Signs or Wishful thinkings?

[sportynut38]

Do you believe in strange happenings as actually being signs (for decisions you must make or feelings you must cope with)?

 

It's been almost three months since he cut me out of his life. We have seen each other, talked a bit, and gone out for my birthday. He is now out of the country for the rest of this week, to return this Saturday. I miss him just as much now as I ever had and of course, he is still the first and last thought everyday.

 

I am driving myself bonkers wondering if we will ever get back together, or if this is really the end of the most incredible relationship I was ever in. (We broke up because he was needing time and space to deal with everything else in his life, had nothing to do with us).

 

About two weeks ago I called a physic (yeah yeah I know) but she said things that I didn't say or reveal. She had asked for our birthdays and asked my question (will we ever be together again) but other than that, I didn't say anything about what was going on.

 

She said that he was trying to drown me out with Jack and Coke but was skipping the coke part. (I never said he was drinking at all, as one of the allegations made against him by his ex was that he was drinking to excess all the time; not true but who needs to add flame to the fire?). She also said that "we" were too real for him, that it was far different from any relationship he had been in and he was still holding his breathe for the shoe to drop. Waiting for me to act, react or lash out like his ex~wife (we are so far different, his friends say he went to the other side of the spectrum to find me).

 

So yeah, talking to her made me feel "better" but is it because she said he would contact me when he returned (as I really hope) or is it real? Did she only tell me what I wanted to hear? (Even if we skip out on the parts she knew without me saying anything)? She also said that this will happen again, that this isn't the worst of it, that he will propose (wow) but that we shouldn't get married or commit to it until he runs a second time ... because the second time is ten times worse on me and I need to consider if I am willing to go through it. She says it will be a work in progress for a bit of time and that all his demons are going to come rearing out, that this time is only the half of it all.

 

About a week ago, I prayed to God (seems I only pray when I want something) and asked for him to end this turmoil inside me. I go from not wanting to care to wishing I would hear from him, to all sorts of things in between. I want to be able to move on, and yet I don't want too. I want him to know I care, but then I don't want to be the only one wearing their heart on their sleeve (I don't want to become the back up plan). I asked God for a sign that he did care and that this would all work out ... and asked that if he did care, he would contact me someway, somehow. Nothing.

 

Later that morning I went tanning, and I see the same people everyday (for about a month now). This college kid said he knew my name (finally) and says you are "Pollock". Ummm Nope. So I tell him my name, and he says wow, I couldn't have been farther off. Yeah tell me about it, Pollock is the last name of the ex. My last name couldn't be more different from his if I tried to create it. So I asked where he came up with Pollock, and he says, beats me. Seems like a funny name to come up with off the top of his head. I could understand Johnson, Smith, even Bobbitt ... so why did he say that one?

 

I am probably the most impatient person I know. I want it now, and I don't like waiting around. And I wonder if I am just wishful thinking about all of this, if it isn't time for me to face facts and realize that he is gone ... taking all the dreams and hopes with him. Everyone says that I should move on, but I never cared so deeply for anyone and I find that no one would come close to comparing so why even try dating?

 

The holes we dig for ourselves eh? Any thoughts or opinions?

[laRubiaBonita]

you are looking way too much into things! Stop analyzing and waiting, and start living your life for you.

 

if he wants to track you down, so be it, but why shut-out and possibly repel everyone else, just to wait at home, alone, by the phone.

[LexiB]

"Later that morning I went tanning, and I see the same people everyday (for about a month now). This college kid said he knew my name (finally) and says you are "Pollock". Ummm Nope. So I tell him my name, and he says wow, I couldn't have been farther off. Yeah tell me about it, Pollock is the last name of the ex. My last name couldn't be more different from his if I tried to create it. So I asked where he came up with Pollock, and he says, beats me. Seems like a funny name to come up with off the top of his head. I could understand Johnson, Smith, even Bobbitt ... so why did he say that one?"

 

 

Did u ever go to that salon w/ ur ex b4, or did he ever go by himself and maybe mention his relation to you, maybe?

 

I dont know. Hope it all works out, but I agree that you may be looking into things a bit.

 

I know how tempting it is--comforting even--to believe that somehow, some way you're destined to be w/ this person and fate is rooting for your relationship and sending you subtle clues to tell you that you should hold on just a little longer,

but honestly,

 

you're just gonna make yourself crazy thinking like that. Dont dwell on things. The most you can do anyway is hope for the best and keep going.

[sportynut38]

It isn't as if I am sitting at home doing nothing, in all honestly I have done more for my house, my daughters and myself than I have probably ever before. I have been working in the yard, playing games, reading, and pretty much all those things that you forget about when you are too busy. We also live close to a trail that we plan to frequent this spring/summer.

 

My thing with trying or thinking about dating is that I sincerely hate getting to know a person. It seems that the "original idea" of what a person is and what they turn out to be always end up so different that it is hard for me to want to go through. Not always, but most of the time.

 

I do realize that I am probably grasping at straws, and at times I wish I could just make myself realize that the relationship is over ... for good. It seems to be my heart that thinks things should or would or could work out. I also do know that he is the first man that I have ever fully given my heart and so that takes a bit of adjusting. I believed all these years that it wasn't possible for me to love, and then boom ... hello, you can.

 

I guess I just needed a reality check. Sometimes the heart and the brain are in too deep to see things clearly ... and as much as it would be lovely to think that it all points to the good, there are other things that point to the worse.

 

Thanks for your replies and I wish you a happy day!

[LexiB]

You seem to be very level-headed. And by no means was I trying to get you down abt you signs theory--anything is possible...

 

Again, good luck w/ everything and if you can, keep us posted

[sportynut38]

Thanks again for replying. I seem to be level headed most of the time, til I start dwelling in the past and such ... then all level headedness seems to disappear. I do miss him, and I loved what we had going for us.

 

And I know what I would tell my friend if she were in the same situation, that only time will tell what is to be. But again, I am impatient and hate waiting around for anything

 

I have come to grips with the facts, it is the hoping and wishing that seem to be my downfall. I know he could contact me if he wished too, I know that I should probably move on with life ... but perhaps this is just not enough time for myself yet. So I will keep living my life, doing the best I can, and maybe someday I will understand things more clearly. Who knows.