I need some help

[Lina]

I started dating a guy about 2 months ago. He is the sweetest guy I have ever met, very loving and affectionate. We have fooled around, and kissed and hugged, however, he has not made a move to have sex with me.

 

We had a conversation this morning, and he said that he is very attracted to me, but wants to lay off sex for some time, a month or 2. Well, I said, I am fine with that, but inquired what was holding him back. He said he was in a 2 year relationship, and is still attached to his Ex girl emotionally, and he thinks he will not be able to make love to me yet. I am little bit confused here. It has been already almost 4 months since they broke up, and is not this guy interested in having sex with me? No guy has ever told me that he wants to put off sex with me. I am questioning whether he is attracted to me at all...

 

He however, wants to spend a night with me, and asked if I could stay over and sleep with him.

 

Does not that sound strange, and if is attracted to me, is not he gonna want to have sex with me. I feel weird getting in bed with him, and not having sex.

 

Is this guy normal, what should I do?

 

Thanks

[Dragonflys]

I think this guy is perfectly normal.

 

I think the reason he is putting off sex is that he wants to feel stronger feelings for you before having sex, not simply lust which men can generate in about 1/2 a second. The emotional attachment to you he is seeking I think takes months to generate, and when that comes the sex is all the more beautiful and complete.

 

Also, he would not be over his ex in 4 months, especially since he had an emotional attachment to her. Maybe you haven't experienced this. Love is much more than sex.

 

Give him the benefit of the doubt here. The fact that he is the affectionate type and has communicated brilliantly with you so far suggests he is a truly great guy.

 

Push him and may lose him.

[girl's view]

i think it's completely normal for anyone who is not over somebody to not feel comfortable having sex with another person. it's not that he doesn't find you attractive but he's doing the right thing by holding off. it wouldn't be fair for him to try and make love with you, when in essence, he is not over the love he shared with this other girl.

 

i don't know what anyone else thinks, but personally, i would have a bit of trouble becoming involved with a guy who is not over his ex. the only reason i say this, is because i know i could not devote myself the way someone deserves if i still had someone else on my mind. right now, i am not over my ex, and i don't think it would be fair to get involved with someone else when i am still emotionally attached to my ex.

 

i think if it were me, i would give myself two options:

 

1. agree to hold off having sex until he feels ready;

 

2. put the whole relationship on hold until he is ready to devote himself 100% to you.

 

the idea of being with someone who still has feelings for another just really puts me off, even if they were attracted to me. part of me would be afraid they're attracted to me because they're on the rebound. i'd want them to be attracted to me with no baggage and i think i'd prefer option number 2, myself. but that's only what i think. ultimately, it's your call. you know him best.

[Catari]

If he is not over his ex and he had the guts to get involved with someone, having a new relationship in mind, he is pretty selfish. I perfectly understand that he still feels attached to his ex and, perhaps, it will take him some time to forget. Is he hoping that you will be understanding that much to deal with his emotional problems of this nature? He sees a companion in you, an attractive one, I assume. If you are compatable on many levels and you agree to be his pseudo-friend, go for it, but you may regret it if you will invest your feelings in someone who will not return them fully. If you want more from a relationship and, most people do, are you able to settle for less? It may hurt too much some day. I wouldn't accept that much honesty.

 

He is not ready to commit his feelings fully, regardless of his wishes. Be very careful and protective of your own feelings. Do not invest them in vain.

 

Getting involved emotionally with another person is always a gambling and we often experience problems down the road, but to agree to deal with some, especially, of this nature, from the very first moment, is nothing but a risky business.

I started dating a guy about 2 months ago. He is the sweetest guy I have ever met, very loving and affectionate. We have fooled around, and kissed and hugged, however, he has not made a move to have sex with me. We had a conversation this morning, and he said that he is very attracted to me, but wants to lay off sex for some time, a month or 2. Well, I said, I am fine with that, but inquired what was holding him back. He said he was in a 2 year relationship, and is still attached to his Ex girl emotionally, and he thinks he will not be able to make love to me yet. I am little bit confused here. It has been already almost 4 months since they broke up, and is not this guy interested in having sex with me? No guy has ever told me that he wants to put off sex with me. I am questioning whether he is attracted to me at all... He however, wants to spend a night with me, and asked if I could stay over and sleep with him. Does not that sound strange, and if is attracted to me, is not he gonna want to have sex with me. I feel weird getting in bed with him, and not having sex. Is this guy normal, what should I do? Thanks

[Fishbulb]

I started dating a guy about 2 months ago.

He is the sweetest guy I have ever met, very loving and affectionate. We have fooled around, and kissed and hugged, however, he has not made a move to have sex with me. We had a conversation this morning, and he said that he is very attracted to me, but wants to lay off sex for some time, a month or 2. Well, I said, I am fine with that, but inquired what was holding him back. He said he was in a 2 year relationship, and is still attached to his Ex girl emotionally, and he thinks he will not be able to make love to me yet. I am little bit confused here. It has been already almost 4 months since they broke up, and is not this guy interested in having sex with me? No guy has ever told me that he wants to put off sex with me. I am questioning whether he is attracted to me at all... He however, wants to spend a night with me, and asked if I could stay over and sleep with him. Does not that sound strange, and if is attracted to me, is not he gonna want to have sex with me. I feel weird getting in bed with him, and not having sex. Is this guy normal, what should I do? Thanks

Fishbulb here. I find it kind of disturbing that: A) you would hold it against him for being true to himself in wanting to be in a relationship based on something other than sex, and B) that you seem to think that's all you have to offer is sex. OF COURSE he wants to have sex with you. It probably has nothing to do with you. Maybe, just maybe, he respects himself (and you) enough to want to make this relationship strong based on more. This is not a bad thing. You should matbe even be flattered that he may see something beyond the physicality, and is willing to explore that. Don't be weird. Be grateful. Take it from someone who knows.