If you think I am too frosty or withholding, how would you suggest I do 'accommodate' guys online that would not be demeaning or give them the wrong impression? Some advice would be welcome as it's difficult to know how to strike a balance between coming across as cold and uninterested and giving the impression you are free and easy.

[LoneIsland]

Don't know. I think maybe give up because I'm not keen on the guys that are available if they don't know how to behave in a social situation. I haven't been short of offers from people I know and have much more information about, but unfortunately have not found attractive.

 

I don't think what I 'have' is relevant. These guys have been attracted for some reason.

 

If you think I am too frosty or withholding, how would you suggest I do 'accommodate' guys online that would not be demeaning or give them the wrong impression? Some advice would be welcome as it's difficult to know how to strike a balance between coming across as cold and uninterested and giving the impression you are free and easy.

 

Free and easy always works, But men who get suckered in by that will probably pay through their noses.

 

Cold and uninterested never works despite your instincts screaming out to you it's the best thing since sliced bread.

 

Demeaning is a problem that you have to overcome. Currently you regard everything men talk about as demeaning. A better balance would be to regard the perversions of 50% of the men you come across as demeaning while treat the perversion of the other 50% as wholesome and healthy. It is up to you to grade what is acceptable and non-acceptable perversions. This way, you have plenty of men who fall into the acceptable category. Within the acceptable category, you can talk sex with them until they drop. Men's perversions are usually quite narrow in scope, and they will quickly run out of things to say. When they are done, you can then talk about things you consider important. Since you have let them have their fill and gained their interest, now they have good reasons to deal with the things you consider important because they know they can't get through to you without dealing with these things first. By this stage you should have all the care, empathy, interest you ever hope for.

 

Talking about sex with men will help you understand men further, and their perversions will fall into some broad categories that will start to repeat from man to man. It will then become easy for you get past the talk to the things you care about.

[Shamus]

Ha ha ha are you having a laugh ? How old are you, he like most not all men . Wants to nail ya , what a horrible piece of tosh babe get a grip on men whats the matter with you darling

[spiderowl]

Free and easy always works, But men who get suckered in by that will probably pay through their noses.

 

Cold and uninterested never works despite your instincts screaming out to you it's the best thing since sliced bread.

 

Demeaning is a problem that you have to overcome. Currently you regard everything men talk about as demeaning. A better balance would be to regard the perversions of 50% of the men you come across as demeaning while treat the perversion of the other 50% as wholesome and healthy. It is up to you to grade what is acceptable and non-acceptable perversions. This way, you have plenty of men who fall into the acceptable category. Within the acceptable category, you can talk sex with them until they drop. Men's perversions are usually quite narrow in scope, and they will quickly run out of things to say. When they are done, you can then talk about things you consider important. Since you have let them have their fill and gained their interest, now they have good reasons to deal with the things you consider important because they know they can't get through to you without dealing with these things first. By this stage you should have all the care, empathy, interest you ever hope for.

 

Talking about sex with men will help you understand men further, and their perversions will fall into some broad categories that will start to repeat from man to man. It will then become easy for you get past the talk to the things you care about.

 

Interesting way of looking at it. I'm not actually talking about perversions. Basically I'm not interested a guy who has fetishes and perversions, just not. Just a normal relationship will do me fine. If a guy doesn't seem interested in me as a person but only in finding out what I like in bed, it's pointless talking to him. It's by talking about a range of subjects that you find out about a person. I need to know what kind of guy I'd be meeting, not just what he likes in bed. I can see that some may be put off if you avoid the subject. Maybe avoiding online dating is the only solution. It's very demoralising to have someone trying to find out what you are 'selling' in that way before they can be bothered to meet. It still doesn't feel right.

[LoneIsland]

Well you said you have a good source of men doing just the right things. You should definitely go for those.

 

My definition for perversion is anything to do with sex since I have no idea what kind of sex is acceptable or not acceptable to people.

[Priv]

Interesting way of looking at it. I'm not actually talking about perversions. Basically I'm not interested a guy who has fetishes and perversions, just not. Just a normal relationship will do me fine. If a guy doesn't seem interested in me as a person but only in finding out what I like in bed, it's pointless talking to him. It's by talking about a range of subjects that you find out about a person. I need to know what kind of guy I'd be meeting, not just what he likes in bed. I can see that some may be put off if you avoid the subject. Maybe avoiding online dating is the only solution. It's very demoralising to have someone trying to find out what you are 'selling' in that way before they can be bothered to meet. It still doesn't feel right.

 

Perfectly ok Spider. Asking if you like oral has nothing to do with screening for sexual or relational compatibility (dumb question Anyway) Guy was looking for some casual sex and sexting.

[No Limit]

And I just introduced to the ummm... Baby man perversion (no idea what it is called). Don't tell me you knew about that one.

 

The one where guys wear diapers? If yes, I'm afraid that's not really for me.