ww Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 lol ...i am starting to like you Link to post Share on other sites
izzybelle Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 ahhhh, fun with statistics. the problem with statistics is that they often don't tell the whole story, or even part of it. men do leave, yes, perhaps women file more often, but does that really mean a lot? mm#1 moved out of his house, but i'd guess that it would be his W that ends up filing the divorce papers, if they get to that point. my brother asked his W for divorce but when she moved out, she filed. a friend of mine's H moved out partially, she completed the moving out process by depositing some of his stuff on the front lawn (very made for tv movieish) so even though he asked for the D to be with his OW, she's also the one that filed. i'm not saying that that happens in every case, obviously it doesn't. i took ALLLLL the blame for my divorce, would have signed anything as long as he let me out. with my 1st D my exH refused to sign for a loooong time because he was getting military money for me that i never saw. by the time he finally signed he had a baby with his GF and another on the way but it was listed at irreconcilable diffs or whatever, not that he ended up with his GF. that's not to say that some guys aren't devoted enough to want to make it work. there's also the fact that some are terrified of walking away, afraid of hurting someone (sometimes), but even when the kids are older and the marriage clearly bite$, they may stay because it's comfortable..... so who knows.... do more women have the ummmmmm intestinal fortitude to call it a day and walk away. perhaps.... or do more women file simply because they have thr gounds and the divorce proceeds faster that way than if the H filed with no grounds .... make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
Author liswil Posted March 8, 2005 Author Share Posted March 8, 2005 But does it really matter WHY more women file? My guess? It's probably because men have more often been the cheaters (although that's changing) and men are more often abusive than abused. Also, men are less likely to leave due to finances and kids. Both would be out of their control and they don't want to lose that. Women often lose less in a divorce and women are more likely the recipient of cheating or abuse. Sometimes I think I'm stupid for not getting married---and divorced. I'd probably be living better. (I know, that sounds bad....) Link to post Share on other sites
izzybelle Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 i do know many women who are living.... good....lives thanks to child and spousal support. i know a few who were told NOT to work because they'd get more money in the D! ok...so that ticks me off. i tried to be fair, my dorky exH played the poor pitiful me card and i caved in on a lot of things .... hmmmm guess who's getting married next month to hmmmmm a friend he had while the D was happening? don't care that he was seeing someone, really p'd off that i took more than my share of the debt, the crappy car, etc. just because i felt bad for breaking his heart! so liswil.... don't feel like you're stupid for not getting married and divorced! be thankful you haven't made it that far and definitely go into it with your eyes wide open. and no it doesn't matter who files more but yes, the person with the grounds is going to be the one who files. i told my H i'd agree to almost any grounds...so he's the one who filed in our case, even though i asked for the D. so i guess the point is...those stats don't amount to a hill of beans for whether or not an H will leave his W. Link to post Share on other sites
Author liswil Posted March 8, 2005 Author Share Posted March 8, 2005 Why shouldn't I feel bad? You just told me that many live better because of it. Link to post Share on other sites
izzybelle Posted March 8, 2005 Share Posted March 8, 2005 yes, many do. i know one man who's paying more in child / spousal than i make in a year salary and child support combined.... but, the money isn't the main issue. divorce is rarely easy and it takes its toll emotionally, especially if there are kids involved. sure there are those out there, we've all seen the movies, of the woman who marries rich dude then divorces him and takes him to the cleaners. and it happens in real life too. and there are OWs out there who look for a sugar daddy to take care of them. but like being involved with an MM it has its heart ache and downside as well. as much as i dislike my exH, i really didn't want to screw him over financially. my goal was getting out, not getting even. and there's no guarantee that it will work out that way. and even the woman who gets the $$ i mentioned in the first line here, she's incredibly bitter about the whole thing, for her, he could never give her all the money she felt she deserved. so even though she's significantly better off financially than i am, i'm happier.... go figure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author liswil Posted March 8, 2005 Author Share Posted March 8, 2005 I've had guys screw me over emotionally, etc... but not got a cent out of it so I'm thinking I did it all wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
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