Convincing your partner to move

[sean001]

My girlfriend and I both lived in the same city. About a month ago, I got offered a better job back in my home state and just moved a few days ago. We don't live THAT far -- about 2-3 hours by car -- but it is a huge change to go from living 10 minutes away to hours away. Before I took the job, we talked about it and she said that she would consider moving because she has more flexibility in her career right now. Although she hasn't said this explicitly, I know she is on the fence about the idea and wants to be sure that I'm worth it and that she would like the city before taking such a serious step. We've only been going out about 6 months, but over the last few months we both fell for each other hard and things started progressing rapidly. It's been a great experience for both of us.

 

Nevertheless, I'm real concerned about how things are going to turn out. I realize this is a make or break period and since I'm the one that moved away, I want to make things as easy as possible. She's never lived anywhere else for an extended period of time and I know it might be real difficult for her to move away from friends and family. I'm putting absolutely ZERO pressure on her to move and I don't think I should because I want her to know I'm worth it and, hell, who wants to be with some pushy guy?

 

But I want to hear other's success stories with this and what people did. I think the real challenge for me is to make the LDR work temporarily until she is willing and capable to move. I'll help her find a job, get an apartment, etc., but she's not the type to accept handouts. I made the offer once, but I'm not going to push any more.

 

What have others done?

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

She needs to take her time to decide if the move is right for HER not for you two as a couple.

 

I would be afraid of becoming too dependant on you with not knowing anyone or being from there.

[sean001]

Thanks for the reply. I definitely agree that SHE has to make the decision. I am not sure if I want to express to her my own fears and insecurities about whether she'll make the decision I want, but I am fearful she will not (who wouldn't be?). For now, I'll just try to introduce her to the city as much as I can and help out in any way (without being pushy).

 

I'm not sure if I would have moved away if I wasn't sure that she would be serious about moving, but it's too late to go back with the what ifs. The only what if I don't want is that I didn't try this 100%.

 

Thanks again for your help.

[RecordProducer]

Sometimes you don't need to be pushy and sometimes you do. Maybe she thinks you are just saying that you would like her to move in with you. If you let her know that a few more times, perhaps she will figure that you're serious about it. Maybe she wants to take the relationship to a higher level and not adjust to your life unconditionally. You are happy with your new job and city and the only thing you're missing is having her near you. However, she might see it in a different way; sacrificing what she has in her city for a relationship that is not yet so serious would mean that she is bending at your desire. Perhaps you should discuss it openly - where you stand with your love and what she will gain from living with you. Maybe it's time for you to discuss the future of your relationship. If you think it's too early for that, maybe she thinks it's too early for her to change her life because of you while the future of your relationship is vague.

I figured you would get her a separate apartment in the city. If I understood that part correctly then I think it might be the main problem. You would like to have her close, but not too close. Only have her available when you want to see her, but keep your freedom and independence. If that is the case then no wonder she is reluctant to move. You can't have it all.