Work crushes and that's it I guesss...?

[SJ85]

Last year my employer hired a freelancer to contribute to our site. I met him at the intro meeting and thought he was cute but I didn't really get to talk to him much. After that I didn't see him again until this past May/June when he was hired on as a full time intern. I had communicated with him via email mostly though and I think he was scared of me because I was always fixing his errors on the site. (By the way, I'm a web producer). When I saw him again I tried joking with him about it but he just nervously laughed.

 

I should add that I hate where I work right now and am about to leave for greener pastures. At work I can come off as a bitch because people really piss me off especially my boss. And I know he told the intern something about me but I never found out what that was. (Probably that I'm a bitch but whatever.)

 

So my company is in constant turmoil and change. Every 6 months they reorganize because they don't know what the hell they're doing. They lay people off without a second thought, people like myself have to pick up the slack and we are given new titles but no raises... Hence why I'm angry. So at one of our meetings going over one of the mega changes, one of my supervisors said out loud that I hated working with them to which I said no comment. Everyone laughed about it because they knew it was true and that I wasn't the only one. After the meeting the intern approached me and asked how I was doing. I wasn't really in the best mood as per usual at work so I didn't really say much which I regretted later. I saw him in the kitchen the next day and talked to him more which was nice and I think he started to realize I wasn't really the bitch they all wanted everyone to believe. That it was just the company that was the problem. I kind of discouraged him from trying to stay there after his internship... (He had interviews with other companies soon after).

 

He would randomly come to my cubicle to talk to me about things but he would get awkward at times and clam up. I wasn't sure if he was just more reserved so I didn't ever press him. He would always compliment me on how I looked especially on my hair, on my work and how good I was at everything. I started noticing that he would remember random facts about me that I had forgotten I had shared with him. He would always smile at me and make sure he said hi to me when I would see him. We started having jokes between us and he would bring them up during meetings where I would be the only one who really understood what he was getting at.

 

I was starting to develop a crush on him but I was holding back for several reasons. One reason is because getting involved at work I think is a bad idea. If it doesn't work out then you have to see them every day. But if it does work out then you have to sneak around and if lets say you want to go make out in an empty office and you get caught then you're in trouble. Second reason is because I was having ex issues. He was asking our mutual friend about me and she has always wanted us to get back together so I know she was talking to him about me and then picking up on the fact that he is someone who I will always have a soft spot for. He lives on the other side of the country and I just don't see it working.

 

Anyways back to the guy at work. I felt like he was reaching out to me every chance he got and I was becoming more and more receptive to it.

 

In mid August we were all going to this big trade show where the intern and I were assigned to work on a project together. We spent every day at the show together and we got to know each other even better. I was always in the back of our booth with our video crew working on the site and putting up live content. And the intern would come sit with me every chance he got. He was always asking me about my life and what I liked to do. We both started to realize how much we had in common.

 

One day we were left in the back of the booth by ourselves and he was sitting really close to me. I turned to ask him a question and he turned to answer when I realized our faces were super close. We just looked in each other's eyes for a while and then he looked at my lips. I could tell he was about to kiss me so I looked away knowing we were at work only separated from our co workers by a curtain. We both got really quiet after that and I don't even remember what I asked him. A few minutes later he got up to go do something and he made a weird joke. I saw him later and there was so much tension between us that I felt like we didn't even know how to talk to each other anymore. So he just complimented me on my hair and then sighed saying as always. I told him thanks and then started talking about random things. We got interrupted a few times and I just went back to my desk in the back. He showed up all of the sudden and trapped me in there. There was someone else in there with us so I didn't think he would try anything with me but I avoided getting into that temptation by getting around him.

 

For the rest of the time we were there, we flirted a lot and were pretty close. He asked me out to lunch but I had already eaten so that didn't work out. I felt like we were connecting in so many ways though. He started calling me by a nickname and giving me things. I was crushing so hard on him by this point that I was starting to feel that longing feeling for him.

 

We all went back to work from the show but I stayed to work from home that Monday. I missed a call from him and then saw he had emailed me. He said he was just wanting to talk about something work related so I emailed him back. The next day I came in and when he saw me he yelled out my nickname and everyone looked at us like we were weird. There was still some tension between us and I tried talking to him but we kept getting interrupted. That week was his last week there but he had taken the next two days off. His last day he came in super late and I hoped he would finally ask me out. He came over to talk to me a few times but he was really awkward with me. He took forever to send me what I needed to finish a few things for the day and when he finally did he got pulled into our bosses office for a long time and I wasn't able to tell him bye. I just sent him an email wishing him luck. He responded back saying that he really enjoyed working with me and then gave me his personal email. We already had each other's numbers and were connected on LinkedIn. I added him on FB too.

 

A week went by and I messaged him on FB just to see how things were going. He told me he got a job and that it was where I lived and then asked me how things were going for me. I responded but never heard back from him. A few days later I talked to some people from work and they were all surprised by the way he had been acting with me because from what they knew he had a girlfriend. I was in complete shock and they all said it was weird and that maybe they broke up or something. It's now been about 3 weeks since I last heard from him. I assumed hearing that he had a girlfriend would have made me be able to move on but I obviously haven't since I'm here writing about this.

 

I find myself walking around my town wondering if I'll see him. Of course I haven't yet. He's liked random things on my FB since then and has posted pictures from my town. I can only assume that he was attracted to me but that his girlfriend was more important to him and that's why nothing happened between us. But I still wonder... This is the first time I've been this interested in someone since my ex. And this is probably going to sound weird but after every time we would talk I would hear a song in my head... It was this classical music that we used in one of the projects we worked on together. Cheesy I know...

 

I guess I just need to get over this huh?

[preraph]

Yes, you need to get on with your life. If he ever wants to ask you out when he's not attached, he knows where to find you. It's nothing unusual for a guy with a girlfriend to like someone they work with or even be attracted, but that doesn't mean he likes you more than her and it certainly sounds like he's passed on doing anything with you more than once.