Strippers at home

[ab2005]

hey there!

 

i have been stressing out. My partner use to tell me alot before we got together officially about what him and his friends got up2. The one thing that bothers me is that when he was livin with his friend they hired strippers round with a load of their friends there. Im not sure what went on, but they ended up going clubbin with them and they had them round the next week. My bf said when they got the pics back they saw that one of the guys had his fingers up the stripper at one point! And also he said that he got the minder girl to lift her top up and he took a pic.

 

This was before i was with him, but they all never told their g/f.

 

Now i dont know y i am thinking about this so much and y it bothers me! I know it was in the past, but i cant seem to stop it bothering me! I think im scared that they will do this sort of thing again. do u think i should be stressed?? even if they didnt do it again i still feel immesley stressed over it.

 

Im not sure whether to question him about it, and what i want to get out of questioning him.

 

I feel that if i ask him more details, he will think im mad, and i always seem to be stressing, whether its about strippers, exs etc. Ahhh i just dunno!!

 

I just dont want to be constantly thinking about thisS!!!

 

help any1??

[young&idealistic]

I guess my main concern is whether or not he had a girlfriend at the time. If so, what he did DEFINITELY constitutes cheating. Whatever anyone's opinion may be on strip clubs, lap dances or whatever, it's totally different to hang out with naked girls at home (near beds) and continue hanging out with them for a week. It doesn't sound like he feels a whole lot of regret for what he's done either.

 

So if he cheated on an ex, it is definitely your business and you are entitled to a full explanation of why he did it, and what's different about your relationship that will keep him from cheating on you. If he's not planning on cheating, he'll be more than willing to discuss your concerns and make you feel better. I cheated on an ex, and I take time with each new boyfriend to explain to them that I learned from my mistake and will never do it again. If he gets pissed off at you for bringing it up, chances are he hasn't changed. If he can't explain himself satisfactorily then I'd dump him.

 

On the other hand, if he didn't have a girlfriend, then I don't think you necessarily have anything to worry about. Don't get me wrong, it's still a scummy, trashy thing to do and I would have a hard time respecting him, but it doesn't mean he'll cheat. Maybe you can tell him that his past bothers you, and ask him to reassure you that you make him happier than all the strippers in the world. Outright ask him if he would ever act like that now that he's with you. Let him know that you consider hanging out with naked girls to be cheating.

 

Then, if you're reassured that he won't cheat, and you don't want to break up with him because he was kind of nasty back in the day, then you have to let it go. You have to do everything you can to NOT think about it. I know it seems impossible, but you can do it. If you find yourself thinking about it, force it out of your head as soon as you realize it. Have some positive thoughts ready for these moments. Every time his past pops in your mind, try to come up with three things that you love about him. You'll think about it less and less, and eventually it will be rare that you remember it, and it probably won't even bother you very much when you do.