paperboy48 Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 My fiancé wants us to get married next year on one of the all-inclusive Caribbean islandresorts. We picked a beautiful place, invited our immediate families and close friends to go with us for a week or a long-weekend, whichever they prefer. My sisters are giving us resistance saying it is too expensive for their families, which it probably is for them. We have both been married before. We both had the big 150-200 person wedding. Been there…done that. This is going to be a 5-minute ceremony on the beach with basically no reception, just a champagne toast immediately after the ceremony and then off to dinner we all go, just as we would any other night. If I cancel our plans, I disapoint my fiance. If I don't I dissapoint my sisters. Do you think it is okay to go ahead with this, even though my sisters probably won’t go? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 I'm confused, if it's going to be a simple 5 minute ceremony... why does it have to be in a Caribbean island resort?? If it were a priority to you for everyone to be able to attend, then hold the 5 minute ceremony in the city you all live in, and go to the Caribbean for your honeymoon after? But anyway it's your right to do whatever you wish IMO, as long as you don't resent your sisters for not turning up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Which is more important to you to get married in the carribean or to get married in front of the people you love and to celebrate with them. Considering it is a second marriage for both of you perhaps you both want to do away with the stress of managing people and just relax and do it alone. To answer your question I think it is okay to do whatever makes the two of you happy. It's your wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Keep your plans, just don't expect your sisters to show up. Tell them it's okay, and as a second marriage it's not as big a deal. Have a party or reception once you return home, which everyone can attend who didn't make it to the wedding itself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 go where you both feel comfortable. Video it for family to see. best wishes on your pending nuptials Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Why aren't you paying for it? You can't expect people to take a vacation they never could have afforded to a place they wouldn't have picked and pay for it! They'd have to take off work and use their vacation for your deal. They'd rather do their own vacation to someplace they want to go doing something they want to do. Unless everyone is independently wealthy and unemployed, family/friend destination weddings are just asking too much. Go yourselves and have a great honeymoon, but leave the wedding to where people mostly live. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 When you book a destination wedding you need to assume most people won't go. It is your day but asking somebody to drop thousands of dollars its a giant p.i.t.a. for them & somewhat selfish on your part. If you really can't handle the idea of your sisters not being there, pick up the tab & treat them. If you can't put your money where you mouth is, hush. I'm sure they are still happy for you & disappointed but it's unrealistic to expect them to spend probably 10x what it would cost them if you got married at home. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author paperboy48 Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 When you book a destination wedding you need to assume most people won't go. It is your day but asking somebody to drop thousands of dollars its a giant p.i.t.a. for them & somewhat selfish on your part. If you really can't handle the idea of your sisters not being there, pick up the tab & treat them. If you can't put your money where you mouth is, hush. I'm sure they are still happy for you & disappointed but it's unrealistic to expect them to spend probably 10x what it would cost them if you got married at home. I didn't say I couldn't handle them not being there. Its a five-minute ceremony. To be its about me and the person Im marrying. My post said I would dissapoint my sisters if I went through with this, not dissapoint myself. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 OK So it's settled. You are having your Destination Wedding & your sisters will not attend. What's the problem? Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Do it without your sisters. Call them and speak to them in person and just tell them you understand if they can't come, will miss them, but you and your fiance want to be married on the island. No biggie. most people don't go to destination weddings. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I've always joked (but kinda serious) that if I'm ever planning a wedding and the invitation aspect is stressing me out I'd just make it a destination wedding and call it a day since that will immediately decrease the amount of people who will be able to attend, so I could invite lots of people but then know most won't show lol. But seriously, for me the whole point of a wedding is for my nearest and dearest to be with me and share in my happiness, so in planning a destination wedding I'd give people A LOT of notice so they could save as well as if I could afford to cover any of the costs, say pay for the plane tickets of some guests OR their hotel stay I would try to do that to defer the cost. If it would be a financial struggle for most of the important people to me, I'd have the wedding more locally and then go to the destination as our honeymoon instead. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Honestly, I'd be disappointed, too, if my brother wanted us to pay thousands of dollars to bring our families to a Caribbean resort for a five minute ceremony and regular dinner. But it's your wedding, so do what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 pay thousands of dollars to bring our families to a Caribbean resort for a five minute ceremony and regular dinner. OP, I think this is the crux of it... Your destination wedding isn't really a wedding by a traditional definition. Last year, I had to have a destination wedding; my fiancé's aging parents live on the East Coast and couldn't travel to the West Coast. My sisters are too obese to get on planes and couldn't travel to the East Coast. I did three total events; (1) a small, courthouse event that one of my sisters attended in California (the legal event), (2) the East Coast event which was mostly my fiancé's family plus two of my friends who live there, and (3) a California reception several months later that had the bulk of my friends. Yes, it was sad for me that my sisters couldn't be there for our wedding vows but I tried to compensate for everyone to participate as best they could. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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