My Girl broke up with me

[David]

Yesterday was the hardest day of my life. We broke up. We tried very hard, but it just did not work out. Noone ever made my cry like she did. I cried, like a girl, in the car. We both cried, because we both knew that it was over.

 

We spent a night in a hotel together, and we did not sleep, a few minutes here and there, knowing that it was the last time we were gonna be in each other's arms.

 

I am devastated!!! I mean I don't know how to cope with this? Will I ever feel what I felt with her, ever again??

 

I doubt that, and that is why I am devastated!

 

Can someone please tell me what to do?

 

Thanks

 

David

[deepassion]

To David,

 

I will be glad to help you! I'm pretty sure that you will love with another girl but obviously the feeling will be much different because every girl is different. It is going to be very hard at first because you are so used to having someone there with you and now you are going to have to go on without her. In order for me to help you get through this you are going to have to be a bit more specific about how you both ended the relationship. Every problem has its own remedy. The main goal that you should work yourself towards is to understand that there are other fish in the sea. Knowing a bit a problem will help me and the other help you get through this.

 

Deepassion

[David]

We basically broke up because of the fact that her past was interfering with my emotions, and even though initially I had planned to marry her, knowing about her past, it would have been very difficult to live with her forever, even though I loved her to death. She still could not get over her previous relationship, and our relationship got affected by her past to the point, where I was not in a condition to make love to her. There was nothing we could have done, except fot her not to reveal her past. But sonner or later it would have become apparent, and we would end any way, but I am so devastated, I have not loved anyone like I love her

 

I really doubt that I will ever be in a condition where I will devote myself to any girl like I have devoted myself to her. I gave her my entire heart and soul. and now I am going thru nightmare, I have thought of ending my life, cause for some reason, life does not make sense to me any more. I know it sounds crazy, but she came into my life, and brightened it, because before her, all I had was disappointmnet and pain. She seemed so right, as if we were soulmates, but it ended. It seems like I am destined to be alone

 

WHAT CAN I DO??? DO YOU PEOPLE HONESTLY BELIVE THAT I WILL MEET SOMEONE WHO WILL MAKE ME FORGET MY PAST

[girl's view]

david,

 

i understand what you are going through, i truly do.

 

two people can love each other dearly, yet for one reason or another, things will just not work out. and sometimes that is what makes it so hard and so painful. but at least you can say you tried. that was so important. imagine how you'd feel if you didn't try? you'd feel 10 times worse.

 

when i broke up with my ex a few months ago, i have never cried like that in my life. i cried, i sobbed, i bawled like a baby. i cried myself to sleep every night for over a month. like you, i had never felt that way about anyone in my life, and it was the most heartbreaking thing i have ever been through. i was an utter, utter mess. i was gutted.

 

i still cry, but sometimes, when you feel so stronly about a person, it can take months to get over them. i'm still going through the process of getting over my ex. i know it will take a long time because of the intensity of my feelings towards him. sometimes i wish there was a little pill i could take that would all of a sudden make me stop loving him. or a little pill that would erase all memory of him. but then when someone is so special, why would i want to do that? what you are finding so painful and heartbreaking now, you will be able to look back on oneday with sweet memories and you will be able to smile without feeling that pain. i know that right now, you feel that won't happen, but trust me, it will.

 

i have spoken with people who have been in the exact same situation as you and i, and they are living proof that life does go on. some people you will always hold close to your heart, but you will move on. but right now is not the right time.

 

you need to be kind to yourself and patient with yourself. when my ex and i broke up, i didn't know whether i was coming or going, or whether i was arthur or martha. everything felt so, so wrong. but that is completely normal.

 

like you, i believed i would never feel for someone else again, the way i did for my ex. but i have been told by many people that i will. at first i thought they were saying that to just make me feel better, but the more i think about it, the more i know it's true. you just don't feel it is true when you are still in-love with someone else. but think about it -- as long as you are still in love with your ex, you won't feel that way for anyone else. and that is why you need to take the time to get over her. there are no set timetables for these kind of things, but it will happen. out of all the billions of people in this world, you will find someone who you will feel just as strongly for oneday. you will never replace your ex, but you wouldn't want to do that. and if your ex-girlfriend was your first love, it is usually tougher. but i promise you, things will get easier over time, and you will feel complete happiness again.

 

i will post below a response i wrote to someone the other week, who has recently broken up with someone they love. i found the things i listed in this post useful in helping me through, and i am still finding them useful. i am posting it because i know it made them feel a lot better, and i sincerely hope it can make you feel better too, david.

 

* warm hugs from someone who cares *

[girl's view]

david,

 

this is a re-post of mine from the other week. i really hope it helps you in some way

 

boy, do i know how you're feeling right now. and i bet nearly everyone here on loveshack has felt it at some time in their life. love can feel so wonderful, yet it can be so painful.

 

like you, i still love my ex very, very much, but us splitting up was for the best - and the fact that you can admit it is for the best is really good on your behalf. to be able to acknowledge that you had a deep love, but sometimes it doesn't always work out, is the first step in moving on. so whether you're aware of it or not, you've taken that first step in the process of getting over her.

 

when my ex and i broke up i was a devestated, miserable, mess. i will make a few suggestions that have helped me somewhat in dealing with a broken heart:

 

1. cry, cry, cry - crying promotes the release of tension and sorrow; it is one of nature's ways of cleansing and healing. emotions that are suppressed can lead to discomfort, stress, or even a nervous breakdown. sadness, aloneness, and longing, are powerful emotions that knows no best release other than tears. a good cry lets us accept the situation, allows us to come to terms with our feelings, and helps us through the tough times and onto a better perspective of the new scheme of things. through crying, we quickly regain strength to wipe our tears away, open our eyes, lift our heads, and move on.

 

2. remove reminders - for the moment, take all the reminders of your girlfriend such as photos, gifts, books, letters etc and put them in a box somewhere (under your bed or in a cupboard), so you don't have to constantly see reminders of her everywhere. sure, you will not be able to remove reminders such as restaurants or streets or certain rooms in your house, but whatever you can do to not have avoid more pain, then do it.

 

3. talk - talk to people you trust. don't earbash them too much. just confide in them as much as you feel comfortable. sometimes an objective point of view can be the best medicine. get a hug from someone close to you.

 

4. keep a diary - writing down your feelings can be just as therapeutic as crying. it is a great way to release all the pain and confusion you might be feeling. keep it somewhere private, and whenever you find yourself feeling down, or at the end of the day, write down how you have been feeling. this is a great way to keep track of your progress and a great release for all the things you feel you may not be able to talk to people about.

 

5. don't rebound - it can be so easy to drown your pain in the arms of someone else. but if you were to be with someone else, it would be for all the wrong reasons and you'll only end up causing more pain for yourself and someone else. take this time to work through it on your own. you will come out so much stronger.

 

6. have faith - you will have your moments where you will think, "i'm never going to get over her" - *but you will*. there is no time limit on these things, so don't get upset with yourself and think "i should be getting over it by now". my ex and i have been apart for almost 4 months now, and i'm still not over it. but everyone is different and everyone feels things at different levels.

 

7. don't contact her (for now, anyway) - the urge to contact your ex and say, "i desperately need to hug you and talk to you", can be very overwhelming. do not succumb to it. this will stall the healing process in a BIG, BIIIIIIG way and will only make things 10 times harder than they already feel. i can completely understand the overwhelming urge to be near them, to hear their voice, to hold them, but it is a very bad idea indeed. you will only create false hope for yourself, especially if your girlfriend is a very caring person. calling her could also make things worse. be strong - you can do it. if i can not have any contact with my ex, then anyone can do the same. it's been the hardest thing i have ever done in my life, because he was also my best friend. but i've stuck with it. i just remind myself that we broke up for a good reason, and i need to get over him first before i can ever be in contact with him again oneday.

 

i hope i have helped you in some way. i TOTALLY understand what you are going through right now. just remember, you are not alone even if you feel at times you are. and always come back here if you're having a hard time

[girl's view]

But sonner or later it would have become apparent, and we would end any way, but I am so devastated, I have not loved anyone like I love her.

 

we have all been there at some stage in our lives. you can acknowledge that it would have ended anyway. better that it ended now than 5 years down the track when you would have been more attached than you are now and more heartbroken. everything happens for a reason, and we all learn some wonderful lessons, no matter how painful those lessons are.

 

I really doubt that I will ever be in a condition where I will devote myself to any girl like I have devoted myself to her. I gave her my entire heart and soul.

 

you will, david. but not until you are over her. many of us invest so much of ourselves into another person. i have learnt not to invest my heart and soul into someone until i can know that they will give me in return what i am giving them - if they can do that. you will find someone just as special who doesn't have problems with the past. but you don't want to find someone until you are over your past.

 

and now I am going thru nightmare, I have thought of ending my life, cause for some reason, life does not make sense to me any more.

 

losing someone you love so much is a nightmare and the feelings you experience can be awful. i couldn't imagine my life without my ex when we broke up. but i had no choice. things could have become worse with you and your girlfriend and things would have made less and less sense. don't end your life - no one is worth ending your life over. if you are seriously thinking this, please see a counsellor.

 

I know it sounds crazy, but she came into my life,and brightened it, because before her, all I had was disappointmnet and pain. She seemed so right, as if we were soulmates, but it ended.

 

yep. i know that feeling too. my ex showed me what true love was. i never knew it before him. i only ever knew abuse and emotional pain. but i think, if someone like him can walk into my life, someone that i love so much, then it will happen again oneday. i think fate sent him out of my life to pave the way for someone just as wonderful, who will stay.

 

It seems like I am destined to be alone

 

DO YOU PEOPLE HONESTLY BELIVE THAT I WILL MEET SOMEONE WHO WILL MAKE ME FORGET MY PAST AND ALLOW ME TO FALL IN LOVE AGAIN????

 

YES!!! you will meet someone oneday. do not rush it. it will happen naturally. you have such a great capacity for love and you will find someone oneday who will give everything to you in return that you deserve. you sound like a great guy, but be patient and let yourself heal, and learn.

 

you will never forget your past, but in time the pain will become less and less. TRUST ME!! i'm still in pain 4 months later, but it is getting less and less. i am not as devestated as i was at first, but i am slowly getting there. and that's what matters.