Naive Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Maybe it's just an easy way out for him and he feels that by saying he loves you but he can't be with you it will not hurt you as much. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Next time, take your relationship slower. The problem is not that you didn't say "I love you," the problem is that you slept with him too soon. the problem is that you were planning your future before even planning the next date. I'm sure he's slightly interested in seeing you again, probably to have sex. But, honestly, you seem kind of obsessed with this guy. If I told my ex never to call me again and it was over and he kept calling,,, I would call the police. For G-d's sake, leave him alone. I had called him on Wed as I recieved a txt message and didn't know who from so I was calling everyone who it could have been. Come on, this was just an excuse to call him. wasn't it? Also, the fact that he HUNG up on you when he got another call. Please. He doesn't deserve the time of day. If he cared at all about you, he would have called back immediately and apologized. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sleeplessincnd Posted March 29, 2005 Author Share Posted March 29, 2005 Hey HoldOn, I think you might have missed the part about us having talked for about 2 hours last weekend - and things were good. The txt msg was not an excuse to call him b/c he told me I could call him if I wanted so I was free to make contact - i didn't need an excuse. Also I don't really think he wants sex - he is not really like that. And I also think that being friends is not his M.O. we weren't friends to begin with. I agree though that we should take it slow. My last relationship waited 5 months for sex but this just felt right, I had so much attraction to him on so many levels. but in the past month I have been reminding myself of all the things I didn't like about him. And thinking alot about his inability to communicate and his tendency to blow up - all things i don't want to deal with. I guess if it is meant to be then we will find a way to make it work and we will both want to make it work on the same level. I guess it can't hurt to see him and see what he has to say and just go into it with my eyes open. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 No, I saw everything. That 2-hour convo doesn't change the basics. I believe that he told you how he felt. Then you pushed him to talk to you again and he breaks down a little. Do you really want a relationship where you have to force everything like this? You may get back together a couple times, but truthfully his heart really isn't in it and you'll end up even more hurt in the future. Wait for a guy who you don't have to make excuses for. Personally, I think he is messing with you. I don't think he is doing it purposely. I think that you haven't given him enough space to figure out what he is doing. When a guy really, actually likes you, you can tell. You don't have to guess. I don't know everything. Of course, I hope things work out for you. In the mean time, since this guy is confusing you, I think you should be dating other people. It will make you realize what is real and what is not. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
lostangel39 Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 I have been in this situation and also posted my story, first you must leave him alone! this is very hard to do since you feel so much love for him and your trying to understand him, but you have to move on! this helped me out so much and now I dont want him back. 1) get rid of everything that reminds you of him. 2) go out even if you dont want to 3) be around positive people 4)dont talk about the two of you or of him!! 5) try to be learn to be alone again and be happy with yourself there are many people who love you! and love to be around you 6) once you feel secure and steady again dont look for love it will find you 7) be patient!! i wish you all the luck and i know you can make it first clue is that you reached out for help and many responded to you see you have so much to offer and give someone out there is waiting for someone such as yourself and will respect you and understand you so dont worry life is to short to worry about the one you thought loved you and what you did wrong, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG HE DID THE WRONG THINGS TO YOU AND HE HAS ISSUES AND IS TOTALLY IMMATURE! go out and be happy he will see how happy you are and maybe come back to you trust me by then you will not want him back! this happened to me and now im happy again ...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sleeplessincnd Posted March 31, 2005 Author Share Posted March 31, 2005 Thanks lostangel but I think you might have missed what I have been saying, I AM GETTING OVER IT and that is what pisses me off about the whole thing. I am definitely not waiting around for him or crying into my pillow every night, I have even met some other guys and will be going on some dates. But it seems that it has already happened, I ignored him, I moved on and now he is wanting to make dates with me and is apologizing. Which would have made me happy even 2 days before he did it, but by the time he called I was resolved to be done with him. I am not going to fall into his arms and I realize that he is the one that did wrong - I'm not sure if he is willing to accept responsibility for his actions, that remains to be seen. As of right now I am undecided about what I am going to do about the weekend. I think that the polite thing to do would be to see him. but if I do then I go in with no expectation about things working and for no other reason than curiosity. I am not hoping out hope that we are going to get back together, that is not what I want. He has anger issues and that really scares me, I'm glad I found that out now not later when we could have been living together or had babies on the way or anything like that. I cared about him a lot but the month we were together has now been replaced with the month that we have been apart and in the grand scheme of life - mearly a drop in the bucket! Like my one friend said "tell him to go f*ck his hat!" and that's just what I might do. Thanks everyone for the advice! Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Like my one friend said "tell him to go f*ck his hat!" and that's just what I might do. Glad you are trying to move on. Guys just seem to know when you have lost interest and then they start bothering you again! Anyway, now that you are moving on... Think about taking your next relationship more slowly. Try reading "The Rules: time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of mr. right." It's about how to put YOURSELF first. And how girls should control the pace of relationships because guys will burn out too quickly if you let them... Just give it a try. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Curious to see how yoru date goes if you go on it or even if you decide not to, how the conversation goes. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by HoldOn And how girls should control the pace of relationships because guys will burn out too quickly if you let them... Exactly what are you implying, HoldOn? I for one have *never* experienced premature "burn out". Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Ha ha! I am sure you haven't prematurely burned out. But still... *some* guys are too agreessive to begin with. They want to spend every second with their new girl. The girl accepts this and stops seeing her friends and family and spends every second with the new guy. Within a couple weeks, the guy starts to feel "smothered." Even though he started it in the first place. Then, he says he needs his space, the girl freaks out and they break up. So the guy's job is to pursue and the girl's job is to make boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Originally posted by HoldOn Ha ha! I am sure you haven't prematurely burned out. Thankyou But still... *some* guys are too agreessive to begin with. They want to spend every second with their new girl. The girl accepts this and stops seeing her friends and family and spends every second with the new guy. Within a couple weeks, the guy starts to feel "smothered." Even though he started it in the first place. Then, he says he needs his space, the girl freaks out and they break up. So the guy's job is to pursue and the girl's job is to make boundaries. Hmmm, this usually happens the other way round for me - maybe it's more a character thing than a girl/guy thing? Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Hmmm, this usually happens the other way round for me - maybe it's more a character thing than a girl/guy thing? Well, I guess the lesson is that when a person is "blowtorching" you at the very beginning of a relationship, that you should be very careful and try to pace things, so they don't end up feeling smothered. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sleeplessincnd Posted April 5, 2005 Author Share Posted April 5, 2005 Hi all, So I'm sure you have been waiting for the update - well here goes! Saturday I wasn't going to call him as I ended up going to have dinner with family anyways. Well I was on my way home at about 10pm when he called me. He called to say that he was tired and didn't want to do anything, no clean clothes, needed a shower (a whole bunch of excuses) so I was fine with that b/c I was not going to get back with him. So we ended up talking for about an hour or so and then out of nowhere he had no excuses he said "maybe we should go for coffee, can you meet me at the mall in like 1/2 an hour" so I said sure and we met up. We drove around for a while and then after about 1/2 hour of driving he pulled over on a little service road. When we did he reached over and grabbed my hand and apologized profusely for the way he had acted. Then he said "I know what I want but I don't think I can have it" so I said "what do you want?" and he said "I want you". So I just moved across the seat and into his arms and we talked about things and we both apologized and we both committed to making changes in how we behave with one another. Things have been really good for the past couple of days, Sunday we spent the entire day together and he didn't want me to leave! Yesterday he was back to his old self calling me at work to tell me he is thinking about me and such - it feels really good. I think that we really have a chance. Him admiting that he did something wrong is really a big thing for him and the fact that he could tell me shows that he really does care about me. He also told me the main reason for the break-up was that he thought I was going to breakup with him so he thought he would beat me to it - so me persisting and showing him I really did care may have been what saved us. If I had gone strict NC from the beginning we wouldn't have had this second chance. So I guess that's it for me! Thanks for all the advice - it was very reassuring! If I can give anyone any advice it would be that you know this person best - do what you think is right. Thanks westernxer you said it best so long ago Forget about who's fault it is... if you really love him, you'll risk your hide to reach out to him. you were right! Link to post Share on other sites
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