Some wish it was back to the "Good old days" of dating

[guest569]

The only thing i dont like is the way that its totally acceptable to date many people at once. I dont agree with this and i dont like being one of many women and being unaware of this, it seems really common.. I think in the old days this would be frowned upon.

[oldshirt]

. He mentioned how he was biking on the paved trail, and a woman that was riding near him asked him if she could "draft" behind him. After that all said and done, they arrived at the parking lot, put away their equipment...and she asked for his #...the rest was history.

 

GO figure, right? LOL

 

 

 

Never underestimate the power of a good pair of bike shorts.

[Teraskas]

You know...I've told my parents several times that I'm convinced I was born in the wrong era, or even lived in a different time.

Reading some of the experiences shared here make me wish I was. ^^

And this coming from a 23 year old who is fed up with the current system of dating. xD

[oldshirt]

most cultures throughout history practiced some form of arrainged marriage to one degree or another. selecting our own mates is a very recent, western societal development.

 

 

Even in the US going back a handful of generations, "courting" was a family activity. Even though true arrainged marriage was rarely practiced in America, it was very common for families to set up their single soon-to-be adult children with other familiar families and then have supervised (and counseled) courtships.

 

 

A modern day example of that would be the Duggers.

 

 

Even the public school systems taught the principles of mate selection, attraction, dating, courtship etc etc as recently as the 50s and possibly 60s. You can still go to on Youtube and watch some of those campy films made back in the '50s that would show girls how to get all prettied up and how to wink and flirt with the boys to get their attention and the films would show the boys how to notice that the girls were noticing them and then gave instructions on how to ask them out, meet and interact with their fathers and how to behave properly on a date and what pitfalls and problems to watch out for.

 

 

If you watch these films today, they are terribly campy and corny but the actual content and information that these films had was actually right on the money.

 

 

Where I am going with all of this is people used to be taught from an early age on what to look for in a mate, how to make yourself attraction and qualified to be a mate yourself, how to attraction the attention of a potential suitor and how to go about the nuts and bolts of getting a date and not making an ass of yourself and how to interact and integrate the two families. That was taught in the family and also in the schools.

 

 

In truth, it has always been very challenging and time consuming and frustrating for people to pick and choose their own mates. That's why throughout most of the world throughout time, cultures practiced some form of arrainged marriage so the individual didn't have to mess with that and could focus on other things.

 

 

Today in the west, more than any other time in history, people are expected to just go out and find someone and hopefully hit it off and succeed on their own without family support or any form of societal instruction or guidance.

 

 

If you are able to succeed, you are a hottie. If you struggle you are a loser. It's pretty much being thrown into the deep end and told to either swim or sink.

 

 

This is why now we have internet forums like LS and all these PUA books and websites and why men are paying hundreds if not thousands of dollars to go to PUA "boot camps" where other men are counseling them to comb their hair and brush their teeth and put on some stylish, well fitting clothes and then how to walk up to and actually speak to women.

 

 

In the days of yore, families taught this and there were often times of the week that were designated for "courting purposes" and much of the courting was done in the home or during family activities within the community.

 

 

So yes, there likely are many people, men and women as well that would benefit from a return to some of the dating and courting practices of yesteryear. Many others would likely consider unthinkable.

[Teknoe]

Ha, I was just talking to a female friend of mine last night extensively about how I've come to loathe OLD! I've been messaging over 50 women in the past couple months. I keep it simple, brief and I usually pinpoint something specific in their profile. I am very gentlemanly and not pushy. The amount of girls who have responded back? Out of 60 or 70? About 4. Yeah, about 4.

 

It baffles me why someone with very similar interests (or even career) would not take a minute to respond back. My friend told me she doesn't if she knows there's no potential with the guy... no courtesy replies why even waste the time. I get that... but is it that hard to answer "I teach 5th grade, thanks for asking. How long have you been teaching for?" It's just an email, not a marriage proposal, lol.

 

I know I'm not rich (far from it) and I know I'm not particularly handsome. I feel like with OLD, girls do too much window shopping. My friend admitted as much. She said she can't help but view it like shopping. You see something you like, but yet you want to keep searching for a better deal.

 

I feel that way with OLD, so I cancelled eHarmony and when my Match one ends, I'll let it end too without renewal.

 

Meanwhile, in real life I meet a girl for the first time overseas and immediately she's friendly towards me and now we have a date for tonight. Go figure.

[oldshirt]

... but is it that hard to answer "I teach 5th grade, thanks for asking. How long have you been teaching for?" It's just an email, not a marriage proposal, lol.

 

 

 

.

 

It's hard because an attractive woman can get multiple dozens if not hundreds of messages a day. If she were to reply to each, it would take up all her time.

 

 

Then also realize that any time she responds with a polite but vague message, the guy is going to take that as license to write more and reply to her message and take up more of her time.

 

 

and if she responds with a "no thank you" many of those guys will still write her again and either want to know why or will try to convince her that she is wrong.....which will once again take even more time.

 

 

There simply isn't enough hours of the day for women to reply to messages on OLD unless one of them clearly stands out.

 

 

.....more on that in my next post........

[WesternWizard]

most cultures throughout history practiced some form of arrainged marriage to one degree or another. selecting our own mates is a very recent, western societal development.

 

 

Even in the US going back a handful of generations, "courting" was a family activity. Even though true arrainged marriage was rarely practiced in America, it was very common for families to set up their single soon-to-be adult children with other familiar families and then have supervised (and counseled) courtships.

 

So true!

 

Almost 100 years ago, when Henry Ford put America on wheels, the Model T was a scandalous thing because it gave young couples the ability to get out of the house and have some dating privacy. The old folks at the time all thought young men with Model T's just wanted to get women out of the house to get them pregnant.

 

So yeah... if you talk to people who are around 100 years old and ask then about the dating scene back then, they'll tell you about the Model T thing.

 

Sea changes in the dating world are nothing new.

[oldshirt]

 

I know I'm not rich (far from it) and I know I'm not particularly handsome.

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

A guy has to be rich and handsome for OLD to work for a guy.

 

 

OLD can work well for guys that are very good looking (and take good pictures) and are very successful professionally.

 

 

OLD does not work for average and less than average guys.

 

 

OLD has a very simple forumula - it works for slightly below average and up for women. And for well above average men.

 

 

It doesn't work for well below average women or for average and below men.

 

 

Those people need to work through old-fashioned, traditional means like through social groups and being set up through friends etc.

[oldshirt]

So true!

 

Almost 100 years ago, when Henry Ford put America on wheels, the Model T was a scandalous thing because it gave young couples the ability to get out of the house and have some dating privacy. The old folks at the time all thought young men with Model T's just wanted to get women out of the house to get them pregnant.

 

So yeah... if you talk to people who are around 100 years old and ask then about the dating scene back then, they'll tell you about the Model T thing.

 

Sea changes in the dating world are nothing new.

 

 

 

Yep.

 

 

Read any PUA book or website and one of the main things it will talk about is "isolation" which is getting a woman alone with you so you can put on the moves. The automobile was the great 'Isolator."

 

 

...But I do also want to mention that even after the development of the automobile, courting was still a family affair for many decades. it was still very common for couples to go on family dates with at least one and sometimes even both parents and siblings along for the ride.

 

 

The concept of a date just being two people unsupervised is a very recent development, perhaps within the last 50-60 years.

 

 

Prior to World War II it was not rare or unheard of for a couple to even be alone for the first time on their wedding night or even honeymoon.

[oldshirt]

But the point I'm wanting to make about this is not the level of restrictions or supervision that couples had back then per se.

 

 

But rather to point out that not only were young couples supervised and restricted back then, but they were also counseled and advised and assisted.

 

 

Kids and young adults today may not have anywhere near the supervision and restriction that they did back then, but they do not have anywhere near the level of instruction, assistance or counseling that they did back then either.

 

 

Today it is get out on your own without any instruction or supervision and sink or swim.

 

 

Some people are able to adapt and function with that, many others really flounder and have problems.

 

 

And even the ones that do well, most will admit they had to kiss a thousand frogs before they found that one prince and many of the guys endured countless rejections and going down in flames before they finally cracked the codes that worked for them.

[oldshirt]

I mentioned the Duggers earlier in the thread.

 

 

I think the way they are shtting out babies is insane, reckless, irresponsible and assanine, but the way they are managing the children's courtships is a time-proven method that goes back 10s of thousands of years over all the continents.

 

 

They are considered the crackpots and outliers in this time and place, but that was the norm throughout much of human history.

[preraph]

I disagree.

 

For the most part, the men that I know that are in successful marriages either were specifically looking for women or found one and went pretty hard to get them despite initial rejection.

 

This will likely be the route that I take because it's what I've observed working in real life (as opposed to advice on an anonymous internet forum).

 

Well, I guess that works if you want to be married to someone who is always going to be lukewarm about you. I can almost guarantee that if the initial attraction wasn't there for her, she's not going to be very enthused about marital sex.

[preraph]

I think it depends on what you want. From what I've seen, the quality women in the US are the ones that spend a good portion of their 20s in school. Of course, these women are more likely to be manly. .

 

If you think intelligence in a woman isn't feminine, you need to start asking yourself why you have to seek women way down on the intelligence scale to make yourself feel equal or better. Intelligent women are just as feminine as other women only smarter.

[preraph]

T

 

So just admit educated women turn you off So it's clear the fear and labeling of an educated professional woman as manly is probably your own strange fear...while lots of women like this get on fine and lots of men like this and don't feel threatened or castrated by it.

 

In order to find a woman who might cede the power to him, which is what he's all about, he's going to have to resort to women who are desperate and downtrodden and have no better alternative. He's right about one thing: no intelligent woman would tolerate his issues.

[oldshirt]

Well, I guess that works if you want to be married to someone who is always going to be lukewarm about you. I can almost guarantee that if the initial attraction wasn't there for her, she's not going to be very enthused about marital sex.

 

 

 

Not necessarily true.

 

 

My wife and I have had a smoke'n good sexlife at various times over the years. It was awesome the first half dozen years before the kids came. then things cooled down a bit when the kids were babies and we were dealing with diapers and colic etc.

 

 

then when things picked up again, it was off the charts again for a few years and now things are starting to cool off again now that menopause is starting to rear it's ugly head but it's still in the 'Honorable Mention' category LOL

 

 

But where I am going with this is things were very cool and slow to start with us. We worked at the same place and would say hi now and then for a number of years before some mutual friends started working to hook us up.

 

 

We had a slow start but things improved steadily over time and in time we realized it was meant to be. We'll have our 19th anniversary in a few weeks.

[oldshirt]

.....I think the real red flag is when things start out real lackluster and then never really pick up.

 

 

In many trending is more important than where you actually are at any given moment.

 

 

If things are trending up and getting better and better, that's more of an indicator than the launch point.

 

 

conversely if things are continually trending downward, that too is a more significant sign than whether there were fireworks and rockets red glare in the beginning.

[jay1983]

They didn't show whether or not these people's relationships failed...but the fact that they sought them out in the first place was what was interesting and the kinds of men who seemed to look for this was telling. It didn't seem like any of the men who did this were a hot commodity where they lived is the point and seemed to only feel good or powerful if they could be with a woman who needed them: and these women who barely spoke English most times, had no legal status, could not work in America, were not educated would be reliant on them totally. It said quite A LOT about them.

 

As for the fact that you think being a lawyer, doctor, boss etc correlates to manliness...sounds like some kind of 14th century logic. You're still gonna have to find a particular kind of "foreign woman", i.e. one that is uneducated and often impoverished or from some type of super traditional community, because in this day and age, unless a woman is from an economically impoverished background, women from "foreign countries" also get education and are also lawyers, doctors, bosses, and *gasp* in lots of developing countries they are Prime Ministers!

 

So just admit educated women turn you off, foreign or not, because you still wouldn't seek out a "foreign" woman lawyer, doctor or Prime Minister. You probably won't do it, but if I were you I'd really consider why this is such a huge deal for you. I mean to each his own, these types of women probably wouldn't ever date someone who thought like you, so I guess it is all self-selecting. As many female lawyers, doctors, secretaries of state and the rest *gasp* have husbands too and another *gasp* their husbands are often EQUALLY as powerful and "manly." So it's clear the fear and labeling of an educated professional woman as manly is probably your own strange fear...while lots of women like this get on fine and lots of men like this and don't feel threatened or castrated by it.

 

Imagine if they picked a more regular american man and foreign who spoke english. You probably wouldn't like that show very much.

[preraph]

Call me old fashioned but if I was going to marry someone, I'd like to think I was their first choice and that they liked, respected and were very attracted to me.

Edited October 2, 2014 by preraph

[ComingInHot]

When I think of what I would like to see make a 'come-back' in dating, was when the man would, "Make his intentions clear' to the woman (and her family back then too).

 

Wouldn't that just take a-lot of the worry and anxiety out of the 'game' part of dating and make it more fun?

 

Ex. #1:

"I would like to date you and get to know you and see if we have compatibility other than just my attraction to you".

 

Ex. #2:

"I would like to meet up for hot sex and no strings because I am not ready for a serious relationship"

[oldshirt]

Call me old fashioned but if I was going to marry someone, I'd like to think I was their first choice and that they liked, respected and were very attracted to me.

 

being liked, respected and attracted are all very reasonable and realistic requests.

 

 

you being their first choice (or them being yours) is a tough one. Unless someone is a preteen in a small, remote village someone off the map, very few people ever end up with their first choice.

 

 

very few can ever be the first choice but everyone can strive to be the best choice.

[oldshirt]

When I think of what I would like to see make a 'come-back' in dating, was when the man would, "Make his intentions clear' to the woman (and her family back then too).

 

Wouldn't that just take a-lot of the worry and anxiety out of the 'game' part of dating and make it more fun?

 

Ex. #1:

"I would like to date you and get to know you and see if we have compatibility other than just my attraction to you".

 

Ex. #2:

"I would like to meet up for hot sex and no strings because I am not ready for a serious relationship"

 

 

 

If I was to lay it all out on the table like that, it would sound something like this - I would like to meet up for some hot, no strings sex, but if we happened to hit it off other areas as well, a lot more could be possible."

 

 

Would that be a fair declaration of intentions?

[ComingInHot]

If I was to lay it all out on the table like that, it would sound something like this - I would like to meet up for some hot, no strings sex, but if we happened to hit it off other areas as well, a lot more could be possible."

 

 

Would that be a fair declaration of intentions?

 

 

hahaha! YEP. It most certainly would.

 

(so many times my thoughts sound waaay better in my head. Then I write it out and one of ya'll responds like this(above) and I think, then again maybe not"... I do try)

[preraph]

You know, back in caveman days, it was the biggest strongest man in the tribe who got all the women, by clubbing, fighting competitors or otherwise, leaving the less strong more timid men to do without. At least now there's some options how to improve yourself and not automatically have to be confined to that lower status just because you're physically weaker.

[Anela]

Actually, that focus will likely be broken by a man who they find attractive.

 

And what's wrong with that?

 

I'm used to it happening with other women around me. for myself, I don't have the prettiest face, but my figure sometimes gets noticed. I've seen men glance up from a book or laptop, as they catch sight of my legs.

[Phoe]

Well, in my case, I didn't have much choice.

 

I'd have loved to date the traditional way, being approached and talked to, then asked out, but I never got approached. 6 years being single, men not interested, and being rejected when I did my own approaches, so I finally resorted to OLD.

 

It's not the way I hoped for, but it worked for me, so I am grateful.