Why am I such a loser?

[Inflikted]

I feel like I'm simply incapable of advancing into a normal "adult" life. I'm 25, almost 26. I've been working a crummy part time minimum wage job that I hate for several years, now, and despite pursuing my education, I've been unable to get a start at a career in my industry of choice because I apparently get rejected by every place I've been applying to. I can't afford to move out of my parent's house, due to my income. Throughout my entire life, I've never been able to make friends, build any kind of social circle, or especially date. I just can't seem to succeed at anything.

 

And I just don't get it. It's not like I'm not trying to find a better job, it's not like I'm not trying to acclimate with people better and have people in my life. I've been trying in some way, shape, or form, for my entire life to position myself to have these things. Yet, I fail at everything I do. Nothing I do ever seems to bring me even a tiny bit closer to having any of these things.

 

As I get closer to turning 26, it just makes me even more bummed out. I don't want to be a friendless, dateless virgin still working a crappy part time minimum wage job and living with my parents into my 30s and 40s, but I feel like that's the path I'm doomed to. Nothing I do seems to matter. I feel like a complete and utter failure at life, but I feel like I'm "stuck" on this path.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

When you start dwelling on being a looser, all you see is being a looser.

 

Seems like you are expecting too much too soon.

 

Sure we all have dreams of being right were our plans take us, sometimes you must take what you have and be happy for it. If you are not happy, you can look elsewhere.

 

I never held myself back, though my expectations were simple. Enjoy life and never give up what you enjoy most to get places. Else you may find the place you want life may take even more from you than what you expected.

 

Many dream of having a family, a great job, and being able to provide. Each thing they dream of takes on huge responsibilities and dedication. The most important thing they forget is happiness. If you cannot find it within yourself, you goals will be less than desired. So believe in yourself, and find some happiness and build upon it. Things are always changing around you, so never feel you will forever stay where you are at in life. Unless you are completely lazy, and happy with laying in a couch.

[mightycpa]

My teenage kids work part time at crummy, minimum wage jobs, live at their parents' house and managed to save up a couple thousand dollars over the summer.

 

You should be able to hit $10K over the course of one year. If you can't start in the industry of your choice, start in one that's hiring. Work your way up, and then work your way over.

 

You're a loser because you have a loser attitude. It might be hard to keep your chin up, but you have to do it, and you have to make changes. You don't know how to make friends? Find people involved in whatever you like to do. Even losers who sit in front of the screen all day and play Minecraft have some semblance of friendship.

 

Change.

 

Change.

 

Change.

[Inflikted]

Seems like you are expecting too much too soon.

 

Am I, though? Several of my peers that I've met and knew over the years much further along in their lives than I am. Many of them have at least entry level positions in the field of their choice, and have their own place to live. All of them have had friends and social lives for pretty much forever. A number of them are married, or at least, have dated around enough and have found someone they'll probably end up marrying at some point.

 

I'm close to 26, but I pretty much have the life of a young teenager. That's... not very pleasant, and it doesn't feel like that's going to change any time soon. If things have changed for me so very little over the last ten years, I can't imagine that the next ten will be any different. What reason would I have to believe that?

 

My teenage kids work part time at crummy, minimum wage jobs, live at their parents' house and managed to save up a couple thousand dollars over the summer.

 

You should be able to hit $10K over the course of one year. If you can't start in the industry of your choice, start in one that's hiring. Work your way up, and then work your way over.

 

Well, yes, $10K is pretty much the salary I make in a year, give or take. But with the rent I pay to my parents, and other costs of living, most of that gets used up over the course of a year, rather than accruing.

 

Thing is, I don't have very many qualifications for industries that may be hiring. If I can't find a starting job in the field that I'm actually skilled at, I can't imagine I'd get hired for an entry level career job that I have no qualifications for at all.

 

You don't know how to make friends? Find people involved in whatever you like to do. Even losers who sit in front of the screen all day and play Minecraft have some semblance of friendship.

 

It's not that simple for me, though. I don't connect well with people. I've been a part of many different "activity groups" throughout my entire life, and while the people around me tend to acclimate with each other just fine, I'm always sort of the "outcast".

[mightycpa]

Well, yes, $10K is pretty much the salary I make in a year, give or take. But with the rent I pay to my parents, and other costs of living, most of that gets used up over the course of a year, rather than accruing.

That means you're working maybe 25 hours per week. Get a second crappy part time job for another 25 hours per week. Save that money.

 

Thing is, I don't have very many qualifications for industries that may be hiring. If I can't find a starting job in the field that I'm actually skilled at, I can't imagine I'd get hired for an entry level career job that I have no qualifications for at all.

Who said anything about career? Tons of jobs have transferable skills. How do HS graduates find work and earn enough to live? They come out of school largely skill-free, yet somehow, they manage to do it. You could work at a dealership parts store and get paid $10 per hour. You can serve samples at Costco and make decent money. You can run the register at a ton of places. You can secure appointments for roofing guys and siding guys. There are all sorts of jobs that are skill-free. If you're going to do crappy work, you might as well get paid well for it, or better than minimum wage, at least. Once you prove you can do a job, and do it well, people start looking to see if you can do the next job up. At some point, it will intersect with your field. What is your field?

 

 

It's not that simple for me, though. I don't connect well with people. I've been a part of many different "activity groups" throughout my entire life, and while the people around me tend to acclimate with each other just fine, I'm always sort of the "outcast".

I know who you are. You're my nephew, both of them. Somewhere along the line, those two boys were infected with a limited imagination of what is possible, and a good dose of fear that they aren't good enough. I know who you are. You're so unsure of yourself, always questioning and timid and afraid to rock the boat a little. You are in love with the word "CAN'T"

 

Me? People know who I am. Some may not like me, but most do. I'm opinionated and vocal about what I want and what I like. I can be kind or charming or a prick, depending on what the situation demands. I help and I scold. I speak up and I am not afraid to be noticed. I try to make people laugh and I am proactive about getting to know strangers. I ask questions. I learn about them. If I can't remember somebody's name that I met, I ask them. I'll ask them 10 times, if that's what it takes, and I'll apologize and even remark on why I never seem to be able to remember. I make myself memorable and I try to end each encounter with a smile and a handshake, even if it was contentious and difficult.

 

Sound like you? No, I didn't think so. That didn't sound like me more than a few years ago either. But somewhere along the line, I got religion. I decided that I didn't want to be the guy I was. I was going to be somebody else, that person inside who was just itching to get out. I was going to be me, and **** anybody that didn't like it. I was tired of holding myself back.

 

You don't have to be me. But you don't like who you are, or who you are to other people? Study the people you do like, watch what they do, and try it on for size. Study how it contrasts with what you do. Find a style that people enjoy and that you can live with. It isn't actually hard, but it does take effort to get unstuck and start moving in another direction. Fortune belongs to the bold. It is simple, but you view it as daunting. Change, my friend. Change.

 

Change. Change. Change.

[Inflikted]

That means you're working maybe 25 hours per week. Get a second crappy part time job for another 25 hours per week. Save that money.

 

Who said anything about career? Tons of jobs have transferable skills. How do HS graduates find work and earn enough to live? They come out of school largely skill-free, yet somehow, they manage to do it. You could work at a dealership parts store and get paid $10 per hour. You can serve samples at Costco and make decent money. You can run the register at a ton of places. You can secure appointments for roofing guys and siding guys. There are all sorts of jobs that are skill-free. If you're going to do crappy work, you might as well get paid well for it, or better than minimum wage, at least. Once you prove you can do a job, and do it well, people start looking to see if you can do the next job up. At some point, it will intersect with your field. What is your field?

 

I guess, for me, though, working a job I don't like (especially when I've been doing it for several years) just burns me out for the week. I'm at a point where, on a day I go to work, I just have no energy for anything else.

 

My area of expertise is video editing and post-production.

 

I know who you are. You're my nephew, both of them. Somewhere along the line, those two boys were infected with a limited imagination of what is possible, and a good dose of fear that they aren't good enough. I know who you are. You're so unsure of yourself, always questioning and timid and afraid to rock the boat a little. You are in love with the word "CAN'T"

 

Me? People know who I am. Some may not like me, but most do. I'm opinionated and vocal about what I want and what I like. I can be kind or charming or a prick, depending on what the situation demands. I help and I scold. I speak up and I am not afraid to be noticed. I try to make people laugh and I am proactive about getting to know strangers. I ask questions. I learn about them. If I can't remember somebody's name that I met, I ask them. I'll ask them 10 times, if that's what it takes, and I'll apologize and even remark on why I never seem to be able to remember. I make myself memorable and I try to end each encounter with a smile and a handshake, even if it was contentious and difficult.

 

Sound like you? No, I didn't think so. That didn't sound like me more than a few years ago either. But somewhere along the line, I got religion. I decided that I didn't want to be the guy I was. I was going to be somebody else, that person inside who was just itching to get out. I was going to be me, and **** anybody that didn't like it. I was tired of holding myself back.

 

You don't have to be me. But you don't like who you are, or who you are to other people? Study the people you do like, watch what they do, and try it on for size. Study how it contrasts with what you do. Find a style that people enjoy and that you can live with. It isn't actually hard, but it does take effort to get unstuck and start moving in another direction. Fortune belongs to the bold. It is simple, but you view it as daunting. Change, my friend. Change.

 

Change. Change. Change.

 

Yeah, I guess your description of me isn't far off, though it comes after years of failure and rejection. It's hard not to feel the way I do when everyone I've ever tried to connect with has not been interested.

 

I have tried many many times to observe and learn the way people connect and interact. For whatever reason, I can never apply it to my own life, though. I don't know if I just don't "learn", or what.

[Natsu21]

You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Stop with the defeatist attitude. You think YOU have it bad?

 

I'm 23 years old. To this day I haven't worked a part time job officially since I left college!!!!!!!!!!

 

I've been 3 years and all I've done is yard work for crappy pay...and thousands, if not millions of Americans, find themselves in similar positions.

 

I've been homeless, downtrodden, left behind.

 

I'm 23, I'm lucky just to HAVE a job at this rate. I never really had one.

 

I get that you're feeling defeated, and that's understandable. However, you also have to realize that 1. Not having a career isn't the end of the world. 2. As long as you continue to move forward, you will get somewhere worthwhile.

 

Truth is, you may not get that career job at all, you might end up somewhere else. Life has a funny way of changing our plans.

 

Are you concerned about how women view you at your age? Trust me when I say you're not missing out. If a woman cares a lot about financial security from am an, trust me when I say her loyalties will be to your paycheck, not you.

 

Learn to better yourself for YOU. But don't expect the Taj Mahal the minute you put your foot down.

 

Remember, life is a journey, not a destination. You're not a loser. Losers quit. And who makes the rule for who wins anyway? Make your own rules, even if you feel left out.

 

You'll be just fine.

[Inflikted]

You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Stop with the defeatist attitude. You think YOU have it bad?

 

I'm 23 years old. To this day I haven't worked a part time job officially since I left college!!!!!!!!!!

 

I've been 3 years and all I've done is yard work for crappy pay...and thousands, if not millions of Americans, find themselves in similar positions.

 

I've been homeless, downtrodden, left behind.

 

I'm 23, I'm lucky just to HAVE a job at this rate. I never really had one.

 

I get that you're feeling defeated, and that's understandable. However, you also have to realize that 1. Not having a career isn't the end of the world. 2. As long as you continue to move forward, you will get somewhere worthwhile.

 

Truth is, you may not get that career job at all, you might end up somewhere else. Life has a funny way of changing our plans.

 

Are you concerned about how women view you at your age? Trust me when I say you're not missing out. If a woman cares a lot about financial security from am an, trust me when I say her loyalties will be to your paycheck, not you.

 

Learn to better yourself for YOU. But don't expect the Taj Mahal the minute you put your foot down.

 

Remember, life is a journey, not a destination. You're not a loser. Losers quit. And who makes the rule for who wins anyway? Make your own rules, even if you feel left out.

 

You'll be just fine.

 

I know things can take time, and I'm not trying to be "impatient"; but what bothers me is how little I manage to advance my life. Most people can make solid progression towards a life goal or something along those lines in the span of about 2-3 years. Me, on the other hand, I've been in the same exact spot for nearly 7-8 years, at this point. And it doesn't look to be changing any time soon. I'm just sick of being stuck in the same spot, with no good job, no friends, no "love life", no progression towards anything. In a couple short years, I'll have wasted an entire decade not making any real progress in life. It kills me inside a little to know that my 20s are almost over, and they've all gone to waste.

 

And I get it, there are people out there who have it worse than I do. I'm not trying to be self-absorbed, or anything, but it's hard to be empathetic when you've spent your entire life alone. It's hard for me to be empathetic when no one has ever allowed me to be a part of their life. Heck, if I at least had friends and/ or a girlfriend, I'd have people to give me some kind of support system (and in turn, for me to give support to, as well). But people don't want to be friends with me, and women don't want to date me. So I don't have that, nor have I ever learned what that's like.

[d0nnivain]

Has your resume been done by a professional? Considering how specialized your field is, there are probably buzz words that need to to be there so the computers can pick you when you submit your resume.

 

How much networking are you doing? Do you have any former teachers or placement counselors at school who can help? Do you attend industry events? if not, start.

[ThisIsTherapyOkay]

well there is 18 billion people in the world. Technically, your odds of being a "loser" are pretty high. If we had 15 billion winners, that would be like having 8 champions in the NBA finals. It would make no sense.

 

There can only be a few winners. Otherwise, it wouldn't really be a winner, it would be average, and average is not a winner.

 

So........ Hopefully that answers your question.