Tony I still don't understand ?

[mimi]

Everyone but my mother is telling me not to live in the past (even the councelors) and forget all the ##### he did to me and move on , but stay in the marriage .

 

Which is making me crazy !

 

why would they want me to stay in this relationship ? knowing what he has done ?

 

It seems like everyone easily forgives him, because he is weak and I am strong and they all make excuses for him , everyone expects me to help him pull through this, I would love to say I could do that and everything is gonna be great from now on, but I can't fight his demons and he won't get help.

 

I don't understand why no one is seeing the pain i am in , they only see that he is sorry and trying to make it right , but with no real proof of change.

 

They also lay guilt trips on my telling me if I decide to end our marriage I will destroy him and my kids, but what about me ? ( my feelings seem never to be considered by anyone ) I don't understand that ?

 

I don't understand how the person who has been deeply hurt is surpose to fix it ?

 

I have always loved him and have fought for my marraige always and will probably love him forever, but it has changed in the past four years, because of his afairs out of pure selfishness.

 

When do you know that love just isn't enough, and how do you deal with everyone around you telling you, you are wrong for ending something that just may not be able to be fixed ever.

 

When will it be ok for me to have happiness ?

 

No one seems to care if I am happy as long as everyone else is. ........................I just don't understand .

[Tony T]

You'll be happy when you stop letting everyone else try to live your life and you start taking charge of it and living it yourself.

 

If you live your life listening to everyone else tell you how, you have actually not lived it...you have let others do that for you. Not one other person in the world has lived in your shoes and knows first hand what you have been through.

 

Nobody else has to care about your happiness. Nobody else has to consider your thoughts, feelings, your past or your future. They have absolutely no responsibility for that. They also don't have to live with the consequences of your decisions, right or wrong. So if YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU, that's right, YOU aren't going to look out for yourself, you are in for an extremely pitiful life.

 

Now, start today to live your life for YOURSELF. If the kibitzers want to pay your bills and support you, then you can give them some measure of say. Otherwise, tell them all to kiss your butt.

 

As far as understanding why other people enjoy butting into your business and your life, maybe they have nothing better to do. You're talking to a guy here who doesn't understand why people get so wrapped up in TV soap operas.

 

It would be a much nicer world if people would mind their own business. Now, if you have sought their advice, then you opened the door for them. If they have offered it unsolicited, they are pretty sick.

[deepassion]

Everyone but my mother is telling me not to live in the past (even the councelors) and forget all the ##### he did to me and move on , but stay in the marriage . Which is making me crazy ! why would they want me to stay in this relationship ? knowing what he has done ? It seems like everyone easily forgives him, because he is weak and I am strong and they all make excuses for him , everyone expects me to help him pull through this, I would love to say I could do that and everything is gonna be great from now on, but I can't fight his demons and he won't get help. I don't understand why no one is seeing the pain i am in , they only see that he is sorry and trying to make it right , but with no real proof of change. They also lay guilt trips on my telling me if I decide to end our marriage I will destroy him and my kids, but what about me ? ( my feelings seem never to be considered by anyone ) I don't understand that ? I don't understand how the person who has been deeply hurt is surpose to fix it ? I have always loved him and have fought for my marraige always and will probably love him forever, but it has changed in the past four years, because of his afairs out of pure selfishness.

 

When do you know that love just isn't enough, and how do you deal with everyone around you telling you, you are wrong for ending something that just may not be able to be fixed ever. When will it be ok for me to have happiness ? No one seems to care if I am happy as long as everyone else is. ........................I just don't understand .

To Mimi

 

I agree with Tony. I can't say that I know what you are going through but I can put myself in your shoes. I think that you should try to ignore evryone trying to lay the guilt trip on you. It's more than likely going to be hard to move on with your life and with kids but I know alot of people that have been through the same thing that you are going through right now and they are perfectly fine. You owe it to yourself to be happy and not stick through this marriage that may end up much worser terms then it is now. I really don't know what else to say but I feel for you and I'm sorry that you are having to go through this.

 

Deepassion