Some wish it was back to the "Good old days" of dating

[JuneJulySeptember]

I disagree with you. There's a reason why any girl, no matter how she acts or how bad her personality is, is able to get into a relationship with ease with a decent guy, while many decent guys struggle.

 

I've seen this scenario play out more times than I can count.

 

If the woman is ballpark average looking or better, then yes I agree.

 

Below average women can struggle to get men interested in them, but even then they still usually have a very particular type.

 

Women just want what they want and are attracted to far less men. Just kinda the way it is.

[Cristo]

If the woman is ballpark average looking or better, then yes I agree.

 

Below average women can struggle to get men interested in them, but even then they still usually have a very particular type.

 

Women just want what they want and are attracted to far less men. Just kinda the way it is.

 

Agreed, but with that said, it's much more likely for a man to make a woman come around (attraction-wise) with confident persistence than the other way around.

 

Women on LS seem to believe that male persistence doesn't work, but every time I've observed or tried confident persistence IRL (and was actually into a girl for more than her looks), it worked.

 

Can't say the same thing for the opposite scenario though (women chasing men).

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Women on LS seem to believe that male persistence doesn't work, but every time I've observed or tried confident persistence IRL (and was actually into a girl for more than her looks), it worked.

 

 

Chasing women can work and I've seen it work too.

 

I wouldn't advise it if I was giving advice to young guys though.

 

Think about what chasing women is. It's basically a woman saying you're not good enough for her, and then you spending months or even years trying to prove to her that you are.

[Cristo]

Chasing women can work and I've seen it work too.

 

I wouldn't advise it if I was giving advice to young guys though.

 

Think about what chasing women is. It's basically a woman saying you're not good enough for her, and then you spending months or even years trying to prove to her that you are.

 

I wouldn't advocate chasing one particular woman. If a girl shoots you down once (and if you are so inclined), keep her around as a friend and date others. More times than not, that woman will come around because you already have that seed planted.

 

This has happened to me many times and the question went from "How do I get this girl?" to "Do I actually want to date this girl now?"

 

At least for me, if a woman takes too long to come around, she may be permanently in my friend zone and I may have completely lost interest by that point.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I wouldn't advocate chasing one particular woman. If a girl shoots you down once (and if you are so inclined), keep her around as a friend and date others. More times than not, that woman will come around because you already have that seed planted.

 

This has happened to me many times and the question went from "How do I get this girl?" to "Do I actually want to date this girl now?"

 

At least for me, if a woman takes too long to come around, she may be permanently in my friend zone and I may have completely lost interest by that point.

 

Yea, there's no fine line.

 

Most men will not have women interested in them off the bat, so they will have to do at least some 'pursuing'. And I don't mean just asking them out. I mean trying to impress them, etc.

 

But I think once you get your rejection, it's best to move on and not chase.

 

I do know guys who have gotten turned down and have doggedly chased for years and finally came through, but it's not something I'd recommend.

[Cristo]

Yea, there's no fine line.

 

Most men will not have women interested in them off the bat, so they will have to do at least some 'pursuing'. And I don't mean just asking them out. I mean trying to impress them, etc.

 

But I think once you get your rejection, it's best to move on and not chase.

 

I do know guys who have gotten turned down and have doggedly chased for years and finally came through, but it's not something I'd recommend.

 

I've found that it's situational. It depends on the guy, the girl, the environment, and even the way he was rejected and the possible reason.

 

Obviously, if a girl says "Ewww no. F off" after a cold approach, then don't pursue. But if a female friend for many years says "I'll have to think about it", it really can go either way. Or if a girl that you just met says "I have to get to know you better". At that point, the question you have to ask yourself is whether or not the girl is worth pursuing.

 

I'm a firm believer in social circles. If there is a female in your social circle that you're interested in that isn't interested in you at first, I believe that there is very likely chance of turning her around. It just might take some effort and you have to decide if it's worth it.

Edited October 5, 2014 by Cristo

[JuneJulySeptember]

I've found that it's situational. It depends on the guy, the girl, the environment, and even the way he was rejected and the possible reason.

 

Obviously, if a girl says "Ewww no. F off" after a cold approach, then don't pursue. But if a female friend for many years says "I'll have to think about it", it really can go either way. Or if a girl that you just met says "I have to get to know you better". At that point, the question you have to ask yourself is whether or not the girl is worth pursuing.

 

I'm a firm believer in social circles. If there is a female in your social circle that you're interested in that isn't interested in you at first, I believe that there is very likely chance of turning her around. It just might take some effort and you have to decide if it's worth it.

 

Well, it's one of the major choices you make as a man.

 

Do you chase or do you not chase?

 

I think most young men start out as chasers and then graduate to asking women out in volume. It's just easier that way, improves your odds, and makes rejection a bit easier to take.

 

But to each his own.

[Cristo]

Well, it's one of the major choices you make as a man.

 

Do you chase or do you not chase?

 

I think most young men start out as chasers and then graduate to asking women out in volume. It's just easier that way, improves your odds, and makes rejection a bit easier to take.

 

But to each his own.

 

Personally, I don't think the numbers game is useful unless you're just looking for sex.

 

If you're looking for marriage, you don't want to settle down with a girl just because she said yes while every other girl said no lol.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Personally, I don't think the numbers game is useful unless you're just looking for sex.

 

If you're looking for marriage, you don't want to settle down with a girl just because she said yes while every other girl said no lol.

 

In theory you are right.

 

The problem is that men will get to know women in a casual setting (work, school, social circles) and really get to like everything about them. I mean as a whole person.

 

But that woman still has to be attracted to that man physically. So, it really doesn't improve your odds that much. You may get to know a woman over a year and half and think she is the one for you, but the odds that she will reject will you are still very, very high.

 

The same for chasing. You may genuinely appreciate everything about a woman and chase her for years and it may be futile because she is just not attracted to you.

 

The numbers game is not about sex. It's about screening out those women who are not physically attracted to you. Once you get a woman who says yes or maybe, THEN you figure whether she is right for you.

 

Of course, better looking guys don't have to play the game this way. Case by case basis.

 

BTW, numbers game does not mean asking out every woman who crosses your path. Calculated swings.

Edited October 5, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[Cristo]

In theory you are right.

 

The problem is that men will get to know women in a casual setting (work, school, social circles) and really get to like everything about them. I mean as a whole person.

 

But that woman still has to be attracted to that man physically. So, it really doesn't improve your odds that much. You may get to know a woman over a year and half and think she is the one for you, but the odds that she will reject will you are still very, very high.

 

This has not been my experience. Generally, if a girl gets to know me for an extended period of time, she usually likes me more and is at least willing to give me a shot.

 

I can only think of a few instances that actually played out the way you describe (one instance where I harshly rejected a girl's advances and then pursued her months later and another when I kissed a girl and turned her down for sex). But even with these girls, I was given multiple chances to "rectify" the situation. Also, it is worth mentioning that the ones that I mentioned above were not right for me. We just didn't "click", which I didn't realize at the time due to my inexperience with women.

 

What's more is that I'm short. So I'm not exactly the physical ideal either.

 

The numbers game is not about sex. It's about screening out those women who are not physically attracted to you. Once you get a woman who says yes or maybe, THEN you figure whether she is right for you.

 

The numbers game may not be about sex, but it works best in that context. For a long-term relationship and marriage, you will want to have similar values and lifestyle goals, as well as many other forms of compatibility.

 

Personally, I'm very selective in who I would consider for a long-term relationship. Chances are, with my values, I won't find these women when hitting on girls at the mall or a bar until someone likes me.

 

But, even at bars in many cases, you really don't have to play the numbers game all that much. I've found it relatively easy to approach and get the girls that I want.

 

Of course, better looking guys don't have to play the game this way. Case by case basis.

 

BTW, numbers game does not mean asking out every woman who crosses your path. Calculated swings.

 

"Calculated swings" based on those that show you interest or those that share similar values.

 

Personally, whether or not a girl shows me initial interest has little to no value in my decision to approach her. While this goes against most dating advice, it is completely logical and has worked for me very often.

[JuneJulySeptember]

This has not been my experience. Generally, if a girl gets to know me for an extended period of time, she usually likes me more and is at least willing to give me a shot.

 

Yea, that has not been my experience at all.

 

And excuse me to say that I don't care at all to try again to see if it will happen because getting flat out rejected by a woman you have fallen for over an extended period is the worst feeling in all of the world of romance.

 

Give me the numbers game, thank you.

[GemmaUK]

Those are all good things but what really matters to a lot of men is how a woman treats him. In no way am I saying you are but if a woman is all those things but still treats a guy like crap what is the point.

 

Very true.

It goes both ways.

That's why I end up being the one to bail on the rare occasions that I do get involved with someone and the guy always wants to come back and he'll change, treat me better etc...blah blah.

[Cristo]

Yea, that has not been my experience at all.

 

And excuse me to say that I don't care at all to try again to see if it will happen because getting flat out rejected by a woman you have fallen for over an extended period is the worst feeling in all of the world of romance.

 

Give me the numbers game, thank you.

 

Well, it sounds like the issue may just be that you develop feelings too quickly. For me, it usually takes a while.

 

For example, there's a girl that I work with that I'm starting to like. For reasons beyond the context of this thread, I will not be able to ask her out for the next year. Assuming she is single by that time and I actually do ask her out, I won't be devastated if she says no. She's a great girl, but there are plenty more out there and if she won't at least give me a shot, then maybe it wasn't meant to be.

 

That's how I look at it. No harm, no foul.

[irc333]

Wow, only Cristo and JuneJulySeptember going back and forth. lol

 

 

Anyhow, and oddly enough, I hear about these "How we met stories" where it was always the woman that would reject the guys advances on more than one attempt and then FINALLY go out with him on his 5th attempt. Though these attempts were spaced apart...but still.

 

Then they'd share their "How we met story" with someone, "Yeah, Rick asked me out 5 times, before I finally I said yes."

 

Everyone at the BBQ laughs as they down their wine.

 

I met a woman that did this at a party. I noticed she had "new beau" and she said the same thing. I was a bit dumb founded, because whenever I did this, I'd get thought of as a "creeper/stalker who can't take no for an answer."

 

 

That's why I've pretty much stuck to attempting to ask out a woman one time only, other than that you're facing stalker accusations. lol.

[irc333]

Well, it sounds like the issue may just be that you develop feelings too quickly. For me, it usually takes a while

 

Cristo, I think overlooked part of his post. He said "extended period of time".

[Cristo]

Cristo, I think overlooked part of his post. He said "extended period of time".

 

No I didn't. It sounds like he develops significant feelings, while she believes that they're just friends (possibly not even knowing that he's interested).

 

If he has a female friend that he starts developing feelings for, he should ask her out ASAP.

 

If he does this, he likely will not be so crushed that he never tries again.

[quidproquo89]

There will never be going back to the 'good old days.'

There aren't any old fashioned women anymore so it is impossible.

 

In an era where women instantly open their legs for f#ck wits who treat them like sh#t but at the same time make the good, kind hearted and overall better men jump through hoops, you'll see the number of good men diminishing. What incentives are there anymore?

Most guys aren't blind to what's going on around them... Not for long anyway.

 

There are multiple threads a week open on this board by women wondering if they made a mistake by f#cking who they think is a player on the first date.

 

Guys who don't make moves or get physical right away are labelled 'effeminate, gay, frigid, whatever other garbage'

 

How can one expect a 'return to the old day's with asinine logic like this? Seriously!

 

 

 

You and me both mate!

 

I love these points. Some women just don't use their heads enough and just go surging towards the nearest dickhead like a fly to a fly zapper. That light is artificial look beyond and you might see something true

Edited October 5, 2014 by quidproquo89
misspelling

[quidproquo89]

If, say, she lives in an area where most of the men did not pursue an education, it can hurt her. That would be my case. my boyfriend often gets down about the fact that I have a degree and he doesn't, and sometimes lashes out in anger because he gets insecure and feels like he's not smart enough for me. Which is ridiculous. He's very smart, and I tell him so all the time.

 

I read all these things about other men and their insecurities and weaknesses. I need to move to a bigger town, the only insecurity I have is not having any women in my area to pursue.

[quidproquo89]

Dating like the old days...

I'm at grocery store this afternoon self checking out. All of a sudden 'butter' appears on my screen instead of salmon.

I glance around, wondering what happened and for an attendant, when a low strong laugh sounds behind me followed by a, "thanks for buying my butter ". Quick witted as I am (not*), as I turn to the voice and without a thought say, "your butter must have good taste"... (I meant that as in butter pairs well with salmon and lemon...).

Finishing my turn, I look up into tall, dark, deep set vivid Golden brown eyes. yikes*!

 

So, thank you LS, the 1st thing I Check is left hand, then his eyes again. Then mouth, still smiling. He said something that could have been suave but I have no clue what.

 

He asked what I thought about what he just said. Oh sh$t! Trying for a quick recovery, I respond, I think that sounds great.

 

Next thing I know, he has my address and phone and will be here in 10 minutes.

 

Is that 'old fashioned ' enough? !

 

Holy cr@p my 1st date!

 

The hinderance I have with this sort of approach, is that I was bullied like hell as a kid and that killed my self esteem. It makes me a bit guarded and cautious when approaching any stranger as in the back of my mind I wonder if this person can hurt me (like being bullied by strangers at school). I was quite free thinking and spirited before sceondary school. I feel if I would have a chance to develop naturally I would be a wonderfully emotional human being. I put a lot of my reserved nature and over-thinking things to being bullied throughout school/teenage years

[JuneJulySeptember]

Well, it sounds like the issue may just be that you develop feelings too quickly. For me, it usually takes a while.

 

For example, there's a girl that I work with that I'm starting to like. For reasons beyond the context of this thread, I will not be able to ask her out for the next year. Assuming she is single by that time and I actually do ask her out, I won't be devastated if she says no. She's a great girl, but there are plenty more out there and if she won't at least give me a shot, then maybe it wasn't meant to be.

 

That's how I look at it. No harm, no foul.

 

Yes, if you can handle getting rejected by women you really know and like over an extended period of time, then do that.

 

I wouldn't expect most guys would be unaffected by that though.

[fortyninethousand322]

No I didn't. It sounds like he develops significant feelings, while she believes that they're just friends (possibly not even knowing that he's interested).

 

If he has a female friend that he starts developing feelings for, he should ask her out ASAP.

 

If he does this, he likely will not be so crushed that he never tries again.

 

Easier said than done. And I don't mean that in a "being afraid of rejection" kind of way either.

 

Human beings are often lousy at making judgment calls like this. It's certainly awkward to make your feelings known to a friend, so people tend to avoid it, hoping that something will happen to resolve the situation on its own. But that doesn't happen and it only gets harder and harder as time goes on.

 

It's very similar to a story I once read about a guy who had tried to hop aboard a hot air balloon as it was taking off. He manage to grab on but couldn't lift himself into the basket. The passengers tried to tell him to let go while the balloon was only 10 feet in the air but he was too scared. Said the same thing to him at 20 feet, but he still held on. Eventually he strength let up and he fell 150+ feet to his death. He just couldn't make the correct call that some possible broken bones/sprains/scrapes were preferable to plunging to your death. So to with people in these situations where they're in love with their friend. If that makes any sense.

 

And I say this as someone who encourages people to make their feelings known.

[fortyninethousand322]

Yes, if you can handle getting rejected by women you really know and like over an extended period of time, then do that.

 

I wouldn't expect most guys would be unaffected by that though.

 

It's not so much getting rejected as it is rejection plus the feeling that the girl was genuinely disturbed that I even asked. That kind of thing stays with you.

[ComingInHot]

The hinderance I have with this sort of approach, is that I was bullied like hell as a kid and that killed my self esteem. It makes me a bit guarded and cautious when approaching any stranger as in the back of my mind I wonder if this person can hurt me (like being bullied by strangers at school). I was quite free thinking and spirited before sceondary school. I feel if I would have a chance to develop naturally I would be a wonderfully emotional human being. I put a lot of my reserved nature and over-thinking things to being bullied throughout school/teenage years

 

I'm right there with you with my middle school, Highschool years. I was a ... late bloomer.

But where I am now is, "Thank God I didn't "peek" back then'. It makes for quite a class reunion, especially cause I don't have to lie about any Cosmetic work being done. Lol! You can totally tell 99% of the time.

 

So, the way I was approached was kind of old fashion, and it turned out Awesome. We had a great time. He called the next day (no text). He asked me out again. All very 'old school' if you ask me.

I find him attractive and witty and genuinely happy. No matter what, he'd be a great friend*

 

So, quidproquo, maybe take a chance and if you don't find love just as good maybe you'll find a friend **

[quidproquo89]

I'm right there with you with my middle school, Highschool years. I was a ... late bloomer.

But where I am now is, "Thank God I didn't "peek" back then'. It makes for quite a class reunion, especially cause I don't have to lie about any Cosmetic work being done. Lol! You can totally tell 99% of the time.

 

So, the way I was approached was kind of old fashion, and it turned out Awesome. We had a great time. He called the next day (no text). He asked me out again. All very 'old school' if you ask me.

I find him attractive and witty and genuinely happy. No matter what, he'd be a great friend*

 

So, quidproquo, maybe take a chance and if you don't find love just as good maybe you'll find a friend **

 

I'm glad your happy with the late blooming ha ha and I love old school .

 

The woman I went out with I thought she was amazingly beautiful and common interests. She wasn't bothered and offered friendship. I took her up on it and she has ignored me, so not such a great person after all.

 

I have a date lined up for next Thursday. An OLD date, we'll see. I wont be brought to my knees (not for long anyway). My last OLD date for a while, as it brings with it trouble. I've been on a date a month for the last four months. If it doesn't work with this next one. I'm going to back off, get off OLD dating and look to getting out of my tiny little town

[Els]

Also, asking questions to a woman face-to-face like "So...are you single? Married? Children" are terrible first time conversation subjects that will send a woman fleeing.

 

I don't know which universe you live in, but in this one, this is a bad first-time conversation starter in ANY era....

 

My experience of dating in a more old-fashioned, traditional culture was that people started off as friends first, then the boy slowly, subtly tries to woo the girl if he finds out that she is single and he likes her. I doubt you and many of the other guys here would find that any more palatable.