Some wish it was back to the "Good old days" of dating

[irc333]

Sounds like my situation, but I tend to build rapport with them within a couple of weeks over the Meetup events.

 

Women tend to get comfortable around men that don't ask them out or flirt with them.

 

As soon as I get around to, "I would like to take you out to dinner somet time, my treat." You have no idea how fast they "loose touch" with you. It's like I had a better thing going with them when I wasn't asking them out.

 

I actually had one woman say yes to me asking her out, then she called back 5 mins later to ask me, "Wait, were you asking me out on a date or as friends?"

 

I was like "A date." (thinking, "Duh!")

 

She was like , "Oh, gee....hmmm...yeah, sorry, I didn't know that...but I look forward to seeing you at the next Meetup!"

 

It's not so much getting rejected as it is rejection plus the feeling that the girl was genuinely disturbed that I even asked. That kind of thing stays with you.

[irc333]

The woman I went out with I thought she was amazingly beautiful and common interests. She wasn't bothered and offered friendship. I took her up on it and she has ignored me, so not such a great person after all.

 

Yeah, I used to do that, I'd try the whole "Okay, I'll play along with the whole 'friendship' thing" to see how it turns out.

 

Turns out, they never wanted to stay in touch...even as a friend. In fact, she never even wanted you in her life. Not even as someone who could help introduce you into HER social circle of friends, which is rather selfish on her part.

 

But chances are is she's like that, she probably treats her social circle of friends like crap as well. *shrug*

[carhill]

Social cues, guys. Even in the 'good old days', women were rarely direct about rejecting men for romance.

 

Unless the lady is leaning over the fender of one of my vintage cars and asking pointed questions and knowing a goodly amount of answers, she's not interested in being a friend, or 'anything', rather likes that I want to be her 'friend'. Social cues. Move on.

 

I was watching an old comedy last night from 1946 with John Wayne and Claudette Cobert called "Without Reservations" and they epitomized the classic tug of war of romance, if in a comedic tone, everything from ignoring each other to using a go-between to making each other jealous using other people. Nothing 'friendly' about it. Very typical in the 'good old days'.

[quidproquo89]

Yeah, I used to do that, I'd try the whole "Okay, I'll play along with the whole 'friendship' thing" to see how it turns out.

 

Turns out, they never wanted to stay in touch...even as a friend. In fact, she never even wanted you in her life. Not even as someone who could help introduce you into HER social circle of friends, which is rather selfish on her part.

 

But chances are is she's like that, she probably treats her social circle of friends like crap as well. *shrug*

 

its very disappointing isn't it. I mean what have you got to lose about having a new friend in your life. Especially when you have lots of common interests. I mean I had more in common with her than a lot of my good friends

[ComingInHot]

I'm glad your happy with the late blooming ha ha and I love old school .

 

The woman I went out with I thought she was amazingly beautiful and common interests. She wasn't bothered and offered friendship. I took her up on it and she has ignored me, so not such a great person after all.

 

I have a date lined up for next Thursday. An OLD date, we'll see. I wont be brought to my knees (not for long anyway). My last OLD date for a while, as it brings with it trouble. I've been on a date a month for the last four months. If it doesn't work with this next one. I'm going to back off, get off OLD dating and look to getting out of my tiny little town

 

I don't know anything about OLD but from reading here it sounds awful and horrifying to a person like me.

However I know 2 people who have met their now spouses on dating sites. *

[Cristo]

Yes, if you can handle getting rejected by women you really know and like over an extended period of time, then do that.

 

I wouldn't expect most guys would be unaffected by that though.

 

No risk, no reward. And it's really not even that much of a risk, if you really think about it. Worst case scenario, you walk away with a bruised ego. Best case scenario, you get the girl and live happily ever after.

 

Easier said than done. And I don't mean that in a "being afraid of rejection" kind of way either.

 

Human beings are often lousy at making judgment calls like this. It's certainly awkward to make your feelings known to a friend, so people tend to avoid it, hoping that something will happen to resolve the situation on its own. But that doesn't happen and it only gets harder and harder as time goes on.

 

It's only awkward if you make it awkward. One option is to just be honest and say "I know we're friends, but I wanted to be honest with you and let you know that I'm developing feelings for you and would like to pursue it." You have a far better chance of it actually working if you're not pussyfooting around the idea and if you are confident about it.

 

It's very similar to a story I once read about a guy who had tried to hop aboard a hot air balloon as it was taking off. He manage to grab on but couldn't lift himself into the basket. The passengers tried to tell him to let go while the balloon was only 10 feet in the air but he was too scared. Said the same thing to him at 20 feet, but he still held on. Eventually he strength let up and he fell 150+ feet to his death. He just couldn't make the correct call that some possible broken bones/sprains/scrapes were preferable to plunging to your death. So to with people in these situations where they're in love with their friend. If that makes any sense.

 

And I say this as someone who encourages people to make their feelings known.

 

He should have hopped in the hot air balloon before it started taking off. That way, he would minimize his investment and he wouldn't have held on for too long.

[Cristo]

Yeah, I used to do that, I'd try the whole "Okay, I'll play along with the whole 'friendship' thing" to see how it turns out.

 

Turns out, they never wanted to stay in touch...even as a friend. In fact, she never even wanted you in her life. Not even as someone who could help introduce you into HER social circle of friends, which is rather selfish on her part.

 

But chances are is she's like that, she probably treats her social circle of friends like crap as well. *shrug*

 

I've had the opposite happen, where the girl would shoot me down, then come around at some point after I stopped chasing, as we maintained our friendship. And the ones that didn't come around are really no sweat off my nose. Their loss.

 

Not sure why the experience of many of the guys on here differs so greatly from what I've experienced and what I've observed happening with my friends IRL.

[quidproquo89]

I don't know anything about OLD but from reading here it sounds awful and horrifying to a person like me.

However I know 2 people who have met their now spouses on dating sites. *

 

I've only really been looking recently as there aren't too many single women here. Its a bit odd, really because you feel you are getting to know somebody before you meet them which not only is odd but sets you up for a let down most of the time

[ComingInHot]

I've only really been looking recently as there aren't too many single women here. Its a bit odd, really because you feel you are getting to know somebody before you meet them which not only is odd but sets you up for a let down most of the time

 

Maybe it is the tiny little town that stunts your dating growth. Lol*

I'm from a small town and understand that whole dynamic.

[JuneJulySeptember]

No risk, no reward. And it's really not even that much of a risk, if you really think about it. Worst case scenario, you walk away with a bruised ego. Best case scenario, you get the girl and live happily ever after.

 

Yes, pretty much.

 

I have just decided it is better for me to take the risk early, and you have decided that it is better to take it late.

 

To each guy his own.

[irc333]

Everyone in today's society is so paranoid, guarded, afraid. This has led to fewer marriages, fewer men and women getting together, and more isolation. Technology also multiplies this. The real issue is that men and women have trouble finding common ground in this day and age, beyond just the physical aspects. This is why I want to go back to older days, where people were more real.

 

Right, and in those days, women were pretty honest about their intentions and didn't play games as much. They weren't as shallow and appreciated the gentlemen and not the "bad boys" as much.

 

I recall men from the WWII days how at some USO dance how they told their buddy, "See that woman, that's the woman that's going to be the mother of my children"

 

Sure enough, whatever man picked said woman from the USO function, the woman pretty much accepted. Women back then never really went out of their way to find reasons NOT to date a man.

 

Average looking men had a better shot at women back then as compared to today.

[irc333]

I've had the opposite happen, where the girl would shoot me down, then come around at some point after I stopped chasing, as we maintained our friendship. And the ones that didn't come around are really no sweat off my nose. Their loss.

 

Not sure why the experience of many of the guys on here differs so greatly from what I've experienced and what I've observed happening with my friends IRL.

 

As always there are exceptions to the rule. Maybe its your location *shrug* but I'm only guessing.

[jessicachoi]

ah, the times where men had it easy and didnt had to put some effort or meet some special standards, only needed a job, car and a house. And they could just choose their woman, having their own standards, since all the women basically needed a man and should be glad that one asked her.

 

its so hard for men those days, women actually have their own preferences and standards, expecting more of you since now women can have those standard things without a man....

[Cristo]

ah, the times where men had it easy and didnt had to put some effort or meet some special standards, only needed a job, car and a house. And they could just choose their woman, having their own standards, since all the women basically needed a man and should be glad that one asked her.

 

its so hard for men those days, women actually have their own preferences and standards, expecting more of you since now women can have those standard things without a man....

 

Yes. I agree. It's a shame that times have changed. I'd prefer to go back to a time where I didn't have to put in any effort, but it is what it is.

 

Luckily, there are still countries in the world that support traditional ideals for the benefit of men. So don't worry! There is hope.

[jessicachoi]

Yes. I agree. It's a shame that times have changed. I'd prefer to go back to a time where I didn't have to put in any effort, but it is what it is.

 

Luckily, there are still countries in the world that support traditional ideals for the benefit of men. So don't worry! There is hope.

 

Big shame some men think it is even ok to complain about such unfair thing. No thanks, dont need men who go all cry cry when they get judged in the same way and actually have to go through the same as women. Obv those dont care about the woman's happiness or right to choose and have her own opinion, and are willing to take adventage of such situation.

 

Also sad that those men actually dare to even think about taking advantage of the women in countries who follow tradition ideals because it is "benefit for the men." I follow many tradional roles but wouldnt do it for a man who sees it as "benefit for the men". Donot expect me to do it, and if i do it it is for a man who gives me a lot back.

 

Actually a lot of women who follow the traditional roles of a wife want MORE/expect more of her husband back than any average american women would. Unless you are sad enough to get a poor desperate women.

[irc333]

Well, for one thing, you won't see women from other countries calling the cops on their husbands to get them out of the house or fake a domestic spat to get the police to come.

 

Had a friend of mine, passive, easy going guy, was taken in on charges of abuse, when he was really just restraining HER from hitting him.

 

She wound up hurting herself in the process, but called the police, showed them the marks and took him in.

 

Such a shame. Good thing he only was ordered to take, ironically, anger management classes.

[Cristo]

Big shame some men think it is even ok to complain about such unfair thing. No thanks, dont need men who go all cry cry when they get judged in the same way and actually have to go through the same as women. Obv those dont care about the woman's happiness or right to choose and have her own opinion, and are willing to take adventage of such situation.

 

Also sad that those men actually dare to even think about taking advantage of the women in countries who follow tradition ideals because it is "benefit for the men." I follow many tradional roles but wouldnt do it for a man who sees it as "benefit for the men". Donot expect me to do it, and if i do it it is for a man who gives me a lot back.

 

Actually a lot of women who follow the traditional roles of a wife want MORE/expect more of her husband back than any average american women would. Unless you are sad enough to get a poor desperate women.

 

LOL cool story bro.

 

Well, for one thing, you won't see women from other countries calling the cops on their husbands to get them out of the house or fake a domestic spat to get the police to come.

 

Had a friend of mine, passive, easy going guy, was taken in on charges of abuse, when he was really just restraining HER from hitting him.

 

She wound up hurting herself in the process, but called the police, showed them the marks and took him in.

 

Such a shame. Good thing he only was ordered to take, ironically, anger management classes.

 

Yeah, we have to protect ourselves these days. It's unfortunate, but these kinds of stories all too common.

[hotpotato]

ah, the times where men had it easy and didnt had to put some effort or meet some special standards, only needed a job, car and a house. And they could just choose their woman, having their own standards, since all the women basically needed a man and should be glad that one asked her.

 

its so hard for men those days, women actually have their own preferences and standards, expecting more of you since now women can have those standard things without a man....

 

Sad that men think like that. Its a shame that some men here think women should be happy with a man because hes a man and chose her (over the other interchangeable women).

[Cristo]

Sad that men think like that. Its a shame that some men here think women should be happy with a man because hes a man and chose her (over the other interchangeable women).

 

Would I like to back to a time when men didn't have to put in any work to get women? For this reason, absolutely (though for other reasons, not really).

 

Why would I prefer a time when I actually have to do things to get women? I have enough work with my demanding job. I'd prefer if time with females was enjoyable, as opposed to feeling like a second job (which it sometimes feels like).

 

I do not support the modern rights of women because it makes my life more difficult. I believe that many men feel this way, but are not honest about it (I'm not honest about it IRL with my female friends).

 

But I do what I have to do to get what I want, ultimately.

[guest569]

In other words, you don't want love. You just want a woman to be with you out of necessity, that is very sad. You just want to click your fingers and expect a woman to appear by your side. You don't support women's rights and believe in inequality. Wow, what a catch.

[irc333]

This is kind of representative of some of the dating profiles of women that say, "Do you like a challenge?"

 

I steer clear of those right off the bat, lol. Nothing but trouble.

 

 

 

Would I like to back to a time when men didn't have to put in any work to get women? For this reason, absolutely (though for other reasons, not really).

 

Why would I prefer a time when I actually have to do things to get women? I have enough work with my demanding job. I'd prefer if time with females was enjoyable, as opposed to feeling like a second job (which it sometimes feels like).

 

I do not support the modern rights of women because it makes my life more difficult. I believe that many men feel this way, but are not honest about it (I'm not honest about it IRL with my female friends).

 

But I do what I have to do to get what I want, ultimately.

[No Limit]

You just want to click your fingers and expect a woman to appear by your side.

 

Considering how many women drop their panties on command it's not very unrealistic. Just sayin'.

 

This is kind of representative of some of the dating profiles of women that say, "Do you like a challenge?"

 

That sounds more like the advert to buy a green and wild horse rather than making your profile sound sympathetic to find an equally nice guy.

 

Speaking of horses; "old way of dating" made me think of that tradition in Spain where riders would just throw their girl on their horse and ride off. Wouldn't anticipate that.

[Diezel]

I think the online world is enabling people socially and thus why have their face buried in smart phones all the time, making little eye contact as possible.

 

 

You meant the online world is DISABLING people socially... right?

[hotpotato]

Heres a question. If a mans only responsibility to his wife is to provide for her (house, car, etc), and shes interchangeable to him why not just institute polygyny?

After all the George Clooneys of the world can provide more houses and cars than average joes ever could.

[Shining One]

Heres a question. If a mans only responsibility to his wife is to provide for her (house, car, etc), and shes interchangeable to him

Are people actually believing this should be the case? I actually prefer the concept of modern dating (on paper). Unfortunately (at least for me) it doesn't work out in practice. My ideal goal is to be equal partners with someone. Unfortunately, those girls always reject me. I'm not bitter about it currently, but it has been a sore spot for me in the past.

 

 

 

I look forward to when the dating game is actually truly balanced.

• Men/Women evenly split the approaching/rejection
  
• Men/Women both learn to be direct/honest with each other
  
• Men/Women each share half the costs
  

This will not happen in our lifetimes, if ever.