I Want to Tell My MM I Need A Break

[joodee]

Well, tonight I am going to tell my MM that I need time to myself, for those who have read my thread "Tired of Being A Secret" you know I've been trying to make sense of this man who I now realize won't tell the truth, won't admit there is still something between he and his W (even though they haven't lived together or hardly spend any time together), won't come clean about other women, and still, after a year and a half, won't take action to file for a divorce, introduce me to his kids, and now keeps postponing counseling appointments.

 

I know believe there is no hope and that he's a player, playing me, his wife, and whoever else he sees.

 

I want to tell him tonight that this isn't working for me anymore, and that he should go figure out his marriage and why he hides other women and the truth from me, and that I don't want anymore dishonesty in my life. Besides, after reading some of these posts by others over the weekend, I really don't want to be in this kind of relationship anymore.

 

I was writing to KMT about what happened to a friend of mine when she found out about her H's affair, and I started thinking, "I know my MM's W still loves him, even though he says different."

 

Wish me luck, I have to go through with this, even though I think he's going to get mad and somehow blame me. That fear shouldn't stop me, right? I think that is what's been stopping me so far.

[Sad Flower]

I think it is a good decision..trust me you will be glad you did it!

 

I wish I had done it!

[lynnered]

"Wish me luck, I have to go through with this, even though I think he's going to get mad and somehow blame me. That fear shouldn't stop me, right? I think that is what's been stopping me so far."

 

how could he blame you?

haven't you stood by him through all this?

 

thats a part of the problem with my XMM ,

they act like jerks when we are with them,

and suddenly NC or end it whatever they go crazy!!

we OW are somehow attached to MM ,and they are too they just don't show it as much ,

i think you need to do this ,

whatever outcome you hope to achieve ,

he wont see how much mean to him until he cant call, when he wants ,cant see you when he wants .

he might be like my Xmm you have him so "spoiled"that he doesn't know he has a good woman !!

goodluck you deserve to be happy

[joodee]

Thanks for the support Sad Flower and Lynnered,

 

I told him, he at first got defensive, I panicked for a second, then sort of stood my ground and said this is making me very depressed and I really don't want to continue like this.

 

He then e-mailed saying he was sorry for all his actions, only wants to be with me, he does have issues with me that he'd like to talk about, etc....and that he loves me and wants to work things out.

 

I at first was going to write a short response, then I got long-winded and said EVERYTHING I was thinking...ohow I just can't continue like this, I feel he should figure out his marriage, why he cheats, there's been too much lies and dishonesty, and if you want to talk about what I wrote, fine, but I really need time to myself and get a clear head. I also said I feel I shouldn't date him if his wife still loves him, that's my gut, and I'm listening to my guts.

I also wrote that I want kids, a family, and a great sexual relationship where I don't have to worry if he is hiding other women, and I don't want to be with a cheater.

 

Then I left a cell phone message to him (he's in a night class right now) saying I appreciate you writing what you wrote, I'm going to bed, read my e-mail, think about it, and if you want I can call you after my meeting tomorrow night. He was hoping I'd talk to him tonight, but now I don't want to.

 

I feel like I'm finally starting to take care of myself. Funny, I feel relieved somehow. I now think I was too nice in saying I would call him tomorrow after my meeting, but this feels like such a big step, I should go have a glass of wine and pop on a really good movie. Maybe by tomorrow morning after a good night's sleep I'll be able to say I really do want a long break, like a good long month...or let's just break up and move on.

[ww]

better yet...YOU CAN BREAK YOUR MM!