Girlfriend on dating site

[jack20]

Okay, so I had a girlfriend where I lived in Canada and we lived together but the relationship was a little rocky although we stayed together. I left for a job in the states and she was planning on following. The rocky times continued via the phone so I decided that we should call it quits. She would break NC asking me for a password to something or whatever and I would respond and help but after 2 1/2 months we started talking again (mid-August) and she said she missed me and I in turn, said I missed her too. Within this time, I never dated or slept with anyone because I was allowing myself to heal first and then started attempting to date by just socializing with singles groups but never dated anyone. She said she still loves me and wants us to be together. Wants to one day be my wife, confidant, lover, mother of my children. She was angry at the breakup and said she wanted me to suffer when I did break up with her but is over it. However, she plans to come and see me and the plan was to come at the end of September but she had to push it to mid-October because of a conference.

 

She had told me a few weeks ago that she just went on a few dinner dates and that's it and there was a guy that was posting on her Facebook but she said she just talked to him online and on Skype as he was in the U.S. She slipped once and said she needs sex and it's been a few weeks but we were apart for 2.5 months so I asked her outright if she's had sex with someone because she's always been very sexual and always horny and she came clean that she has had sex with someone. She, however, hooked up with 2 guys and she claims that's it. We weren't together though so she could do what she wanted but a little disturbing as to how. She met one on Tinder a month after the breakup and just went to dinner and hooked up the first night and supposedly 2 more times. She also hooked up with the Facebook guy (visited her for 4 days) around the same time. I asked why she would need 2 guys at the same time and she said that she needed to feel wanted and beautiful and was trying to replace/get over me so she needed more than one? Both of them were guys she never saw a future with, just wanted to get laid? So, to feel better about herself she need to just have sex with some stranger? She had said that Tinder guy texts her once a week or so but she said she told him that I'm back in the picture but claims she doesn't say much to him.

 

However, I logged into my old dating account (when we weren't together) to see if everything was still there, and it was, and I saw she was on the dating site again because she had new pictures and this was at the same time she was seeing the guy posting on Facebook and figured she just wasn't into him if she's on there. After we started talking more serious, I wanted to see if she finally canceled the account as I was feeling uneasy in my gut so I created a dummy account and I saw she was recently on. It was now late September (a week ago) and she was still going online and on there for sometimes 30 minutes at a time. I'm guessing she's in a instant messaging session? I was on a short trip and was texting her so that we can talk and she usually has her phone with her all the time but she never answered. So, I go on the dating site and she was on there for 30 minutes and then I had to go meet my buddy at the pool. Then I contacted her later and she said she was sleeping!

 

She was visiting her family 2 hours away from home and was driving back and asked if I could voice message her to keep her awake so she doesn't fall asleep on the road. I did by entertaining her with voice impressions and asking her to guess who, playing music guessing games, and telling her jokes and she kept laughing and got home and thanked me for keeping her alert while she drove back. Said she would message me in 30-45 minutes after she unpacks her car and showers. After 45 minutes, she was in the messaging system and Facebook and left it but never messaged me (shows a timestamp). Then after another 10 minutes I log into the dating site with my dummy account and lo and behold, she was active online for 35 minutes. Then logs off and I get a text 2 minutes later that says she's really exhausted and has to go to sleep and will talk the next day? So, after I did all that for her on her trip, she didn't even have the decency to talk to me but goes and chats to guys on a dating site?

 

Lastly, I added some pictures of a guy that she would think was good looking in my fake profile and messaged her to see what she does. Does she say she's dating someone and is leaving or not? She wrote back about how hot I am and about her hobbies and interests and that she will be in my area soon and looking forward to talking more with a "xx" at the end. She had just told me that morning that she loved me soooooo much and texting me naked photos. Who knows what else she's doing? I know I have to dump her like a bad habit because firstly, this is a long distance relationship and she's planning on seeing me in 2 weeks but I no longer want her here! Am I overreacting???

[tatersalad]

So you caught her on her online dating account by accessing your online dating account?

[Diezel]

Who cares if she planned to come in 2 weeks. Dump her.

[Btrade]

I hope you are not actually debating this.

[Keke1]

Please don't bring that drama back. Release the pain and start healing for your own health. She's showed you(or you found out) who she is man believe that.

[jack20]

So you caught her on her online dating account by accessing your online dating account?

 

I went on my online dating account when we were already broken up and saw her on there. I had told her that I was deactivating the account but we weren't back together and I did. After she contacted me and told me that she missed me and wanted to get back together, I still didn't access it but had my suspicions because she would say things like "When I come see you, I want to be everything for you faithful, loving, caring so there are no more secrets and lies." She has said the "faithful" when we see each other on more than one occasion. So, I was wondering if she was still hooking up even though she calls herself my girlfriend and me her boyfriend. You know when you have that gut feeling that something isn't right based on certain words that are slipped out?

 

I never wanted to talk to her today because she wanted my address for some papers and I had given it to her before but she must have lost it. Now I don't want her to have it and just told her that I left my phone at home and will talk to her in a bit after I freshen up since I just got home.

[jack20]

One other thing is, she re-friended some guy on Facebook that I wanted her to block when we got together. He was some guy that she was talking to on Skype from a dating site that was supposed to visit her but he never did and they used to do "dirty Skype" if you know what I mean. He also was asking her to do a threesome or come visit him and have sex with some friend of his??? She never went to visit him but was still wanting him to visit her before we got together?

 

When we got together, I didn't feel comfortable with him being on there and she said that he's harmless but I said that the sexual freak didn't need to be on there so she blocked him. After we broke up, a week later she unblocked him and messaged him asking if he would be visiting soon and he said maybe end of summer and she said she's single again. She wanted him to come up and have sex with her and said she wanted me to see that she re-friended him to make me "suffer"? She told me this last week but after that talk in early June, they never spoke again.

[Cristo]

Listen to your gut, man. The fact that you even created a post here should tell you something.

 

And don't bother asking her for the truth. You will never get it.

 

In my experience, whenever I listened to my gut in situations like this, reality was actually usually WORSE than what I could come up with in my imagination. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

 

Dump her, heal, and date someone else. You'll look back at this in 6 months from now and wonder why you even considered staying with her. Trust me.

[jack20]

I'm going to message her soon but don't know why I'm nervous to do it? I know how she can be when she gets mad with all the swearing and blaming and crying and yelling. I really have all the evidence against her but it's still difficult to drop the hammer and get into an argument. I know all the sex talk and promise of sex in a couple weeks she's trying to keep herself alluring and I've been without since I broke up with her but have to think with my head instead of something else. Many women say I'm hot etc. and I just have to be ready to move on but wasn't since I was holding onto the memory of her and felt guilty for breaking up in the first place.

[bubbaganoosh]

How about this. Just call her and tell her that your moving on and if she asks why, tell her that it doesn't matter but she wont be lonely with her and her friends on the dating site.

 

She's got her "plan B" mojo working and you the plan b. She gives a ton of lip service but doesn't have what it takes to back it up. Dump her ASAP.

[jack20]

Listen to your gut, man. The fact that you even created a post here should tell you something.

 

And don't bother asking her for the truth. You will never get it.

 

In my experience, whenever I listened to my gut in situations like this, reality was actually usually WORSE than what I could come up with in my imagination. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

 

Dump her, heal, and date someone else. You'll look back at this in 6 months from now and wonder why you even considered staying with her. Trust me.

 

You're right Cristo. You all are. I know she'll never tell me the truth. I'm sure there were more than just 2 guys based on how sexual she always is. She's always making sex joke and bringing up sex or if I say things like, "I'm getting up for work." She would say, "I can get you up...hahahaha" meaning sexually. She does it with almost anything I say.

[jack20]

How about this. Just call her and tell her that your moving on and if she asks why, tell her that it doesn't matter but she wont be lonely with her and her friends on the dating site.

 

She's got her "plan B" mojo working and you the plan b. She gives a ton of lip service but doesn't have what it takes to back it up. Dump her ASAP.

 

That's a good one. Not to mention she's been using Tinder. I'm sure she's using that also! I didn't hear from her for several hours last night and then she texts me a few things and says she's exhausted and going to sleep and will talk tomorrow?? She was finished all her work hours before? What was she exhausted doing? Having sex with someone?

[Haerts]

She was finished all her work hours before? What was she exhausted doing? Having sex with someone?

 

To be quite honest with you, probably. When we love (or really like) someone, we just get too blind to see the truth, even though it's right in front of our face. But who cares whether she was having sex with someone or not? It's clear here that she's not that interested on you, else she wouldn't do the things she did. You're scared of "breaking up" again because you know you like her, but really, you already collected all the evidences you needed, what else do you need to realize that she's NOT there for you as you are for her? You seem to be a great dude and you definitely deserve someone better than that, don't settle with anything less than what you deserve. Someone who loves you would never treat you like that.

 

I think you're actually just looking for people to encourage you to dump her. So here it is: DUMP HER.

[SawtoothMars]

I'm going to message her soon but don't know why I'm nervous to do it? I know how she can be when she gets mad with all the swearing and blaming and crying and yelling. I really have all the evidence against her but it's still difficult to drop the hammer and get into an argument. I know all the sex talk and promise of sex in a couple weeks she's trying to keep herself alluring and I've been without since I broke up with her but have to think with my head instead of something else. Many women say I'm hot etc. and I just have to be ready to move on but wasn't since I was holding onto the memory of her and felt guilty for breaking up in the first place.

 

Just freaking dump this HO!

[jack20]

I was just online with her and she was saying that she was scared that I was going to dump her again. That she wouldn't give me her user name an password even though she wasn't doing anything wrong. I told her she was cheating by trying to email other guys and she guess that I was the fake account.

 

She went online and said she was not doing anything wrong but was just online and talking to people but not trying to hook up and figured I was the guy that messaged her last. I was the guy she messaged last! She said that she didn't message anyone but I guessed her password while we were talking and said that she's been messaging people. She said that she was just messaging people because she was scared I was going to bread up with her again and we argued back and forth. She said why would she mess things up if she was talking to me but I said she didn't know she was talking to me. I hacked her account while we were talking and said she has been emailing people and she kept claiming that she was just emailing while we were talking and she said that she loved me. I said that she's been emailing people while we've been talking for a few weeks and she said why would she do that even though she was logging on and emailing strangers, including me.

 

So we argued for a while and broke up. She was trying to hook up even though it was long distance! It was still trying to hook up. Too bad for her.

[NJ123]

I was just online with her and she was saying that she was scared that I was going to dump her again. That she wouldn't give me her user name an password even though she wasn't doing anything wrong. I told her she was cheating by trying to email other guys and she guess that I was the fake account.

 

She went online and said she was not doing anything wrong but was just online and talking to people but not trying to hook up and figured I was the guy that messaged her last. I was the guy she messaged last! She said that she didn't message anyone but I guessed her password while we were talking and said that she's been messaging people. She said that she was just messaging people because she was scared I was going to bread up with her again and we argued back and forth. She said why would she mess things up if she was talking to me but I said she didn't know she was talking to me. I hacked her account while we were talking and said she has been emailing people and she kept claiming that she was just emailing while we were talking and she said that she loved me. I said that she's been emailing people while we've been talking for a few weeks and she said why would she do that even though she was logging on and emailing strangers, including me.

 

So we argued for a while and broke up. She was trying to hook up even though it was long distance! It was still trying to hook up. Too bad for her.

 

You did the right thing. She doesn't sound like she's ever going to have a healthy relationship with anyone. Move on & go no contact.

[Keke1]

I was just online with her and she was saying that she was scared that I was going to dump her again. That she wouldn't give me her user name an password even though she wasn't doing anything wrong. I told her she was cheating by trying to email other guys and she guess that I was the fake account.

 

She went online and said she was not doing anything wrong but was just online and talking to people but not trying to hook up and figured I was the guy that messaged her last. I was the guy she messaged last! She said that she didn't message anyone but I guessed her password while we were talking and said that she's been messaging people. She said that she was just messaging people because she was scared I was going to bread up with her again and we argued back and forth. She said why would she mess things up if she was talking to me but I said she didn't know she was talking to me. I hacked her account while we were talking and said she has been emailing people and she kept claiming that she was just emailing while we were talking and she said that she loved me. I said that she's been emailing people while we've been talking for a few weeks and she said why would she do that even though she was logging on and emailing strangers, including me.

 

So we argued for a while and broke up. She was trying to hook up even though it was long distance! It was still trying to hook up. Too bad for her.

 

All this right here. Unnecessary. Should've just left her in the dark.

[lolablue17]

You did the right thing. If you took her back you would hear many stories, lies, and excuses for ever.

 

I guess what happened is after you broke up the first time, she started meeting multiple guys, and became addicted to it. She likes the attention and finds it hard to quit.

 

Even if you'd be living together, she would still need to fulfill her addiction on low heat, but every time you'd have a fight or a crisis, then she'd increased contact and also meet those guys ("just to feel wanted" and of course she would be screwing them as a "must action" to feel wanted)

 

Don't argue with her anymore. tell her that, OK she did nothing wrong, bla bla bla, but you just needs someone better. Bye bye!

Edited October 1, 2014 by lolablue17

[Chi townD]

Yeah, sorry dude. But, you did the right thing for yourself. She was lying and cheating. I mean, she was telling you that she was "keeping her options open" just in case you broke up with her? Is that it in a nutshell? What does that say for your relationship?

 

 

Time to heal and move on, dude.

[jack20]

Wow, I was drunk when I wrote that last message. I had to numb the pain and it was a little unintelligible. Anyway, we ended and she called me up this morning to apologize for being everything and that she couldn't eat and has been throwing up all morning. She said that she wasn't emailing people because nothing came back...no one replied to her message. I said that she would have been emailing back and forth but they just never replied to her. That she wouldn't send a message if she wasn't expecting a reply. She said that they live all far away, how would she ever meet them. She also said that she's not kissed or had sex with anyone since we started talking again and the two guys that she did, she already told me about. She said that I should have just asked her to get rid of the dating account because she said she already told me that she had one. I said I knew that you had had one but you shouldn't have accessed it and shouldn't have been messaging from it. She said that if I had asked her to close it, she would have been happy and then would have seen that I was serious about getting back together. I said we already talked about being back together and about her being here with me. That she called me her boyfriend and called herself my girlfriend. She said that she didn't want to burden me about things in her business or stress in her life and she was just looking for someone to talk to. That she wasn't messaging anyone and if she was on there for 35 minutes or so, it's because she accessed it on her iPad and then would use her phone and leave her iPad on. I guess she had to think about things to say all night.

 

She said that she forgave me for breaking up with her and was upset all summer and doesn't want to go through that again. She was trying to get over me and couldn't replace me with anyone because I'm the only man she ever really loved. She told me not to throw us away. That she doesn't want to keep starting over. She wants me and wants to come down and be here with me and talk face to face. That's why she never closed the dating account. She wanted to do that with me and get rid of Tinder and she'll give me all her passwords and everything and be completely open with me. She called me sweetheart and said that we just need to talk about things as we go along and not let it build up like I did with seeing her on the dating site and not addressing it. That we are different in that regard because she would have said something right away. Mind you, I'm at work and can't deal with this conversation. She said for me to promise her that I will give us a chance. That she didn't want to hurt me and didn't want me to think about this all day so that's why she took it upon herself to call me. I just told her I can't talk about this and I have to get back to work. She said, "So you aren't going to give me hope?" I said I can't talk about this and just have to work. She just said, "Okay...goodbye."

 

It was really hard. After all of this, it's hard to even let go even when you know you should! How can I have a relationship if there's no trust in it? I shouldn't have to ask her to close a dating account and not message anyone after we've been talking every day and telling each other we love one another? What twisted logic is that???

Edited October 1, 2014 by jack20

[BetrayedH]

Stick to your guns, dude. You'll be glad you did and you'll regret it if you don't.

[jack20]

Stick to your guns, dude. You'll be glad you did and you'll regret it if you don't.

 

I know you're right. I'm so hung over and upset. I keep hearing her voice say "give us a chance". Trying to shake it off. Thinking she may be looking for a guy right now to "feel better" is making me sick.

[Chi townD]

Yeah, she's not done. Not yet anyway. You are going to hear from her again.

[No Limit]

She said that they live all far away, how would she ever meet them.

 

Usually, people like her suddenly have to "visit one of their relatives" they never told you about before. Or they "go on vacation". (I'm just going to assume you live in a country with a far-stretched network of streets and a big availability of cars.)

 

Go NC. Don't fall for her nonsense, she's just trying to keep you until she finds another.

[jack20]

Usually, people like her suddenly have to "visit one of their relatives" they never told you about before. Or they "go on vacation". (I'm just going to assume you live in a country with a far-stretched network of streets and a big availability of cars.)

 

Go NC. Don't fall for her nonsense, she's just trying to keep you until she finds another.

Yeah, I'm in a big city in U.S., she's in Canada. Was supposed to be here in 2 weeks and when she talked to me she still wanted to come down. My place is warm with palm trees and her's is cold and getting colder as winter approaches. I would be worried about her having to go back as she would be back in her town since she has a business there and would be going back and forth.