mutual abuse

[texas143]

at first I was depressed and that made me verbally abusive.

That led to fights. Physical ones. I can never tell who started, she puched me, I pushed her. I never punched or slapped her. I was always grabbing and restraining her, so she would stop hitting.

Then we moved countries. All got better for a while. Then we started to have problems again, and her mental condition deteriorated a lot. She started hitting a lot, punching, throwing things, choking me, biting, etc... until she ended up in jail. After she got back from jail, nothing changed, and I got tired, so a couple times I ended up fighting back. I did grab her hard once, and twice she was trying to keep me from going out the door, I had to push her out of my way. She would always fall (I believe she let herself go, so she would get hurt). I was filling the divorce already, when she decided to try again. So now we are trying to get along.

 

Is there any chance?

[Zahara]

I'm not sure what in the world would make you think things can be different when it's a dysfunctional pattern. It's just going to happen again.

 

Cheating, emotional abuse, violence -- I can't empathize with your situation because what's more concerning is that your children are subject to such a volatile and unhealthy situation that both of you cannot seem to resolve because you both are too consumed with your own needs and wants. You have a choice. They don't.

[Ronni_W]

Is there any chance?

Any chance of what???

 

More of the same and escalating violence? (Yes. Every chance of that.)

 

Transmutation of the past/current dynamics into non-violent and peaceful relations; and without a lot of third-part help and individual desires for something much better for each and all, and without deep and sincere commitment to those desires, and without self-control and self-discipline on the part of each one of you? (No. No chance of that.)