Start a FWB or don't ruin the friendship?

[Thegreatestthing]

I'm writing this for my 17 almost 18 year old cousin,he's started a fwb relationship with a girl whose been his friend for three years,the girl started it actually by hitting on him and initiating sex,he likes her friendship a lot and is worried this is going to hurt their friendship.he may have feelings for her but he says he isn't there yet,from my opinion he likes her because he talks about her

A lot.

 

He said one issue is his close friend likes her or still has feelings for her and the fact that he "isn't there yet" I told him I'd ask loveshack what to do?

He doesn't know whether to stop the sex or continue,he does think she has feelings for him.

[Ronni_W]

HE is consciously choosing to continue the FWB, so who started it is, by now, totally irrelevant and beside the point.

Why does he not just clarify the "rules and boundaries", as it were, BEFORE he gets in any deeper.

 

He can ask her if an FWB is all and everything she wants and needs from him. If she says 'yes', then he'll need to decide if he's okay with the very real potential of everything going sideways and him/them losing their friendship.

Or he can find a bit more courage, and ask her if she wants to also date him with the idea/goal of seeing if they will be compatible for something more. That is, to date (not necessarily exclusively) SO THAT they EACH can find out if and/or when EITHER of them "gets there".

IMO, the potential risk of losing their friendship is just about the same, no matter which way he goes.

 

PLEASE tell him not to use the fallback "she started it"...that is too junior high, even for an almost-18 year old. He needs to start making choices and decisions from a more-adult place.

Edited September 29, 2014 by Ronni_W

[oldshirt]

I hate to sound like our grandmothers but I think the real issue here is should we be supporting sexual activity between minors at all?

 

I know kids today are more sexually educated and open minded than we were when I was 17, but education and awareness does not equal maturity or responsibility.

 

The topics of teen pregnancy, STDs and teen heartbreak and depression when things go to ***** are very real and should be the groundwork of any discussion with a teen regarding sexuality.

 

I know 17 year old girls can talk a big game and sound all tough and salty but I am sorry, 17 year old girls do not have a grasp of FWB s (it's arguable whether any adult women do either) a 17 year boy or girl may talk tough but their hearts are just as vulnerable as any other kid.

 

While how a sexual relationship will impact a friendship is a valid concern, IMHO the traditional discussions of STDs, reliable contraception and just being mentally prepared and having the maturity and responsibility to deal with it and the ramifications of it are more pressing.