Apaige Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Two years of being with the same guy, I ask, " what are we?" He doesn't like this question, and replies, "after two years of being together you ask that question!" We see each other two days a week, an usually it's to grab a bit to eat, sleep, cuddle and what-not! I enjoy our time together, but I feel as it's so regimented and we don't divert from the plan. He has guy nights, not a problem, he has Sunday and possibly Monday football, he has the occasional sunday on the wave runner, and very rarely does he include me in any of these things. He always says it's a guy thing. He came over last night ( our 2nd night together) but forewarned me that he was really tired and had to leave really early to tend to his son...is this normal behavior? I would like to do bf/gf stuff. We used to ride bikes together, have lunch together, spend more time together. He has since gotten a dog, so he does have to care for the puppy, which limits our time. Today I was home all alone, it was a gorgeous day, sun shining. So I sat and felt sorry for myself! he was "giving an estimate " I so want to believe him, but I am sensing that something is off...he did meet me for a quick bite to eat. So I'm thinking why even bother trying to spend time with me when he could just write me off, and we'd call it a day? he has his own remodeling business, and I understand he's busy, but his phone rang the other day and he silenced it. Last night, he didn't even bring the phone in. My ex husband cheated on me so I have major trust issues that I am working on, but I just don't know if it's gut instinct, or post traumatic from ex's behavior. I want a boyfriend at this point! Not an occasional meal, some great laughs, and a roll in the hay. Am I wrong? In your opinions should I be worried? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Well, first off, if he isn't interested in meeting you then the absolute last thing you should be doing is sitting around feeling sorry for yourself on a gorgeous sunny day! Go out, meet some friends. If your friends are busy then go out by yourself anyway. That being said, I think you have every right to not be satisfied with how he's treating you. I wouldn't be! Seeing a long-term bf twice a week and even then not doing any 'date' stuff... that would feel like being FWBs, to me. Not really a relationship. And ignoring your calls is just rude and inconsiderate. Not even gonna go into the possibility of cheating... none of us can know whether or not he's cheating, but EVEN if he isn't, this sort of behaviour wouldn't be acceptable IMO. I would like to do bf/gf stuff. We used to ride bikes together, have lunch together, spend more time together.Surely you have communicated this to him. What was his response? Link to post Share on other sites
melodicintention Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 If you don't like how he behaves why put up with it? Just move on and find a guy who has what you are looking for. Please don't be that person who settles because they are afraid they can't find or don't deserve to find better. It sounds like, and I"m not putting you down this is just an observation, that you may be trying to control him and the relationship. Men get freaked out when a women corners him trying to define what is going on. If after 2 years it isn't clear, then it's time to move on if you aren't getting what you need. Life is too short to waste on some half-assed relationship. Seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 I am not feeling good about this one. A relationship is 50/50 as far as I am concerned. I did the allow all the room for what not. and j ended up believing too much and not getting what i deserved. If you need more, it does not hurt to ask, but always feeling second between his desires, puts things less than to be desired. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 (edited) Two years of being with the same guy, I ask, " what are we?" He doesn't like this question, and replies, "after two years of being together you ask that question!" * * * I want a boyfriend at this point! Not an occasional meal, some great laughs, and a roll in the hay. Am I wrong? In your opinions should I be worried? Sounds like he was your gap guy, and that the relationship ran its course, that you’re ready for a real try at the real thing. I think it’s too passive and unfair to ask “what are we?” because it’s asking the other person to be open and candid and to define your relationship rather than doing so yourself first and telling him how you feel and what you want and need. “What are we?” avoids having to admit that you do or don’t love him, do or don’t want him. And I see why he responds the way he does. He's saying, “This IS our relationship. I’m content as is.” It’s still on you to decide, and deciding needn’t be a condemnation of him at all. So if you’re in love with him and want a more committed or intertwined relationship, be courageous and tell him. If you’re ambivalent and don’t want a lifetime with him, cut him loose and find the man and relationship you want. I think that if love, long term commitment, living together and/or marriage hasn’t been discussed openly and honestly after one year has passed (usually sooner, in my experience), at least one person isn’t serious about the other one, and probably both aren’t. Sometimes it’s a standoff about who will speak first. Sometimes its mutual avoidance. Don't worry or move to second-tier questions about whether he's cheating or something. You decide. Maybe the discomfort you're feeling is just your realizing that you have to decide- which can also be viewed as you "get to" decide, and steer your own course. Edited September 28, 2014 by BlueIris Link to post Share on other sites
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