curly Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 I am 5 weeks today into NC. If you have been following my progress... I was doing OK. Some days better then others. He initiated the NC. He asked me to go away as it would be easier to figure things out. But he was back in the house within a day or 2, after getting an apt. (Of course, none of my girlfriends think it was his apt. to begin with, but...) He was in the apt. for 10 days & then went back to W. It has been the most difficult time of my life. I feel like I'm 16 again and getting my heart broken for the first time. Crying seems to happen daily. But then I have my stronger moments. Well, today, for some unknown reason, I was having a bad day to start with. Missing him a lot. Had dreams of him over the weekend. And at 9:45am, I got an email from him. We have had no contact for 5 weeks. Nothing. I have not seen him, have only listened to his voice mail message once (slip early on). And then he writes me an email. The email was full of memories of us. He told me that the time we spent together was the happiest of his life. He's still in love with me, misses me and hopes that I am doing OK. It was a little patronizing because he was very conscious of not hurting me anymore. But that assumes that I'm devastated. Granted, I am, but does he really need to point that out? Does he need to know that I'm hurt and continue to pine? And what's the point of telling me that he will be holding a torch for me? Does that make me feel better? I am in love, continue to love a man, that I can not be with by his own choice. If I mean the world to him - his words - then how can you not be with me? Why do this to me? I have not responded to this email and feel like I can only do that. I want to speak to him, but there was no question in the email. Nothing really to respond to. It seemed like it was a heart string puller and a walk down memory road. How can he be sentimental? I can not dwell on the good parts yet. It's just too painful. My girlfriend suggested that if I respond at all, that I be very indifferent, saying that it's nice that he holds these memories and I think it's adorable, but I've moved on. Yes, it would be good if we could have been that couple that you think everyone would have been jealous of (again, quote from him), but we're not. We should not dwell on what's never going to happen and that's that. But I can't write that. My emotions would show through. And I can't tell a man that I love that I'm indifferent to him. It just can't come out of me. I love him. But I know he's toxic. So I've chosen to not respond at all. Sorry, long post, but I'm long-winded. Any advice?????? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 7, 2005 Share Posted March 7, 2005 Curly, you're doing the right thing...NOTHING. In a way maybe that email was his ego, his pain of letting go and making sure you're OK with him so he can move on. Not sure what he intended by writing that email, but whatever you do, don't reply. Hang in there, everyday will get easier for you and I'm sure the pain will ease off. Keep busy with friends/family. DO things you love to do, hobbies etc. Link to post Share on other sites
MsMree Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 do i feel for you - Of course not answering him is the right thing to do - but more than me tell'g you that, you need to know that you are FABULOUS!!! Your strength is UNBELIEVABLE and you are help'g me more than you know. I really wish we you didn't have to go through this - i wish that for everyone (no heartaches!!) ((BIG HUGS)) Link to post Share on other sites
Sad Flower Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 I say ignore the email, make him wonder!! Make him live with the decision he has made! Link to post Share on other sites
heart2heart Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 He likely knows he's hurt you a lot and this email is likely to be his way of trying to 'fix' things between the two of you - it makes him feel better and less of a cad in the process. What he probably wants to hear is that you are ok and doing just fine without him. To hear those words from you, will make him even feel more better in himself and he will feel less bad about his decision to end the R because you are doing just fine without him, right??. (I'm assuming he ended the affair btw) That is why I wouldn't reply to this email. I'd make him wonder about how you are, how you are doing, etc. He's obviously thinking about you, wondering about you, let him wonder!! Don't make the choices/decision he made any easier for him!! Link to post Share on other sites
ww Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 go there grab his PC and stuck it into his royal a** and tell him to jerk off! Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 curly i am not going to say anything different than anybody else has said, you are incredibly strong, you are thinking about this, you are gonna do the best thing. i agree that he wants to know youre alright to make him feel better, or he might want you to shout at him to make him feel better too, everyone is right, dont do either, dont respond, let him deal with himself, dont help him out, dont let him even know you got his mail. nothing. xxxxxx Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts