On and off crushing on female best friend.

[livingnightmare]

Got a female best friend who we talk to about anything and everything, its the same one I have mentioned in previous posts. We are very close with each other and there is no way I would ever want to loose her friendship, and not just because I'm hoping if I stick around long enough she will be mine. I respect and enjoy what this friendship does for me as I have never had a female close friend before and it does make me feel my friendship is highly valuable to her.

 

Occasionally I start developing crushes on her, and start pondering the what ifs and wondering if she secretly has a crush on me as the contact we have is every day multiple times a day, and being that she is very sexually attractive both being single these thoughts do surface.

 

I know factualy she does not have any crush on me, I also don't think we would be compatible as she has a ton of red flags, her choice in ex boyfriends leaves the mind saying wtf..ie, married men, gangsters, drug dealers the so called bad boys of society, she remains friends with exs, very argumentative with people etc the list is endless, but she remains a good friend to me and is a good person her self at heart.

 

The thing is though I now and again get a crush on her that I simply do not want and then I wonder when shes going to text , call etc, I have been able to stop the crush in the past just by not contacting as much and keeping convos quick by being busy at work and doing stuff in the evening. The crush then goes and turns into just friendship again.

 

Trouble is this time shes phoning me more than ever, every break at work, straight after work, multiple times a day, including messages, now I do like this attention, but Im a bit worried about my tried and proven crush killer method will not get the chance to work this time with the contact we have.

 

Has anyone been in this position where they keep developing on and off crushes on their opposite sex best friend. If so How do you deal with it. I really value the friendship and that is all I want it to be. I definitely do not want this crush getting worse as I know she is not interested like that, I know we wouldnt end well, and I enjoy the feelings of platonic friendship with her, where we can talk about people we fancy etc without it getting awkward.

 

She is also the only female I am friends with and talk to at the moment and I think that plays a part in it. Need to work on making female friends I guess, but how I do that I have always been clueless at, the few and very far between females I meet are by chance and believe me not often at all.

[dispatch3d]

I do the same thing as you to remain just friends with hot girls. I'm sure I would develop a crush if I hung out with them 1 on 1 all the time, constantly called them, or constantly texted them. Generally though as long as I don't initiate this behaviour they aren't going to because they aren't interested and we are fine.

 

Here she's just violating the boundary. I'd try to maintain it overtly to avoid a fight that will obviously be a big problem for you, but she's done this in the past and you had to reply with short replies (which I would hate doing but might resort to). Anyhow if she gets too extreme or you feel you have to start ignoring calls on purpose or something - another ****ty behaviour I wouldn't want to do - I would just tell her there's certain boundaries you like to maintain in a friendship and she's not respecting them. Then lay out a calling/texting behaviour that you are ok with or tell her why she has recently been way over the top.

[livingnightmare]

I do the same thing as you to remain just friends with hot girls. I'm sure I would develop a crush if I hung out with them 1 on 1 all the time, constantly called them, or constantly texted them. Generally though as long as I don't initiate this behaviour they aren't going to because they aren't interested and we are fine.

 

Here she's just violating the boundary. I'd try to maintain it overtly to avoid a fight that will obviously be a big problem for you, but she's done this in the past and you had to reply with short replies (which I would hate doing but might resort to). Anyhow if she gets too extreme or you feel you have to start ignoring calls on purpose or something - another ****ty behaviour I wouldn't want to do - I would just tell her there's certain boundaries you like to maintain in a friendship and she's not respecting them. Then lay out a calling/texting behaviour that you are ok with or tell her why she has recently been way over the top.

 

That's the thing I just want her to lay off a little so my thoughts become normal again it only takes a few days to over a week to snap out of it, but I don't want to ignore her texts or calls as I feel I would be betraying the friendship as friends don't ignore each other and its behavior I wouldn't feel good in myself doing.

 

It's as if I'm betraying the friendship we have by me having this crush and it makes me feel guilty that she sees me as her best friend who she trusts with everything that has happened to her in her life and I'm there developing a crush on her and abusing that trust she has given me.

 

As I said I really love this friendship as it has given me more confidence in myself, more ability to talk to women without thinking about sex, dates etc and just thinking of them as another human being. It has also given me more insight into women that I am still learning from watching, observing and listening to my friend, but I feel like every time this crush develops I am jeopardizing something that has added to my life in a positive way.

 

Only 2 weeks ago I was telling her about some girl I had the hots for and she telling me about some guy she has the hots for and all was good, she telling me what she thought of her and me what I thought of him, not an instance of jealousy just warm whole hearted encouragement in us having better futures and meeting people, now in this two weeks I have developed a slight crush.

 

She has a date with him tomorrow and to be honest I dont feel jealous, but do wish it was me, but don't wish it was me, because of the red flags, guilt, loosing the friendship and knowing we could never be right for each other, obviously she has come to me as her best friend to tell me how she feels and she is very happy and it makes me happy to hear her happy, but as a friend and knowing so much about her she has gone after the same type of person she always does, a road man with 3 kids from 3 different women, banned from driving only sees one child, lives at his sisters etc, from what I have gathered I can see hes just going to be another one in a long line that plays her while she thinks its the real thing, so I need to get rid of this crush asap to be the person she thinks I am, who I usually am, the friend I like being, to be that friend to be happy for her if it works out for her, or the friend who she has when she is down and it hasn't worked

 

I am loosing faith in this men and women can be friends thing, it doesn't seem to be working for me, I guess part of this is not having many real friends who I have contact with often so I'm drawn to the genuine friendship, not just that she is female and attractive. Setting up a POF profile at the moment as maybe if I make more female friends or get a date it may kick my self back to normal.

 

I'm afraid if not I will just have to be an insensitive friend and blank her for a while and make sure we don't have as much contact as we have been having so this doesn't happen again if she accepts me back as a friend that is, I will also have to hope everything goes good with her date as I know she really likes him and I don't want to not be there for her as a friend If the feeling I have about him is right, and I would put my life on it I am right and he is just after sex nothing more and she will fall for it as she is lonely and longing for Mr Right, the more I think about the men she chooses does actually put me off the crush somewhat and she really isnt the type of girl for me, I should think of that more. Its a classic example of the woman wanting the bad boy thinking for her he will settle down, that to me is a big sign of a woman's immaturity level and that is a quality I can have in a friend but not a crush or partner, strange how these unwanted feelings thoughts can manifest without wanting them to.

 

This is more of a rant and a release as much as seeking guidance and over the last 6 years (when I chose my user name Wish I could change it btw) I have come here to express myself to get what I'm thinking and feeling out so If you have got this far, you are a brave man/woman, please excuse my waffling on lol

[livingnightmare]

Been ignoring calls, responding with texts saying I cant talk at the moment etc. I feel like a piece of s*it for doing this, she has done nothing wrong to me for me to ignore her, feeling a very strong sense of guilt and it makes me question what kind of friend am I. I am maybe getting some feelings muddled up between friendship and crushing also. I feel like such a twat at the age of 35 to be having teenage like crush's and not being able to see whats what from what.

 

On the other side of the coin, I think this is for the best so we can resume our platonic friendship. I can't even explain how weird this feels, having a crush and all the feelings that come with it at the same time, and at the same time not wanting anything but friendship and normality back, that probably doesnt even make sense, but basicly I want to feel the friendship love nothing more again.

 

Last thing I feel I need is feelings for anyone, I am for the first time in years learning about me and growing me, this is somewhat of a distraction on it.

[livingnightmare]

Quick update... Praise be I think my crush is over.

 

I didn't have to ignore her much as she basically didn't bother with me apart from to tell me her date stood her up and how she hates him blah blah... but now shes having arguments with him.

 

I'm actually p***ed off more than anything because I am starting to see a pattern that my friendship is just a fill in while she pines over some guy that she likes and is not contacting her and as soon as she gets her target I exist no more.

 

I am also starting to think she uses me when we go places to catch the attention of people she likes and make them chase her more as the last place we went was where we met her date.

 

I am now certain she does her best to reel me in for her ego making me think that shes into me in that way when I only see her as a friend I start reading into the way she interacts with me and how she escalates it I develop a crush which serves her ego more as she always searches for validation on her looks etc, then when the thing she cant have is available she does not need my attention anymore and its bye bye.

 

I think I need to cut this friendship off, not down to having these crushes, but I am seeing a pattern that now lets me know I am an emotional tampon! Like the last time I developed a crush because of her flirty behavior, I will not be contacting her in anyway and If she does and asks whats up, I am going to be straight up with her and tell her I'm feeling as if my friendship is being used when she is lonely, bored or some guy is not chasing her and I am not going to be part of it, I will also mention about where we went Monday and how I feel I was used to play her game on someone.

 

She probably wont want to be friends after that, and I'm starting to think its for the best.

 

Any ones advice? Am I right to cut this friend off? I am really starting to feel they are playing a game with me. I don't want to be rude about it though. How should I deal with this?

[darkmoon]

phase her out, do not phone back or pick up the phone immediately as she calls, reduce contact more and more, just on the weekend, then miss a weekend so it is fortnightly, then monthly, then stop contact

 

sounds hard, premeditated, but is gentle and diplomatic

[livingnightmare]

phase her out, do not phone back or pick up the phone immediately as she calls, reduce contact more and more, just on the weekend, then miss a weekend so it is fortnightly, then monthly, then stop contact

 

sounds hard, premeditated, but is gentle and diplomatic

 

I will follow your advice if she contacts me, but I have a feeling she is now done with me.

 

I'm a little upset with myself for letting myself be used as some fill in, an ego boost etc, I'm also questioning myself and why is it that I don't feel I have any true friends, If I disappeared, moved country etc none of my so called friends would notice for weeks if not months. I thought this friendship was genuine, it clearly is not, even if she was there at times as support I guess it was because she was bored and had nothing else to do.

 

Thought I had found a real friend, but her actions are telling me she is purposely doing things to pull me in then she spits me out, I really don't like this situation. When I look back I have had 3 crushes on her now and apart from the first crush when we first started chatting, I feel as if she purposely done things to allow me to think there's an attraction from her, which then gets my mind with me being single and lonely thinking things about her that are not normally there.

 

I wonder if these things are common from some women what I'm picking up on now?

 

1) Take "friend to be used" where guys she has a thing for are to make them jealous.

 

2) When "friend to be used" lets her know they see her just as a friend and they pick up they are not interested apply flirting tactics to put things in their mind that were not there.

 

3) When feeling down and getting no attention from anyone call or text "friend to be used" and escalate it telling them you are the only one who knows everything about them etc.. planting in the males mind that she only trusts the male fully and there must be something special there.

 

4) When "friend to be used" seems not interested or does not want to visit and they pick up there is no desire to see her, put the young kids on the phone to manipulate the "friend" into feeling guilty.

 

5) Wear skimpy clothes around "friend" and make sexual poses, stances, etc

 

6) Always mention that they are fat, not happy with their looks etc... To get compliments for their ego? Make the "friend" start thinking about their body?

 

7) Always talking negative about their female friends.

 

8) When attention comes from another guy, stop all contacting, reply only with 1 or 2 word texts, don't pick up phone.

 

F**k me, I could go on with this list. Now I've just wrote that down its hit me. This isn't no friend, shes a manipulative, using attention seeker.

 

I just got to be strong that I don't give in and answer any calls or texts, as I will be honest I miss having what I thought was a friend, what I thought was a genuine one, I lack that massively in my life and no man is an island. I know how the mind can alter perceptions it happened last time when a similar thing happened and I was easy lured back to being the "used friend" out of loneliness and human contact, conversation etc more than anything.

 

Don't know now if I should just delete her on all social networking and phone numbers etc.

 

Do I really need this NO!

Inside me I just want my friend back that I thought I had.

I need to start waking up and see this for what it is.

 

Men and women can not be friends if there is not 100% respect for each others loyalty as a friend with no games or no selfish interests for being friends.

[Jotun]

I will follow your advice if she contacts me, but I have a feeling she is now done with me.

 

I'm a little upset with myself for letting myself be used as some fill in, an ego boost etc, I'm also questioning myself and why is it that I don't feel I have any true friends, If I disappeared, moved country etc none of my so called friends would notice for weeks if not months. I thought this friendship was genuine, it clearly is not, even if she was there at times as support I guess it was because she was bored and had nothing else to do.

 

Thought I had found a real friend, but her actions are telling me she is purposely doing things to pull me in then she spits me out, I really don't like this situation. When I look back I have had 3 crushes on her now and apart from the first crush when we first started chatting, I feel as if she purposely done things to allow me to think there's an attraction from her, which then gets my mind with me being single and lonely thinking things about her that are not normally there.

 

I wonder if these things are common from some women what I'm picking up on now?

 

1) Take "friend to be used" where guys she has a thing for are to make them jealous.

 

2) When "friend to be used" lets her know they see her just as a friend and they pick up they are not interested apply flirting tactics to put things in their mind that were not there.

 

3) When feeling down and getting no attention from anyone call or text "friend to be used" and escalate it telling them you are the only one who knows everything about them etc.. planting in the males mind that she only trusts the male fully and there must be something special there.

 

4) When "friend to be used" seems not interested or does not want to visit and they pick up there is no desire to see her, put the young kids on the phone to manipulate the "friend" into feeling guilty.

 

5) Wear skimpy clothes around "friend" and make sexual poses, stances, etc

 

6) Always mention that they are fat, not happy with their looks etc... To get compliments for their ego? Make the "friend" start thinking about their body?

 

7) Always talking negative about their female friends.

 

8) When attention comes from another guy, stop all contacting, reply only with 1 or 2 word texts, don't pick up phone.

 

F**k me, I could go on with this list. Now I've just wrote that down its hit me. This isn't no friend, shes a manipulative, using attention seeker.

 

I just got to be strong that I don't give in and answer any calls or texts, as I will be honest I miss having what I thought was a friend, what I thought was a genuine one, I lack that massively in my life and no man is an island. I know how the mind can alter perceptions it happened last time when a similar thing happened and I was easy lured back to being the "used friend" out of loneliness and human contact, conversation etc more than anything.

 

Don't know now if I should just delete her on all social networking and phone numbers etc.

 

Do I really need this NO!

Inside me I just want my friend back that I thought I had.

I need to start waking up and see this for what it is.

 

Men and women can not be friends if there is not 100% respect for each others loyalty as a friend with no games or no selfish interests for being friends.

 

Yeah.. Welcome to the club!

 

So, any news?

[livingnightmare]

Yeah.. Welcome to the club!

 

So, any news?

 

I think I fell out of the crush, I still find her sexually attractive though and am trying to figure out what is going on in my own mind I think I am reading situations wrongly, jumping to conclusions etc.. I was invited up for dinner yesterday and as much as I wanted to go up I declined.

 

I can't help but want her to be interested in me though so maybe I still do have a crush on her in some form. I'm just going with the flow, but not being so available.

 

More female company would fix this situation I feel, but that needs a thread of its own in a different section lol

[Trimmer]

I think I need to cut this friendship off, not down to having these crushes, but I am seeing a pattern that now lets me know I am an emotional tampon! Like the last time I developed a crush because of her flirty behavior, I will not be contacting her in anyway and If she does and asks whats up, I am going to be straight up with her and tell her I'm feeling as if my friendship is being used when she is lonely, bored or some guy is not chasing her and I am not going to be part of it, I will also mention about where we went Monday and how I feel I was used to play her game on someone.

Telling her that she is using you is fair and honest, and will likely result in creating some separation, which might be a good thing overall.

 

The other thing you could do is to tell her the other version of the truth, which is that you are sexually/romantically attracted to her. This is less confrontational, and at least has a shot at getting you laid.

 

I'm saying this kinda in jest, but also somewhat seriously - you can decide how seriously you want to take it. You could always just lay your cards out on the table, and tell her what you want - what would work for you. Then if she's up for it (or more likely "down" as I think the kids say these days...) then you might have some interesting territory to explore.

 

Having said all that, whatever you decide, I suggest that the most important thing for you to do is to consider just exactly what you would like to happen, and then communicate your position clearly and confidently, with the understanding that it may indeed result in you guys parting company.

 

Important point: the person who is most willing to walk away in confidence usually has the most power.

 

So if you really do just want to separate and make a clean getaway, then yes, probably just tell her that you feel like you are being used, which might insult or irritate her somewhat, which will probably help create the separation.

 

But on the other hand, if you might want to explore the possibilities a little bit, then go ahead and make your pitch - from a confident, ready-to-walk-away standpoint. Worst case: you insult or irritate her and you just drop back to Option #1, but who knows where it could go instead? (But only consider doing this if you are willing to take that ride...)

Edited October 14, 2014 by Trimmer

[preraph]

Because you said you can talk about anything and everything and because you said that factually, you know she doesn't have a crush on you, I take this to mean that at some point you, at least tacitly, agreed to be friends with her and drop the romantic interest so she could be comfortable with that. So not sure why you think going out with you as a friend and then dating someone else is her using you. I think you misrepresented yourself so you could keep your foot in the door and hope she magically changes and wants you and that you're not really wanting to be friends if you can't also be having sex. No reason to demonize her because you're the first one who busted a move here, by pretending to "just be friends."

[livingnightmare]

Telling her that she is using you is fair and honest, and will likely result in creating some separation, which might be a good thing overall.

 

The other thing you could do is to tell her the other version of the truth, which is that you are sexually/romantically attracted to her. This is less confrontational, and at least has a shot at getting you laid.

 

I'm saying this kinda in jest, but also somewhat seriously - you can decide how seriously you want to take it. You could always just lay your cards out on the table, and tell her what you want - what would work for you. Then if she's up for it (or more likely "down" as I think the kids say these days...) then you might have some interesting territory to explore.

 

Having said all that, whatever you decide, I suggest that the most important thing for you to do is to consider just exactly what you would like to happen, and then communicate your position clearly and confidently, with the understanding that it may indeed result in you guys parting company.

 

Important point: the person who is most willing to walk away in confidence usually has the most power.

 

So if you really do just want to separate and make a clean getaway, then yes, probably just tell her that you feel like you are being used, which might insult or irritate her somewhat, which will probably help create the separation.

 

But on the other hand, if you might want to explore the possibilities a little bit, then go ahead and make your pitch - from a confident, ready-to-walk-away standpoint. Worst case: you insult or irritate her and you just drop back to Option #1, but who knows where it could go instead? (But only consider doing this if you are willing to take that ride...)

 

I'm thinking to just tell her the truth now and if I loose the friendship it must be for the best if my mind can't control itself, I went up today thinking I can think of her as just a friend... its not working. As much as I want her as a friend the single man side of me wants more, I just find her so attractive. I know this isn't good, I can either torture myself on and off on a very low level or just be upfront, I guess if she truly respects me as a friend she will understand. Thinking of just telling her outright I keep crushing on her on and off, it is unhealthy for me and unfair on her if I'm thinking that way and I need to get my head sorted.

[livingnightmare]

Because you said you can talk about anything and everything and because you said that factually, you know she doesn't have a crush on you, I take this to mean that at some point you, at least tacitly, agreed to be friends with her and drop the romantic interest so she could be comfortable with that. So not sure why you think going out with you as a friend and then dating someone else is her using you. I think you misrepresented yourself so you could keep your foot in the door and hope she magically changes and wants you and that you're not really wanting to be friends if you can't also be having sex. No reason to demonize her because you're the first one who busted a move here, by pretending to "just be friends."

 

No, when we first met she told me she only wants to be friends, I accepted it then shortly after went through some issues with my daughters mother that knocked me for 6 and I totally stopped crushing on her, now after some time I keep crushing on her on and off.... This is all in my posts.

 

I am trying to be just friends, what is your problem? I am trying to stop myself crushing on her! How am I demonizing her If I feel she has taken me to places to make people she fancy's jealous? It is obvious to me she HAS done this. Is it not in my right to feel used? If she had told me what she was planning as a friend I may have gone along with it. Are you saying she has a right to do things like this? Agree to be friends then flirt with me, knowing I'm single, lonely, knowing I think shes sexually attractive then flaunting that attractiveness at me on purpose? I'm a man ffs I have natural chemistry that happens when things like this happen, are you saying that is fair on me when I agreed, respected and have tried my best to go by her decision to be friends only for her to do the above?

 

I'm asking for advice on what I should do to deal with this situation for the best because I don't have much experience with these things in life and you have jumped to a presumption and jumped down my neck... I am trying to keep a friendship and keep my mind in a healthy place I am not asking for advice on how to get out the friend zone, or get someone to like me. I am not stupid and have been through enough that I have more respect for myself than to hang around in hope that I can get in there... that is not me, and that is not my aim to be a chump, my aim is far from it, It is not about "I only be want to be friends with her if sex is on the cards", where you have got your presumptions from is beyond me!

 

Read my posts

[Trimmer]

Well, my only other suggestion - if you do decide to tell her how you feel - is that you do NOT present it like you are a whimpering little puppy looking for a treat (I'm crushing on you and it's sooo hard...) but more like you're a man with desires and fully confident in what you want from the relationship. (This is how I feel, and this is what I would like from a relationship with you; if that doesn't work for you, that's fine, but that's what I need to make this work.)

 

Just don't go to her proclaiming your weakness. Decide what you want, and put it out there, ready to walk away - gracefully but confidently - if the result doesn't work for you.

 

Lest I seem to come off as a chauvinist or something, I'll point out that any outcome has to work for her as well, and she's just as entitled to say "No, that doesn't work for me, that's not what I want..." If she says something like that, then you should accept it - again, gracefully. But then at least you took your shot and aired your intentions.

[livingnightmare]

Well, my only other suggestion - if you do decide to tell her how you feel - is that you do NOT present it like you are a whimpering little puppy looking for a treat (I'm crushing on you and it's sooo hard...) but more like you're a man with desires and fully confident in what you want from the relationship. (This is how I feel, and this is what I would like from a relationship with you; if that doesn't work for you, that's fine, but that's what I need to make this work.)

 

Just don't go to her proclaiming your weakness. Decide what you want, and put it out there, ready to walk away - gracefully but confidently - if the result doesn't work for you.

 

Lest I seem to come off as a chauvinist or something, I'll point out that any outcome has to work for her as well, and she's just as entitled to say "No, that doesn't work for me, that's not what I want..." If she says something like that, then you should accept it - again, gracefully. But then at least you took your shot and aired your intentions.

 

I would do that, but I think knowing what the outcome would be there is no point, I think I have come to the realization that I just need to stick to my guns and fade my self away from this friendship, I will feel like **** to do this as apart from the things I don't agree with that she has done around me, she has been a good friend in other ways, but if I keep crushing on and off this clearly isn't working for me for now. These on and off crush's are only small ones, but they are uncomfortable and I really don't want any unhealthy feelings snowballing like I have let happen to myself in the past with other issues. I feel that my mind has got its self to its most stable in years now and I really don't want to put myself into a position that can drag me backwards, in my mind I have come from a dark place since I joined here and there is no way I want to put myself into a position that breeds negativity within myself, I sense this situation could do that if I let it.

 

I really need to make more female friends and have a balanced friendship between them instead of having just one and focusing so much on that one. How I do this at the moment I do not know, I think I only crush on her because she is my only female friend as I see so many red flags its unbelievable that I would crush on her, perhaps its not even a crush and its just hormones that I am getting mixed up with?

 

I have been single for a long time now, and apart from a bit of touching on drunk nights out with females that I'm really not into and wouldn't have done a thing if I was sober, I have had no real intimacy in years, I guess deep down I am craving for that intimacy and since we are close friends my mind is choosing her. Just ranting again I guess.

[livingnightmare]

Just as I thought... I have met a new woman who is giving me lots of attention, is looking for the same as me, and we appear to be like a house on fire.. My crush and negative feelings have completely evaporated.

 

ETA. And now I have a date tomorrow night. :-)

Edited October 19, 2014 by livingnightmare
To add

[darkmoon]

I will follow your advice if she contacts me, but I have a feeling she is now done with me.

 

I'm a little upset with myself for letting myself be used as some fill in, an ego boost etc, I'm also questioning myself and why is it that I don't feel I have any true friends, If I disappeared, moved country etc none of my so called friends would notice for weeks if not months. I thought this friendship was genuine, it clearly is not, even if she was there at times as support I guess it was because she was bored and had nothing else to do.

 

Thought I had found a real friend, but her actions are telling me she is purposely doing things to pull me in then she spits me out, I really don't like this situation. When I look back I have had 3 crushes on her now and apart from the first crush when we first started chatting, I feel as if she purposely done things to allow me to think there's an attraction from her, which then gets my mind with me being single and lonely thinking things about her that are not normally there.

 

I wonder if these things are common from some women what I'm picking up on now?

 

1) Take "friend to be used" where guys she has a thing for are to make them jealous.

 

2) When "friend to be used" lets her know they see her just as a friend and they pick up they are not interested apply flirting tactics to put things in their mind that were not there.

 

3) When feeling down and getting no attention from anyone call or text "friend to be used" and escalate it telling them you are the only one who knows everything about them etc.. planting in the males mind that she only trusts the male fully and there must be something special there.

 

4) When "friend to be used" seems not interested or does not want to visit and they pick up there is no desire to see her, put the young kids on the phone to manipulate the "friend" into feeling guilty.

 

5) Wear skimpy clothes around "friend" and make sexual poses, stances, etc

 

6) Always mention that they are fat, not happy with their looks etc... To get compliments for their ego? Make the "friend" start thinking about their body?

 

7) Always talking negative about their female friends.

 

8) When attention comes from another guy, stop all contacting, reply only with 1 or 2 word texts, don't pick up phone.

 

F**k me, I could go on with this list. Now I've just wrote that down its hit me. This isn't no friend, shes a manipulative, using attention seeker.

 

I just got to be strong that I don't give in and answer any calls or texts, as I will be honest I miss having what I thought was a friend, what I thought was a genuine one, I lack that massively in my life and no man is an island. I know how the mind can alter perceptions it happened last time when a similar thing happened and I was easy lured back to being the "used friend" out of loneliness and human contact, conversation etc more than anything.

 

Don't know now if I should just delete her on all social networking and phone numbers etc.

 

Do I really need this NO!

Inside me I just want my friend back that I thought I had.

I need to start waking up and see this for what it is.

 

Men and women can not be friends if there is not 100% respect for each others loyalty as a friend with no games or no selfish interests for being friends.

 

i think most women can fancy another one, i flipped to fnd a couple who i found sexy, fleeting, they came and went, some friendships stand the test of time, some run out of things to say, some change and get horrible

 

i have one who likes to keep in toiuch, 35 years of fun, wisdom, and good convos, others are around too

 

do not forget that peope get lonely, even nice ones, they put our feelers, inviting you over or ask you if you like movies and which ones and let's go see it, or go shopping, you both decide things in common see

[fifipheebs]

cannot you tell her how you feel? say look, i quite fancy you as more than just a friend and if you dont see me as more, then i feel for the best of our friendship, we part ways.

 

not quite ultimatum, but if she genuinly does not realize you like her (i am like this. i do not like to asume a guy is into me if he has not told me so) this will alert her. if she does fancy you more you can work on your relationship. if she doesn't, you move on. chapter closed.