Daughters boyfriend

[scooby789]

I’ve recently just been out on a family do and seen things that really got to me. We all went for a meal and then to a local pub, and after about 1 hour my wife was dancing with my daughters BF of 7 years. I then noticed him keep feeling her breasts, he wasn’t drunk yet, and I was fuming. Mainly because of whom he was and the fact he had no respect for my wife, me and especially our daughter or any other family member present. I decided to go and have a smoke and the wife came out I said go easy on the spirits and calm down a little. I’ve just seen BF touching you up, she said I know, I’ve told him to stop it. I was not getting at her, just to try and stay clear of him, but no she was dancing with him again. I then had words with her and told her keep clear of him, but know she just went off on one as though I was blaming her, but all I wanted to do was for her to separate herself from him. After a while I asked her to get me and the daughter another drink, which she did then she went missing. We could not find her anywhere; we kept trying her mobile but without any response. Finally we got her to answer and asked where she was, she was at home, so her sister drove us home. I asked her why she went home and left us all in despair for her wellbeing, all she could say was it wasn’t her. I told her I never said that but asked you to keep your distance so it would not continue, but you couldn’t. Anyway I told the daughter all I’d seen and she said he was a ******* don’t blame me mum. I said I never did but just going home like this isn’t helping the situation. Anyway we had a few words nothing really bad and went to bed. The next morning daughter was at home with her kids and I did not mention anything again from last night. The wife gave me a hug and said sorry, and we left it there. But since then there’s been a real tension in the air everyday and I feel as though I’m the one to blame for something I witnessed and couldn’t keep it to myself. I haven’t spoke to the daughters BF or asked her if she as mentioned anything to him. My mind is just racing. I have built my entire life around my family and love them all dearly. The pain is too much to bear to think everything I built will be destroyed by this very disrespectful BF. What should I do, I don’t want to hurt my daughter, but I feel I should keep him at arms length. Please advise?

[giblesp]

A man's touching up your wife, and you decide to go for a smoke?

 

Have words with HIM, not your wife. Strong words. Separate him from your wife, not your wife from him. Then buy your wife drinks afterwards, not the other way round.

[scooby789]

A man's touching up your wife, and you decide to go for a smoke?

 

Have words with HIM, not your wife. Strong words. Separate him from your wife, not your wife from him. Then buy your wife drinks afterwards, not the other way round.

I just didn't want to cause any trouble at this family get together, or make a scene. just not my way. I just thought the wife would adhere to my request not continue to dance with the daughters BF, that's what got to me the most.

[scooby789]

I just didn't want to cause any trouble at this family get together, or make a scene. just not my way. I just thought the wife would adhere to my request not continue to dance with the daughters BF, that's what got to me the most.

I really want to keep him away but that means probably losing my grand kids aswell. The daughter says a p***k, and aparently this isn't the first time.

[Diezel]

Dude, did you really let ALL of this happen?

 

This should have stopped as soon as he was grabbing her bewbs. You should have stepped in there right as soon as that happened. Obviously, your wife didn't mind.

[jack20]

I would definitely not have gone out for a smoke?? I would have been right in there and shoved his a** out of the way from dancing with my wife! Scene or not, he'd be done!

[Zahara]

Why did your wife allow it?

[giblesp]

I just didn't want to cause any trouble at this family get together, or make a scene. just not my way. I just thought the wife would adhere to my request not continue to dance with the daughters BF, that's what got to me the most.

 

You hadn't caused any trouble and a scene was already there. Sometimes in life trouble happens and we have to deal with it.

 

You can't have your woman following your requests in this case, you make some direct requests to your daughters BF. It should be what this man is doing to your wife that gets to you the most. Thats what got to her the most!

[NJ123]

Honestly just reading OPs post pissed me off. Why the wife allowed that to happen is beyond me. And she went back & danced with him again?! I mean what the ****. Any respectful wife would absolutely not allow that to happen.

Edited October 5, 2014 by NJ123

[Doglover0261]

A man's touching up your wife, and you decide to go for a smoke?

 

Have words with HIM, not your wife. Strong words. Separate him from your wife, not your wife from him. Then buy your wife drinks afterwards, not the other way round.

 

Why did your wife allow it?

 

Honestly just reading OPs post pissed me off. Why the wife allowed that to happen is beyond me. And she went back & danced with him again?! I mean what the ****. Any respectful wife would absolutely not allow that to happen.

 

As the new guy here. I'd definitely have some strong words with the bf and some words with the wife. That definitely is disrespectful on the bf and the wife going back and dancing again. Picture this, if that was you and if you had a son with his girlfriend and you were dancing with her and she was grabbing your crotch. Wouldn't your wife not be upset too?

[SawtoothMars]

I just didn't want to cause any trouble at this family get together, or make a scene. just not my way. I just thought the wife would adhere to my request not continue to dance with the daughters BF, that's what got to me the most.

 

Actually... you are MUCH more likely to lose your family by acting like a vagina than by acting like a man.

 

I would have had strong words for my wife... then had much stronger words for this other guy! Then if your wife goes back to him... I'd tell her to pack her crap the moment she gets home.

 

Believe me, because I learned this stuff the hard way! If you let your wife and other guys walk all over you, then nobody is going to respect or treat you well. Your wife is going to feel like you don't care enough to stand up for her or yourself.

[gaius]

Honestly just reading OPs post pissed me off. Why the wife allowed that to happen is beyond me. And she went back & danced with him again?! I mean what the ****. Any respectful wife would absolutely not allow that to happen.

It's very hard for a woman to ignore the guy who's bold enough to do that to her in favor of the guy who will basically submit to him and allow it to happen. There's a new alpha dog in that family.

[smackie9]

What a mess this is. You should have handled it by pulling him aside and having a private conversation with him. No one needs to make threats, it can be done with tact. You could say in a firm low voice "I don't appreciate you groping my wife, it is disrespectful. If you are man enough you will apologize to me, her and my daughter. After you make your apology it would be in your best interest to keep your distance from my wife for the rest of the night".

 

As for your wife, she is mifted that you never stood up for her honor, but instead pretty much blamed her for it. That is why she taunted you by dancing with him again. I think this action is a little more deep seeded. She might be upset at you for a combination of things that she has been stewing over for sometime, and now it's come to the surface. This would be why there is now tension between you. It just set other things in motion.

 

I would advise having a heart to heart with her to sort things out. Sweeping things under the rug doesn't make it go away.

[scooby789]

It’s not that I didn’t want to confront the BF, the wife asked me to leave it as she had it under control. I’m not saying she did or did not, but for her to still to be close really got to me. If that was me I would’ve been totally respectful to all and separated myself from this person. She may think I was trying to blame her for his actions but this is untrue. Just wanted her to show me the respect I would’ve shown her and our daughter.

 

There is still a bit of tension in the air, but for now she can see it from my point of view and said she won’t drink like that in the future, we will see.

 

Other issue I might have now is they are coming up at the end of the month for a week and I feel I will be on edge when he’s around. I don’t want to hurt my daughter anymore than she has already been, she almost certainly as some fear herself. What should we do, so we don’t make the daughter feel unwelcome?

[quidproquo89]

A man's touching up your wife, and you decide to go for a smoke?

 

Have words with HIM, not your wife. Strong words. Separate him from your wife, not your wife from him. Then buy your wife drinks afterwards, not the other way round.

 

if some bloke was feeling up my girl, I would kick him behind his knee, stamp on his calf and have him by the throat as I tell him why he will never do it again. That's just me

[quidproquo89]

lets put it this way, if a new fella joined the family and dates my sister, he must be respectful of the family. As in he could have a silver tongue or built like a brick **** house, but if he doesn't fit in our family will reject him.

 

This behaviour is outrageous and you must make this filth your daughter calls a boyfriend aware of this. In fact he isn't allowed in your house of near your daughter anymore. If your daughter is a reasonable person she should see that he is a low life and follow your wishes.

 

YOU are the alpha male of your house hold and over your family. NOBODY should stand in the way of that.

 

I hope everything is under control?

 

(I'm not just talking big because I'm on my pc, I really have strong feelings about this sort of thing.)

[quidproquo89]

It’s not that I didn’t want to confront the BF, the wife asked me to leave it as she had it under control. I’m not saying she did or did not, but for her to still to be close really got to me. If that was me I would’ve been totally respectful to all and separated myself from this person. She may think I was trying to blame her for his actions but this is untrue. Just wanted her to show me the respect I would’ve shown her and our daughter.

 

There is still a bit of tension in the air, but for now she can see it from my point of view and said she won’t drink like that in the future, we will see.

 

Other issue I might have now is they are coming up at the end of the month for a week and I feel I will be on edge when he’s around. I don’t want to hurt my daughter anymore than she has already been, she almost certainly as some fear herself. What should we do, so we don’t make the daughter feel unwelcome?

 

you need to sort this jumped out little **** out, not just be awkward when he is around. Please, for gods sake don't stand by and let him get away with this.

 

What is this guy like? good looking, well built, silver tongue?

[Thicke2013]

Do you want your daughter to be disrespected by this bloke for the rest of her life? I think not. If you really love her, then when they get there to spend the week you have a family meeting. Get it all out in the open. Show her how a real man handles something like that. He doesn't pussy foot around it and hope it goes away so that someone's feelings don't get hurt.

 

You bring it out in the open and let him and everyone else know that you saw what happened and that you won't stand for it. Lay down the ground rules to him and your wife and let all know what will happen if anything even close to this goes down in the future. Let them know the ground rules for staying at your house. Then you look your daughter in the eye and tell her that you wished it had never happened but you love her too much to keep her in the dark on this and to let something like this happen to her and you won't stand for it no matter who it is. She will love you and respect you for it as well. Maybe not in that moment, but she will.

[tatersalad]

I just didn't want to cause any trouble at this family get together, or make a scene. just not my way. I just thought the wife would adhere to my request not continue to dance with the daughters BF, that's what got to me the most.

 

If someone was grabbing my wife's breasts, I would confront them right away... probably with a nice right hook to the jaw!

[quidproquo89]

If someone was grabbing my wife's breasts, I would confront them right away... probably with a nice right hook to the jaw!

 

yes!!

 

(10 characters)

[sabre80]

Conversation? Having words? There would be no words, only the introduction of knuckles to teeth. THEN you have a conversation with the police. "I thought he was sexually assaulting my wife."

[smackie9]

Sure a woman can handle a situation like that but it's really nice when your husband comes to your rescue. You feel protected and appreciated, and it shows that he gives a crap about you.

[giblesp]

It’s not that I didn’t want to confront the BF, the wife asked me to leave it as she had it under control. I’m not saying she did or did not, but for her to still to be close really got to me. If that was me I would’ve been totally respectful to all and separated myself from this person. She may think I was trying to blame her for his actions but this is untrue. Just wanted her to show me the respect I would’ve shown her and our daughter.

 

There is still a bit of tension in the air, but for now she can see it from my point of view and said she won’t drink like that in the future, we will see.

 

Other issue I might have now is they are coming up at the end of the month for a week and I feel I will be on edge when he’s around. I don’t want to hurt my daughter anymore than she has already been, she almost certainly as some fear herself. What should we do, so we don’t make the daughter feel unwelcome?

 

 

Tell your daughter that she's with a sleazy piece of crap that molested her mother, your wife. That he's not welcome in your house. Tell her to chose her men more carefully in future, as you don't want that sort of scum near your daughter, wife or anyone else for that matter.

 

You can't live your life by what other people want, sticking to your rules and code of conduct is what your wife and daughter will respect more, even if they protest at first. They both need to wake up a bit to be honest. Perhaps it will set a standard of inspiration, so your daughter doesn't get involved with scum.

[preraph]

You're the only sane one in this situation. Your wife, the boyfriend, and even your daughter think it's okay for this tool to act like that and still keep him around. You're the man, here, and I hate to advocate confrontations, but I think you need to have a talk with your daughter about how if a guy does that in front of her, he has no respect and is not good enough for her. And then you need to tell that guy you better not ever see him touch or look at your wife again.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Sorry but it's not your duty to keep him or your wife away from one another. Your wife is a big girl and should be able to put those boundaries in place herself. I'd have made it clear the behaviour wasn't acceptable to me and left. Then it's up to the wife to explain herself/make it right, although personally I would start to doubt somebody's propensity to cheat if they were allowing themselves to be groped by somebody other than their partner.