How and when to tell girl you're married ?

[Jcarrier]

im married (like my wife but not really passionate anymore) but im interested in having some casual encounters on the side. my main question is how and when to tell the propsective lover that i'm married, in case i do must tell.

my approach has been on tinder, with a fake name. best scenario would be to be able to come out open and the woman be ok with this. so to improve the odd that the woman would go along, should i tell her: over the phone/text before setting up a meeting? meet in person and then during conversation tell? actually hook up (no sex) and tell? or after sex?

when telling about my status, what excuses may work to get her to not feel too bad and go with it? tell a sad story, say im separating, say the woman is a bitch?

thx for inputs

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

i told my SM when we first met as oline acquaintances, never thinking we'd be anything more. Was i in for a shock... after 3 years and becoming SM in a LDR. She was married as well. Though, I loved her too much to make judgement, let alone drop trust. As at the time, we got to know each other, we could care less about a relationship. so, being honest works, but to lay a big lie like that, must take a bit of understanding and love to get over such a thing.

[CarrieT]

Is there any reason you don't just divorce your wife instead of cheating on her?

 

You are going to get a lot of grief on this site for what you are trying to do. Folks around here tend to not offer suggestions on how to lie, deceive and cheat a spouse. We try to help those who find themselves in those painful situations.

[dreamingoftigers]

So, um, you want advice on how to screw over your wife whom you call.a bitch?

 

Wow. Everyone, we got a Loveshack Emergency over here.

 

This man needs casual ass on Tinder! Stat!

 

 

 

Seriously, most people are on here trying to get over relational pain or make their relationships better.

 

Not trying to get more people hurt because of selfish, cheater bullcrap.

 

Maybe ask your wife for advice on how to manipulate women. Clearly you have a solid track record manipulating her so she may have some valuable pointers for you.

 

Why the heck even be married at all?

[carhill]

OP, are such casual encounters for married people customary in your culture? I ask because your writing indicates, to me anyway, that English is a secondary language.

 

IMO, just be honest. There are plenty of people out there, both married and single, looking for casual sex or associations. No need to create any drama or subterfuge.

 

I remember my first MW didn't tell me she was married until around two months in. That was a shocker, mainly because I wasn't interested in a casual encounter, rather a relationship. Had she been honest at the beginning, like I'm suggesting to you, she could have passed me by for a man who had no such interest and enjoyed casual encounters.

[dreamingoftigers]

Is there any reason you don't just divorce your wife instead of cheating on her?

 

You are going to get a lot of grief on this site for what you are trying to do. Folks around here tend to not offer suggestions on how to lie, deceive and cheat a spouse. We try to help those who find themselves in those painful situations.

 

You said it much nicer.

[Jcarrier]

Is there any reason you don't just divorce your wife instead of cheating on her?

 

You are going to get a lot of grief on this site for what you are trying to do. Folks around here tend to not offer suggestions on how to lie, deceive and cheat a spouse. We try to help those who find themselves in those painful situations.

 

I like her and don't wanna get divorced, but lack attraction.

[d0nnivain]

If you want her to keep having sex with her you have to lie to her. You can't tell her you are married. If she has any sense she will run like the wind.

 

It shouldn't be very difficult for you to lie to this new stranger. You are already lying to your wife & every person who was at your wedding when you took vows. You remember those, right? For better or worse. Forsaking all others. "til death us do part.

 

What's one more lie after that?

 

Just get a divorce. Don't compound your mistakes.

[CarrieT]

I like her and don't wanna get divorced, but lack attraction.

 

Read the Infidelity Forum of guys like you and the trauma that ensues in sexless marriages.

 

"Liking" someone is usually not a good enough reason to stay in a marriage.

[Justanaverageguy]

I like her and don't wanna get divorced, but lack attraction.

 

I can't imagine any normal human having such a casual disregard and lack of empathy for their wives feelings - yet still want to remain married. If this is legit ... get a divorce man. Life is to short to spend it lying, cheating and screwing people over. While your at it grow a backbone and a conscience.

Edited September 29, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ExpatInItaly]

Grow a pair and get divorced.

[dragon_fly_7]

OP, I'm sure no one is going to encourage you to cheat and destroy your family. If you're looking for sympathy towards your cheating ways and looking for answers on how to be a better liar in your marriage then I'm afraid you've stumbled into the wrong site.

 

What is depressing is other good, faithful men have to then pay the price because of cheaters like the OP and it makes more of us want to continue staying single; basically you're doing a disservice for us.

 

You really should file for divorce. If it's true that your religion doesn't allow divorce then it would be so weird that it would accept cheaters. In fact, from what I heard if you're a religious man cheating, that's a very good reason for your wife to divorce you.

 

How would you like it if she cheats on you and gives the excuse of ''Well he wasn't always available and I'm not attractive to him anymore''.

Edited September 29, 2014 by dragon_fly_7

[No Limit]

Divorce and screw whoever you want.

[ComingInHot]

OP, aside from what I think about the kind of person you are...... I say you're going to cheat regardless, so lie away and use these following lines that are GUARANTEED to work (they've been printed in the MM Cheaters Handbook):

 

1. I've never felt this way about anyone before

2. I can't believe this is happening I've never fallen so hard, so fast

3. I can't meet on weekends because I do charity but if we plan far enough out...

4. Married?! I mean yes BUT I've been unhappy/miserable for YEARS, since meeting you I can smile again

5. We NEVER have Sex lol* (that one's a classic)

6. I have tried EVERYTHING to get My Wife to be in on our marriage but she just doesn't try

7. She let herself go...

8. She screams at me and out children for no reason (I think your term was, she's a b$tch)

9. I can see us together forever baby, one day, I just need a little time

10. I can't go through with leaving if you're not going to be here waiting for me, so prove it and be patient for as long as I need

 

Well, that's all I got 'off the cuff'. Best of luck Los.. I mean man.

CIH*

 

p.s. if you want to know that 'moral' to all the above Bull Sh$t, as others already stated, read the infidelity and OW/OM sections to see how it all BLEW UP in the cheaters faces for the most part

[JamesM]

 

Wow. Everyone, we got a Loveshack Emergency over here.

 

Cleanup in Aisle Five!

 

I like her and don't wanna get divorced, but lack attraction.

 

If you had the attraction before, why don't you have it now?

 

1. I've never felt this way about anyone before

2. I can't believe this is happening I've never fallen so hard, so fast

3. I can't meet on weekends because I do charity but if we plan far enough out...

4. Married?! I mean yes BUT I've been unhappy/miserable for YEARS, since meeting you I can smile again

5. We NEVER have Sex lol* (that one's a classic)

6. I have tried EVERYTHING to get My Wife to be in on our marriage but she just doesn't try

7. She let herself go...

8. She screams at me and out children for no reason (I think your term was, she's a b$tch)

9. I can see us together forever baby, one day, I just need a little time

10. I can't go through with leaving if you're not going to be here waiting for me, so prove it and be patient for as long as I need

 

I like your list. Sadly, many ARE used and believed. Yet some are truly real. I bolded the one that is probably the only one that could be used honestly for many of us. Having said that, an affair won't help bring back the sex and only bring on a new relationship to stress over...which may again lead to no sex.

 

 

Okay, like carhill, I will actually answer your question with some answers and advice.

 

You don't tell us how long you have been married or why you aren't attracted (please don't say she is fat now...that will really kill your sterling reputation ). So at face value....here goes.....

 

Using any single dating site for a sexual relationship is not going to work as well as simply finding a site that specializes in affairs. No, I haven't done it. Yes, you may get a woman that way. (I have a friend whose husband did it. She found out. The OW husband found out.) Two people seeking an affair will become public sooner or later. And no, I won't give you any names of sites.

 

However, anytime you start up another relationship, you have the great possibility of adding more headaches and stress to your life. The few minutes of casual sex will bring on hours of emotional problems.

 

IMO it wouldn't be worth it. If you still have a good friendship with your wife, then you aren't really interested in all that. Unfortunately, women have this crazy idea that sex is more than a mechanical act and needs to have love and emotions attached to make it enjoyable.

 

This leads to the best path for you based on your post: find a good escort and pay her for sex. You will get your needs met (sex) and she will get her needs met (money and perhaps drugs). You need never tell your wife and there is not any emotional "junk" to get in the way.

 

As for STDs, those come with any casual sex relationship whether paid or unpaid. Besides, who really cares if you no longer have sex with your wife?

 

Take the humor as it is meant, and the advice as it is intended. You want sex. Get it. Don't pretend or lie to any woman and pretend you want more. Get off the dating sites and onto the escort sites. The song that all you need is love? Forget it. All you need is money.

[Purepony]

I'm not married but here's what I normally do.

 

1. I never talk about relationship status, that way if it blows up "hey you never asked "

2. Don't go to a movie or the mall

3. I have seven cars so take a different one everytime and make sure you tint windows ( my friend just got busted ignoring this one)

4. Keep it simple and drive out the area

5. Block their numbers when they call so your wife won't see the number on the screen or your cars Bluetooth

6. Have sex first then if you have to tell them since its now easier for them to stay

7. Never leave any paperwork around

8. Don't disclose too much because its a small world

9. Get a Google number to text and call its free and it won't show up on your phone bill plus it can block calls or texts and get a different state area code

10. Don't use credit cars they leave a statement

11. Have a back up plan because if you get caught your marries at least I'm dating or maybe have a gf so I don't stand to lose much but you on the other hand

 

There's more but start with these

[Purepony]

Its a full tine job but if you stay ahead of the game you can get away for who knows how long..

 

I dated a girl 2 years and must have seen about 15 girls as fwb around that time .. she finally caught me when I didn't care anymore

[2sunny]

im married (like my wife but not really passionate anymore) but im interested in having some casual encounters on the side. my main question is how and when to tell the propsective lover that i'm married, in case i do must tell.

my approach has been on tinder, with a fake name. best scenario would be to be able to come out open and the woman be ok with this. so to improve the odd that the woman would go along, should i tell her: over the phone/text before setting up a meeting? meet in person and then during conversation tell? actually hook up (no sex) and tell? or after sex?

when telling about my status, what excuses may work to get her to not feel too bad and go with it? tell a sad story, say im separating, say the woman is a bitch?

thx for inputs

 

It's going to work if you can find someone just as dishonest and broken as you are.

 

Like energy attracts, ya know?

 

 

I don't think this aisle can be cleaned up after you crap all over it.

 

But hey, you asked for it - you'll get a crappy aisle.

[Davey L]

You don't actually have to lie to the other women! I always make sure that any women I talk to know I am married, I make sure my ring is visible, I casuall mention my wife in conversation and so on. I do that to avoid any misunderstanding. Yet I continue to be amazed how many women don't seem to care. Bizarrely it seems to have the opposite effect. There seem to be way more women available now than when I was single. I actually think I'd get less temptations if I took my ring off.

[d0nnivain]

You don't actually have to lie to the other women! I always make sure that any women I talk to know I am married, I make sure my ring is visible, I casuall mention my wife in conversation and so on. I do that to avoid any misunderstanding. Yet I continue to be amazed how many women don't seem to care. Bizarrely it seems to have the opposite effect. There seem to be way more women available now than when I was single. I actually think I'd get less temptations if I took my ring off.

 

An old friend of mine used to call it the Ring of Power. Claimed it made women who wouldn't have looked at him twice when he was single hit on him.

 

While I detest cheating & infidelity in a marriage if you are advertising your marital status & the other person still knowingly takes up with you, that's between all of you & your consciousnesses. However, to hide your marital status because you know the other person would want nothing to do with your infidelity compounds the problems.

[No Limit]

An old friend of mine used to call it the Ring of Power. Claimed it made women who wouldn't have looked at him twice when he was single hit on him.

 

With good reason. These women still haven't found someone to provide for them. And when that guy has a ring on his finger, she thinks he surely must have a few positive aspects making him good enough for marriage; so why not use them for herself?

 

 

Of course, there's the type "I want to see people cry and make drama" going into affairs and then destroying families because they're stupid, but that's a sick minority.

[feebee]

Please don't use dating sites where women are looking for relationships (unless they state they are not looking for a relationship, just 'casual' etc)

 

I think you'd be be best joining sites like Ashley Maddison, adult Matchmaker, adult Friend Finder etc, where it's understood that it's not going to be a relationship...

[Davey L]

With good reason. These women still haven't found someone to provide for them. And when that guy has a ring on his finger, she thinks he surely must have a few positive aspects making him good enough for marriage; so why not use them for herself?

 

 

Of course, there's the type "I want to see people cry and make drama" going into affairs and then destroying families because they're stupid, but that's a sick minority.

I once came across that drama type. Was a friend of my wife. They had fallen out over something and my wife asked me to go to hers to collect something she had left there. The woman made a blatant and obvious attempt to seduce me. I knew what she was up to; if I had had sex with her she would have had that story round all the mutual acquaintances in no time at all. I had thought her very physically attractive but at that moment I just saw her as evil. I got out of there, fast. Told wife about it when I got home.