Do Both Genders Want Marriage?

[Mysterio]

I was reading a Wikipeida page on Actor Alan Rickman. He was the villain in DieHard and also in Galaxy Quest etc.

 

Anyways. On his page its says that he has been with his partner for yrs at least 50 without being married.

 

I wonder how certain people can be with someone for yrs and yrs and avoid being married. So do you all think that marriage is a factor that is forced on us, in order to stay together? Good Luck to anyone that stays together, without the marriage factor not being a part of their lives. I say its the woman that is the one that is holding out or does not care to get married. Most women I know are more the driving force between wanting marriage/kids.

 

I personally think that if the average guy can get away with not having kids/marriage/not live together. He would be fine with it. See her for romance and sex and fun times. Not be there for her mood swings or even put up with nonsense. I know what I am saying is harsh. I think it more easy for most guys to be a playboy if they could get away with it. Esspecially if they have women that are coming to the guys.

 

Anyways. Just curious if the women here on our board feel about marriage one way or another.

[No Limit]

These days free sex is just a OLD profile away; for someone who doesn't want to settle there's nothing to worry about. However, a part of me wonders what type of people these guys and girls are; the guys who won't take a partner seriously outside of the bedroom, and the women so desperate that they're actually happy to be chosen as FWB or F-buddy.

 

I can't shake the feeling that there's a lot of baggage behind it, or simple confusion. I've met guys bragging how they banged girls every weekend, even some who had boyfriends, and then still went on how they hope to find a good wife someday. Basically switching between sex without strings and the comfort of a relationship.

 

I'm having none of it. I don't see much point in F-buddies or ONS for myself. I'd rather spend the night having a movie night with friends than have a stranger sweat on me and leave.

[AliOop]

I'm a woman who has been divorced for 22 years and would not consider remarrying for even one second. For me, the thought of needing a lawyer to detach from someone is a definite no-no!

 

 

I would live with a man and have a common law arrangement (IF I was in love) but since I never wanted to have children and like my freedom, that's about as far as I'd go. I have nothing against marriage, for others, but not this chick. Most every couple I've known has not made it for the long haul - I'm 52 years old now and see most of these same people going on divorce #2.

 

 

Once was painful enough.

[preraph]

I think most women think they want it and a lot of men would avoid it if it weren't for being expected to hit the traditional milestones: marriage, babies, and also because at some point they stop being able to get sex as often without it -- not that marriage is really any remedy for that...

[Michelle ma Belle]

My views on marriage have changed dramatically from when I was a young girl or even in my twenties.

 

I used to believe in it and the whole package and did all those things only to realize that even a marriage blessed by God and a certificate guarantees nothing in the end.

 

I too don't have a problem with marriage for other people, whatever floats your boat, but for ME, it is a non issue anymore.

 

I've had many conversations with people arguing with me that being married makes couples work harder at keeping their relationships together. That cohabitation without a certificate means they don't and won't work harder on their relationships and that they go into it feeling like it's all temporary.

 

I find this logic very difficult to accept. You only need to peruse the various threads on here on marriage and relationships and infidelity to see what I mean. I've known more couples NOT married living very happily-ever-after than married couples. That is the sad truth and one that is not lost on me.

 

As for how men think about marriage, I can't speak for ALL men but I would say that most men could take it or leave it. I think it's the women who chart the course for them as a couple and that often times includes marriage and kids and the white picket fence. I've never met a man who looked at marriage like it was something they've dreamed about their own life. Maybe I'm wrong :/

[preraph]

I've had many conversations with people arguing with me that being married makes couples work harder at keeping their relationships together. :/

 

Right. And me with two jobs, I would want to work harder why?

[dragon_fly_7]

As for how men think about marriage, I can't speak for ALL men but I would say that most men could take it or leave it. I think it's the women who chart the course for them as a couple and that often times includes marriage and kids and the white picket fence. I've never met a man who looked at marriage like it was something they've dreamed about their own life. Maybe I'm wrong :/

True indeed. How many times do we have to continue reading endless posts about ''We've been living together for 4+ years, why won't he propose already'' stories.

 

Only once in a blue moon do I hear about declined marriage proposals (seen a couple of them on YouTube) but those are rare and isolated cases. Sure it happens but how often? 1 in 100 perhaps. I gotta say in those cases, yes must hurt too but what man would be so clueless as to not be 100% the answer will be a ''yes''.

 

But generally, it's instinctively the woman's own desires to bear kids and to find herself a stable man. She only has until about age 40 to have kids (but even so she's still at risk of the child having birth defects the older she is) so time is running out and that's why she's into desiring marriage and kids more than the men. Though, I totally disagree when some women have to then nag and pressure the man into marriage. Basically, not only are they proposing to themselves but looking to buy love and romance in that manner. It doesn't take away the fact that it wasn't something mutually agree and the man getting just as excited as her but it was mainly her idea and her decision. Terrible....

[Keenly]

I like the concept and idea of marriage. The two of you, a team, permantly. Forsaking all others and all that crap.

 

 

What I do NOT like is that its now turned into a contract where even if she is the one who breaks the contract, whether through adultery, drugs, abuse, whatever, I lose half of my stuff and money.

 

 

The risk / reward is a little lopsided. Being some one who has been hurt by malicious women in the past, I have to look out for myself to not let it happen again

[OwMyEyeball]

Marriage is a failed institution that functioned when external pressures and internal cohesion had reason to be much stronger than they are now.

 

Powerful social stigma, financial dependence (typically from the wife), fewer options and simply less time to be focused on the "health of the relationship" allowed most marriages to remain intact despite strong internal pressures that would otherwise have blown the whole thing apart, as we see happening today.

 

Another thing to keep in mind is that marriage was a social design intended for procreation, not the union of two individuals for the sake of "love". Agrarian societies (which most were prior to the turn of the 20th century) relied heavily on children as a source of labour and eventually a safeguard for older age when the parents were no longer able to tend to the farm.

 

As the nation-state emerged alongside the industrial revolution, the "production" of babies was crucial to both the economic system and the security of the state itself. In an era where economic output and military strength still relied heavily on manpower, there was a lot of incentive for governments to promote marriage, and more precisely, the rearing of children in relatively stable environments.

 

Here we are now in the modern world where an individual's output is sufficient to meet all of our basic needs and then some. Global population is expected to approach the 9 billion person mark by mid-century. The Earth is growning under the weight and ecological meddling of humanity. Automation and improved technologies have greatly reduced the amount of manpower required to produce basic and even luxury items. We don't want more kids. In fact, we want fewer (albeit still highly educated), yet we're also tied to an economic model that demands perpetual growth to sustain itself.

 

It all feels like a big, giant mess in the making.

 

In this day and age I'm not opposed to marriage because, frankly, I don't know what ideal social structure to work towards in this age of fast-paced technology, urbanization and globalization.

 

To each their own is all I'm going with right now while I try to figure out what's going to work for me and my vision of humanity.

[Tayken]

I like the concept and idea of marriage. The two of you, a team, permantly. Forsaking all others and all that crap.

 

 

What I do NOT like is that its now turned into a contract where even if she is the one who breaks the contract, whether through adultery, drugs, abuse, whatever, I lose half of my stuff and money.

 

 

The risk / reward is a little lopsided. Being some one who has been hurt by malicious women in the past, I have to look out for myself to not let it happen again

 

 

Regardless of if you get married or not, if you fall into the common law trap, you still lose half bar if you had a house / other items before you met. Quebec in Canada does not recognize common law, so you can imagine the absolute need for those with agendas to get married.

 

The man that owns Cirque Soleil (Guy...not pronounced the way you know) went all the way to the highest court, when his Brazilian gold digger GF who he met when she was 17 wanted millions in spousal support.

 

She lost the case, and was told she is only entitled to child support. What is even more funny, is that some of the Judges that voted against it were women. Which tells me that some women despise freeloaders.

 

These days, a lot of young women have turned it into a mine is bigger than yours dog and pony show, and can't wait to splatter it on Facebook.

 

I know in the US all states have some brutal family law / divorce court rules that are put in place to make someone pay instead of teh Govt. It behoves people to know what the rules are before you go in blind.

 

Both parties have to protect themselves, well of course the one NOT bringing much to the table doesn't care.

 

Huge disparity in income is NOT a good thing in relationships, it will come back and bite you in the bum.

Edited September 29, 2014 by Tayken

[GemmaUK]

I'm 45, female, I never have wanted to get married and decided that if by about 25 that I hadn't already had children that I didn't want to have any.

 

I met a guy when I was 22 and we lived together for 13 years.

He did propose at one point...but I think he was just tipsy! We had always been in agreement about not wanting marriage and children.

He is now married with a child.

 

I have no intentions of getting married but would consider living together if the right guy came along.

My last ex actually protested so much about marriage, he was bizarrely vocal about it and not even in the context of conversations, not that it bothered me of course as it wasn't on my list of things to do but I later found out from mutual friends that I was apparently the one he wanted to marry. Eek!

Edited September 30, 2014 by GemmaUK

[WesternWizard]

IMO one thing that made marriage stink was the culture of sex for the sake of sex.

 

Yeah, some women have gotten married thinking they've struck gold, but we don't hear about the men who got married thinking that a wife = a sex partner who's always available.

[Gloria25]

 

I'm having none of it. I don't see much point in F-buddies or ONS for myself. I'd rather spend the night having a movie night with friends than have a stranger sweat on me and leave.

 

Agreed ^^, but while I've never married and not searching for it either, how the heck am I gonna get a regular sex partner - whom I'd wouldn't mind doing occasional other stuff with (i.e. catching a movie/show, having dinner, walk in a park).

 

I've tried seeing guys casually, but cuz it doesn't evolve into marriage and/or kids, they move on...nothing to keep them around.

 

And for the guys that just moved on to someone else, I don't get it. If we get along, have good times, then what more do you want? What's wrong with wanting a woman who doesn't want kids?

 

I was watching End of Watch and the Hispanic cop was telling Jake G, like 'why to do you people (I guess he meant "Caucasian" people) make dating so complicated' cuz the Hispanic guy met his high school gf and they got hitched and been together for ever since...I'm a simple gal, if I like a guy and we get along and we have great sex - then that's it...

 

Wow, I didn't know Alan Rickman with with a mate THAT long...I've heard of some celebrities who were together long w/o marriage but I can't think their names at this time. BTW, I think Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will pretty much end up divorcing cuz usually the people who were living together without marriage divorce shortly after getting married...

 

I think marriage was created to have a "symbol" of commitment...A comedian kinda jumped on this the other day. Without "marriage" - what would we have to symbolize your commitment to that other person? Legally, marriage is what covers people who live together, commingle finances, and/or have kids.

 

While marriage isn't for me, I watch TV and see people every day who do not marry, have kids, jump from guy to guy and its chaos...I believe without marriage too many people are "playing house", commingle finances, have kids and when they get tired of it, they're gone....

 

Well, I don't commingle finances with any guys and don't have kids. I don't "play house"...I want a mate, but I'm not gonna mess up kids or my finances. If I wanted kids and a guy to live with me, I would have gotten married...

 

BTW, I don't blame a lot of guys for not wanting to marry now a days...The courts are so biased against women and too many women manipulate the system and guys get screwed. I mean there's even some states where if the woman cheats and gets preggo with some other guy's kid - the poor sap of her husband that she cheated on is financially responsible for that kid. With all this power, no wonder why it's women who are initiating divorces more than guys. I have a sibling who divorced and while he's shacking up with his gf, I haven't opposed it - cuz his ex-wife put him through so much and I don't want another woman to put him through that.

Edited October 1, 2014 by Gloria25

[Tayken]

IMO one thing that made marriage stink was the culture of sex for the sake of sex.

 

Yeah, some women have gotten married thinking they've struck gold, but we don't hear about the men who got married thinking that a wife = a sex partner who's always available.

 

Well then, you have to wonder who's fault that is? I think when two people meet, and they have on those rose-tinted glasses, they are not able to snap out of the infatuation trance and just think things will always be honky dory in the sex department.

 

Couples have to somehow keep it fresh, failure to so leads to a party looking elsewhere or just deciding that they can't carry on like this.