dont know what to do

[confused]

ok, my boyfriend and i were making out pretty heavy. we've been going out for almost two years, and well, we decided to go a little further. we didnt have sex, but we did attempt a little oral. after, he broke down and kept appologizing to me. i felt so bad to see him like that. after that we said we were going to try very hard not to do that again. but, we failed. this time he did it to me, and again had an overwhelming amount of guilt. im guessing our hormones or something just went really out of control, but i am really determined this time to not let either of us get hurt. dont get me wrong, we both didnt mind doing it, but afterwards, we felt kind of strange. doe sthat make any sense to any one? maybe we werent ready. we had a long talk, and we both promised each other not to do that again. he felt better afterwards, after we had talked about it. I'm just wondering if there is anything i can do to prevent this form happening again. what i mean by that, is try to find other things to do besides make out and watch tv. because those seem to lead to things. i was just wondering if any one had any suggestions for me on other things to do, or how to just control my over active hormones. i know that i should be able to, and i try really hard, and so does he. if any one has any suggestions at all, for any of my questions, i would be thankful. thank you in advance.

[Rachel]

I am wondering why you are feeling guilty at all.

 

Is it religious beliefs?

 

Most adults understand that at some point a romantic relationship will become sexual. That is only one way of expressing eachothers affection for eachother.

 

You need to find out how you feel about becoming sexual with your boyfriend. If you are OK with it, tell him.

 

He may be feeling guilty because he may think that you do.

 

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing. It is natural.

 

Unless YOU have a problem with it.

[Tony T]

You were given those hormones for a reason. Early on in history, the life span for humans was 25-35 years, although many died in their teens. This was before developments in medicine came up with remedies for infections and surgical procedures for simple things like appendicitis, which had previously been fatal most of the time.

 

So because people didn't live very long, not only did they have to explore their sexuality very early but they had to get down to business pretty quick. So even though we live a lot longer now, that hasn't changed the fact that biologically we are driven at a very early age to become sexual. So don't knock yourself for that.

 

Somehow, both of you have developed a lot of guilt over something that is perfectly normal. Oral sex is quite common between lovers. If you're inexperienced, that's ok. Part of the fun of sex is "screwing" it up and doing better next time. You do have control over your guilt...it's a needless emotion in many cases, especially this one.

 

To feel guilt because you are normal and have very normal sexual drives is nonsense. Respect your body's call for sexual involvement and do whatever exploring you feel comfortable with. Unfortunately, what a repressive society has taught some young people about sex is totally counter to the drives one personally feels. But I promise you sex is a lot more open these days than it was fifty years ago. Even gay people were terrified to publicly admit their sexuality even 25 years ago. Today, it's no big deal.

 

If you do feel really guilty, this will stand in the way of your happiness. You must think long and hard about why you feel that way. If you can come up with reasons for those feelings, then I guess you have to honor them. I suppose the biggest thing is a lot of people think they won't go to heaven or they will be otherwise "punished" if they engage in sexual adventures before they get married. Well, I've never been there but heaven would be quite empty if that were the case.

 

First, you are going to have to change your thinking and begin to feel OK with exploring your sexuality. It's not like you're forcing this on somebody else. You and your boyfriend have been together for two years and it's time the two of you went beyond holding hands, smooching, etc. Once you feel OK with it, then continue to explore new sexual territory. I promise you there are no harsh penalties. When you get to the point of intercourse, just be sure to use protection to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.

 

Sex is a gift that is special and to be mutually enjoyed by two people who care about each other. It's a way to become more emotionally and physically intimate.

 

Some people have a fear that if they go too far too soon, their partner will have no more reason to be around them. But, for sure, your guy has been around you long enough to prove positively to you that he cares about you for YOU.

 

These strange feelings you have about sex will disappear with time and experiences. Relax and proceed to enjoy something that was given to you biologically for a reason. In my opinion, it is far worse to repress these urges. These hormones seek an outlet. It is just a human thing...and a great one at that.

 

Now you ask about doing other things to take your mind off the hormone thing. There a millions of things guys and gals can do together. Movies, dinner, sports, walking, concerts, plays, drives, travel, picnics, shopping, sharing hobbies like photography, hanging with friends, etc...so you don't need to give a lot of thought to finding new and interesting things to do.

 

But I promise you, there aren't many of them that will be as grand as exploring each other emotionally and sexually.