Some wish it was back to the "Good old days" of dating

[hotpotato]

Are people actually believing this should be the case? I actually prefer the concept of modern dating (on paper). Unfortunately (at least for me) it doesn't work out in practice. My ideal goal is to be equal partners with someone. Unfortunately, those girls always reject me. I'm not bitter about it currently, but it has been a sore spot for me in the past.

 

 

 

I look forward to when the dating game is actually truly balanced.

• Men/Women evenly split the approaching/rejection
  
• Men/Women both learn to be direct/honest with each other
  
• Men/Women each share half the costs
  

This will not happen in our lifetimes, if ever.

 

Yes, people are believing that. Read this thread! Lol

This is actually something that has been brought up many times on ls, by myself and others. Many of the men here believe any woman is compatible wuth any man, but the man has the right to sit back and judge her.

[BlueIris]

Right, and in those days, women were pretty honest about their intentions and didn't play games as much. They weren't as shallow and appreciated the gentlemen and not the "bad boys" as much.

 

I recall men from the WWII days how at some USO dance how they told their buddy, "See that woman, that's the woman that's going to be the mother of my children"

 

Sure enough, whatever man picked said woman from the USO function, the woman pretty much accepted. Women back then never really went out of their way to find reasons NOT to date a man.

 

Average looking men had a better shot at women back then as compared to today.

 

I thought you were about 40, so you couldn’t possibly “recall” such a thing or know what you’re talking about. My dad is 88 and he was vetted by both my mom and her family. I had 6 uncles in that generation and all them were too.

 

You’re just making up a false story to paint yourself as a poor victim of women, those ever-deteriorating and inferior women.

 

Well, for one thing, you won't see women from other countries calling the cops on their husbands to get them out of the house or fake a domestic spat to get the police to come.

 

Research visa fraud. There is plenty on this scam by foreign brides. Again, your statement is simply false.But you don't care and will defend or justify the poison you post.

 

False statements (i.e. lies) like these can not go unchallenged. The only possible purposes for making such blatantly incorrect statements are to foster prejudice, to cause unwarranted strife and alienation, and to avoid looking at yourself by blaming something out there- to avoid responsibility. Ironically, my father and uncles took great pride in taking responsibility for themselves and their lives.

 

You pluck an egregious instance and apply it to all people. There are bad men and bad women. It doesn’t make all men or all women bad. Your statements are akin to a woman saying that she's knows of a man who killed his wife with an ax while she slept, their toddler sleeping next to her, and then saying all or most men are like this. (2002, Southfield, Michigan) Or a husband shot his wife and all of his kids and saying men are like that. Or a husband cheated on his wife and men are like that. Such statements say so much more about the speaker than they do about the group he or she is trying to blame and condemn.

 

later: Oh, geeze, silly me. I just got it! I took the bait. The purpose of those inflammatory prejudicial statements is just to pick fights and provoke… oh, man…

Edited October 7, 2014 by BlueIris

[Shining One]

Ironically, I do have the option of taking the easy, old-fashioned route. I'm Indian and arranged marriages are still practiced in our culture. I grew up in the US and I've eschewed most aspects of my culture. Every few years, my parents try to persuade to consider this option. I want to be with a woman who chooses me, not one who was negotiated by my parents.

[Woggle]

It seemed in the 90s and early 2000s things were starting to even out to a healthy place that was good for both men and women but then social media and online dating exploded and things today are just one big mess. In no way do I agree with the men on here who say providing for a woman is the only thing a man should do but when things stop making any sense some people tend to revert to outdated and simple ideas.

[quidproquo89]

I do think women should approach men more. Makes sense with equal rights, right? I've been approached a number of times but it is vastly outwweighed by the amount of times I've had to approach.

 

Seems strange to me, oh he looks nice, but I'm not going to do anything about it. If that was a bloke, he would be called 'ball less'

[quidproquo89]

Maybe it is the tiny little town that stunts your dating growth. Lol*

I'm from a small town and understand that whole dynamic.

 

I'm using OLD heavily for that reason, but I'm learning to use it with care. It will do until I can get to meeting more people. Haven't quite worked out how to do that yet, as that would mean a massive upheavel - just moving away, which in turn means more expensive, finding jobs, sustaining myself. Just to meet more people? Yikes ha ha

[quidproquo89]

I think the trouble most of the guys have these days is the fact that many of us are taught one thing about dating, to be a nice guy, treat women with respect, ect, and when we actually start dating, we notice that most of that means squat anymore. How many threads on LS do we see what seems to be a nice woman talking about how she's dating some douchebag or a player? Every guy in here sees this in the real world too. How many men have found a great girl, treated her with respect, and tried to be good to her, just to get stuck in the friendzone so she could bang a bunch of douchebags? I think the men just want things to be like they used to so that we didn't have to play a bunch of games to get a woman. Just my 2 cents.

 

 

 

This is not what these men are saying. At least I don't think it is. I think they are just tired of putting in a ton of work to find women, period. I'm sure they would like to be in love with someone, and actually have those feelings returned, but anyone that looks for women these days sees a ton of requirements just to date her. That makes it feel like work to many of us. And all for what? What does she offer?

 

 

 

Ha! You aren't the only one. That's an immediate pass for me.

 

this is so true. But surely women are smarter and actually go for some guys who treat them right? Women don't get bored unless they get drama from there bf do they? I mean does a lack of arguements mean a lack of heat? I hope not because I like to keep control of myself.

 

Hyperthetically speaking if I was a woman, i may be attracted to bad guys but once you've learnt what they are like and that many of thenm are from the 'same mould'. I would simply stop dating that kind of person. I'm actually attracted to people who speak nicely and know how to behave. I like nice girls. Don't know if there are any women who like shall we call them 'decent' guys.

 

I consider myself in that category. I don't put up with **** and I don't mistreat people. Not too much to ask is it

[ComingInHot]

I'm using OLD heavily for that reason, but I'm learning to use it with care. It will do until I can get to meeting more people. Haven't quite worked out how to do that yet, as that would mean a massive upheavel - just moving away, which in turn means more expensive, finding jobs, sustaining myself. Just to meet more people? Yikes ha ha

 

 

I have never been to England so I have no bearings to be of assistance in your quest for finding the ladies**

 

Moving is a big deal and there may come a time when you desire to find a mate is reason enough to make all those big changes. For now, I think your using the tools provided you in the best way possible.

Just be careful!! I have read some scary stuff here on LS with OLD sites.

 

Maybe travel more?? ...that's all I got...

[NJ123]

Social media has destroyed dating. It's caused a lot of people to become more paranoid while in relationships since it's so easy to cheat these days & all it takes is 5 seconds through some dating app to have thousands of people to choose from. I see so many topics on this site & other places where the topic is "My Girlfriend is on Tinder", or "my boyfriend is texting some girl on his phone", or "found photos girlfriend sent to a guy". It's just ridiculous & sad that it's come to this.

[jessicachoi]

slowly begin to think the things you all complain about is more a problem in USA (&UK?). Both sexes has its problem there, so many game plays and other weird strange stuff. Like little childs who cant think in a realistic way, want more and just play stupid mind games. I have lived and live in Europe & Asia and never saw such things happening there.

 

But in my eyes, men are going down from what they were (read: more lazy, dont know how to talk w a girl, male characters which in shows like American dad or in comedy shows getting praised, the so-called guyland; still immature teenage behaviour in late 20's)

And women, going up from where they were, obv expecting more.

 

Just my 2 cents

[Shining One]

But in my eyes, men are going down from what they were (read: more lazy, dont know how to talk w a girl, male characters which in shows like American dad or in comedy shows getting praised, the so-called guyland; still immature teenage behaviour in late 20's)

And women, going up from where they were, obv expecting more.

Please quantify this, for curiosity's sake. What do you expect a man to bring to a relationship? What do you expect a woman to bring?

[quidproquo89]

I have never been to England so I have no bearings to be of assistance in your quest for finding the ladies**

 

Moving is a big deal and there may come a time when you desire to find a mate is reason enough to make all those big changes. For now, I think your using the tools provided you in the best way possible.

Just be careful!! I have read some scary stuff here on LS with OLD sites.

 

Maybe travel more?? ...that's all I got...

 

what scary stuff lol?

 

ha ha thanks for your help

[Woggle]

slowly begin to think the things you all complain about is more a problem in USA (&UK?). Both sexes has its problem there, so many game plays and other weird strange stuff. Like little childs who cant think in a realistic way, want more and just play stupid mind games. I have lived and live in Europe & Asia and never saw such things happening there.

 

But in my eyes, men are going down from what they were (read: more lazy, dont know how to talk w a girl, male characters which in shows like American dad or in comedy shows getting praised, the so-called guyland; still immature teenage behaviour in late 20's)

And women, going up from where they were, obv expecting more.

 

Just my 2 cents

 

 

This isn't just men. I have seen women in their 40s who still act like drunk college girls from some Girls gone wild tape. The relationship problems we see today will never be solved until we admit that both genders have contributed to it. If we just keep blaming everything on men no progress will ever be made.

[ComingInHot]

This is all very true. Almost all of the post-divorce, 40 year old single women I met act like wild animals when they have their girls night out.

 

 

Really?!?! So I'm almost 40 and D'ing, I go out once in a while with my girls and you will never see me topless dancing on the bar and doing body shots. Hell I didn't do that pre maturity. Granted a couple as in like 2 or 3 out of 15 of us take things too far, but the rest just tell them to knock it off and ignore them.

 

Does this mean after I'm 40 I get to FINALLY go on a bender and get tattoos and piercings and have all kinds of safe sex with random hookups to do the walk of shame home the next morning to my highschool kids?! Sweeeet...NOT Really...

[NJ123]

This is all very true. Almost all of the post-divorce, 40 year old single women I met act like wild animals when they have their girls night out.

 

Those are the type of women you want to avoid like the plague in terms of a relationship. They must be really crazy in bed though.

[guest569]

Would I like to back to a time when men didn't have to put in any work to get women? For this reason, absolutely (though for other reasons, not really).

 

I do not support the modern rights of women because it makes my life more difficult.

 

You don't support gender equality (women shouldn't be allowed to vote, work, no equal pay, no freedom and be disadvantaged and disrespected) because it means you have to put an effort into your relationships? I can only hope you're just trying to pick an argument ans dont truly believe this.

[Cristo]

You don't support gender equality (women shouldn't be allowed to vote, work, no equal pay, no freedom and be disadvantaged and disrespected) because it means you have to put an effort into your relationships? I can only hope you're just trying to pick an argument ans dont truly believe this.

 

Every person on the planet is concerned about their interests, first and foremost. If something makes one's life more difficult, do you think that person would support it?

 

Do you support traffic jams on the way to work in the morning? Or lazy coworkers that make you do all the work? Or a mother-in-law that picks fights with you?

 

No. You won't support any of that. Because all of those things make your life more difficult.

 

That's how I feel about women's right. In the past, being a high earner and financially responsible man, I would have just been able to pick out my choice of women without doing anything else. Now, not only do I have a demanding job (that I had to beat out both men and women to obtain, as opposed to just men), but I have to bend over backwards to get women. Sure, I'm able to do it, but I already have one job and this feels like a second job. Then, once I get the girl, I'll have to do a lot of work in the relationship to keep the girl. So, no I do not support women's rights and never will. If I had it my way, I would strip them of their rights and go back to the way things used to be. Because it would make my life much easier overall.

[ejirodevelopment]

I think one difference between the old days and new days that should return is having men an women who before meeting will have made up their minds that their relationships will get to the point of one passing on. It allows for forgiveness and commitment and faithfulness.

[BlueIris]

Every person on the planet is concerned about their interests, first and foremost. If something makes one's life more difficult, do you think that person would support it?

 

Do you support traffic jams on the way to work in the morning? Or lazy coworkers that make you do all the work? Or a mother-in-law that picks fights with you?

 

No. You won't support any of that. Because all of those things make your life more difficult.

 

That's how I feel about women's right. In the past, being a high earner and financially responsible man, I would have just been able to pick out my choice of women without doing anything else. Now, not only do I have a demanding job (that I had to beat out both men and women to obtain, as opposed to just men), but I have to bend over backwards to get women. Sure, I'm able to do it, but I already have one job and this feels like a second job. Then, once I get the girl, I'll have to do a lot of work in the relationship to keep the girl. So, no I do not support women's rights and never will. If I had it my way, I would strip them of their rights and go back to the way things used to be. Because it would make my life much easier overall.

 

Not all people believe this and think this way. Not ALL people would choose to have the deck stacked in their favor in order to minimize challenge or difficulty, so they can get more or have more in the easiest way. Competition can be scary and threatening, but winning when the deck is stacked in your favor isn’t really winning and I think a good number of people would prefer to play on as level a playing field as possible. The trick is figuring out what is fair and what is not, and when is the field level. In "getting the guy" I assume that I'll have to work to keep him, just as I have to make efforts to keep anything or anyone in my life, but I enjoy that and it's good for me. If I slip into complacency and taking someone for granted, I failed.

[Redhead14]

Skip all the current attitudes, trends, etc.:

 

You don't have to play games . . . be honest, be direct, be open, be yourself, be free. You will attract the ones who like you and are like you.

 

And, as a side note regarding social media, dating and general breakdown of ability for successful dating and relationships . . . don't use texting as the basis for communication.

[Redhead14]

If you prefer the "old days" of dating, use the "old ways" . . .

[preraph]

 

That's how I feel about women's right. In the past, being a high earner and financially responsible man, I would have just been able to pick out my choice of women without doing anything else.

 

^ That's not even remotely true. I'm old enough to remember the old days, and a man didn't get to "pick" the woman just because he was the only one who worked. The man had to prove himself to be a good man in other ways too, and I can tell you for sure women tolerated a LOT less nonsense, porn, cheating, and slacking then than they do now. In most communities, there weren't anything resembling a "trophy wife" and men and women pretty much married within their peer group and then like now it pretty much broke down according to attractiveness. The insecure guys who never made an effort to improve themselves ended up alone or marrying whatever would take them, just like it is now. There is no way to circumvent the selection process between men and women and the more time you waste trying to come up with ways to do it, the more desperate and inadequate you look to women.

Edited October 8, 2014 by preraph

[Cristo]

Not all people believe this and think this way. Not ALL people would choose to have the deck stacked in their favor in order to minimize challenge or difficulty, so they can get more or have more in the easiest way. Competition can be scary and threatening, but winning when the deck is stacked in your favor isn’t really winning and I think a good number of people would prefer to play on as level a playing field as possible. The trick is figuring out what is fair and what is not, and when is the field level. In "getting the guy" I assume that I'll have to work to keep him, just as I have to make efforts to keep anything or anyone in my life, but I enjoy that and it's good for me. If I slip into complacency and taking someone for granted, I failed.

 

The playing field is not even though. In today's society, women have the upper hand. Most can get away with murder and still have men around. So the deck is now stacked in your favor.

 

Even among men, if you are short, ugly, the wrong race, etc, the deck is stacked against you.

 

So your argument doesn't make sense.

 

Would I like the deck stacked in my favor? Absolutely. But it's not.

[Cristo]

^ That's not even remotely true. I'm old enough to remember the old days, and a man didn't get to "pick" the woman just because he was the only one who worked.

 

The "old days" that I'm talking about were the pre-feminist days (generally, the 1930s-1950s). You're saying that you were of dating age during these times.

 

So, then you would be at least in your mid-70s right now, right?

 

 

There is no way to circumvent the selection process between men

and women

 

Sure there is. Marrying a girl from a third world country is a good option, that will work best if the man does not return to a western country.

 

Also, male surrogacy is a good option too if the man wants children, but doesn't want the hassle of "improving himself" to get a wife (it's not actual improvement, only trying to change oneself to fit the ideals of women and society....true self-improvement is subjective).

 

and the more time you waste trying to come up with ways to do it, the more desperate and inadequate you look to women.

 

What do I care what women think of me if I'm not trying to date them?

[BlueIris]

The playing field is not even though. In today's society, women have the upper hand. Most can get away with murder and still have men around. So the deck is now stacked in your favor.

 

Even among men, if you are short, ugly, the wrong race, etc, the deck is stacked against you.

 

So your argument doesn't make sense.

 

Would I like the deck stacked in my favor? Absolutely. But it's not.

 

That's your opinion, that I disagree with.